ToffeeWeb - Season 2007-08

The Mail Bag

Some Fun for some down blues

Ok Lads, here's the game. I want the whole squad done by COB today!! The aim is to write a Limerick about each player. I'll get the ball rolling with No.1 Tim Howard. Whoever replies to it goes with No.2 and so on and so on..

There is a young Man called Tim Howard
Whose kickouts are extremely powered
He gives a loud call,
And comes for the ball
And in the box he is no coward!

Now someone do No. 2... Here is the squad numbers link!
Arthur Hooke, Dublin Posted 21/08/2007 at 13:42:10

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Ste Fawkes
1 Posted 21/08/2007 at 16:22:39

Go on, someone have a go at Lukas Jutkiewicz!!!

PL PL
2 Posted 21/08/2007 at 16:25:37

We have a young lad called Lukas,
Whose fairly fond of sambukas.

He drinks em with Shandy
Who claims his legs bandy,

.............ah no final line!

mike hunt
3 Posted 21/08/2007 at 16:23:15

Number 5:
We’ve a rock at the back named Joe Lescott
Seemlessly in the back four he does slot,
He’s as fast as hell,
opponents fear he can smell
Strikers try to get past him but cannot!

Al
4 Posted 21/08/2007 at 16:26:38

Tony hibbert is a blue,
he wears proudly our number 2,
90mins go by, he never gets beat,
although he normally ends up on his seat,
theres not many better, this much is true,
if only he could learn to cross a ball too!

PL PL
5 Posted 21/08/2007 at 16:36:34

We have a new hero called MANNY!
Whos resemblence to Pienear’s uncanny!

He’l be better than Wayne!
Who caused us so much paid!

And he wont go Fuck an owl Granny!

Ste Fawkes
6 Posted 21/08/2007 at 16:42:12

Our number 3 is called Baines,
he’s got one of the best football brains.
You know what I mean,
coz he turned down Roy Keane,
whose loss is without doubt our gain!

Matt Fearon
7 Posted 21/08/2007 at 16:57:05

We come to our favourite Arteta,
Whose crosses just couldn’t be better,
He gets fouled every game,
It’s really a shame
But his talent those b*stards can’t fetter

Chris Keightley
8 Posted 21/08/2007 at 17:04:24

there was a young man named osman
unknown did we get him on a bosman
hes as quick as dog
hes an engine room cog
if only he was as tall as rodman
excuse me for the last line but what gos with bosman ??

matt kassell
9 Posted 21/08/2007 at 17:05:46

There was a young Scot named McFadden
Who at turns can both excite and sadden
But at the end of the day
Let’s just let him play
He’ll show he’s not such a bad’un

PL PL
10 Posted 21/08/2007 at 17:03:12

at number 5 is our super eagle.
who keep an eye on attacks like a seagull.

he wins every header
and gives the ball a good leather

And he’s stronger than William Regul!

Iain
11 Posted 21/08/2007 at 17:07:32

Number 4

In our defence is a lad named Joseph
Whose pace is really explosive
His takles are grand
He gets support from the stand
His name is Joseph, Joseph, Joseph!!!

Sorry about the last line, bit of a cop out!

Steve Claringbold
12 Posted 21/08/2007 at 17:15:32

There was a lad called Andy
Who liked to drink the Shandy
He missed training one day
Now he can’t play

No, can’t get that last line...

Iain
13 Posted 21/08/2007 at 17:19:17

Steve - How about:

At least his missus is happy - she’s randy!

Dave Lynch
14 Posted 21/08/2007 at 17:21:43

How about this Steve.

There was a lad called Andy
Who liked to drink the shandy
He missed training one day
Now he can’t play
To sell him would be very handy.

BUM BUM.

PL PL
15 Posted 21/08/2007 at 17:26:46

or, he’s off for a fine drop of brandy!

John Lloyd
16 Posted 21/08/2007 at 17:39:54

Like shit off a stick is our AJ,
Couldnt buy a pen on a matchday,
Scored two past the shite,
Had me singing all night!
Lets all hope he gets one on saturday....

Get in there, fuckin love it!! Made up with that ha ha

Arthur Hooke
17 Posted 21/08/2007 at 17:44:58

Excellent work John!!

Charlie
18 Posted 21/08/2007 at 17:45:56

There is a Nigerian called Yak
The toffeemen want him in Attack
The borough want twelve
Thus the blue boys must delve
Or the board will receive all the flak!

Chriswaugh.
19 Posted 21/08/2007 at 17:49:42

At 9 We got Rid of Beattie,
Who simply Couldn’t stop eating,
We need a man to play strike,
To beat the red shite,
And make sure last seasons repeated.

Dave Lynch
20 Posted 21/08/2007 at 17:49:44

Cap doffed Mr Lloyd

John Lloyd
21 Posted 21/08/2007 at 17:49:07

He’s built like boxer big Vic
come the derby he’ll make Carra look shit,
ploughs through defenders,
like Barrymore through benders,
Get a tenner on him getting a hat trick!

I’m on fucking fire!!

