Everton set for talks with Sampdoria over Muriel

Never heard of him but I bet he's useful at wall-passes.

Ian you're confusing him with that other South American striker, Louis Mural.

Didn't Hilda Ogden have a picture of him on her wall??

Christ. Every time I see him on the ball I'll be creepily whispering "Breathe Murial, breathe" like Dickie Attenborough in 10 Rillington Place

According to my Italian Sampdoria supoorting friend. This guy can play on either wing and as a striker. Can use both feet, loves to dribble and is a consistent performer. Likes a shot from outside the box like Sandro and is an energetic player.

They call him the Columbian Ronaldo. Apparently it could be a double Columbian swoop with the defender from Inter also. However, not sure how both of them may adapt to English conditions.

It looks like Koeman is going to try and replace Lukaku's goals by trying to give us a forward line with a lot more energy? I fuckin' hope so!

This guy looks something. It could be a good signing based on the 3-minute highlights I have seen.

Muriel could be a quality addition to the team, if this story is true and he sets his mind to being a success.

He's always had tremendous natural ability, but sometimes seems to alternate between working his arse off one week, to looking like he'd rather just lie down and have a wank the next.

He's been pulled up in the past for not pulling his weight in training and for piling on the pounds, but since signing for Sampdoria he does seem to have finally eliminated the Elvis diet (either that or he's been getting through games with his gut sucked in and his arse completely wrapped in cling film).

How would he impact upon our forward line? Well, I couldn't see him coming in and outscoring Lukaku (a completely different style of player), but he's certainly capable of getting his fair share while consistently creating for others. He's quick, tricky, always ready to run with the ball and extremely clever in his movement.

If he's really matured in recent years (as he seems to have done to an outsiders eyes) then he could definitely add a different dimension in the sort of dour game we witnessed a little too often last season. The sort of game where a well drilled defence stubbornly digs in and then stands there laughing while we aimlessly roll the ball left to right at a leisurely pace while saying "Please let us past. Oh, go on, please".

He's 5ft-10in, so everything on the floor, and a good touch needed, which Lukaku hasn't got, but would suit Barkley?

I read he has his heart set on Sevilla, who have not matched the required transfer fee. I wonder if his agents will use Everton to get the price they want for the player.

John Daley.

"He's always had tremendous natural ability, but sometimes seems to alternate between working his arse off one week, to looking like he'd rather just lie down and have a wank the next."

How the fuck did you get hold of my old school report?

If we do buy him, sparks will fly...

With all the pacey, tricky players we have been signing lately, Everton and Muriel sounds like the perfect marriage.

I'm not wedded to the idea that he's what we need, but it's a good sign that we're looking at that kind of player. Though, if it doesn't work out, Walsh's honeymoon period could well be over.

Forget this guy... all funds should go on securing Dembele!

So, our strikers will be Muriel and Sandra!

He was quiet highly rated when at Udinese; however, I feel he has dropped off the radar lately.

I feel we should be going all out to convince either Keita Balde (Lazio) or Inaki Williams (Bilbao) to join our revolution. These players may want Champions League but they can't be on top wages so you never know.

What about Van Persie on the cheap. 65 years old but can still bang in goals use him as a sub especially in Europa. Anyone anyone!!?????...

Nicholas (#15), if they haven't already got 'em you can be sure TW will provide some astounding knockers.

I think this man is a serious talent, though John Daley is right about his wobbly tendencies. He's got a strong shot in both feet and will indeed take on defences as a matter of instinct. Again, we can assume that the manager and Walsh think he can be moulded to suit.

I doubt he'll come but would be very nice if he did.

John Daley@8,

I am curious as to how you know about his tendencies to masturbate, when not playing well. :-)

You have got to admit, mate, that we have had many wankers in a blue shirt over the years, interesting though, if there is any mileage in this story, but there again we are getting linked with everyone recently.

Dermot (#7), you weren't part of Martinez's scouting team before were you?

So can I gather from this thread that collectively we know bugger all about this guy?

Get Dembele!

Andrew (22), no. My daughter lives in Genoa and the Italian in-laws are big Sampdoria fans. I've seen Muriel live a number of times. My comments above represent my moderately well-informed view. As I say, I shall be very surprised if he comes to us.

I should add the health warning that I offered a similarly positive review of Niasse on the strength of a relative's assessment from Russia (though I had never seen the maestro myself, I hasten to say).

Tanvir (#5), those Colombians will probably adapt well, there seems to be plenty of flake around County Road these days on a match day.

