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Laugh, As It Sure Beats Crying

By Tony Marsh :  02/09/2008 :  Comments (37) :

What a horrible chapter in our great club's history we have just witnessed these past few weeks. I am still scratching my head as to what has really transpired this summer. Money suddenly turning up in the final hour of the transfer window or was it there all along? Who knows?

I still can't believe some of our lot are happy with the players that have been brought in. For instance, Louis Saha is not really a signing is he? For all we know he may never kick a ball again. He has hardly kicked a ball in the last 4 years has he? Another Anthony Gardner, perhaps?

As for the other 3 signings, I can't comment on them because I have never heard of any of them before apart from the lad from Liege and that's only because Liverpool played Liege last week. All-in-all, our transfer activity has been pretty much a disaster this summer, hasn't it?

If we are now brutally honest with ourselves, Everton have become a mid-table outfit virtually overnight thanks to the Moyes-Kenwright combination. It's these two men who run the club and the team and both the club and the team are a shambolic disgrace. Even that waster Shandy Andy is still hanging around after all these years and Moyes has had plenty of chances to sack him. £35 fucking grand a week for bevying and shagging birds. FFS... sign me on, I am a natural at that game.

I am prepared to give the new lads a chance, though, as it's all we have to go with and I hope they turn out capable enough. But getting knocked out of the Useless Cup by Standard Liege is a must if we are to retain any sort of league status this season. We simply don't have a squad capable of competing on 4 fronts so something has to give. Uefa Cup, my arse.

What good did the extended run in the Useless Cup last season do for us this season in a way of status or coefficent? Gave us the hardest tie of the round while Man City got the Cypriot spud farmers, that's what. It's a load of bollocks and we are better off out of it.

I feel sorry for our fans, I really do. Every year it's the same old lies, bullshit and deceit from the twats that run the club and the poor souls who go week-in week-out get shat upon from a great height yet again.

WHY us? WHY can't some one tell us the truth for once? We can take it, can't we? It's not that hard to say, "Look, lads, I am skint and there's not much I can do about it at the moment but stick with us as we need you." That's all it would take, not all this bullshit we are fed.

Now that Man City have hit the jackpot, Spurs have money as well as Pompey and Villa, we are now facing the grim reality of forever being also-rans and it's all down to Kenwright. The poxy £30 million needed for the Kings Dock project looks like chicken feed these days and if the truth be known it was this monumental cock up by Kenwright that has cost us our future. Never mind Destination Kirkby, the Kings Dock was the killer for the club and Kenwright fucked it up big time.

Where to now for Everton Football Club? Well, as far as I can see the only realistic chance we have of surviving with the big boys in the future is to ground share with Liverpool, and that's something I thought I would never say. If we are prepared to play in Kirkby for the Tesco alliance then a shared ground with Liverpool doesn't seem all that bad an idea to me.

Would the Yanks trust Kenwright to deliver his end of the bargain if a ground share proposal ever did get off the ground? Well, I know I wouldn't. Would You?

There will be no investment in the club while a clown like Kenwright is sitting in on negotiations so therefor there will be no new ground. Kirkby is already dead in the water and only a knobhead like Kenwright would pursue it any further.

We need some new ideas from somewhere pretty soon other wise it's over for us as a top club if that's what we still are. Let's hope more of our lot wake up to where we are headed and the damage that this fool Kenwright is doing to us, Fellaini or no Fellaini.

Reader Comments

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Daniel Howard
1   Posted 03/09/2008 at 05:38:21

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Maybe the Man City deal is the wake up call we all need. The club has to be packaged properly for investment and we have to accept this - if this means a ground share with Liverpool or moving 4 miles to Kirkby, so be it. And until a few days ago I was against both of these ideas, but we are being left further and further behind as inferior clubs are being picked off one by one by the world’s money men.
Mike McLean
2   Posted 03/09/2008 at 05:47:31

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If we’re to have a top class stadium, then sharing a ground is the only option left IF Kenwright could broker a deal for the initial finance and IF Itchy and Scratchy are in a position where they have to negotiate with us.

