It’s Summer and pretty quiet on the Everton front and I’m twiddling my thumbs in O’Hare waiting to fly to Heathrow with a cracking martini and time to spare so let me get this off my chest (please). The Toffeeweb Fantasy League.

Michael and Lyndon, can we please have two leagues next season. One for those who want to pick players from over the park and another for those of us who have no wish to do so. Call me a spoiler (cue), it’s only a game and bit of fun and all of that. But it bugs me on ToffeeWeb when fellas and lasses pick Salah and Co for their teams. Fair dos, it helps you to do well to pack them in.

Only three in the ToffeeWeb top 100 did not have shite in their team (twelve of the top 25 had three of them – including the winner, needless to say).

Flight is now delayed – another drink – so with even more time to spare and a fella from Alabama on my left defending the State’s new inhumane abortion restrictions and a lady on my right from Milwaukee bigging up NBA Basketball headphones go on and I’m going to come up with an ‘alternative’ Non-Them Toffeeweb Fantasy League to help I hope with my plea for two leagues.

So, I scrolled down and down and a little further. Hat’s off to the winner of the Non-Them League: take a bow T Woods aka Niassetyboys who finished 37th overall with 2197 points (169 points behind the winner).

Here’s the ‘alternative’ top ten with overall finishes at the end in brackets:

2197 T Woods – Niassetyboys (37)
2155 David Arrow – Mersey millionaries (69)
2131 Paul Ferry – Evertonemus (86)
2095 Jon Hannah – Ivegotasilvamachine (112)
2092 Michael Davies – Harry’s Boys (116)
2069 Stephen Rogers – Silvafoxesfc (127)
2061 Chris Wilkinson – Jumpingjagielka (133)
2058 Alan Maher – Supertoffs (135)
2046 Paul Kelly – Threeforfifty (139)
2035 Scott Price – Duncanhadapigeon (145)

It took as long as 145th place to get to ten ToffeeWebbers without anything Satanic in their team. A few observations from the top 150 finishers. There’s our tactics fella Steve Ferns aka Fernsysflops in 71st place – he had Robbo in his team from over there.

Names! We got three Bainesontoast (38, 41, 103) and a Heinzbakedbaines (26). Gylfipleasures ended up 96th and Gylfipleasure 105th. Heyhosilvalining finished 55th; Hihosilvalining 107th; Silvalining 128th; Silvaliningblues 146th; and Silvaliningplaybook 114th. Silvamachine sneaked into the top 150 in 147th; I’vegotasilvamachine was 112th in line.

Bainesontoast is good along with Westsamunited, Neymardivingplease. Kendoddsdadsdogsdead, Fake Madrid, Realsosobad, and Stuventus. Not so keen on Gayboysykes, though. I want to spend significant time with Kendoddsdadsdogsdead.

A bit of fun while waiting for a plane and three drinks now and thank Sheedy that the Alabama fella has headed off for his flight to Birmingham and the land of his law.

I have no issue at all with an ‘open’ league if we can have another one for the ‘Non-Them’ League. I’m sure that I’m one of more than a few who sets up a ‘Non’ League but it would be nice to have one on ToffeeWeb.

Reader Comments (6)

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Darren Hind
1 Posted 16/06/2019 at 03:59:31
Good to know you are alive and kicking, Paul.

Heathrow? Moving back or just visiting?

A very good friend of mine was offered a job he couldn't refuse and came back recently – unfortunately darn sarf.

Anyway here's a quick update to tempt you. The Bramley-Moore Dock project is starting to feel like the finishing line in the Great North Run – the more desperate you become, the further away it seems to get...

Boris has been ordered by his advisers to "shut the fuck up" – it's working like a charm. He looks nailed on to become the next Prime Minsiter.

Its been raining for eight years.

All those brilliant TV programs we used to make have been ditched so we can talk relentlessly about Brexit.

Kopites are breeding and acting like Orks – you dare not open your fucking cupboard.

All good stuff but, as my old CG mate said on his return, "Fuck all that, I'll be back watching Everton play away next season..."

Don't be John Bailey's uncle Bill.

Paul Ferry
2 Posted 16/06/2019 at 05:37:47
Sadly just 6 days in Liverpool Darren mate. July 8/14 - would love to meet you - before that in that Lahndan working in archives and then Oxford till July 20. Been watching all the time mate and you are sadly becoming a sane elder statesman of TW.

Seriously, I always read what you write and back you from afar in 9/10 of your disagreements mainly with you know who.

A July bevvy anywhere from bank hall to central would be boss.

Never lose your fire, Darren.

Darren Hind
3 Posted 18/06/2019 at 06:56:17
Okay, Paul.

I think I'm done with those "disagreements" though.

I think I realised that when a poster ignored direct quotes from Royle and Unsworth telling us Royle had assisted Rhino in is caretaker role because he had read a piece penned by some ill-informed Journo.

That was confirmed when somebody then tried to dispute the fact that a player had not made a costly error for a year by putting up a compilation which was made... 18 months ago.

It's not about losing the fire, mate, it's about realising the futility of trying to reason with crackpottery.

Tony Abrahams
4 Posted 18/06/2019 at 07:27:05
Never smile at a croc.o.dile!
Duncan McDine
5 Posted 20/06/2019 at 07:36:26
Hey PF, how’s it going? How do I submit a team to this TW fantasy league?
Paul Ferry
6 Posted 21/06/2019 at 19:34:04
Hi Duncan, the eds will post on here in August giving us a code and link to join the ToffeeWeb FL. I'm hoping that they will have a non-red-shite option this season.

Darren, I do follow those tit-for-tats and I have to say that some of them reach disbelief. I think you're right. There's no point banging your head against a brick wall. You can be a bit of a tenacious blue bulldog mate!

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