"How is it, lads, we always play well enough to beat this lot, and never actually DO? The chances were there, easy enough to piss in, yet we only get a point."
"Tim, not really happy! OK, you make some brave saves but 50/50 balls you have to put over the stand, and I really think you should have stood your ground for their second goal. You made it easy for Bent."
"Tony bloody Hibbert!! You wait ten years to get a chance like that son, and what do you do? Forget to bloody shoot! Christ, I`ll be a pensionist before you get a goal lad! What... you could have taken the penalty? Sorry son, we have to appear professional at all times. Football is not for fun, when was the last time you saw ME smile? Some great blocks though."
"Jags, not one of your better games, lots of hoofs to Becks. You know he doesn`t win that many in the air. What was it you fell over, in the box? Have to tell that groundsman to cut the grass a bit. He might even have to play himself next week!"
"Sylvain, solid again, but what were you and Hibbo doing for that second goal? If you let them get behind you then make sure they are offside!"
"Leighton, you were up and down that wing all day, do you never get tired son? But promise me one thing lad, if we ever do a set piece free-kick, never, ever, ever pass to Ossie again... or Becks... or Hibbo! Just bloody shoot lad! Didn`t see the penalty, had my eyes closed. By the way, you are allowed to shoot with your right foot too!"
"Seamus, Thought you struggled a bit today, seem to be feeling that injury! Should have used Magaye a bit earlier."
"Johnny, quiet today, nearly got on the sheet again! But I think you heard me right this week, I want you to play like Lee Carsley... not a wee parsley!"
"Phil, some nice touches son, doing a good job in there. A born leader!"
"Ossie, Well, I don`t know whether to laugh or cry son. It's no good scoring a difficult one, if you miss three sitters. OK, some nice touches but don`t get into them bad habits again, you were doing really well."
"Bily, there were three things I told you not to do, and the first three times you got the ball, you did them all! Just get rid of the ball a bit earlier and I think it will help your game. You do realise I actually let you play 90 minutes? Thought you were better today though. You do things that others don`t expect, we are not used to that, you see! You and Leighton could be a good combination."
"Becks, could have had a couple today lad. You don`t have to put a hole in the net every time! Yes, I know it went over the line, but they don`t count if they come out again, ask Lampard! Now stop whinging about having a hard time adapting to the Premier League, believe me you are good enough. In fact I would rather have you than that fairy Torres... stop laughing, it's true."
"Magaye, a breath of fresh air really! Could have done things a bit easier, but great attitude. Had to reveal my secret weapon sometime I suppose. Definitely one for the future!"
"Apostolos... can I call you Velli? Some nice touches, think I am actually going to watch some reserve games. Yes, I do know they never win, but I might see SOMETHING promising!"
"Well, another bleeding draw but we moved into 7th, and with seven defenders in I think we done well, Now, as you have probably read in the papers I am here to stay as the fans still like me. What?..no I don't read Toffeeweb... Wolves next then. I feel three points coming on!"
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1 Posted 03/04/2011 at 17:22:22
Not gonna start singing their praises just yet, didn't see enough to be sure, but I want too see a bit more of Gueye and Vellios. I mean shit, we gave Dan Gosling a run didn't we?
2 Posted 03/04/2011 at 20:23:56
3 Posted 04/04/2011 at 09:35:41
The 'Wee Parsley' had me in stitches... simply because it's the worst joke I've heard since primary school. Keep up the good work, mate!
4 Posted 06/04/2011 at 17:52:09
How about the following:
Pre-match "team-talk", half-time team talk, and a post match press statement from Moysie, Tony?
Keep em coming, still giggling away like - and people walking past my office are shaking their heads........
5 Posted 07/04/2011 at 10:25:25
6 Posted 07/04/2011 at 17:58:00
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