I imagine there’s still a remote chance of a poxy biscuit tin in the arsehole of nowhere going ahead and, in my view, that really would kickstart the rapid decline of the club.
Martyn Willsher
3   Posted 03/09/2008 at 05:37:09

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I don’t know who pissed in your Corn Flakes Tony, but you have to be the most consistently cynical poster on this site. First of all, did you watch the Liverpool - Liege matches? Fellaini bossed the pitch against the shite and he’s only 20! I realize Saha is a risk but he’s a cheap risk, and Jacobsen and Castillo deserve the benefit of the doubt before we write them off. Everything you say about the stadium issue is essentially true, but it doesn’t really help us to dwell on the Kings Dock fiasco. Lets just hope our boys can pick it up from here, and unlike you, I’d be all for a UEFA Cup run (screw the Carling Cup).

Regardless, I really think that you should try to think positively once in a while Tony! Otherwise I fear you’ll become like Lt. Hauk in Good Morning Vietnam and someone will feel the need to tell you that "You’re in more dire need of a blow job than any white man in history!" Oops...I guess I just did!
Derek Thomas
4   Posted 03/09/2008 at 06:22:06

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This IS positive for and from Marshy, less abrasive as well. Yes with hindsight, Kingsdock was the place where the slippery slope started to get steep.

I’m positive as well, positive that we are getting left further and further behind and all the over achieving in the world will only go so far. We have to run to stand still and we have to do it EVERY season, one serious UNDER achieve and it’s goodnight Vienna as we go rapidly into the Championship.

We have to run to stand still but he and me think that the people who are running the running don’t know the right direction.
Cindy Cole
5   Posted 03/09/2008 at 07:57:21

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?But getting knocked out of the Useless Cup by Standard Liege is a must if we are to retain any sort of league status this season?.

This makes no sense Tony. It?s self-defeating. Surely there would be no point retaining a high league position in order to qualify for Europe if as you suggest we should seek to get knocked out at the earliest opportunity each time we do so. We all wanted more depth to the squad, but let?s not throw it all away.

Besides, think of the players? incentives. The chance to again play in Europe is their reward for a great league performance last year. There?s also our European status to consider. Consistently performing well in Europe will not harm our ability to attract investment and the better quality players we all crave.

Personally, I?m looking forward to another European campaign. The additional games made last season more exciting. Also, we could be entertaining the likes of Milan, Valencia, Benfica, or Ajax this time round. Only a fool would scoff at that. It?s just a shame that Fellaini is cup-tied until the round of 32 if we make it that far.
arthur jones
6   Posted 03/09/2008 at 07:30:36

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I totally agree that the Kings Dock fiasco was a major disaster for our club and Kenwright’s unwillingness to let Paul Gregg put his hand in the honeypot and take out the largest share which ultimately scuppered the deal .
What transpired afterwards with the none existant ’ Fortress Sport ’ fund being "invented " to rid Kenwright of the millstone of Paul Gregg around his neck but of course , yet again misleading the paying fans , was at best immoral , at worst ... almost ’criminal’ .
As far as the summer signings are concerned , I think we can’t judge them before they’ve even kicked a ball for the club , Moyes does have an unnerring habit of pulling rabbits out of hats , as the well trodden phrase goes , probably second only to Wenger in that respect so i think its far too soon to condemn any of them , if we can get 10 or 12 goals from Saha , which he’s more than capable of then he’s a bargain and if Lars can keep Cap’n Phil out of the team he’ll be worth his weight in gold ! I’ve tok te time to read some Belgian fans assessments of Fellaini and what I’m getting is positive vibes , enough to make me think our biggest problem in a couple of years will be keeping hold of him .
I’m hanging fire for now , too soon to praise or condemn .
Graham Atherton
7   Posted 03/09/2008 at 09:00:52

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Nothing much has changed in one sense:

We still need a bigger, better stadium for as little money as possible, and as soon as possible.

We still need a (very) big investor to challenge for the top 4 consistently. Our current owners quite explicitly state that they cannot take us further.
However
The richest investors in the world just overlooked us for a team with inferior history, similar fanbase, similarly successful neighbours, similar debt, poorer team BUT a brand new 48 000 seater stadium in a converted industrial estate 30 mins walk from the nearest train station (albeit a high capacity station).
Does anyone seriously think Kenwright had to beat them away from our door to keep ’his toy’? They allowed City’s former owner to retain 10% of his shares and gave him a ’high status’ job at the club!
Ed Casey
8   Posted 03/09/2008 at 09:29:30

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’If we are now brutally honest with ourselves, Everton have become a mid-table outfit virtually overnight thanks to the Moyes-Kenwright combination.’