One place I worked at there was a cleaner named Muriel –she used to make a 20 gallon teapot full of tea for morning and afternoon breaks.

I can't ever remember seeing her having a kick-about or doing keepy-uppies.

Good point, Len. Let's get out now while we still can.

He'll be a good addition for when we're defending free kicks.

Got the look of a fat Carlos Tevez. Still, a fat Tevez would be better than no Tevez. Can't imagine this one happening at any rate.

Brian (#11) – you were spoilt in your school reports. After a year of serious hard work this was my final year report as an 11-year-old (1983):

"Is Michael in my class?"

My Old Man asked me if I was, I said "Yes." He shrugged it off and told me to stick at it and put my hand up a bit more. I miss those days. :)

I'm quite excited by the interest in pacey, agile front-men – certainly suggests a more progressive footballing approach.

However, considering the directness of the Premier League, I still think we need the physicality of an experienced target-man to mix it up, assuming we can't tempt Big Dunc out of coaching, the whispers around Giroud were very interesting on this level.

Brian Williams:

John Daley.

"He's always had tremendous natural ability, but sometimes seems to alternate between working his arse off one week, to looking like he'd rather just lie down and have a wank the next."
How the fuck did you get hold of my old school report?

Actually, Brian, the elephant in the room is why you have exactly the same one as me...

Mike (#31),

Comic genius. I think I just shit a kidney laughing.

COYB

Sign for us and paint the town Blue!

I don't believe it one bit as the Colombian is an exact contradiction of what Koeman wants and demands. He's lazy, gets tired extremely fast (once seen his energy levels drop drastically after 30 minutes) and is absolutely inconsistent.

He seems to have lots of the same style and approach as Yakubu and Wilfried Bony. Very low centre of gravity, muscular and with a strong shot.

I'm not sure about this one so I agree with Paul (#33). I think there are better forwards in the Italian League we should be scouting; or, for more or less the same price, take a chance with Dembele from Celtic.

Amit. Bloody cut-and-paste teachers, eh?

I am all for going with an offence that doesn't rely on a big central target man as if he is like Lukaku and not so fast he can be double marked and blotted out if he doesn't have the right partner.

Rom had Mirallas helping out in his early days but Mirallas has not been an impact for quite a while.

Rom to his credit still scored goals mainly due to Ross and Bolasie doing well but then Ross's form fell off and Bolasie got injured.

Having quick interchanging offensive players can be a better alternative these days against ''park the bus'' defensive systems.

Muriel, may add a Spark to our team. :-)

Brian @ 35. I hope so. Otherwise it's a case for Mulder and Scully

(Cue music...)

Nicholas (#15), it is not that many years ago that Everton's manager and two coaches names were, Howard, Adrian and Vivian... they sounded like three shirt-lifters' mates.

Dave Abrahams (#39). It could be argued that yours isn't the most politically correct posting ever seen on here!! You sound like the warm-up act for Bernard Manning!!

John (#40), Bernard Manning – he'd make the toughest docker blush!!!!!

Political correctness? Vastly overrated!

Proof that Everton's scouting network sure is wide-ranging and good at finding little known gems. Excellent reputation and well-known in certain circles. Has quite a following.

Everyone knows that "Muriel plays the piano, every Friday at the Hollywood". So now who is going to replace her when I am "Walking in Memphis?" I didn't even know she played soccer.

Is it me or do some of the descriptions sound much like those of Geri?

The money quoted is absurd – I don't want him and think we can do much better. Less a hidden gem than an unwanted one.

Whilst we've done some good business, the back up strikers referenced have all been too expensive and offered too little (Niang, Muriel and Gray). I'd rather us integrate a young player with potential for the future, or a loan, rather than an underperformer with the potential to upset the dressing room.

The most crucial transfer this Summer will be who replaces Lukaku.

Our defense was decent last season and it was in Goals Scored that we lagged behind. Sandro should get a few and hopefully Klaassen might add a couple but we are still very much in need of goals compared to our rivals.

Assuming Lukaku and Barkley leave we have:

Sandro (presumably)
Mirallas
Klaassen
Bolasie (to return from injury)
Lookman, Calvert-Lewin and Dowell (a few appearances and goals, perhaps)

There's not a lot of reliable goalscorers out there and we seemed to be linked with more winger/striker types like Sandro, Onyekuru and Muriel. Perhaps this means Lukaku is staying? Or perhaps it means we will still need to buy 3-4 more attacking players as we look short in that area to me if the big Belgian is on the way out...

