FAN ARTICLES
Searching for Our Sonofabitch
Comments (20) : The story goes that when someone presented US President Franklin D Roosevelt with the disgraceful abominations of his ally, the Nicaraguan dictator Somoza, he reportedly said: "He may be a sonofabitch, but he's our sonofabitch!"
Since David Moyes took over at Everton, he has been hunting for our own "sonofabitch". Bids have been tabled for Robbie Savage, Emre, and more recently Joey Barton ? three villains of the Premier League pantomime. Players who play like hate was their first love, who rely on the dark arts of the game, literally throwing everything but the kitchen sink at a game, diving, niggling, harrying, swearing, punching, spitting, and even on occasion baring their arses to the opposition. Players who use this melting pot of pugnacious and sly tools and whose skills, although present, are always cocooned in nastiness.
People might argue that Everton had a plentiful supply of them under Joe Royle with the "Dogs of War" but although we played like a WWI field unit, I never detected much malice in Barry Horne, John Ebbrell, or Joe Parkinson ? a workman-like and honest triumvirate, not so much unfit to lace the boots of the Kendall, Harvey, Ball trinity but who spoke utterly different football languages.
Since then, the closest most non-Evertonians feel we have come to a "sonofabitch" is Thomas Gravesen, a man who ticked every box in the lunatic midfielder requirements, a player who looked ready to literally dive for the jugular, but who was actually a trickster. In terms of being a psycho, he was a mirage. I am so tired of people making the brain-dead move of instantly associating a man with a shaved head and the moniker "Mad Dog" with the stereotype of a tough-tackling midfielder. Gravesen was a terrible tackler; he wasn't the least like Roy Keane.
Gravesen's attempts at being the enforcer consisted of careering around the pitch following the football like a celebrity stalker on amphetamines. However, Gravesen did have sublime skills and was a lovely passer of the ball ? he had the same talent as Zidane (albeit in far less abundance) of being able to send such a perfectly weighted pass that the ball literally stopped at the intended recipient's feet. Grav also had the unfortunate problem of occasionally getting carried away and trying to take on the whole team but, instead of progressing towards their goal, he invariably ended up by one of their corner flags.
It made me laugh when Real Madrid bought him to be their enforcer. Giving Grav the label of a tough tackler is weak journalism. It is only because of his shaved head and wild eyes that people think he is a pseudo-Keano ? that and the fact people got him confused with Carsley. Even Arteta has more right to the tough-tackling moniker than Grav. The nickname "Blue Arsed Fly" would have suited Grav far better.
So where do we stand now? Carsley is getting older, Fernandes (if signed) would be at worst a drifter and at best a skillful manipulator ? but definitely not a "sonofabitch", and Barton is on his way to his spiritual home: Newcastle (thankfully in my opinion, as he would have torn apart the dressing room).
The other midfield players we have been linked with are distorted by the crazed game of transfer Chinese whispers that goes on in the summer months. Yaya Toure (Kolo's brother) and Riquelme are both touted but if we signed either I would be very surprised, and would probably trash my house with sheer joy. In all reality, I suspect that Moyes, who got burnt badly by the attempt at signing Sissoko which was gazumped by Benitez at the 11th hour (Sissoko isn't much a "sonofabitch" anyway, more of a "skillful scheister"), is playing his cards very close to his chest with regards to potential signings.
Personally, I have mixed feelings about a potential "sonofabitch" ? they could and probably would destroy the much-vaunted Everton team spirit, or they could provide the final impetus for our constant push up the table. Ideally we'd have a player who is a supreme enforcer but never crosses the line into "sonofabitch-dom"; but those players are rare and that's why players like Vieira and Keane, are truly priceless.
Reader Comments (20)
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2 Posted 15/06/2007 at 02:32:54
And the creative heart of midfield? I agree with Ed’s assessment of Tommy, except that he I’d say that he was an enforcer of a kind. A legal kind. Keano? The jury is only out because it fears for its life.
And we have the most honest Spanish player I have ever seen - San Mikel does it all and with dignity. I honestly hope that he stays with us for many a year to help us through to the triumphs which now again seem possible.
Litle Tim does it with a bit of Ozzie sledging, but is usually more sinned against than sinning. Little Leon? The wonderfully talented player who might not have blossomed as he has had Tommy not left that big hole to be filled?
And there is the problem. Superb players. Smaller in statute than your normal playground thug. Easily pushed off the ball? No, not legally, but you tell referees that. Keane and his like con refs generation after generation - and the Mierda Roja (Spanish for RS) have thrived on the myth of ’hard but fair’ for decades. Just like loveable old Leeds Utd in their heyday. Billy Bremner and Alan Ball were often compared by journalists, and Bally was as hard as they come, but I can’t recall him dishing it out, certainly not on the regular basis of the other late lamented.
OK Ed - if we find a ’sonofabitch’ who takes us to the top and we win titles and silverware, I might abandon my high moral position and say a thug in your midst makes it all worthwhile. MUFC’s collective folklore has no problem with that - it might be nice to have the choice. But for the moment I would much rather wonder how we can fit Leon, San Mikel, Fernandes and Riquelme into the starting line up. (With a solid back and fast mobile front hugging around them.) And be in the position I can recall in about 1970 when the teansheets were read out. We just let the opposition worry about us.
Let the next one be a good one.
3 Posted 15/06/2007 at 05:25:59
First half of season Everton are going great guns, driven forward by the "blue-arsed fly" who was, al last, playing consistently and to his potential in a creative midfield role. The RS were scared shitless of financial implications of not getting into Champions League and were the club most likely to lose out if Everton got into top 4.