Sorry Tony but I don’t think your memory is up to much - before these two took over Everton were perennial relegation fodder! We’ve qualified for Europe two seasons in a row - lets wait until a bit later in the year to see if we can do it again!

Ray Burn
9   Posted 03/09/2008 at 09:48:49

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"£35 fucking grand a week for bevying and shagging birds. FFS... sign me on, I am a natural at that game."

No doubt if they did sign you on you would still find something to complain about...
John Middleton
10   Posted 03/09/2008 at 09:55:17

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Tony, I don?t believe it. A good, well written, well though out post. obviously a few minor points you over-exaggerate (that?s just you though), but the majority of it is spot on. A new transfer record cannot plaster over the cracks that have appeared in the last few months. Bill has had the chances and has spectacularly blew them (NTL, KD etc). Time to move on.
James Lauwervine
11   Posted 03/09/2008 at 09:51:11

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Sheer nonsense and not worthy of a proper response. I thought the site editor said after this buffoon?s last piece that he?d had enough, yet the idiotic ramblings continue to be published. I will never read another word written by this person.
Richard Parker
12   Posted 03/09/2008 at 08:15:34

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It’s certainly too soon to start making assertions that the squad can’t cope with UEFA, Prem and cup competitions this year.

AJ and Carsley are the only players out that I think we’re likely to miss, Fernandes had about 3 good games. Even AJ maybe won’t be missed too much after his rough season last time. The others, Gravesen, Gardner, Wessels and a few kids had zero impact on our season

Any new player is a risk of some magnitude, if Castillo and Fellaini can settle quick then our midfield should certainly be stronger this season over last. Especially with Arteta appearing to be back on form, plus Cahill on his way back.

Defensively not much change to the squad in terms of strength. Nash for Wessels seems more or less like-for-like, an extra right-back who is unlikely to make an impact. Should be alright.

Would say that up-front is likely to be our only weakened area, unless Cahill remains fit. And a fit Saha would mean our front line is certainly as strong, if not stronger than last year.

So all-in-all from a season with a Carling Cup semi, UEFA last-16 and 5th placed finish, I don’t see why we can’t hope for the same with the squad we have this year. Or maybe an improvement, especially as I don’t feel that, other than Villa, the teams around us last year have improved. And I really don’t see Man City doing anything straight off, Robinho or not.

Of course that’s easy to come out with like that on paper, but the performances are gonna have to take a rapid and dramatic turn for the better.
Anthony Jaras
13   Posted 03/09/2008 at 10:11:40

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Although I agree with some of the comments later on in the article, I feel that you should try to look at some of the positives ie;

Players coming back from injury.

The fact that we have replaced the leavers from last season.

The prospect that Saha will actually get fit and bang some goals in.

The fact that we have a signed a player for up to £16million and he might actually be a world beater for all we know.

The fact that we have also signed a couple more players that you hve never seen and they might actually turn out to be good players too.

The great news that we can now blood the youngsters properly enabling them the learn Premier League football at a steady pace rather than burn out due to loss of confidence.

As I have said before, don't judge the siginings until you have seen them play a few games, if they are shite then make a statement.

We just might be in a better position FOOTBALL-WISE than you think.

Time will tell so reserve judgement til you are more clued up on them.
Ciarán McGlone
14   Posted 03/09/2008 at 11:05:46

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Tony?s most pertinent point is this...

"Look, lads, I am skint and there?s not much I can do about it at the moment but stick with us as we need you." That?s all it would take, not all this bullshit we are fed."

It?s the deception, a callous raising of expectation that creates cynicism and the Tony Marsh?s of this world...

Kenwright should hang his head in shame with his egotistical threatrical bollocks.

£5M spent... ?Watch this space? ... while i do yer fuckin pockets.
Daniel McLoughlin
15   Posted 03/09/2008 at 11:11:52

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Agree with most of what you say but Van der Meyde won?t leave ? Moyes wanted him to go but he refused. I think a ground share is the only way forward for both clubs to be honest, what's happened at City has only proved this.
Neil Scott
16   Posted 03/09/2008 at 11:16:53

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Classic TM post. A few controversial points well made, with humour, and the odd one that I disagree with, notably the Uefa Cup one.

