Season 2011-12 Fan Articles
Bolton Match Report
By Shaun Sparke :: 22/11/2011
39 Comments (»Last)
Michael/Lyndon
There is no need to write your match report this week, I have already done it for you...
Bolton Match Report
Everton suffered their 6th defeat in eight games against fellow strugglers Bolton, which has sent alarm bells ringing around the Goodison Park outfit. The three-nil defeat at the hands of a very poor but workmanlike Bolton team will have David Moyes wondering where the next point is going to come from.
Without the injured Rodwell and Distin, Moyes surprised everybody and employed Hibbert at right back, Baines at left back with Jags and Heitinga partnering each other in central defence. The innovative midfield quintet of Osman, Fellaini, Coleman, Cahill and Drenthe provided little service to the disinterested Saha who seems to have finally got the message from his manager to work the channels and track back whenever we lose the ball. Sadly, Saha has forgotten that he used to have quite an eye for goal when he wasn?t sitting on the treatment table... playing with his mobile phone, twittering away.
Aside from the odd burst of pace from Coleman and the occasional touch of class from Denthe, Everton never showed any attacking intent in this game. The gameplan of holding out for a draw seemed to be paying dividends until the 70th minute when Osman was pushed off the ball for the umpteenth time all too easily, and poor marking by Hibbert invited a perfect crossing opportunity which looked like food and drink for Howard in the Everton goal until Jags stuck out a leg to send the ball screaming past the out-of-position Howard into the net.
Moyes responded by waiting another 10 minutes before going for broke by replacing the tiring Drenthe with the mercurial talents of Bilyaletdinov in the 80th minute. But when Bolton scored again after Hettinga had given away a clumsy but obvious penalty, Moyes went for broke and took off Saha and Cahill and replaced them with Vellios and Barkely with the instructions that they had 9 minutes to prove that they are worth a regular place.
Sadly for Everton, Osman gave the ball away again and Hibbert gave the defender too much room and allowed a cross to come over which looked like food and drink for Howard until Heitinga stuck out a leg to divert the ball past a helpless Howard and into the net.
Everton managed to muster a chance in the final minute when neat play by Barkley saw him thread a through-ball to the feet of the eager Vellois who saw his first-time shot bounce back off the post straight to Osman who hit the rebound with such venom that it trickled tamely seven meters wide of the post!
After the game, Moyes was at a loss to explain his side's poor form but did point out that the spending power of other clubs such as Bolton meant that Evertonians really should lower their expectations. "We just can?t compete with these teams anymore, but look I finished 4th once and have been Manager of the Year 3 times, so you can stick your moaning up your arse!"
Kenwright was quoted afterwards saying that there was no need to panic as he is still the biggest Evertonian there is, and that in David Moyes he has the best manager in the world... no, not the world but the whole galaxy.
He also said that he was meeting with three or four investors later on in the week and that he was confident that these five or six investors would be able to come up with some sort of deal that would allow him to give David Moyes and every Evertonian the Billionaire that we all craved. He said that the two or three investors he met had showed real interest but these things take time and in the seven years that he had been looking for new investors these eight investors are the most promising, but not quite as promising as the single investor he saw last year when he first started looking for investment!
Look guys, this was just a bit of fun and if I have offended anybody's sensitivities then that's your own fault for being too soft! I hope against all hope that I am totally wrong and, come the weekend, we come away with three points after watching an Everton team go out and play attacking football.
Please feel free to remind me of this post should we win handsomely. I also hope that we get news of some serious and genuine investment. But sadly I won?t be holding my breath.
Reader Comments (39)
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2 Posted 22/11/2011 at 17:11:01
3 Posted 22/11/2011 at 17:11:38
4 Posted 22/11/2011 at 17:09:50
5 Posted 22/11/2011 at 17:23:04
Personally I blame the BU, the Moyes haters and the unions..
(predicts thread gets over 400 posts)
8 Posted 22/11/2011 at 18:33:29
This is... erm, is the opposite. But Christ on a bike! We just beat Wolves and your mind is on a loss to Bolton as if its all too expected.
Before the international break when the pro-Moyes and anti-Moyes were at each others throats this would have received some replies with the most fruity of anglo-saxan.
It does beg the question though. Do you want to see us lose to hasten a Moyes exit?
9 Posted 22/11/2011 at 19:17:48
10 Posted 22/11/2011 at 19:29:10
11 Posted 22/11/2011 at 20:09:52
I hope you are wrong
12 Posted 22/11/2011 at 20:05:05
I watched the Spurs-Villa game last night and Villa reminded me so much of us. They went with a negative attitude and guess what.... they lost.
