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The Late Show

Those of you following events in the US will know that as the scriptwriters in Hollywood have gone on strike (for a better share of DVD and other secondary revenue streams), most of the nightly current affairs programmes with their unique brand of ?witty? presenters are off-air, for the simple reason that there?s no-one to write the gags. To a lot of regular viewers of such tosh entertainment, this proved what many had known all along, these so called ?superstar? presenters are nothing without their low-paid support team.

Well, fortunately for us, whoever writes the script for Everton Football Club has obviously been working overtime recently. This bastard (or bastards as I?m sure they need a team of pissed off wannabe screenplay writers to do this) has put us through the mill on more times than we care to recall, all in the aim of keeping us focused on Everton to the detriment of all other things in life. Last day escapes, match officials bordering on the deranged, fans stuck on the tarmac at JLA instead of seeing the team in Europe, to winning the FA Cup in 95, we?ve had all the experiences in a decade and a half that most football fans are ?lucky? to experience in a lifetime supporting their teams. (I?m only going back a decade and a half as we have a lot of younger blue blood on this forum, although I know there are others who can go back half a century!)

Amongst recent bugbears some contributors have highlighted in the last couple of seasons are the ?style? of football, and the inability to compete for 95 minutes (or longer when playing one of the Media Darling?s sides unless we are already beaten).

Recent games (and notwithstanding ?one swallow?? [stop tittering], ?marathon not a sprint?? and all of the other clichés) have tended to support the theory that our scriptwriters have been guilty of plagiarism, something no doubt familiar to a fair chunk of you who have pursued your studies further?!

My perception of recent seasons (and I?m sure one of the stattos out there can confirm or refute this) is that we have had a tendency to lose points in the later stages of games by conceding late goals (obviously). Another perceived (on my part) tendency has been the dropping of heads amongst players (and fans) when the opposition gets back into a game we were leading, or takes the lead. Man U and Tottenham last season were palpable examples of players (and manager?) and fans collectively believing at critical stages that we were going to lose the game — the Turner moment when 2 up against Man U, and Moyes? late substitution in the Tottenham game.

So onto the plagiarism of our scriptwriters. Well, firstly, we?ve started seeing cameo appearances of joined-up football, from the same bunch of players (actors) that seemingly couldn?t do this a short time ago. It?s fresh to the fans (viewers) and we want to see more of it. Secondly, it?s been noticeable that despite setbacks, heads haven?t gone down. Rather, there has been a steely determination that we?re still in the game until the final whistle has blown — a mentality (for that is what it is) that has seen other teams win trophies. Think Istanbul and 0-3 down for the other shower. Think Man U and last minute point-savers or winners that, come the end of the season, could be shown to have made the difference. We?ve seen it recently against Chelsea, Birmingham, and away in Europe at Nürnburg and, to a lesser extent, Metallist Kharkiv.

I?m sure Tony Marsh is still wondering whether his apparent nemesis, Moyes, has had some sort of epiphany — putting on 2 forwards at half time away at Chelsea? Like you Tony, I was questioning how many beers I?d had until I realised I was genuinely only starting my third pint — he really did it!

So given the general warm reception to this recent introduction into the script of the Everton Soap Opera, I hope that our scriptwriters and their employers take a leaf out of the practice of the TV companies — if the viewers like it, give ?em more.

I don?t watch much of the US current affairs ?comedy-commentary? as most of it is bland, tiresome and predictable. I felt the same way in recent seasons when watching some of our style of football, although I was naturally compelled to watch.

This Everton Soap Opera will enter its 130th Season soon (okay there were a few war-interrupted seasons a while back). Waking up at 4am recently for the Nürnburg episode was a pleasure, as the recent script changes left me wondering what was in store for us, and the twists at the end left me waiting for Sunday?s instalment. I just hope that the scriptwriters are kept happy in seeing their rewards. It?s not like the situation in the US where if ?The Late Show? or ?Tonight with?? is off-air, there?s a multitude of other shit to watch.

This is our Soap Opera — the only one we want to watch!

Some days it feels like we?re run by a theatrical impresario with a passion for black comedy. How ironic would that be if true?

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