You the Jury
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A couple of friends and me have been competing to see who could come up with the worst Everton team we could put together from players we have seen. A sort of Nightmare Football Manager. Now we need a winner, which is where you come in. All verdicts gratefully received - but note this is not a competition to be thrown open to all! Simply vote Team A B or C, with any comments welcome.
There's a pint riding on this.....
Team A
Stefan Wessels
Glen Keeley Carl Tiler Mitch Ward Clive Marshall
Danny Williamson Stefen Rehn Claus Thomsen Stephen Hughes
Mikael Madar Brett Angell
Team B
Mimms (for the traumatic close to the 85/86 season)
Marc Hottiger Billy Wright Glen Keeley Terry Phelan
Alan Ainscow Scott Gemmill Gareth Farrelly Ian Wilson
Bernie Wright Brett Angell
Team C
Drew Brand
Earl Barrett Per Kroldrup Marc Hottiger Terry Darracott
Stefan Rehn Claus Thomsen Tobias Linderoth Niclas Alexandersson
Mickey Walsh Brett Angell
Brian Denton,
Liverpool Posted 06/01/2010 at 11:05:42
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Team B easily the worst side; however, where is Jeffers? Why have you got Alexandersson as one of the worst?? and Madar I thought he did okay, double figures in one season and then tailed off but certainly no worse than Jeffers. I would have had Mo Johnson upfront with Stuart Barlow — both total wank!!
Brian, at least Terry Darracott was a trier. Alex Nyarko was the worst disgrace to an Everton shirt I have ever seen.
Bit of an editorial assumption re Team A which I must correct. ’Marshall’ is actually Ian not Cliff (or ’Clive’ as our Editor above would have it)
For me Id go for....
Kearton.
Thomas, Ward, Kroldrup, Sansom
Rehn, Williamson, Farrelly
Barlow, Angell, Aspinall.
And attacking 4-3-3, that would be a match for any Sunday league side!
I forgot about Alex Nyarko!
Sorry, got a bit carried away there! Team B!
Votes please, lads (and ladies) - not alternative teams!
Where’s Bakajoko? David Ginola, Mark Hughes? Richard Wright?
Madar for me is the worst ever player though, offside again.
I thought Linderoth and Alexandersson were half decent towards the end, nowhere near the worst.
Had to throw some more in... but Team A
Brian, some names there I’d forgotten or perhaps I mean blanked out, also a few you’ve maybe been a bit harsh on.
I’m tempted to go for Team B as the worst, if only because it includes Bernie Wright. Ultimately though it has to be Team A, although there was a half decent player somewhere inside the oddball that was Madar.
Madar is not one of the worst players we have had by a long way! He scored a few vital goals that kept us up for fucks sake! Linderoth also was a decent player. Better than Carsley in that role, but we simply didn’t play that system then.
So Team B without a doubt.
Team B
Like most of you, I remember Madar as a pretty poor player. Looking at his stats, though, he bagged 6 goals in 19 starts for us.
We’ve had many, many worse!
Team A - but I’d change it a bit. I don’t actually think Wessels did much wrong - he was always 2nd choice to Howard but did a job when called upon - also Madar - whilst not the greatest - certainly not the worst. Stuart Barlow!!!
I suppose Team B, but Mimms wasn’t THAT bad and Farrelly’s goal kept us up. But what a strike force!
But where’s Degn or Milligan?
Where are Hibbert and Osman? :P Just kidding. Team A!
Start with Claus Thomsen and work your way up. The problem is that we’re spoilt for choice. Oh and Jeffers in his 1st season was sensational, and his form didn’t dip when he went to the Arse, it kinda went over a cliff...
Apart from the inclusion of Madar, I’d go for Team A as the worst. Probably would have gone for Mike Milligan in midfield. Personally thought Vinny Samways was shocking too.
Can’t believe anyone would include Terry Phelan in a worst side though. Although I was only young when he played, I always thought he was reliable, we just got him at the back end of his career.
This thread could go on for weeks. Just sitting here now thinking of all the shite I’ve watched in an Everton shirt...
Judas Barmby was terrible apart from his last season.
Has to be Team B, as that is the only one with Ian Wilson in it, the player who I class as the worst player I have had the misfortune to watch live.
Team A — it includes Claus Thomsen... But I would replace Wessels with Espen Baardsen and Madar (who could at least hit the net) with John Spencer.