Chriswaugh.
22 Posted 21/08/2007 at 18:03:59

At 10, we come to Pienaar,
Who’s origin’s frankly bizarre,
Lets hope he’s a winner,

And not a beginner

Like what the shite have paid for so far....

Steve Claringbold
23 Posted 21/08/2007 at 18:18:29

A striker we have in Vaughan

A lad who is Birmingham born

Youngest prem scorer
We all adore ya
But, shit, your shoulder is torn.

Marc R
24 Posted 21/08/2007 at 18:24:19

Our captain, it pains me, is Neville,
the less ugly former red devil,
his contract it says,
when he’s fit then he plays,
even though his foot’s shaped like a bevel!

Steve Claringbold
25 Posted 21/08/2007 at 18:36:02

We have a lad called Valente
It’s not very often he does play
Every Saturday Moyes makes him blub
When he puts him down as a sub
Because Lescott is keeping him at bay.

Marc R
26 Posted 21/08/2007 at 18:35:41

Young Vaughn is endeared to the gladwys,
since he came on and scored against palace,
now judas is sore,
cos he took his record,
and hes got a much bigger fallice!

James McPherson
27 Posted 21/08/2007 at 18:42:02

The young boy Anichebe
Is definitely not a wannabe
He comes on and scores
& so silence Marshy and his bores
who’d have u believe
we’re heading for Division 3

Tony, no offence...you are lots of things..boring is not one of them...done in good fun.

Brian Wolf
28 Posted 21/08/2007 at 19:23:17

There once was a lad called Marsh
His critics thought he was Harsh
He believed what he said
But he was wrong in the head
.....Anyone got a last line for this?

Stan Sheppard
29 Posted 21/08/2007 at 20:57:10

We have a young keeper named Iain,
Back up for Tim is his game,
He dropped a clanger vs the devils,
Now he’s back up for Wessels,
Though he’ll probably not get a game.

Tony Miller
30 Posted 21/08/2007 at 21:45:23

Brian Wolf

There once was a lad called Marsh
His critics thought he was Harsh
He believed what he said
But he was wrong in the head

.....Anyone got a last line for this?

So he started to talk out of is arse

A friendly Mock MR Marsh nothing personal.

roy coyne
31 Posted 21/08/2007 at 22:43:05

there was a young Man called marsh ,whom all the yes voters where harsh,But give Tony his due,He knew what to do he gave them ,the finger not one but two

Steve Ferns
32 Posted 21/08/2007 at 22:36:42

There was a a lad called Alan Stubbs,
Unlike Shandy, he never went the clubs.
In every game he gave his all,
From every tackle he emerged with the ball,
He’d never miss a game even if he was one of the subs.

Steve Ferns
33 Posted 21/08/2007 at 22:56:21

Our new number 16 is Phil Jagielka,
we all hope he fizzes like alka-seltzer.
He can spot a pass,
His taclking is pure class,
and on saturday he will score a belter!

Ray Robinson
34 Posted 21/08/2007 at 23:17:25

There was a midfielder called Cars
Whose tackles, my goodness they jar
He went in too late
Like a bull at a gate
And crippled not theirs, but ours

Ray Robinson
35 Posted 21/08/2007 at 23:21:00

or how about this one ?

There was a young goalie called Dickie
Who was prone to the odd little sickie
He tripped over a sign
That was parked on his line
Boy, did he look a right Prickie

Steve Ferns
36 Posted 21/08/2007 at 23:53:35

nice one Ray, how about this:

There was once a lad called Danny,
With his sill hair he looked like a fanny.
He hit a bird,
what a turd,
now his career has gone down the swanny!

Steve Ferns
37 Posted 22/08/2007 at 00:07:25

We signed a yank called Moore,
when he first game he scored goals galore.
He looked class,
but he was made of glass,
Now he works in a Superstore

Jake Steven
38 Posted 22/08/2007 at 09:00:46

This is the gayest thread i have ever seen!!

You people should be ashamed of yourselves...

Matt J
39 Posted 22/08/2007 at 09:53:49

Then there?s our hero tiny tim,
For this club he?d risk life and limb,
He scores with his nut,
And then breaks his foot,
But he?s back soon so God Love?im

Dave G
40 Posted 22/08/2007 at 10:07:20

There was a dutch man called Van Der Meyde

Who regarded himself as a good player

He gave the blues a bash

But couldn’t stay off the lash

Now he’s ended up without a bloody prayer.

Arthur Hooke
41 Posted 22/08/2007 at 10:17:32

I think we should get one of the administrators to pick a winner??? Someone private messgae one of them there and we get a winner!

Karl Jones
42 Posted 22/08/2007 at 19:58:54

Ode to you know who!

There once was a supporter called Marsh,
Who some people say speaks through his arse,
Even though when we’d won,
and scored goals for fun,
His comments they seemed rather harsh.

Dave G
43 Posted 24/08/2007 at 03:34:34

There is becoming a new feeling
That all but TM find most appealing
There had been many former tales of glory
Which have become an old old story
It is now time again for the opponents to be reeling