FAN ARTICLES

The Life of Dave

I thought a lighter take on recent performances and the barrage of (understandably) critical posts to the mailbag and article sections of TW would be in order. Some of the mails have made me think life as an Evertonian at the moment is positively Pythonesque. If you are too young to remember Monty Python you probably won?t get the references but watch Paramount Comedy Channel if you can as they seem to do plenty of re-runs.

The Life of Dave

Scene One: A star shoots over Goodison Park as Dave appears on the pitch for the first time since moving to God?s country from the satanic mills of Preston.

Dave: I name this Club, the ?People?s Club?. All those who are with me and who abide within shall be blessed. Those who do not will be forever damned as the ?Dark Side?.

Crowd: Hail the Moyesiah, Hail!

Scene Two Five Years later. A meeting of the Goodison United For Evertonians (GUFFE) revolutionary committee.

GUFFE Leader: So, in summary, I say get rid of Dave and his Mum Billy. They?ve brought us nothing but misery and despair. The football is crap, I could manage the team far better given the chance. In short what have the Everton management ever done for us?

Revolutionary One: Well he did save us from relegation in his first season????

Rev Two: plus he got rid of loads of dead wood whilst improving our league position from annual relegation candidates to a consistent top six side???

Rev Three: and he made great signings like Saint Timothy of Cahill and the Blessed Arteta????.

GUFFE Leader: Yes! Yes !, saviour from relegation, got shut of the preening Ginola and gave us new faith with the Sainted Tim, but, apart from that, what has Dave ever done for us?..................

Rev One: well he did get us our highest ever Premier League finish???

Rev Two: we qualified for back to back seasons in Europe for the first time since we were ruled by the Pharoahs????.

Rev Three: does doing it all without the same money as the managers from the rich lands of Analfield, Trafford and the Emirates count? P> GUFFE Leader: I give up, the revolution will never come, if you lot can?t see the bleeding obvious. We will never reach the Promised Land with Dave and his Mum leading us. Scene Three: Weeks later, on Goodison Road, Dave (with his Mum carrying his suitcase), is leaving for the last time to take charge of his new flock; the adoring disciples in the land of the Tyne. The massed crowd of GUFFE are cheering.

GUFFE Leader: At last, we have rid ourselves of the accursed Dave ! A new Leader will soon be amongst us and will take us to the Promised Land and on the way we will continue to live on fresh air and hope! The Moyesiah is gone.

Dave?s Mum: He?s not the Moyesiah! He?s just a very naughty boy!

Scene Ends with all singing ?Always Look on the Bright side of Life?

Cast: Dave Moyes as the Moyesiah. Bill Kenwright as Dave?s Mum. Tony Marsh as GUFFE Leader.

I know it?s not exactly Shakespeare but it was just for fun, folks!

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