Comfort and Joy

by   |   22/12/2017  45 Comments  [Jump to last]

God bless you, Merry Toffeemen, let nothing you dismay
For Everton have sacked Koeman and Big Sam is here to stay
We may not like his football but this is how we play

In Eighteen we will all forget our cares
All of our cares
This time next year we'll all be millionaires

RS neighbours delusional in everything they say
They`ll have new CDs of red anthems
To blast out Christmas Day
So drown him out with Toffee songs
Don't let him have his way.

Don't let RS neighbours have their way
Fuck up their day
Don't let your RS neighbour have their way.

The New Year looks so promising
Finch Farm produce is good
Young Tom, JJ and Holgate
Have our club in their blood
We have to make sure that they stay
Keep them within our ranks

Don't sell to the Cockneys or Mancs
Cockneys or Mancs
Don't sell to the Cockneys or Mancs

Make next year be a special one
Let's play football we adore
Big Sam must tell his players that
We now play on the floor
Don't just lump it up to DCL
He needs better service than this

Don't turn him into Kevin Davies
Don't take the piss
He's miles better than Kevin Davies

A New Year dawns and we're still shite.
If we don't change this year
Give Dave Abrahams the manager's job and he will bring good cheer
We'll play like Barca every week, win trophies every year.

Drink Red Breast it's not all that dear
Not very dear
Four large glasses and it all becomes quite clear

All the best to you and yours, Enjoy your Christmas. Start early and finish late

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Reader Comments (45)

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Paul Tran
1 Posted 23/12/2017 at 15:34:35
Mine's already started, Darren. Hope you enjoyed today's result, if not the football!
John G Davies
2 Posted 23/12/2017 at 15:42:16
Dennis Stevens
3 Posted 23/12/2017 at 15:46:56
Merry Christmas Darren, thanks for showing such artistic endeavour. I'm not averse to a bit of poetry!
Ian Hollingworth
4 Posted 23/12/2017 at 16:02:23
Ha ha, brilliant.
Merry Christmas
Paul Tran
5 Posted 23/12/2017 at 16:10:59
Silent nights, silent nights
Points are up, the footy's shite
It's good to be solid, but flipping heck
The folk in the Top Balcony are getting sore necks
Pass the ball on the floor
Pass the ball on the floor

Silent nights, silent nights
Time to beat the red shite
Rooney & Holgate recover from flu
Disputed penalty sends us through
Raise the roof of the Road End
Raise the roof of the Road End

Noisy nights, noisy nights
Sam buys a striker with great height
Gylfi & Jonjoe cross into the box
Our new big man straight out the blocks
Bear pit atmosphere
Bear pit atmosphere

If you can't hope now, when can you?

Happy Christmas everybody!

John G Davies
6 Posted 23/12/2017 at 17:06:34
Oh the joy of Christmas time.
Everyone full of spirits and wine.
Tis the time for alcoholics.
And would be poets posting bollicks.


All the best Darren to you and all fellow Blues.

Keith Harrison
7 Posted 23/12/2017 at 21:25:53
You deserve a Redbreast or two Darren. Jameson of course, and it's on offer on Amazon.

The people's (club) poet like Rik in The Young Ones. Well done mate.

Don Alexander
8 Posted 23/12/2017 at 22:12:38
God rest ye merry, Toffeemen
Let nothing nil dismay
Remember Sam our Saviour
Came here to save the day.
To save us all from Koeman's power
When we were gone astray
O tidings of plus points and joy,
Plus points and joy
O tidings of plus points and joy.

At Anfield in Mordor,
The defending plan was born
And laid down with some chewy
To nil them's now the norm.
For a point he'd sell his mother
And smirk at all the scorn,
O tidings of plus points and joy,
Plus points and joy
O tidings of plus points and joy.

From God, our Bill and Elstone
The silence does remain;
Unless some new young heroes
Are brought into the game
To profit from our Rooney
And/or Siggy just the same.
O tidings of plus points and joy,
Plus points and joy
O tidings of plus points and joy.

