Skip to Main Content
Members:   Log In Sign Up
Text:  A  A  A

Talking Points

March 2020 Archive   |   Submit a topic

Covid-19 Free Zone

I think we need a Covid-19 Free Zone, full of fun, anecdotes, jokes and general silliness to give ToffeeWebbers some uplifting respite

This is not to underplay the seriousness of what is happening all around us, but I came across an old TW thread yesterday whilst looking at famous Everton fans. It made me laugh out loud. I told my wife the brief anecdote and she was laughing her head off too. It changed the mood in the house. To get a bit of laughter into the system is really good for mental health, I reckon.

It made me think we need a thread that captures that for the next 2 or 3 months. Maybe Lyndon or Michael could tag it on the homepage? Over the last few weeks, a good few posters have been posting up great jokes, rhymes and anecdotes. I thought it would be a treasure trove to have them in an accessible place.

To kick it off, the anecdote I was referring to was on an old thread about the renowned author Bill Bryson and his visit to Merseyside and to Goodison Park.

[John Hughes posted in Oct 2016]:

Going back to Notes from a Small Island: his recollection of buying his wife a crucifix from a jewellers in Church Street was hilarious. "No problem, Sir," said the young lady in her thick Liverpudlian tones. "We have plain ones, or would you like one with a little man on?" Brilliant.

PS; read the whole thread, it is pure gold


Tony  Everan     Posted 29/03/2020 at 14:27:19

Devastated

Absolutely devastated.

“You will never believe who was born on your birthday.” My wife said.

During this coronavirus pandemic, we all had to look for things that occupied our time and my wife decided to browse “the years”.

Immediately I knew something was wrong.

What’s the worst thing possible? Judas? Hitler? Thatcher? I said, “Jurgen Klopp?”

“You’re nearly there.”

I said the dreaded words… “Shankly”.

She smiled in that way all wives smile when they’ve got one over you. I couldn’t believe it.

There was an inquest and when it was confirmed I phoned up my Kopite dad to confer.

“You’re in good company” he said.

I told him I wanted to kill myself.

Fucking ‘ell!

What’s the worst person who could share the same birthday as you?

Mine’s, fucking Bill Shankly – the 2nd September.

I wish I was born on the 3rd of September.

I’m 49 and have just found out that Bill Shankly was born on the same day as me – please kill me… or share the pain.

What’s the worst person to share your birthday?

Mark Cuddy     Posted 28/03/2020 at 20:32:49

A Soldier's Song

I'm trying to help search for an old Everton song that was set to the Irish National Anthem, A Soldier's Song:

It was from the pubs and travelling to the away grounds rather than from the match itself, and would date back to the '60s.

The original version started "Soldiers are we whose lives are pledged to Ireland, we have come from the land beyond the wave". Would anybody remember an Everton take on this?
Derek Turnbull     Posted 17/03/2020 at 08:52:53

Your greatest moment

In this time of gloom, I have been trying to think of something to post to bring a smile.

What is your greatest moment as an Evertonian? Mine is easy. I was living in Glasgow. Everton were playing Wimbledon, and we were relegated, there was no doubt. I had turned the radio off.

I went over to to to my local grocer, Masud, to buy a bottle of cheap Scotch. He came round the counter shouting "My friend, my friend, you are saved!!" I hugged him, as seemed appropriate, given his new interest in my spiritual well-being. Then he described what had unfolded. Joy, pure joy. More hugging...

To me, that moment beat them all.
Andy Crooks     Posted 15/03/2020 at 21:33:24

On the throwing of toilet paper, cushions, darts, coins etc

Oh for the good old carefree days when we could throw toilet rolls at the likes of Pat Jennings and Gordon Banks with gay abandon. I wonder what happened to them all?
Alan McGuffog     Posted 10/03/2020 at

Atkinson – yet again!

