When Everton bought Bret Angell from Southend for a cool half-million, the Liverpool Echo ran the painful headline 'Angell of Mersey'. It became prophetic only in the mercy it was to the fans when he was not in the team. The match chosen for his debut – albeit as a sub – seemed somehow fated: an embarrassing 5 - 1 home loss to Norwich City.
But Angell played very well in his full Everton debut against Swindon Town. From the first minute, he was flicking the ball to his team-mates in the true Graeme Sharp style. He even hit the bar and was desperately unlucky not to score. Surely his presence contributed a lot to a great 6 - 2 victory for Mike Walker's first match in charge.
Brett Angell did actually score for Everton... Once! Yes, his only ever goal came in the next home match, a 4 - 2 win over Chelsea. The sensational 2-yard bumble was Brett's only significant contribution to Everton, apart from the sheer comedy he also provided as lasting memories for some dedicated fans:
The first and last time I ever saw Brett Angell play was against QPR at Loftus Road when Brett was making his comeback after a fairly long injury. Some comeback, booked after 2 minutes and substituted quite unsuprisingly at halftime. Fittingly, it turned out to be the last match he played for the club – Craig Peirson "Brett Angell's first touch is like a tackle." Dave Jones, Stockport manager It was the derby in March 94 under Walker when we lost 2-1. Beagrie was the only player doing anything, and Angell was off crashing motorbikes or something, so we had no support on one attack. The ball came to Cottee, who, with no other options knocked it to Brett. Brett, to be fair, also had no support, but his attempt to beat 3 Liverpool defenders with his subtle touch and flair was memorable. Oh, how I did cry. Christ Marks Brett Angell's performance against Leicester in 94 (1-1) still makes me laugh. He was awful for the entire game, and then in the 89th minute he swivelled and half-volleyed the ball from all of 30 yards and it was heading straight for the bottom corner until the 'keeper saved. Weird! I only saw Brett on a handful of occasions and don't remember much beyond the fact that he was tall and rather lumbering.
"Brett Angell's first touch is like a tackle." Dave Jones, Stockport manager
It was the derby in March 94 under Walker when we lost 2-1. Beagrie was the only player doing anything, and Angell was off crashing motorbikes or something, so we had no support on one attack. The ball came to Cottee, who, with no other options knocked it to Brett. Brett, to be fair, also had no support, but his attempt to beat 3 Liverpool defenders with his subtle touch and flair was memorable. Oh, how I did cry. Christ Marks
Brett Angell's performance against Leicester in 94 (1-1) still makes me laugh. He was awful for the entire game, and then in the 89th minute he swivelled and half-volleyed the ball from all of 30 yards and it was heading straight for the bottom corner until the 'keeper saved. Weird!
I only saw Brett on a handful of occasions and don't remember much beyond the fact that he was tall and rather lumbering.
Toffeenetter Martin Smith's contribution to this special Brett Angell Tribute is this rather unflattering poem penned by his brother, Chris:
ODE TO BRETT ANGELL Oh Brett, oh Brett, We will never forget. Some called you a mule, You always played like a fool. Big strong and quick? Your performances made me sick. Howard Kendall took you on loan. Even then your performances made me moan. A six figure fee? Barry Fry laughed with glee. (Then again he signed Mark Ward, A man whose useless performances we could ill afford). An insult to Latchford and Dean, You're not worth a bean. Strikers are supposed to score goals. You know, like Peter Withe and Stanley Bowles. You find it easier to miss, You're not worth the steam off my piss. (c) Chris Smith 1994
Oh Brett, oh Brett, We will never forget. Some called you a mule, You always played like a fool. Big strong and quick? Your performances made me sick.
Howard Kendall took you on loan. Even then your performances made me moan. A six figure fee? Barry Fry laughed with glee. (Then again he signed Mark Ward, A man whose useless performances we could ill afford).
An insult to Latchford and Dean, You're not worth a bean. Strikers are supposed to score goals. You know, like Peter Withe and Stanley Bowles. You find it easier to miss, You're not worth the steam off my piss.
(c) Chris Smith 1994