What do you want for Everton? Entertainment… or survival?
Sean Dyche’s tactics don’t allow for entertainment. I’ve heard a lot of that. We all have. Realistic, fair-minded people know that the squad at his disposal is… awful.
Tarkowski, Branthwaite, Pickford. They’re our three all-stars. I remain of the opinion that Amadou Onana will be a superb player in a better team, but for us, he’s a luxury we don’t really know how to utilise (and who is biding his time for a big move). Leaving us with three really good players who would almost certainly play for any team outside of the Sly Six.
Beyond that, we have one-legged wingers, non-attacking full-backs (Mykolenko is a superb old-school full-back, but he’s no Baines, no Digne). We have carthorses and water carriers in midfield. They’re good for what Sean requires, but none of them would be playing in teams that play pretty football (Gomes might have once, but he’s now too slow). We have no players with the ability to carry the ball through the lines (despite his shortcomings, Iwobi did at least do that – but he was a forced PSR sale).
All of this is to say, our team is a bit rubbish, an island of misfit toys. Even Carlo Ancelotti recognised this, choosing to play with a style which minimised risk and maximised the reward. Benitez failed to do this. Lampard failed to do this. They both tried different styles, neither of which worked. Benitez required wonder goals from Townsend which dried up. Lampard required individual brilliance from Richarlison and Gordon (but Richarlison was sold on the PSR deadline in 2022, Gordon sold after sulking like a little bitch because he wasn’t sold to Chelsea).
Sean Dyche has gone down the David Moyes route. KITAP1 — Keep It Tight And Pinch One. It’s fucking miserable to watch. But it’s yielded the best points return in the past few years, despite an ever-deteriorating squad. For some, though, that isn’t enough. We should thank the man, and move him on, for a sexier style of play. We pay to be entertained, right?
No thanks. I’ll watch better teams to be entertained. I want Everton in the Premier League. Not because the Premier League is the “best league in the world” (fuck you, Sky), but because the finances require us to remain in it if we want to continue to be a going concern.
Sean Dyche won’t entertain you. And fuck me, are some of the things he says in press conferences irritating. But I’ll take the near guarantee of Premier League football over the very real jeopardy of a more entertaining coach relegating us because they’re too stubbornly wedded to “stylish football” to mitigate the limitations of a very poor squad.
So again, I ask, what do you want? Entertainment… or survival?