This is part of my post on 2 March, VAR the Truth:

'In 2011, Atkinson sends Rodwell off for a perfect tackle on Suarez. Not only is there no action taken against Suarez, the prick Atkinson has been allowed to referee 4 more derby games since which have been littered with dodgy decisions.

You would think, after all the Clattenburg injustice, Poll injustice, or as far back as that other corrupt prick, Clive Thomas, the club would have something to say.

With Moss, the villain of yesterday with the red-card trigger happy Manchester born Kavanagh, Atkinson and others knocking about the club should be doing everything they can to ensure we have an impartial ref for the Goodison derby. But no doubt they will say nothing.

The FA have been taking the piss out of Everton for years and the club have allowed it.

And here we go again: Atkinson is announced as referee for the Goodison derby onf Monday. Out of all the refs the FA could select, and after the Man Utd fiasco, it's that biased twat yet again.

No conspiracy? ... My arse!
Jim Wilson     Posted 11/03/2020 at 20:59:53

Coronavirus: Restrictions on sport

The government are meeting with many sports authorities on Monday to discus what steps to take, should – as if seems likely – the coronavirus epidemic becomes more widespread. Some of the many suggestions being put forward include banning over 70s from attending sporting events, to playing games behind closed doors.

This has already happened in Italy and, as this virus spreads, it also brings into question whether the 2020 Olympics in Japan will go ahead. And whether the European Championship will take place. It seems the Premier league would favour a behind closed door games than a complete postponement.

I think people's health overrides any sporting event and I am sure these decisions will be taken with this in mind. So this weekend may be our last chance to watch live Premier League games. There is talk of letting both the BBC and ITV cover games as well as Sky if a complete ban on fans attending games is what the authorities decide.


Brian Harrison     Posted 07/03/2020 at 11:43:16

Everton Anthem

Look, I know that every pissed/socially relaxed Blue has "A Brilliant Idea", so here's another....

To Audrae Mae's Version of Bob Dylan's “Forever Young”, used in "Sons Of Anarchy".

For Everton

May Gods Acre keep you always
May Your wishes all come true
May You always stand by other Blues
And they will stand by You
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung

May you play for Everton
May you play for Everton

May you grow up to be righteous
Only grow up to be Blue
May you always know & tell the truth
And surrounding yourself with Blues
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong

May you play for Everton
May you play for Everton

May your feet always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful
May "Z Cars" always be sung

May you play for Everton
May you play for Everton

Everton
Everton

May you play for Everton


Alexander Murphy     Posted 05/03/2020 at 23:01:07

Who do we piss off at the FA?

I am not a conspiracy theorist but today’s news that Carlo Ancelotti is the first manager to be shown the red card is the straw that has broken my camel’s back!

Last year we had Omar Nasser being the first player to be suspended for diving after the fact! I am sure others of you can find similar firsts going all the way back to 1985 when we are the first English team to be banned from Europe thanks to friggin' Thatcher!

But who is the person who has incurred so much wrath from the football gods?Thinking back I have the answer! It is Sir John Moores! The same bloke who has a university named after him! He was the first “sugar daddy of football”!

How the FA must have hated him! Using all his Littlewoods money to make us the best!So there you go, I have found the answer and don’t expect anything to change soon! Especially if MegaFon get more involved!


David Cooper     Posted 02/03/2020 at 21:37:32

The Truth about VAR

VAR we were told was brought in to help the referee and spot bad decisions etc. But all it is used for is to give corrupt officials the chance to change a game the way they want, usually for the well-in teams.

There is no way on earth that late goal we scored against Man Utd would have been disallowed if it had been Man Utd or Liverpool or Arsenal scoring it against us. No way.

No one can tell me the game isn't rigged. The game is corrupt from top to bottom with favours, well-in officials, referees from Manchester refereeing Man Utd games, and of course money doing the talking.

And VAR is just another tool for the corrupt FA.

Man Utd never looked back when they agreed to play in the club World Cup. Now it's the same with Liverpool.

