The one I kept chanting to myself when leaving the ground after the Leicester game was "It's the hope that kills you".
Why on God's green earth I keep putting myself through the torture of being an Evertonian I will never know. I looked at my youngest and thought to myself, " You poor bastard, you've got a lifetime of this son and it's my fault".
Does anything in life bring out emotions in you like being a blue? In life you can change anything you want, your religion, job, name, wife, where you live, nationality and even your gender but one thing you can't change is your team.
It never crosses your mind and it's with you like a curse every day of your life, never a day passes that you don't think about Everton on an emotional level and that emotion depends usually upon the last result.
If you try to analyse it it's senseless, watching 11 grown, overpaid men running around a piece of grass carrying all your hopes and dreams with them.
The older I get the more angry I get about us getting beat, when I was younger I would sulk like a spoiled child, still do now and again when I think about it and that's what makes no sense.
I'm 54 and should know better, I've tried giving it up, I've tried ignoring It, I've tried to convince myself it doesn't matter but nothing works.
I've finally come to the conclusion that it "Fucking does Matter" and there is nothing I can do to stop it mattering either.
It will be the hope that kills me but what a way to go, eh.
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