He's not exactly 'unwanted', Jim.

Sampdoria wish to keep him. Sevilla have submitted a bid for him. Napoli and Inter were both interested until being told he will not be allowed to leave for another Italian club. Chelsea had a bid turned down for him last season (as confirmed by Sampdoria Club President, Massimo Ferrero). 

He's a much better player than either Niang or Gray and, besides facing a bit of criticism in the past for fluctuating in weight like a Columbian Christian Bale and kicking off a brawl by over celebrating a goal against his former club (in a game in which he was getting stick from the stands), he's hardly been a controversy magnet likely to come in and crap all over dressing room camaraderie.

I am reminded yet again that we still have Niasse on the books.

Pity we changed shirt sponsor – a bucket of Tippex and change the "Chang" to "Ching" – job done.

Is the Columbian Ronaldo comparison down to skills or weight management with this lad?!

He seems a decent player. I don't really know much about him. The figure banded today is 㾾m. He could be a decent signing but he seems more of a winger-come-striker so would he be a replacement for Mirallas because he isn't prolific enough to replace Rom.

If Rom goes we need to sign Dembele. He the right age and has the record and ability to get better and become a 20-goal-a-season striker in the Premier League.

Would sooner be hearing about Sigurdson, Dembele and/or Giroud.

And I still rate Andre Gray despite some of the bashing on here.

Jay

Any of the first three would be decent signings. I've come to like the idea of Giroud being an option. He could do the job Pele did for Koeman at Saints, except he'll score more goals.

If Rom goes. I think we'll need 2 strikers and Dembele and Giroud would be my choices now.

I really don't see the fascination with Andre Gray. The lad seems a bit of a tool and sounds like another diva if he thinks he's worth £100k a week. A 9-goal return doesn't justify that kind of money. The only circumstances I'd take him is if we did a part exchange with Niasse going to Burnley.

I've never heard of her.

Gavin (#55),

Where have you heard that Andre Gray is asking for £100k a week?

I would love us to offer Lukaku to United for Rooney and 㿼m – if we can get Rooney to agree to 𧵎k a week for 3 seasons. Then go and spend the 㿼m on Dembele from Celtic and get Barkley to sign.

With Sandro, Rooney, Onyekuru, Calvert-Lewin, Dembele, Klaassen, Barkley, Bolasie and Mirallas we'd have 10 players who between them should aim for averageing out at 10 goals each a season. The maths geniuses among will notice there are 100 goals there.

We get 10 from the accumulative Defence and 10 cumulatively from other midfielders like Davies, Schneiderlin, Gana and Besic.

I think that's a realistic way to create a goal-scoring, entertaining side.

Re the player, I'll wait and see (coz there's no other option).

But I have to say, this thread's title has a..um..meter (?) that's a thing of beauty.

It has a kind of 'We're Only Making Plans For Nigel' vibe and/or 'All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit.'

Alasdair,

I'm no maths genius but I can only count 9 payers in your list of ten!

And I just can't see how the players that you do list are going to score 120 goals per season though.

Alasdair,

It's been doing the rounds in the papers that Gray's looking for £100k a week. Could be nonsense of course. I'd pay him 100k a week in Nigerian dollars but 100k in Sterling is ridiculous.

Sounds to me like he will go to Sevilla and use Everton to squeeze a bit extra out of them. I would be surprised if this transfer comes off, when you have Dembele, Giroud and the likes flying about. These days, it's hard to feel down if one slips by us; now, it's a case of "Okay, who's next on our hit list?"

I'm just loving our ruthless streak in this window with the likes of Sandro and Keane about to be added, Jesus I feel like all my Christmases and birthdays have come at once, with Lady Luck and the devil joining forces and saying "Right, lads and lasses, you've been dealt some shite and injustices in the past; it's your time to be blessed with some luck, crack on with it!"

If any blue is not excited with our new dawn, then there's little hope for you! The window is barely open and we are murdering it. This certainly is as excited as I've been in many a decade...

Muriel? Never heard of the player.

Or is it a new tea lady? In which case get her signed whatever the cost.

Old link. He moved to Sevilla and played against us last weekend.

Someone followed a NewsNow link! ;)

Muriel? Wasn't she in Coronation Street?

He's terrible, Muriel.

Gerry 4, yes, she was Hilda Ogden's wall, so should be ok defending free kicks.

Would we all get a free DVD of 'Muriel's Wedding'?

Okay, I'm off!

We can do better then him. I hope we bring in Hoedt or Veltman as centre-backs.