"Fear not," said our Moshiri,
"Let nothing you affright,
I've bought a hole on't riverside
That might do us just right,
And if it's filled by all of you
We'll see no more such shite.”
O tidings of plus points and joy,
Plus points and joy
O tidings of plus points and joy.

Some fans at all these tidings
Rejoiced much in their minds.
But others kept a-bleating,
And were sometimes quite unkind
Searching for a School of Science
That loomed large in their minds.
O tidings of plus points and joy,
Plus points and joy
O tidings of plus points and joy.

But still they flock to Goodison
Where our dear Sammy plays
Whatever way is needed,
To ensure e'en more big pay
Even though we all kneel down,
To pray for better play.
O tidings of plus points and joy,
Plus points and joy
O tidings of plus points and joy.

Now to the board sing praises,
All you within this place,
And with true love and brotherhood
Each other now embrace
This holy tide of safety
With Europe still to chase.
O tidings of plus points and joy,
Plus points and joy
O tidings of plus points and joy.

Mike Gaynes
9 Posted 24/12/2017 at 07:55:24
Darren, Paul and Don... cheers to all of you for your lyric creativity. A little warped holiday humor is just the ticket for this season. Well done, gentlemen.

Peter Mills
10 Posted 24/12/2017 at 18:44:44
Some absolute nonsense on here! But it seems as good a thread as any to wish everyone a very Happy Christmas.

Thank you as ever to Michael and Lyndon for a superb site. It's been a year of highs and lows, personally I prefer to reflect upon the highs. So, I loved Tom Davies's goal against Man City. Rooney's against West Ham was one of those moments when we saw what was coming a second before it did – not many players in the world could have executed.

But most of all this year, I loved the story of Mike Gaynes planting a penalty into the Park End goal.

Alan Bodell
11 Posted 24/12/2017 at 18:54:22
Top poster you mate, we both loved the big money we got for that lazy Belgian lump, Happy Xmas.
Dave Abrahams
12 Posted 24/12/2017 at 21:18:41
Good attempt Darren, better than Keats or Shelley, oh and thanks for tipping me for the managers job, I'd be useless 'cause the money would go straight to my head and I'd get no peace off our Tony, he'd want to pick the team every bleedin' game, and he'd cock it up if I let him.

Have a good Christmas, Darren, along with all those who post on here.

Andy Crooks
13 Posted 24/12/2017 at 22:07:12
Maybe a bit grinchlike but could the moderators ban, forever, anything that remotely rhymes on this site.
Ian Smitham
14 Posted 25/12/2017 at 08:58:28
Really good efforts here, brought a chuckle. Sadly, forming poems is beyond my station. So, my contribution, as always on this year, and I hope for many to come, is to Thank Michael and Lyndon for a further year of this site. If I want to know anything Everton, this is where I come to. Hope you all enjoy the festive season
Dermot Byrne
15 Posted 25/12/2017 at 09:35:01
Silent Shite by D.Byrne with special thanks to Christmas carol Silent Night

Silent Shite, Useless Shite
All is crap
All is Shite

Round yon fir trees
Norwegians sit,
Taking 'bout Anfield
And their next trip

Living in delusional tra..ance
Oh, Living in their delusional trance

Dermot Byrne
16 Posted 25/12/2017 at 09:36:05
Happy Christmas!
Steve Ferns
17 Posted 25/12/2017 at 09:46:36
Merry Christmas to all. I hope you all get what you want this Christmas. Yes forget the tangible stuff, what we all want is 3 points on St Stephen's Day, and to smash the yanks on New Year's Day. Throw in a new striker and it'll be the best Christmas ever.
Mike Hughes
18 Posted 25/12/2017 at 10:10:52
Andy Crooks #13
Oliver Brunel
19 Posted 25/12/2017 at 10:25:11
All I want for Christmas is a 20-goal-a-season striker.

