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Phil Neville: victim of bad poetry

By Pete Mantin :  02/12/2007 :  Comments (7) :
This poem?s for Phil, a bitter - sweet pill
For all those the Blues who do follow.
Derby day tragedy,
Footballing agony,
In heartache and misery they?ll wallow

First blood to the Blues, remarkable news,
Some said it was rather jammy.
It was scored by a Red,
An own goal they said,
Alas, one nil, poor Sami

A moment of madness resulting in sadness,
began when Hibbert briefly wandered,
unaware indeed,
of the one nil lead,
his challenge would prove to have squandered

A foot race with Steven, a contest uneven,
Tony lost it by half a yard.
The ref was on hand,
With a gesture so grand
He reached for a yellow card.

And then a surprise, a delight for Red eyes,
Could it just be that something was said?
The ref was offended
Gerrard was upended
And the card turned out to be red.

Up stepped Dirk Kuyt, he gave it a clout
And thus he had levelled the scoring.
Was he saint or sinner,
Loser or winner?
This match was anything but boring.

Enter Dave Moyes, to rally the boys
No sight could ever be scarier.
The man was inspired,
No time to be tired
As he prowled the technical area.

Introducing Phil Neville, his head calm and level,
His aim was to start an attack.
Dirk flew through the air,
An ugly affair,
And poor Phil was flat on his back.

Tempers were frayed, prostrate poor Phil laid
But ref Clattenburg was exceedingly mellow.
Jaws dropped in surprise
Tears welled in Blue eyes
The decision was not red but yellow.

Then drama unfolded as Rafa exploded.
Had he insulted royalty?
He?d done something worse,
Risked a Scouse curse,
He?d only subbed Stevie G!

With just minutes to go, Phil managed to show
He was human and not bionic.
A shot from Brazil
Was handled by Phil
How dreadfully sad and ironic.

And then at the death, we all held our breath
There was no time for tea and a Battenburg
Lescott fell lame
Was Carragher to blame?
We awaited the verdict of Mark Clattenburg.

With his neat dark hair and schoolmasterly air
Mark was hardly one of the ravers,
But with eyesight like that
Was he blind as a bat
Or should he have gone to Specsavers?

Reader Comments

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Michael Kenrick
1   Posted 02/12/2007 at 23:12:00

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Ah... that’s brilliant, Pete. Now if you could just churn one out for every game, and on a slightly faster timeframe, we could do away with my match reports!
Connor Rohrer
2   Posted 02/12/2007 at 23:50:01

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Quality absolute quality Pete. Keep it up.
Keith Glazzard
3   Posted 02/12/2007 at 23:28:11

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Let?s have a bit of the milk of human kindness here for those unfortunate bastards who have to work for Beneathus and the like, in verse -

I speak of the two footed Kuynt
So brave and chivalrous he
Whose honour was questioned
When he was called yellow
By an old,blind, bent referee.

And when braveheart Davey objected
He made clear his suspicion to all
Through TV and papers
In the plainest of words
The FA?s response was fuck all.

to be continued - unless you?re very careful.
Tony Gee
4   Posted 03/12/2007 at 16:13:27

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Some people have far too much spare time....
Ed Casey
5   Posted 03/12/2007 at 20:39:59

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Date of derby - 20 October 2007
Date of publication of ?Phil Neville? - 2 December2007

Total days to write poem - 43!

There's nothing like keeping things topical!
Teresa Green
6   Posted 05/12/2007 at 13:26:33

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There once was a team wearing blue
Who recently have been playing poo
But under the vision of Moyes
and some crowd making noise
they're sticking together like glue.
Michael Kenrick
7   Posted 05/12/2007 at 14:26:41

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"Teresa Green" - Please stop posting under different names. Thanks ? Ed

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