The Nick Armitage Column
Columnist: Nick Armitage

McFadden
12 May 2006

Hampster McFadden: we are not Scotland

We are told that Everton are among the world's top twenty richest clubs and more profitable that Manchester United, but yet again the club has less money than a Theatre Studies graduate.  Now, I hear that Moyes is about to piss more cash up the wall by offering McFadden double his current salary.  He’s been offered almost a million a year and yet he wants more.

How many times has the Official Website described him as talented or the Echo told us he’s "mercurial"?  I’ve got a word to describe James McFadden — shite.

I’m sick of people saying, “Jimmy Mac tries hard and he scored a couple of blinders this season and he’ll come good.”  There are thirty-odd thousand Evertonians in Goodison every match who would also try hard if they were in that blue shirt.  I’ve ran so hard playing footy that I’ve puked and I’ve wellied in a couple of thirty-yard volleys in my time — does that mean I deserve a contract?  And I’m sorry but being able to dribble isn’t enough.  Half a geriatric ward can dribble but it doesn’t mean they can play football. [Er... careful there, now, Nick! — Ed]

On the wing, he is far too slow and weak and up front he is too weak and slow.  Can anyone actually remember whether he can cross a ball?   He runs, slowly, into more blind alleys than Gravesen did, but at least Gravesen could get himself out of a tight spot.

McFadden makes more mistakes than 10-year-olds are coached not to make.  He dribbles around his own box — you could train a monkey to stop doing that but he does it time and time again.  He waits until his opponent has passed him before attempting a tackle and, when he does try a tackle, he is that slow and weak his only option is to jump all over a player’s back until he concedes a free kick.  Every time it happens, he spits out his dummy but does he ever learn?   What does he do all day in training?   Body swerves and dribbling?

Our defence and midfield don’t know what to do with him; they can’t play it long to him and it’s a waste of time going short, he only cocks up and gives away possession, leaving everyone else chasing shadows.

Many fans will say that McFadden has never really had a run in his favoured position but what is his best position?  Personally, I reckon his best position is warming the bench in the reserves.

He’s now 23 and has been at the club for three years; he’s no kid anymore.  During that time, he has made 94 appearances for the first team.  In 94 games as an attacker, he’s scored 10 times.  Lee Carsley who has played as a holding midfielder for much of his time at Goodison has played only a few times more than McFadden, yet he has also scored ten goals.  That just about sums McFadden up.  He is John Oster in disguise.

Moyes shipped Krøldrup out after half a season and is preparing to offload Van der Meyde after “failing to impress.”  Wasting millions on sub-standard players has got the club into the level of shit that it currently finds itself, but Moyes appears hell bent on wasting even more cash on extending the contract of a player who has done nothing in three years other than fail to impress.

Nick Armitage

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