Tony, I agree that in simple balance sheet terms this cup brings in no money, but it raises our profile and improves our image abroad (and at home) which is something we MASSIVELY NEED if we are to attract the right players, or the right buyer for that matter.

It also gave a huge confidence boost to Moyes and the team, and carried us all the way up to the Fiorentina game, the loss of which was hard to take and had an immediate effect on our league form IMHO.

And to James Lauwervine... nobody uses the word ?knobhead? better than Tony so if you don?t like his posts just done read them. Simple really. :)
Ray Roche
17   Posted 03/09/2008 at 11:20:05

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Ciarán McGlone

You’re so right,mate. It doesn’t require much to keep the fans "onside" at this club....just some honesty. We KNOW we’ve got no money...just don’t keep feeding us the theatrical bollocks that Kenwright is so good at. I’m even finding myself agreeing with much of what Tony Marsh is saying,apart from the UEFA Cup nonsense. I think we all enjoyed the European adventures last season. And a shared stadium would definitely have more appeal than Kirkby...and I can’t believe I’ve just admitted that. The biggest opportunity that BOTH clubs missed out on was a joint stadium at Kings Dock,because,lets face it, we were NEVER in a position to move there on our own, but with Gov./NWDA funding we may have managed it,and what a stadium we’d have been playing in now,with all the Capital of Culture spin offs.
Lee Penswick
18   Posted 03/09/2008 at 11:53:27

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Have to agree on most points Tony, except for the UEFA Cup ( Useless cup) one. I believe this is our only genuine chance of winning silverware. I know Spurs and Pompey won the domestic cups last season, but, that was a one-off. I know there are plenty of top sides in this seasons UEFA aswell but its certainly our best chance of silverware.
EJ Ruane
19   Posted 03/09/2008 at 12:21:18

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Agree Tony.

I even, kind of, agree with your logic on the Uefa Cup (especially as for all our efforts last year, we only made 400 grand)

However, for many Evertonians, myself included, the enjoyment of the actual trips abroad, were the highlight of last season.

We now play in a league we ABSOLUTELY CAN’T win.

We have almost no chance of beating the top four teams, even at home.

We get a couple of injuries and we’re goosed.

So basically, we need to grab whatever fun we can.

This may seem like a short term, head-in-the-sand point of view but fuck it - I eat/drink/smoke too much and could keel over any second.

I wouldn’t want to deny myself or any other blue the distraction of a few jolly, beery, foreign trips.
Lee Spargo
20   Posted 03/09/2008 at 12:33:29

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Why do the editors continue to post this sort of rubbish from this miserable individual? He continually writes personal insults and slurs regarding the club’s administration, through a lack of literacy and class.

Opinions are fine, however we may disagree, but perpetual insults just make you look the fool you are Marsh. Like I’ve said before, if it really bothers you this much, stop going and get a life.
EJ Ruane
21   Posted 03/09/2008 at 12:54:17

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Why do the editors continue to post daft complaints from dolts like Lee Spargo?

In other words, people who complain after reading articles by people they KNOW will annoy them.

It’s like saying "Repeatedly jabbing yourself in the eye with a rusty nail is really painful"...as you jab yourself in the eye for the 67th time.

Personally, I don’t think the editors should print anything by anyone who uses early 80’s American expressions like ’get a life’ but that’s just me (nb: and everyone else who hates ’twat-speak’)

Craig Walsh
22   Posted 03/09/2008 at 12:58:17

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I never thought I’d ever find myself agreeing to anything you say Tony but I’m with you all the way on this one. All we wanted was a bit of honesty not alot to ask is it?? How much money did we have for Transfers? We may get a few answers tonight after the EGM but I’m not gonna hold my breath. I think now is the time to see what sort of manager Moysie is, I feel if he can get 20 - 30 games out of Saha and the new lads hit the ground running me might get another useless cup place next year ( not that we might want it if we get stitched up again ). The only way we will be able to compete is either we get a sugar daddy or ................. (as much as i hate to say it) Groundshare with the shite. We will struggle to afford one ourselves it looks like they will as well and at least we stay in the city. As I said previously we may get some answers tonight watch this space!
Dominic Buckley
23   Posted 03/09/2008 at 12:43:30

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Lee - I know what you mean. I’m beginning to think it’s a wind up: throw a few emotive statements around to cause a reaction & then head down for a few wks before producing another shoot of rancid spunk.

