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The Life of Dave

By Steve Guy :  30/09/2008 :  Comments (23) :
I thought a lighter take on recent performances and the barrage of (understandably) critical posts to the mailbag and article sections of TW would be in order. Some of the mails have made me think life as an Evertonian at the moment is positively Pythonesque. If you are too young to remember Monty Python you probably won?t get the references but watch Paramount Comedy Channel if you can as they seem to do plenty of re-runs.

The Life of Dave

Scene One: A star shoots over Goodison Park as Dave appears on the pitch for the first time since moving to God?s country from the satanic mills of Preston.

Dave: I name this Club, the ?People?s Club?. All those who are with me and who abide within shall be blessed. Those who do not will be forever damned as the ?Dark Side?.

Crowd: Hail the Moyesiah, Hail!

Scene Two Five Years later. A meeting of the Goodison United For Evertonians (GUFFE) revolutionary committee.

GUFFE Leader: So, in summary, I say get rid of Dave and his Mum Billy. They?ve brought us nothing but misery and despair. The football is crap, I could manage the team far better given the chance. In short what have the Everton management ever done for us?

Revolutionary One: Well he did save us from relegation in his first season????

Rev Two: plus he got rid of loads of dead wood whilst improving our league position from annual relegation candidates to a consistent top six side???

Rev Three: and he made great signings like Saint Timothy of Cahill and the Blessed Arteta????.

GUFFE Leader: Yes! Yes !, saviour from relegation, got shut of the preening Ginola and gave us new faith with the Sainted Tim, but, apart from that, what has Dave ever done for us?..................

Rev One: well he did get us our highest ever Premier League finish???

Rev Two: we qualified for back to back seasons in Europe for the first time since we were ruled by the Pharoahs????.

Rev Three: does doing it all without the same money as the managers from the rich lands of Analfield, Trafford and the Emirates count? P> GUFFE Leader: I give up, the revolution will never come, if you lot can?t see the bleeding obvious. We will never reach the Promised Land with Dave and his Mum leading us. Scene Three: Weeks later, on Goodison Road, Dave (with his Mum carrying his suitcase), is leaving for the last time to take charge of his new flock; the adoring disciples in the land of the Tyne. The massed crowd of GUFFE are cheering.

GUFFE Leader: At last, we have rid ourselves of the accursed Dave ! A new Leader will soon be amongst us and will take us to the Promised Land and on the way we will continue to live on fresh air and hope! The Moyesiah is gone.

Dave?s Mum: He?s not the Moyesiah! He?s just a very naughty boy!

Scene Ends with all singing ?Always Look on the Bright side of Life?

Cast: Dave Moyes as the Moyesiah. Bill Kenwright as Dave?s Mum. Tony Marsh as GUFFE Leader.

I know it?s not exactly Shakespeare but it was just for fun, folks!

Reader Comments

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Dean Adams
1   Posted 30/09/2008 at 15:25:48

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Wouldn?t it make a refreshing change to hear the fans sing "Always look on the bright side of life", and how would the irony sit with the doom-mongers?
Mark Seeley
2   Posted 30/09/2008 at 15:18:44

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Some realism pls lads. Moyesy has done a terrific job. 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th place finishes in the League. He may well have presided over his best days though. I think even if he had £30m to spend he would still struggle to bring in the likes of Moutinho, SWP, Owen etc. It's a sad reflection of modern times when players seem to be attracted to star quality (see Keano at Sunderland) ahead of proven ability.
Kevin Jones
3   Posted 30/09/2008 at 15:51:51

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..... crucifiction ....good take a cross first on the left.
Richard Harris
4   Posted 30/09/2008 at 16:03:52

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mark andrew seeley wrote "some realism pls lads. Moyesy has done a terrific job. 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th place finishes in lge".
Apart from falling at the final hurdle last season and missing out on 4th place( we had that spot in our grasp and threw it away), a Carling Cup final and getting further in the UEFA Cup, it was an improvement on 2006/7 and far better than 2005/6. But apart from last season it has been up and down with David Moyes. 7th place followed by 17th and an appalling points total, 4th place then followed by 11th place and a minus 15 goal difference. Can we match 5th, 6th or even 7th this season ? At the moment some people think a top ten finish is fine !!
Richard O` Dodd
5   Posted 30/09/2008 at 16:28:53

