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Post-Match Moyes ? Villa

By Tony Cheek :  03/04/2011 :  Comments (6) :
What David Moyes probably said after the Villa game:

"How is it, lads, we always play well enough to beat this lot, and never actually DO? The chances were there, easy enough to piss in, yet we only get a point."

"Tim, not really happy! OK, you make some brave saves but 50/50 balls you have to put over the stand, and I really think you should have stood your ground for their second goal. You made it easy for Bent."

"Tony bloody Hibbert!! You wait ten years to get a chance like that son, and what do you do? Forget to bloody shoot! Christ, I`ll be a pensionist before you get a goal lad! What... you could have taken the penalty? Sorry son, we have to appear professional at all times. Football is not for fun, when was the last time you saw ME smile? Some great blocks though."

"Jags, not one of your better games, lots of hoofs to Becks. You know he doesn`t win that many in the air. What was it you fell over, in the box? Have to tell that groundsman to cut the grass a bit. He might even have to play himself next week!"

"Sylvain, solid again, but what were you and Hibbo doing for that second goal? If you let them get behind you then make sure they are offside!"

"Leighton, you were up and down that wing all day, do you never get tired son? But promise me one thing lad, if we ever do a set piece free-kick, never, ever, ever pass to Ossie again... or Becks... or Hibbo! Just bloody shoot lad! Didn`t see the penalty, had my eyes closed. By the way, you are allowed to shoot with your right foot too!"

"Seamus, Thought you struggled a bit today, seem to be feeling that injury! Should have used Magaye a bit earlier."

"Johnny, quiet today, nearly got on the sheet again! But I think you heard me right this week, I want you to play like Lee Carsley... not a wee parsley!"

"Phil, some nice touches son, doing a good job in there. A born leader!"

"Ossie, Well, I don`t know whether to laugh or cry son. It's no good scoring a difficult one, if you miss three sitters. OK, some nice touches but don`t get into them bad habits again, you were doing really well."

"Bily, there were three things I told you not to do, and the first three times you got the ball, you did them all! Just get rid of the ball a bit earlier and I think it will help your game. You do realise I actually let you play 90 minutes? Thought you were better today though. You do things that others don`t expect, we are not used to that, you see! You and Leighton could be a good combination."

"Becks, could have had a couple today lad. You don`t have to put a hole in the net every time! Yes, I know it went over the line, but they don`t count if they come out again, ask Lampard! Now stop whinging about having a hard time adapting to the Premier League, believe me you are good enough. In fact I would rather have you than that fairy Torres... stop laughing, it's true."

"Magaye, a breath of fresh air really! Could have done things a bit easier, but great attitude. Had to reveal my secret weapon sometime I suppose. Definitely one for the future!"

"Apostolos... can I call you Velli? Some nice touches, think I am actually going to watch some reserve games. Yes, I do know they never win, but I might see SOMETHING promising!"

"Well, another bleeding draw but we moved into 7th, and with seven defenders in I think we done well, Now, as you have probably read in the papers I am here to stay as the fans still like me. What?..no I don't read Toffeeweb... Wolves next then. I feel three points coming on!"

Reader Comments

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Chris Bannantyne
1   Posted 03/04/2011 at 17:22:22

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I laughed at the idea of the groundsman playing. Sad reality is it's not too far from the truth at the moment!

Not gonna start singing their praises just yet, didn't see enough to be sure, but I want too see a bit more of Gueye and Vellios. I mean shit, we gave Dan Gosling a run didn't we?
Kris Boner
2   Posted 03/04/2011 at 20:23:56

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This was the first time I've been able to attend a match since the 'Hibbo Shoot' fiasco started and, Jesus wept, there will be blood if he doesn't score before he leaves Everton... people might be calling for him to take a penalty or something silly like that in the final days of his career.
Duncan McDine
3   Posted 04/04/2011 at 09:35:41

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Very good, Tony ? this was up there with your best!!!

The 'Wee Parsley' had me in stitches... simply because it's the worst joke I've heard since primary school. Keep up the good work, mate!
Gerry Quinn
4   Posted 06/04/2011 at 17:52:09

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Love it Tony - brills.

How about the following:
Pre-match "team-talk", half-time team talk, and a post match press statement from Moysie, Tony?

Keep em coming, still giggling away like - and people walking past my office are shaking their heads........
Adam Fenlon
5   Posted 07/04/2011 at 10:25:25

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He wouldn't have said anything to the other lads on the bench as chances are he doesn't know anything about them either!
Martin Handley
6   Posted 07/04/2011 at 17:58:00

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Probably thought they were on work experience from Alsop! Keep up the good work, Tony!

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