You only have to look at the Liverpool -Man City game at Anfield earlier this season to know what the directive is for this season.

How many extra points have Liverpool gained this season compared to the points we have lost due to ridiculous decisions made by the VAR official? And decisions can help you win trophies, Milk Cup Final 1984, FA Cup Semi-Final1977?

Yesterday was just another example of the corrupt system we have. It was a fair goal, everyone knows that, and if it wasn't a goal, it was a penalty to us.

Following on from all the hideous decisions we have suffered over the years, many at the hands of Liverpool, it really is time Everton went ballistic with the FA about what's going on.

In 2011 Atkinson sends Rodwell off for a perfect tackle on Suarez. Not only is there no action taken against Suarez, the prick Atkinson has been allowed to referee 4 more derby games since which have been littered with dodgy decisions.

I remember around that time Carragher deliberately taking out Pienaar early on in a derby. Definite sending off. No action taken

You would think after all the Clattenburg injustice, Poll injustice, or as far back as that other corrupt prick, Thomas, the club would have something to say.

With Moss, the villain of yesterday with the red card trigger happy Manchester born Kavanagh, Atkinson and others knocking about the club should be doing everything they can to ensure we have an impartial ref for the Goodison derby. But no doubt they will say nothing.

The FA have been taking the piss out of Everton for years and the club have allowed it.

The FA failed miserably to redress the injustice inflicted on Everton after Heysel, it may be 35 years late, but it's time the club woke up and got wise to the blatant corruption that is going on.

Because of VAR live games have become hideous events. VAR should be used to correct blatant mistakes, nothing else.

Here's just five of the most obvious bad decisions in derby games.


Jim Wilson     Posted 02/03/2020 at 15:30:44

The common denominator

Dominic Calvert-Lewin was struggling to score and Richarlison was sulking as he seemed to be our only hope of a goal. Tom Davies was out of the side and in poor form.

What happened next was a change in manager. Duncan Ferguson came in and implemented 4-4-2 and indeed many posters on this site had been imploring Silva to do this in spite of others holding the belief that it was far too antiquated to succeed in the modern game.

They were wrong. The change in formation gave Calvert-Lewin and Richarlison the foil that they needed and it turned out that they actually blended together very well. Holgate is of course totally different to our other centre-backs and Duncan gave him a chance which was taken almost ravenously. Mason Holgate not only took responsibility, he relished it and was quite happy to order more experienced colleagues around.

Tom Davies showed what he can do yesterday. It seemed to me that he was unsure of his role in the first half but was told to push forward at half-time and his passing was the best I have seen from him.

These four can be the backbone of our team going forward. Catterick’s great side was based on young players with West, Labone, Wilson, Brown and Morrissey as the experienced players to nurse them along. Kendall’s side had Reid and Gray. Carlo has the four young players plus Digne and Gomes, assuming they can get match fit again. Add in Kenny and that makes seven, leaving us to acquire a centre-back and two wide midfielders plus ideally a dominant central midfielder who would improve so many of the others at a stroke.

Get a midfield which can create but also win the ball and protect the defence and I think the defence and Pickford will settle down. It was hairy in the first half yesterday because their midfield was cutting through ours and so our defence naturally became edgy.

The common denominator in our great sides has been youth supported by a bit of experience, and we are not far short, with others possibly coming through shortly in Gordon, Kean, Gibson and maybe even Simms.

In Carlo, I think we have the man to achieve success, aided by Brands who has a few big name players to jettison in the close season.


Dave Williams     Posted 02/03/2020 at 15:08:44

Talking Points Archives


Season 2015-16

« 2016-17 Index Jul Aug Sep Oct Nov Dec Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun 2019-20 »

Please Note: These are big files that may take a little time to download....

Past Seasons

Menu
OK

We use cookies to enhance your experience on ToffeeWeb and to enable certain features. By using the website you are consenting to our use of cookies in accordance with our cookie policy.