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Ghosts Of Christmas Future

By John McFarlane  : 6/12/06
2028 will see Everton celebrate 150 years as a Football Club. It will also celebrate the 100th anniversary of the legendary William Ralph Dean’s exploits of scoring 60 league goals in a single season. Will they still be wondering how a single player can manage so many goals when the whole team has only surpassed this quantity in the premiership during the 1995-96 season.

In what league will those fans be watching EFC? SkyWorld’s European Division 2, Global World League Division 1 or Regional English League Division 1. Whatever league they’re competing in, the fans of Everton will be living in a very different footballing world than we are currently witnessing...

The Director of Football Operations, Mr Bruce Dyer, expects Everton FC to achieve a 2% increase in World Web viewing in the coming year. Mr Dyer admits the club has fallen behind its rivals and it may be a couple of seasons before they regain their previous status. This was due mainly to the loss of the 3 leading players, who were transferred to Aston Villa. The Buying Department failed to negotiate a deal with LagerWorld and thus under the terms of the contract, Stavely, Sutch and Morrison were moved on.

On a positive note, it is thought that those customers, who felt that it would be fitting for a statue to be erected in memory of the late great Bill Kenwright, are likely to see some progress by the next quarterly meeting.

Customer liaison officer, Bernard Shepherd apologised profusely for those people who failed to gain admission to the previous cup-tie despite having the requisite number of Gold Points. This was due to a technical glitch and as compensation, Mr Shepherd says all those affected will be able to gain a 10% discount on any item purchased in the Vegetable Section.

2028 would be a special year for EFC and to acknowledge that fact it has been decided by Chairman Phillip Greenshield to roll out a range of 150 products. These items will be available from its Greater Merseyside stores from November. Also any of the Junior customers could gain 60 points for every Fifty Pound spent in the Greenery food bar.

Security adviser Mr Leonard Leanard, has announced that the problems of non-customers gaining access to the sports arena has reduced significantly following the employment of thirty Stun-u-Like batons and expects the problem to be eradicated by the new year.

Customers are also reminded that next week's game at AnfieldWorld will not be transmitted on the usual website. So, for those who would like to see the game, a limited number of Swipe-n-Wipe passes are available for those customers who have purchased a LeisureTime sun-lounger in the past fortnight.

Sales are steadily increasing in harsh trading conditions; however, in a stark warning the Chairman Mr Greenshield would not rule out the sale of the sporting operation and would listen to an offer if it was right for the business.
Plenty to look forward to; see it doesn't seem so bad at the moment does it?


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