Gazza
Ginola
Have you forgotten?
Dan McK - I believe that Osman and Hibbert have played in top 4 and 5 teams. I haven’t scanned the rest to see if they qualify.
How good’s your left foot?
Ha ha, I hope Brett Angell’s reading this! He’s "game development" officer for Central region here in NZ!! Jaysus! I thought Madar was okay — and Gazza had some good games for the Blues — I remember one game January 2002 against Sunderland he was the only "footballer" on the field that day - and he stayed afterwards to applaud the fans while everyone else had slunk off.
Agreed, I remember Gazza racking up about 7 MotM performances. He only left cos his old pal Wally did, Moysey wanted him to stay.
Bloody hell... what a rogue's gallery these three teams are... and it's kind of depressing that there’s plenty of others we could put in too... but ho hum.
Got to be Team A: a defence including both Carl Tiler and Mitch Ward is just asking for it and with Claus Thomsen ’covering’ in front.... jeez!
Dan - MotM compared to who in this list of the damned?
Clearly a gifted footballer, out for a few and a kebab with Chris Evans, he wasn’t at his best when we paid his wages.
Ginola anyone?
I think my memory was giving Gazza too much credit. I thought he got a bunch of MotM performances playing for us but looking at his stats, he didn’t do so great. Must be the result against Leyton Orient that sticks in mind where he showed his glimpse of genius.
Ginola has to be there, he was pants.
Good on yer Dan — exactly what I would have done when challenged — and put it up for or against. Let's keep it going on this site.
How about another trier in Tiger Mc!!!
Add to the forward Rod Belfitt.
Marshall was a winger not a fullback.
Beauty is in the eye.................
Hey folks, it’s your votes that count - and lately there haven’t been many of them. Give your own favourites by all means, but don’t go without giving the nod to A B or C.
Other Brian - ah yes, Tiger McLaughlin. Thought about him, and Rod Belfitt, and Joe Harper and...and....and....oh it’s great to be an Evertonian !
Can’t agree with Scott Gemmill being in any of these teams. He did really well in those months after his arrival, provided the amunition for Kevin Campbell, and an excellent passer of the ball.
Also, Ian Wilson was an good player at Leicester. I spent 6 years there in the 80s. He suffered by being compared with Peter Reed, having an unspectacular style, playing it short and simple, but he didn’t give it away... and being bald. It would be interesting to see how many of the players above had bad hair, or used contact lenses, etc.
I can’t help thinking that we are getting into difficult legal ground here when a well respected manager may or may not have moved on good players because there was a hint of scandal about their heterosexual activities. And the traded players were not quite so good.
The world turns.
And I know this won’t end it but, in 20 years time, with 40-40 hindsight, who on the present roster will you consign to to dustbin of infamy?
Let me begin...
1. Tony Hibbert.
Team B
Although I would swap Gemmill for Claus Thomsen.
Sorry, didn’t realise that I had to vote; I’ll go for B as it's a case of two Wrights do make a wrong (sorry, couldn’t resist awful pun). And to clear up the Marshall confusion; we’ve had two: Ian & Cliff didn’t see much of Cliff but Ian was shite.
Sadly many of the players mentioned here were way past their best when they were signed... but some of the younger ones had no excuse and neither did the managers who picked them consistently. George Telfer springs to mind with Jim (prettyboy) Pearson along with a certain Gary Jones. These guys weren’t even Sunday league class but got far too many opportunities to impress only to fail.
Christopher McCullough
Posted 07/01/2010 at 00:10:56
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Team B — makes me want to cry.
Surely, Andy van der Meyde worth a look in? 4 seasons, 20 appearances, 0 goals. Wads of cash wasted buying and waging his sorry ass.
Anyone remember Paul Watson's (think it was Paul?) slice from the 18-yard box away at Bolton in the FA Cup? Mike Walker's first game in charge...
Also, Jason Kearton was bad, I remember a League Cup game at Lincoln where he had a shocker..
There's too many players to name really, especially from the dire 90s.
Perhaps we should have a top 50 and a vote?
Michael Kenrick
Editorial Team
Posted 07/01/2010 at 05:30:42
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John, I think you mean Paul Holmes; we never had a Paul Watson.
Yes Michael thats right... Holmes and Watson and we still didn’t have a clue..
