COLUMNIST JOHN HOLMES

At least they were crap too

By John Holmes :  21/09/2007 :  Comments (5) :

Everything was wrong. The tactics, the personnel, the performance, the finishing, the approach, the defending and (God help us if Mick Rathbone?s healing hands fail us before Sunday) the abysmal midfield. Injury ravaged perhaps; undoubtedly denied by farcical refereeing; victims of over-excitement and nerves certainly but Everton were a desperate comedy of errors last night, and not a very funny one at that.

Starting with the tactics. Why did Moyes, a man whose reputation is built on a solid, well-organised, patient approach to the game, throw it all out of the window and play 4-3-3? It reminded me of England playing in Croatia last year with a 3-5-2 formation they?d never played before and looking all at sea. Everton were the same last night. From back to front confusion reigned. Baines seemed unsure whether he was playing left-wing or left-back, Osman and McFadden constantly seemed to be over-crowding the same flank whilst Yakubu and Johnson were stifled in an over-populated penalty area. The uncertainty was epitomised midway through the first half when a routine counter-attack nearly led to a Kharkiv goal as six Everton defenders crowded into 5 square yards to mark? nobody. It was headless chicken supreme, schoolboy ball-chasing and, if this was Moyes? plan to conquer Europe, the continent must feel like it?s been subjected to a revolution by a bunch of 7-year-olds dosed up on E-numbers.

The screaming frustration of watching Hibbert, time and again, display a finely tuned instinct to panic whenever a yellow shirt went near him when we have a damn good right-back with a great cross on him and an ability to get behind the defence is enough to reduce anyone to tears. Watching that right-back look hopelessly out of his depth in midfield, squandering possession time and again by essentially trying to cross from the centre-circle was too much to bear. Then there was McFadden, clown prince of dicking about. Injuries meant he had to start last night but I still think we?d have been better off playing with 10 men until the 80th minute when the opposition invariably get bored of taking the ball off him after every ill-advised turn, every dribble that doesn?t beat the first man, every shambolic first touch. They guy sabotages every attack he?s involved in by his determination to do something flashy before ever looking up. That would be passable if he ever actually succeeded but no, he acts like a beacon to defenders looking for an easy tackle. If he?s so good why were Baines and Osman skipping round players at will whilst McFadden invariably ran straight into them?

I could go on for pages and pages about Everton?s failings last night, the fact Yobo seemed to be the only defender who was ever in position, that Yakubu looked like the player some Middlesbrough fans were glad to see the back of, the farce of playing a 9-man team and struggling to find a team mate in space, the strikers standing and watching as Baines arrowed through the midfield rather than making runs for him, the insistence on taking quick, short corners despite our clear aerial dominance, Johnson finally getting the chance to make runs through on goal only for Osman to cock up the simple pass. The list is endless. Players and manager alike need to do some serious soul-searching.

The ridiculous reality however, is that had Everton played their usual game - two solid banks of four, work hard, stay patient, press the opposition into mistakes and limit them to long-range shots and set-pieces, we?d almost certainly have won with the three goal cushion we needed. The silver-lining is that if we do that in Kharkiv (or is it Metalist?) we?ll get the result we need and progress to the group stages. The opposition were poor, naïve, ill-disciplined, technically sound for sure but, for a well-organised side they should present no real problems. Everton shot themselves in the foot last night. In reality, when the stupidity of last night fades, we should go to Kharkiv confident of coming home with a win. But only if we approach it like a normal match, not the gung-ho, cavalier nonsense we witnessed last night.

Were there any positives? Aside from the oppositions ineptitude (and their loss of two players for the return leg) not many. Wessells looked solid again and Baines continues to look like Moyes? best buy of the summer. Johnson may have missed the penalties but a small slice of credit goes to him for having the guts to take the third. Lescott seems to have really found the knack of getting away from his marker on corners and is getting the goals he really should have got last season. The big hope though is, that like the Spurs game last season, this will awaken Moyes to some harsh realities. There?s little he can do to cure the midfield creativity besides wait for injuries to heal and plan for January but he can at least put Neville in his proper place and drill some professionalism into McFadden, by force if necessary

Two final things. Surely there must be some way Everton can ensure the referee gets his dues for his performance last night. Bitterness aside he lost all control of the match as soon as he gave the first penalty. Yes Everton players encroached, although so did the Ukranians, but then on both subsequent penalties they did and what about the two blatant penalties that never were? Finally, what the fuck were Channel 5?s commentators gibbering about? I learned so many new things about Everton last night. Like Osman scores lots of headed goals, Cahill played most of last season and Everton have conceded equalisers in every match they?ve taken the lead this year. Seriously are these guys paid to be wrong or do they just do it as a sideline?

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