Wishing everyone on here a great Christmas, a nice glass of Port, or those expensive craft beers from Belgium. Or a gottle od Sherry from... burp... Netto. Whatever's your bag.

No snow where I am in central Europe! The potatoes need peeling, I will do it, I have to... I'm in the bad books for stealing the wife's wrapping paper... and forgetting the Dog's granules... and getting the wife a size 14 when of course she's a 12. The kids are playing something on Nintendo I can't understand:

"What's the point of this? What do you have to do?"

"Kill Rabbids!" What's wrong with a nice game of Escalado or Risk or Subbuteo!

Ian Bennett
20 Posted 25/12/2017 at 10:34:37
Merry Christmas all. All I want for Christmas is for us to lift the FA Cup in May.
Lee Brownlie
21 Posted 25/12/2017 at 12:00:54
While the RS washed their socks all night,
All thinking they were grand,
An Angel of the Blue came down
And covered them in sand!!!...

Sorry. Just had to give it ago!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, every Toffee!!!

Cindy Cole
22 Posted 26/12/2017 at 02:17:40
Well done to all the toffee poets. Certainly brought me some joy. Season's greetings to one and all.

One for the naysayers...

By Hughes or by Crooks
I'll be the last in this book

Tony Abrahams
23 Posted 26/12/2017 at 07:19:30
I've only just come across this thread; it made me smile, especially John G, because I don't reckon he was joking!

Dave, Darren, only picked you because you're just like him. You haven't liked an Everton manager since Catterick but, after all this poetry, maybe Allardyce can get us going again? If not, give the job to Walling!

Laurie Hartley
24 Posted 26/12/2017 at 07:34:35
While Sams men washed their socks by night all seated round the tub,
A member of the board came down and they began to scrub.
All the teams around us are starting to take fright,
So up the blues
So up the blues
We'll show them all our might.

All the best to all my fellow BLUES.

John G Davies
25 Posted 26/12/2017 at 08:28:03
Tony Abrahams!

How dare you!! 😀

Brent Stephens
26 Posted 26/12/2017 at 08:54:24
Tony (#23) "After all this poetry, maybe Allardyce, can get us going again? If not give the job to Walling!"

I suspect some stone-walling on that!

Dave Abrahams
27 Posted 26/12/2017 at 20:29:15
Taken from the back of a toilet door in a pub in London Road in the sixties.

If I had the wings of an eagle, And the dirty black arse of a crow, I'd fly to the top of the the Spion Kop and shit on the bastards below.

I'll get my coat, and my hat, oh and my P45.

John G Davies
28 Posted 26/12/2017 at 21:52:06
I was brought up on that song Dave, my dad decided to teach us how to sing it when we were young kids, although with slightly different lyrics.
Dave Abrahams
29 Posted 26/12/2017 at 22:12:42
John G, it might just be a coincidence but erm didn't you drink in London Road now and again!!!
John G Davies
30 Posted 26/12/2017 at 22:19:37
Some great pubs on London Road them days Dave and I went in most of them.
I didn't have my magic marker with me though.
Ron Marr
31 Posted 26/12/2017 at 22:44:13
My aunt was the licensee of the Lord Warden on London Road down by the Empire. Used to get free tickets for the cinema and some of the shows
Dave Abrahams
32 Posted 26/12/2017 at 22:54:14
Ron Marr (31), it is one of only three pubs left on London Road, well two to be honest and the Bullring on Pembroke Place. The Warden was a great local pub even in this century, with loads of customers from Gerard Gardens and Gerard Crescent, the Four Squares and The Bullring all tenement buildings and it was one of the liveliest pubs on the road. I spent many a happy night in there and still go in now and again.
John G Davies
33 Posted 26/12/2017 at 22:56:30
I recall a good Blue and great boxing trainer George Vaughn used to go in there with his family Dave.
A thorough gentleman.
Dave Abrahams
34 Posted 26/12/2017 at 23:07:09
John G, yes Georgie is a well respected boxing trainer, both in the amateur and professional ranks, knows the game inside out.