Real Madrid have the clout to buy ANY midfielder in the world ... and they choose Tommy G !!!!!! Now ... is there any Spanish connection at RS towers ? You bet!
Clear as JRK was shot by martians that the fat waiter called in a few favours and got his pals to lure TG away.
Didn’t work. We still hung on to 4th and RS are out of Champs league! Well, that was what what was supposed to happen ... and that’s another conspiracy theory for another day.
4 Posted 15/06/2007 at 05:43:12
5 Posted 15/06/2007 at 06:08:29
As for the ’All our yesterdays’ on hard men mentioned ( and those many more not mentioned). They fall into two types.
1)The vicious pig type...Barton, Savage et al.
2)The Greats... the ones that could actually play a bit as well. They used to be called halfbacks. The further back in time you go even the real silky ones, like Mercer, were tough as nails, you had to be, it went with the job discription.
The trouble is that some poeple confuse being a bit of a ’nark’ with being tough and hard.
So long as we are always associated with ’type2’, that will do me.
For those who quoted Billy Bremner as one of the ultimate hard men, try and get hold of an oft shown picture of Dave McKay (in his Derby/Clough days) lifting BB off the ground by his shirt front and the look in his eye that seemed to say ’do that again son and you’re dead’..apicture that is indead worth a 1000 words
6 Posted 15/06/2007 at 08:53:48
my uncle was a trainee at Derby in those days and tells everyone that Makay was the hardest man to ever play football, but fair with it.
7 Posted 15/06/2007 at 08:56:30
8 Posted 15/06/2007 at 09:38:33
9 Posted 15/06/2007 at 09:49:16
10 Posted 15/06/2007 at 10:38:49
Now for those who don’t know, these two epitomised the fierce rivalry between the two international rivals on the park and went hell for leather at each other throughout every second of an England-Scotland match.
But the particular picture I’m referring to pictures them both on their arses having just clattered (yet again!) into each other and they are both getting up, looking each other straight in the eye... and laughing their fookin’ heads off!!!
An absolutely brilliant picture, encapturing two fierce combatants, rivals and outstanding footballers, doing what they did best in the white heat of battle... and thoroughly, thoroughly enjoying it.
It is still inconceivable to me that they BOTH have gone...
11 Posted 15/06/2007 at 12:22:21
For what it’s worth Gravesen could be a joy to watch when he was on form. The way that he could pick a pass was fantastic and yet at times admittedly he would go missing.
At a reasonable price however I’d love to see him back at the club as I believe AJ for one would really benefit from his decisive through balls.
He’s not necessarily the player that will cement our midfield and take us to the next level but he’d make a great squad player with European experience. He may also flourish alongside a bona fide combative midfield enforcer.
12 Posted 15/06/2007 at 11:03:03
As we have evolved to a higher level than them, and are capable of rational thought, let us instead be positive and congratulate Mr Ed for his ability to get his spellings - mainly - correct. He must have had a very good teacher out there in Special Needs.
And he recognised the name of Riquelme! This shows commendable merit. I’d like to give a group of the shitehawks a test which consisted of writing down - no, that would be taking the piss - just recognising names of players that they have signed (for a bob or two) over the last, say, five years. I wouldn’t expect them to be able to pronounce these names of course. You do have to feel sorry for them at times - don’t you?
And thanks Phil for a reminder of Johnnie Morrissey. We saw him and Tommy Smith going for the same ball (1969?)and Goodison shook. We waited for the trainers to come on - but only one appeared, wearing red. Muggsie got up and trotted away - I think he was smiling.
Smith, of course, belonged to a generation who saw things differently. When the child Hughes made his disgusting magic/tragic outburst the wise head behind him pointed out that there were many blues out there who had turned up just to say well done - possibly accompanying their neighbours. I’m not sure I would like to live next door to Big Ed.
And yes Derek, this topic is bound to bring up ’All or yesterdays’, but if we continue Macbeth’s speech to the end he says that life is "a tale, told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."
Which I think, neatly, brings me back to where I started with Big Ed.
13 Posted 15/06/2007 at 14:40:07
Look at the teams that do have so called ’soofabitch’ players, Blackburn and Newcastle!!! is that the dircetion we want to move in!!!!
14 Posted 15/06/2007 at 16:43:41
15 Posted 15/06/2007 at 20:46:56
16 Posted 15/06/2007 at 22:25:49
Don’t get me started on dead Italians, but our not so friendly neighbourhood cuckoos have been doing the best they can to kill us off for many a year. In the bad times they would lose end of season games which didn’t affect their league position but gave succour to our ’relegation rivals’.
And speaking of the law, I notice that our old mate Souness has come to the attention of the powers that be. Such a lovely bloke too.
Yes Joe, I love a conspiracy theory myself - but as they say, just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.
Keep watching & thinking.
17 Posted 15/06/2007 at 23:09:59
18 Posted 16/06/2007 at 00:47:45
Anyway, the whole point of the piece was Graveson: and what every he was, or wasn’t, did or didn’t, except for his last half a season he only turned up for 2 games out of 5 for the rest he was the ultimate lord lucan. I don’t think we should be looking backwards.
19 Posted 16/06/2007 at 13:59:03
20 Posted 17/06/2007 at 19:15:43
It is a truly great picture. If any one else can recall it, or even knows where we can get a copy, don’t hesitate to post the info on here sometime.
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1 Posted 15/06/2007 at 01:39:00