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I?ve said it before and I?ll say it again;
?Tenth is Good?
Richard Harris
6   Posted 30/09/2008 at 16:46:50

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Richard O’ Dodd wrote "I?ve said it before and I?ll say it again; ?Tenth is Good’".
Is that like the Tenth Commandment where we shouldn’t covet thy neighbours wife (nor his ox)? I have often coveted my neighbour’s wife :0)
jay harris
7   Posted 30/09/2008 at 16:50:03

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Richard (my namesake)if it carries on like this we may well be grtaeful for 10th at the end of this season.
Alan Poss
8   Posted 30/09/2008 at 16:51:57

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Out of 1 cup already, hopefully not - but probably going out of Europe this week & no chance of a top 4 finish, I’ll settle for 10th now. How depressing is that !
Dean Adams
9   Posted 30/09/2008 at 17:00:48

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Ask the supporters of the other 15 positions in theE PL how depressing it is not being as consistent as EFC
Alan Poss
10   Posted 30/09/2008 at 17:12:24

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Dean - I don’t need to ask any other supporter how depressing that is cos we’ve been there & done that - just don’t want to go there again. Top 10 year in year out with little or no money is good.
Richard Harris
11   Posted 30/09/2008 at 17:11:25

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Jay Harris wrote " Richard (my namesake)if it carries on like this we may well be grtaeful for 10th at the end of this season".

Ah, back to the good old days - such is the Everton way :0) Sometimes it would be so much easier if I hadn?t been blessed with seeing the Holy Trinity at their peak........
Les Haigh
12   Posted 30/09/2008 at 17:26:23

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Steve’s article was well thought out and written topically and relevant to EFC’s situation - all along the lines of "Life of Brian" ... just a load of fun. Don’t be so serious lads, Steve wasn’t!
Andy Herbert
13   Posted 30/09/2008 at 17:49:53

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Are you the ’Goodison United For Evertonians’

Fuck off were Evertonians united for Goodison lol
Richard Harris
14   Posted 30/09/2008 at 18:00:50

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No I’m joining the United Evertonians for Goodison :0)
Steve Guy
15   Posted 30/09/2008 at 17:58:38

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Thanks Les I was getting worried at the initial reaction !
Alan Poss
16   Posted 30/09/2008 at 18:08:07

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Whoops! ? did lose the theme of the piece somewhere along the way - sorry Steve. Classic film, nicely written piece, now starting to look on the brighter side of life.
Brian Conrad
17   Posted 30/09/2008 at 18:19:19

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Weewees woger, no weewees bwian
Bwian is now going to watch the latics
and now i feel weeweesed ,good luck Everton but i can’t be arsed any more after 46 years.
Ian Stewart
18   Posted 30/09/2008 at 20:32:33

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Nice one centurion.
Dave Lynch
19   Posted 01/10/2008 at 09:10:45

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The scene where the old man is singing Jehova and jumping up and down, before being stoned to death could be doddy.
Jumping up and down. Shouting.
"Moysie and Billy we love the long ball".
Repeat till he is stoned to death.
Rob Bryan
20   Posted 01/10/2008 at 15:37:49

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Did you hear dat der Bwian Conwad fella Toffee la?s? I am demanding an Everton Jihad be put on this man, let?s stone him to death with meat & tater pies.
Brian Conrad
21   Posted 01/10/2008 at 18:40:56

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Wob Bwyan I think you will find the corwect term is fatwah ,and the Toffee Taliban don’t scare me as i am twuly wighteous
Rob Bryan
22   Posted 01/10/2008 at 19:24:39

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Bwian, Biggus Dickus informs me that your wanking demands wespect !
Brian Conrad
23   Posted 01/10/2008 at 20:27:55

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Wob yes thats wight biggus Dickus is an authority on wanking and wanks vewy highwy in my book


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