Look at what he says, untruths and crap.

1 Saha not done anything for 4 yrs? Rubbish - he was united’s key player the first half of the season they won the title back from Chelsea, the year before last.
2 You’re not happy with the players signed because you haven’t heard of them. How much did anyone (honestly) know about cahill, arteta, yobo, pienarr, lescott before they signed? Surely Moyes’ record deserves some credit?
3 UEFA cup did nothing for us? Didn’t Fierontina quicken your blood? Even if it didn’t it clearly raised our profile for signing players - do you think Moutinho wanted to come to Everton nbecause he read about us in a Pannini sticker album?

The few genuine points (which to give him his due there usually are one or two hidden beneath the muck) don’t excuse the untruths and false slagging which comes before it.

I asked him about some of these basic untruths a few times but didn’t receive any reply. To be honest he’s only a WUM
Ed Fitzgerald
24   Posted 03/09/2008 at 13:13:09

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Tony

Have you been secretly sniffing Nitrous Oxide before penning this? Parts of it are almost cheerful. To be fair you make a reasonable point about the impact that Uefa Cup campaigns can have on a club whose resources get over stretched. (I recall Ipswich getting relegated a number of years ago after qualifying for the Uefa Cup). I would however like the Blues to stay in the competition if only to try and attract some new players in the January transfer window and earn some more income,

Tony?s searing condemnation of BK is fairly valid in my opinion, not just for the DK debacle but for a catalogue of half truths and broken promises that have characterised his tenure as chairman. Our Billy Liar is a much of a self deceiving fantasist as the one played by Tom Courtney in the film of the same name. BK probably does think he is up to the job, but the fact is he has presided over one cock up after another. David Moyes has saved his neck by producing efficient and effective football (if not very attractive) football and finding the odd gem of a player cheaply (Cahill, Arteta, Lescott and Pienaar).

Now I suspect that Moyes like many of us has grown weary of Kenwright?s fairy tales of searching high and low to find strange exotic men bringing us pots of gold; reality is BK is more like Old Mother Hubbard and the cupboard is very fucking bare. Yes we have bought Fellani (who looks a good player) but in reality all we have done is spent the Johnson and McFadden money. The other ?buys? will cost us wages but no more unless Saha actually plays a game (wonder if I can get a bet on him not starting a game for us this season, worth a punt perhaps).

So Moyes like us has been sold a patsy and has still not signed a contract. Let?s not blame him if he decides he has had enough and buggers off to Newcastle for the money.

Graham Atherton
25   Posted 03/09/2008 at 13:44:43

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Didn?t Uefa Cup success improve our form last year?? Those games were the highlight of the season - thats what people pay their money for. Uefa ranking, better profile, European experence etc etc. European football is what we have needed for a long time and we CAN win it.

Prem first, Uefa Cup second, the rest are nowhere.
Andy Burke
26   Posted 03/09/2008 at 14:21:31

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He He. I have complained about them in the past but I now actively seek out TM’s posts.

Obviously pasisonate about EFC as are all other posters on TW. I must admit though, I sometimes wonder if Tony gets any pleasure out of EFC other than moaning about them.

Saying that though, I am a firm believer that moaning can be a great pleasure.

Tony? would you still be calling it the ’Useless Cup’ if we won it?
Tony Marsh
27   Posted 03/09/2008 at 15:12:36

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Andy you just dont get it mate. If we had a massive squad with plenty of choice then yes I would be all for the Uefa cup even though it's worthless as I enjoy a foreign sortie as much as the next man. My problem is that this cup though offering very little in a financial sense is very draining on already limited resources. It is not rocket science to figure out we will struggle badly if we remain in all the cups and try to progress in the league so we must give one or two up as a bad job. It's simple and if you need proof take alook at how we did a Devon Loch after January last season. We were totaly burnt out and by the time we played Villa at Goodsion with 4 games to go we had played 54 games to there 39. You go and work it out for yourself lad.
Stefan Basiuk
28   Posted 03/09/2008 at 15:58:27

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Do you know that there were 3 approaches to Man City from Middle Eastern investors !