Team B, without a doubt.
However, Mimms and Gemmill really weren’t that bad.
The thing here is. Are we going for players who had a bad game or two then went or are we going for players who have been consistantly bad.
How Steffan Wessels and Madar can be mentioned is beyond me. Wessels didn’t do too bad during the few games he played; Madar, while many were upset over his attitude against Coventry, the guy did score a few goals in a garbage side. I think he deserves to be cut some slack.
As for awful — well, we all know about The Glen Keeley Derby. Likewise, Krøldrup in his one and only game was roasted by Baros. And Brett Angell... the less said the better.
There are many others that deserve mentions. However, at least the majority of players that were incredibly bad were flogged off early doors.
But what about Osman? Don’t get me wrong, he is superior to many of these players. However, he is and has been undeserving of that shirt for several years. Yet, despite this, barring injury, he is in the team week-in, week-out, regardless of how dire his perfomances may be. That he has been so consistently poor and really was never anything special anyway strikes me of someone who has well and truly outstayed their welcome.
This isn’t me kicking up a fuss or another anti-Osman debate etc, it is just in my opinion that the worst players shouldn’t just be restricted to those who only had a few games. If someone has irritated the fans for years then they are a deserving candidate of worst player.
Micheal Branch, Stuart Barlow, Billy Kenny, Stephen Hughes, Espen Baardsen, Simon Davies, Paul Gerrard — all would walk into team A or B.
Team B is the worst in every area except for central midfield.
Gemmill was not one of our two worst central midfielders ever and Farrelly scored the goal that kept us in the Prem against Coventry. Having him in the side is akin to having Horne in the team — you can’t do it.
So team B with Nyarko and Claus Thomsen in midfield! Is that allowed?
Team A
Because you cannot have Gemmil in a worst team.
Team C is lifted by having Terry Darracott — one of my heroes that fought off the boo boys and played some really good seasons consistently.
James B, you are smoking. Osman scored the best ever goal I have seen for Everton. He has also been one of the home grown that has saved us so much money in the last 8 years as we have bought in other areas.
I particularly disliked Madar because he was forever offside on the few occasions we mustered an attack. I was fairly young at the time but I remember listening to the radio and being extremely pissed off with ’Madar offside, again’ every time we went forward.
You could have the whole of Howard Kendall’s last team, they’re by far the worst in my 30 year living memory.
What’s Madar doing there? He might have been average overall but he scored goals and as a striker thats most of your job covered. Brett Angell on the other hand....
Team B for me, boys... although there are some truly awful players on show there; Hottiger, Tiler, Keeley, Rehn... oh my, let's not go back there, ever!
Team A, but I thought Madar did okay, think we signed him on a free as a bit of a bonus didn’t we?
Agree that team B can’t win as its got Gemmill in it, he was often the only player we had trying to do anything with the ball, in fact he was often the only player showing for the ball.
Has to be team A.
But Glen Keeley technically didn't play for us. He put a shirt on and went on the pitch but after a short period was sent to the dressing rooms never to be seen again.
Michael Kenrick
Editorial Team
Posted 07/01/2010 at 17:14:26
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Perhaps you’re trying to be humourous, Jay, but technically, he DID ’play’ for us (according to the record books) in that he made one appearance. Albeit for less than half a game... and a horrendous one at that:
Everton 0-5 Liverpool
Brett Angell should be Captain. He was totally shite. Howard Kendall must have bought him when he was pissed and must have been so surprised when Stan Collymore never turned up.
Team B, hands down... but Espen Baardsen was by far the worst keeper I’ve ever seen in any team.
I’ll go for Team B although I didn’t mind Terry Phelan to be honest.
Bit suprised Linderoth being in these teams, I didn’t think he was that bad a player and Nyarko was far worse. I also remember Danny Williamson putting in a MotM performance in the Cadamarteri derby before disappearing off the face of the earth.
It’s Team A for me. Although I’d have Bakayoko up front with Angell.
And those suggesting Osman, have a word with yourselves — think not of those myriad poor performances but of the screamers he’s thumped in and vital goals he’s nicked — Larissa, Stoke and Macclesfield — all classics, just off the top of my head.
I’d also add that Dacourt was pretty worthless to the team, given his regular suspensions.
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1 Posted 06/01/2010 at 15:00:06
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