He is also a long time Blue, still going in the Main Stand while his brothers Mick and Jimmy are in The Bullens Road stand. Both genuine lads – that's lads in their sixties.

John G Davies
35 Posted 26/12/2017 at 23:11:04
He's forgotten more about boxing than most know Dave. Good amateur club he ran in the Transport with another stalwart and gentleman helping him Harry Currie. A lovely man.
Ash Moore
36 Posted 26/12/2017 at 00:08:33
I'd just like to wish a Happy 2018, to all Blues everywhere. Full of joy success and the very best of everything.
Ash Moore
37 Posted 26/12/2017 at 00:08:33
The Transfer Blues - with apologies to Dean Martin

The transfer hype is building,
Jim Whites twitter is ready to go,
But what's the use in hoping?
When there's no striker that they know?
I know you'll forgive me, if I don't enthuse,
On getting a striker for the Blues.

Steve Walsh is window shopping,
Not a player that he's missed
But what's the point in writing?
If you won't buy anyone on the list?
You know that feeling, when you hope and we lose,
I guess I've got the transfer Blues.

When somebody says you,
Might lose Lukaku,
The window is a joy of joys.
But then when it's over,
And you discover,
We haven't signed anyone or anything.

I hope all Blues days are jolly,
The fixtures full of cheer,
But until it's February,
I'll just go and disappear.
Steve Walsh has a role somewhere, I'm sure he has his views,
But the question I'm asking, is why bring Klassen to the Blues?
Those mug like muppet typical same old transfer Blues

Dave Abrahams
38 Posted 27/12/2017 at 13:33:13
Ash (#37), good that; I'm singing it to. "Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow."

John (#35), yes, Harry Currie, as you say a gent, haven't seen him for a long time but always remember him. Always kept his own council; never said a bad word about anyone; nice to be around.

John G Davies
39 Posted 27/12/2017 at 13:48:39
Last I seen of Harry, Dave, he was living off Kenny but that was a few years ago. A very calm, wise man. All the boxers he trained loved him.
Dave Abrahams
40 Posted 27/12/2017 at 13:56:49
John G, I knew Harry when he was trainer at Everton Red Triangle, I bet he improved every young boxer he trained and they would have become better people just by knowing Harry, I think he went to Albion House after leaving The Red Triangle.
John G Davies
41 Posted 27/12/2017 at 14:02:40
Did he work with Joe Curran, Dave?
Dave Abrahams
42 Posted 27/12/2017 at 14:16:57
Yes, Harry was there quite a few years looking after the boxing side while Joey tended to arranging the competitions and looking after the club downstairs which was a good social and drinking establishment. Bank Holiday Mondays was the place to go if you wanted to listen to really good singers, as well as every Saturday and Sunday nights.
John G Davies
43 Posted 27/12/2017 at 15:50:31
Had some good nights in there, Dave. Joe's wife, Biney, a lovely lady.
Dave Abrahams
44 Posted 27/12/2017 at 16:49:09
John G, yes a nice family. Joey was from the four squares, Biney from around Gerard Gardens area, nine kids, sadly two of them have passed away in the last eighteen months, Paul and Anthony.

Joey's uncle, same name Joe Curran fought for the British Flyweight Championship in Glasgow against Jackie Patterson, in fact it could have been for the World title, not sure, anyway he went the distance on points. He also fought Rinty Monaghon from Ireland in another title fight, he was a character, could talk a good fight as well as fight one.

John G Davies
45 Posted 27/12/2017 at 18:07:57
That's a sickener, Dave, I didn't know that about his lads. I remember he lost another lad at a young age, Martin?

A lovely family as you say. One of his lads was going all the way as a boxer but give it up out of the blue to play music if I recall, think it was Steven.

Sad news that, mate.

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