My attempt at satire may have been poor, but I am not happy with what I am seeing each week and I think that the buck stops with Moyes.
13 Posted 22/11/2011 at 20:16:38
Moyes dodged a bullet against Wolves with a soft penalty helping us out. I'm sure that the fact we got the three points will justify, in his mind, his decision to play exactly the same team with exactly the same tactics against Bolton, even though we were dire for the best part of 90 minutes.
Personally, I would be happy to see Vellios in for Cahill at the very least. All a little too daring for our manager though I would imagine.
14 Posted 22/11/2011 at 20:12:54
Win, lose or draw there's a positive in Moyes will get the chance to run the rule over a possible January transfer target........Kevin Davies!!!
15 Posted 22/11/2011 at 20:24:03
Classic Shaun, it's got to go to all me mates. It had me rolling!
Dont worry mate we'll win the game against Bolton with a much required 2 points.
16 Posted 22/11/2011 at 20:27:01
17 Posted 22/11/2011 at 20:38:33
18 Posted 22/11/2011 at 21:06:43
Ok I know it was in time added on but if we had got the shout....it could have been a completely different result.
19 Posted 22/11/2011 at 21:22:22
20 Posted 22/11/2011 at 21:23:42
None the less we put up a brave fight and in a post match statement David Moyes said, "Under different circumstances we could have easily won this game."
And in a further statement Moyes also said,
"I'm convinced that Leon Osman is a major contribution to Everton Football Club qualifying for the Champions League."
21 Posted 22/11/2011 at 21:25:55
We all remember your seminal article 'bring them all on'..
Shaun's article however, has its foundations in some sort of reality.
Cheers Shaun. Laughed out loud at the Kenwright bit.
22 Posted 22/11/2011 at 21:41:07
23 Posted 22/11/2011 at 21:54:10
24 Posted 22/11/2011 at 21:54:56
25 Posted 22/11/2011 at 21:57:36
However, wont be saying that come Thurs. night. Friday I'll stagger into work as usual. What a fuckin actor I have to be. Tom Cruise, rubbish, going into work at 7:30am I've had far more experience at acting (sober) than that twonk.
26 Posted 22/11/2011 at 22:18:52
27 Posted 22/11/2011 at 22:26:47
That is genuine scouse humour mate.
The abillity to laugh at ourselves.
It is total bollox of course, because we all know that when we are 3 down Mc(fucking)Fadden will get a game.
28 Posted 22/11/2011 at 22:31:07
Since when has Leon made more than three inputs.
29 Posted 22/11/2011 at 22:51:58
Just reverse the word Evian and you'll see what I mean...
30 Posted 22/11/2011 at 23:30:11
31 Posted 22/11/2011 at 23:11:24
32 Posted 22/11/2011 at 23:46:45
That was the moment I realised that things are never going to change with Moyes in charge. It was truely depressing.
33 Posted 23/11/2011 at 00:08:31
34 Posted 23/11/2011 at 01:02:31
Though, I've a feeling if Neville is fit he'll play him in midfield instead of Drenthe...
35 Posted 23/11/2011 at 10:23:52
Think that's a bit harsh on Bolton, mate, they have some good players ? otherwise can't see too much at fault with the rest.
Seriously though, if we go there with the 'nick a point' attitude and (god help us) start with a very out-of-form Cahill and lightweight Osman, they will win the midfield battle and Davies/Klasnic will have a field day. Bolton are not that bad a side and had just as tough a run of games at the start of the season, playing all the big sides early, so we should not underestimate them.
36 Posted 23/11/2011 at 11:29:28
I am off to Bolton on Saturday and just hope your 'match report' does not become a reality.
37 Posted 23/11/2011 at 15:19:33
38 Posted 23/11/2011 at 16:02:06
Unfortunately there is an undeniable element of truth in all of your observations. You sum up Moyes's and BK's tactics and the the players (in)abilities well. I just hope that your crystal ball is well and truly cracked....
39 Posted 23/11/2011 at 17:08:57
Piece of piss this predicting stuff, I thought it was only Moyes that keeps the same team and formation?
40 Posted 22/11/2011 at 20:09:52
I hope you are wrong.
41 Posted 28/11/2011 at 12:59:02
"I bet you that Bolton will play their usual 4-4-2 and the team will probably be Jaaskelanen, Robinson, Cahill, Wheater, Riley, Muamba, Eagles, Davies, Reo-Coker, Davies and Klasnic"
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1 Posted 22/11/2011 at 17:02:28