Premier League — Matchweek 35

Before we say anything else - 17 years ago on Thursday I was sitting in Guangzhou airport on a business trip and my wife sent me a text which just made me go cold and tears welled up.

"Alan Ball has died"

Just have a slight suspicion that he would have enjoyed being at the Old Lady on Wednesday night. What a player he was.

Does anybody else have any trouble with the Premier League Matchweek thread?

Mine seems to take forever to upload, yet every other thread is fine. 😡😡

Hahaha… get in. 'Ammers 1-0.

Moyes giving Klipperty a nice send-off to. Delivering the final knockout.

Rob (2),

All my threads on ToffeeWeb for the past few days are very, very slow, I'm putting it down to the internet.

Woo hoo!

Get on, Moyes!!!

This is good but the last time we beat the shite so did everyone else, sort of takes the shine off! Not.

Oh well, should have kept my mouth shut!

The RS go ahead with the poxiest goal of the season so far!

Useless hammers. Typical Moyes performance, sit back and hold on to a slender lead.

Dave @ 5, it's not the Internet. ToffeeWeb has been playing up for a while now for me, really slow.

I've emailed Lyndon to see if he can give any help, he did email back but I'm still having problems.

Hahaha. C'mon Davey!

Yup...

Moyes all over Kuala, can't close a game out... saying that WHU have equalised as I type.🤣

1 point out of 6 for that lot. 5 out of 15. Tears in my eyes.

Billy (11),

Fair enough, I'm useless with technology, just thought it was the internet.

Come on, Lyndon mate, get a move on, nothing personal but my nerves are wrecked here even though they are three minutes behind every move!

I'm in danger of enjoying football again – bring on the documentary!

Luton should be 2-0 up here. Wolves have gone crap.

Loving the footage of Salah arguing with Klippety on the touchline when being subbed on. Much hilarity and well worth a look if you enjoy such childish silliness, as I do!

Big club Newcastle have gone to shite!!!

What's this about Klopp and Salad having a barney on the touchline??

LFC falling apart before our eyes, and a Dutch manager coming in, loving it 🥳🥳🥳

Koeman, De Boer, Ten Haag, it won’t end well.

Mark

Salah being subbed on, rowing with Klopp, both of them flinging their arms in the air, and Salah having to be held back by Darwin (I think it was Darwin).

Lots of huff and puff from Luton but they're shite in truth.

Wolves look a bit disinterested so far…

Yyyeesss

Sweet, Wolves one up. Lovely long ball, Dyche would be proud!

Safety has never been so sexy.

James (23),

Yes, Wolves are nearly as bad as Luton, I hope their No 3 doesn't come back on, I don't know if he is a young player but he hasn't got a bleedin' clue, makes me very nervous every time the ball goes near him.

Wolves 2 up

Get in. Come on Wolves.

A point for us today will do.

Skunks up 2-1 now. Guimaraes really is quality.

Rather appropriate that Moyes should hammer the nail in the coffin. Klopp and Salah showing the world some home truths. Season finished along with some inflated egos.

What a way to finish, thoroughly deserved and long overdue. Welcome to the new Dutch coach... this is going to be delightful.

Newcastle 3-1, Sheffield Utd put out of their misery

Holgate doing what Holgate does best!!!!

Newcastle 4

Irony reigns supreme. The final nail in Blades' coffin is Holgate's pen on his old friend Gordon.

Is that 96 or 97 goals conceded by Sheff Utd?

Luton get a goal back!

Burnley losing at Man Utd.

Burnley level!

Luton Lose, Brentford now safe.

A draw will see us safe based on the superior goal difference.

We can relax!

Arsenal are smashing Spurs “Big club my Arse”. 3-0 after 38 minutes.

Time to place some shit bids for Spurs players. I would take Kulusevski and Richy.

Tottenham get battered everywhere they go, everywhere they go. Haha. Big club my arse

Brighton have been a bit shit since DeZerbi’s head was turned. That Brighton model requires some clever DoF moves or it could end up with some dispirited dead weight. DeZerbi could end up like Mourinho in my opinion.