Doesnt exactly square with BK ?s ascertian that he is working 24/7 for investors, the facts suggest that he isnt prepared to hand over, and also the fact that a stadium isnt in place and makes us less attractive is also crap, with the sort of money the ME investors have its a pittance in being able to deliver one.
Dan McKie
29   Posted 03/09/2008 at 16:05:31

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Stefan, why have none of these billionaire investors come out and said that they have tried to buy Everton? Simple, because they haven’t tried! Do you really think they would be powerful billionaires if they accepted being told no by Bill Kenwright?
Tom Hughes
30   Posted 03/09/2008 at 16:54:56

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Dan,
Why would any billionaire announce such? There are always other footy clubs to pursue, why would they want to jeopardise their chances elsewhere by first announcing their desires for EFC? Business men invariably don’t shout about their intentions until they have to......... meanwhile EFC are the biggest club not to have secured investment. Man City have been taken over twice while we have been looking. Pompey have been taken over with a fraction of our history and fanbase, and a stadium half the size of GP and even more archaic.
Miguel Antonio
31   Posted 03/09/2008 at 16:40:06

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So are you all coming round to the idea of a ground share with us (the shite??) I do hope not... I hope you get a place in the city - not all the way out in Knowsley.

But don’t get down... you could have two stupid Americans running your club! At least Bill Kenwright is a Toffee fan....


Robbie Muldoon
32   Posted 03/09/2008 at 17:29:05

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UEFA CUP = PENNIES + INJURIES + NO SILVERWARE.

When has a Moyes side ever looked like winning any trophies? And don’t say last year because when it mattered the team went missing and bottled it as usual. They can’t take pressure.
Michael Hunt
33   Posted 03/09/2008 at 18:43:55

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Robbie, Maybe we just needed the extra quality and authority in the middle of the park: We may have just signed the solution we need, the big Fella(ini).
Simon Skinner
34   Posted 03/09/2008 at 19:48:57

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"Pompey have been taken over with a fraction of our history and fanbase, and a stadium half the size of GP and even more archaic."

This is the kind of logic I don’t understand. Pompey have investment, and we don’t! It’s a travesty!

Would you want Pompey’s owners? Bear in mind that Pompey sold their best midfielder in the summer, and broke even on transfers over the summer. They can’t spend any more, because the banks won’t lend them. He hasn’t put a penny of his own money into the club.

But it’s investment, so it has to be good, right?

Maybe we could get a billionaire owner, like West Ham. 2 years of spening loads of money...all borrowed, as it turns out. The cash ran out, just like Everton, but West Ham (unlike us) had budgeted so poorly that they are now forced to sell players behind the manager’s back.

It’s investment, so it has to be good, right?

Maybe we could have Mike Ashley as chairman, with his forward thinking ideas about management structure.

It’s investment, so it has to be good, right?

Or maybe we could have Randy Lerner. He has pumped money into Villa, right? Yet Villa’s debts went up from zero when Lerner tookover to about £75m in one year.

It’s investment, so it has to be good, right?

Then there are Glazer and Hicks/Gillette, who take tens of millions out of their clubs without putting a single penny of their own money into the club.

It’s investment, so it has to be good, right?

Once again: you don’t want an investor. You want a benefactor. Just because somebody wants to buy the club doesn’t mean they are the right people to sell too.

To be honest, it’s a bit unfair sticking Lerner in with those other guys, but the fact remains he hasn’t done anything other than Kenwright - buy players on borrowed money. Lerner also made a comment in the summer: "if O’Neill wants to buy a player for £30m then the money is there". Presumably, O’Neill didn’t fancy anybody. It’s only the volume of Kenwright’s statements that exceed Lerner’s, not the truthfulness.
John Charles
35   Posted 03/09/2008 at 23:48:34

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Simon Skinner well said.

What we need is a benefactor, i.e. some uber rich guy who will plough hundreds and hundreds of millions into the club with absolutely no financial return possible.
Stefan Tosev
36   Posted 04/09/2008 at 12:06:58

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I just really cannt understand people who are asking why BK is not selling, while its clearly written on paper in the Kirkby plan that the current board has no intention of selling. The exact paragraph was on KEIOC webpage but I cant find it now.

The point is if BK wanted to sell he would have sold his shares long ago, everything else is dust in the eyes
Lee Spargo
37   Posted 04/09/2008 at 13:39:45

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EJ, classy. I’m sure you’d have lots to talk about with Marsh.


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