De Zerbi would sell his soul to end up like Mourinho with 23 major medals and 4 world coach awards.

Good point. The Angry One that runs his system by always having a player to pick on was where I was going with that. Mourinho definitely deserves respect for his way up.

For the life of me, I can't stand rotation and I have no clue why Pep has not started the best English midfielder this season, Phil Foden.

He scored two on Thursday and that is one of the reasons that Man City look a little flat here. Grealish and Doku are not fit to tie Foden's shoelaces.

Ah... Foden is sick, sorry Pep.

Three fucking times the most annoying commentator on telly has mistaken De Bruyne for Grealish.
Fucking clueless!

How many more times is the Sky Commentator going to confuse De Bruyne with Grealish, winding me up. 😡

How is it possible to confuse De Bruyne and Jack Grealish? They don't look like each other and one is ten times better than the other.

Ah, it's okay, Brian & Edward, Grealish is going off.

De Bruyne, sorry Grealish taken off😀

Pep's took Grealish off coz he was pissed off too!

Man City look very flat, so perhaps they have been told to come second, because they will be a lot easier to deal with when they face The Masters Mob if they are not champions!

I'm sure this is how conspiracies start!

Forest have a number of flair players good on the ball, good running with the ball, who we could do with and two good right backs.

Chris Woods had the highest shot/goal ratio of anyone in Europe's top 5 divisions, not any longer, I think.

I see the Money Cheats Man City are winning.

Any bad VAR non-checks for The Trees to fret over?

I think it might have been Dyche, who got the best out of Woods, Paul? Hoof ball must have definitely suited his style of play!

I'm wondering if Spurs have got a chance of catching Villa for 4th place? I can imagine the dilemma for some of their supporters if they end up having to beat Man City and help hand the league to the hated Arsenal.

He didn't do well in the north-east did he Tony? Spurs have two games in hand don't they, but they are all over the place, lost two on the trot, Chelsea (A) will not be easy.

There was one in the first half, Michael, but I was waking up and didn't get the gist of it, I think it was a clear foul on a Forest lad that was not given.

Foden, third kid on the way, does he ever not score or shoot on target?

Spurs are out of form but it would be ironic if they came good in their penultimate game home to Man City.

Out of the bottom teams, I think I'd like Burnley to stay up as Vinnie Kompany is the least annoying manager in that group.

It will make trackie Sean happy, Colin; Kompany is a green gaffer, I think, makes mistakes, persists when he should change something, and is, ironically, getting a reputation for poor defending.

But he is the best of the lot mate. I can't bear that boozy Sunday-league Sheffield gaffer.

Nor fake tan Luton manager, or whingeing crybaby Nuno, Paul.

So who would we like to take from the relegated clubs?

We do have a history: Pickford, Tarkowski, Keane, Harrison, McNeil, Godfrey, Doucouré, Gueye, McCarthy, Alcaraz, Kone…

Phil @ 64;

I was going to say None, but after all Gana came from a relegated club, sometimes there is a hidden (young) gem… So Vardy it is then.

McAtee on loan from Man Utd at Sheffield Utd seems decent.

Not entirely related to this thread, but what a through ball from Toni Kroos last night. Quality player.

For those interested in wider football, I would recommend the documentary on him.

Likewise one on Francesco Totti.

Agree, Danny, it was a lovely through ball from Kroos.

But tbh the Bayern centre-half was dragged way out of position and I thought Neuer could've made it to the ball first had he not been so hesitant.

Duncan, leaving Neville Southall aside, I would put Neuer up there alongside Schmeichel senior in the more recent era.

He's nearly 40 now, so in approaching the end of his career. I imagine his reflexes aren't the same and he is a bit more hesitant.

I watched him in his younger years at Schalke and he was pretty special.

So was his replacement, Nubel, but he a bit of an attitude problem. He followed to Bayern and then almost instantly got loaned to Monaco before ending up at Stuttgart.

Might be a good shout if we cash in on Pickford?

Although I do like Virginia.