ToffeeWeb - Season 2008-09

The Mail Bag

A crystal ball

This time next year where will Everton be? Well, here's my prediction.

Kirkby will get the go ahead. BK will sell to a moderately rich investor and will remain as chairman. He will pocket a substantial amount and will tell us he had no choice and he has done what was necessary to keep the club afloat. The fan base will be more divided than ever and there will be a season ticket boycott.

On the pitch we'll miss out on Europe and Lescott will be gone.

Now, I don't want to sound like a totally miserable sod, so here's the good news. Saha will be the new Andy Gray. The Premier League bubble will have burst and we'll be one of the survivors. Finally, we will win a cup and it will be the sweetest ever.
Andy Crooks, Belfast Posted 17/09/2008 at 00:50:46

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Dave Wilson
1 Posted 17/09/2008 at 07:18:41

Andy

In these dreams of yours, how long does it take to get round Kirkby town hall on an open top bus as literally ... dozens - hundreds if they close the roads - of supporters celebrate the cup win?

Tom Edwards
2 Posted 17/09/2008 at 08:04:29

Andy, can I have a pint of whatever it is you have been drinking, please mate?

Paul OHanlon
3 Posted 17/09/2008 at 08:54:43

"Kirkby will get the go ahead. BK will sell to a moderately rich investor"

Unfortunately I think you might be right there. As for the rest of your article...

EJ Ruane
4 Posted 17/09/2008 at 11:08:16

Presumably the following was also seen in your crystal ball.

Mist clears, followed by Kenwright sitting in a deckchair in his garden.

Suddenly a small hole open in the lawn.

He investigates and suddenly, the ground opens up and he falls through.

At first shaken, he dusts himself off, wipes his eyes and.....OH MY GOD!!

He can’t believe what he sees - a steel mine!

Not only that, but it’s a CHEAP steel mine.

Also there, covered in dust, an ancient document allowing planning permission to build houses on Bellefield "wifout need off ye consente off ye council off ye Pool off Liver"

(rolls eyes and shakes head, Private Frazer-style)

Dave Wilson
5 Posted 17/09/2008 at 12:13:51

EJ

Remember them old laced leather balls ?

They weighed about two stone when they were full of water, fuck knows how much brain damage they’ve caused down the years, although judging by my mates . . . . .

If the lace hit you in the face when you headed it, it could scar you for life.

The strange this was, if ever anyone had one really hammered at his head, every one else would fall about laughing as the poor fucker staggered about

A bit like one of your posts, funny as fuck, if your not on the recieving end

Andy Morden
6 Posted 17/09/2008 at 12:55:35

I looked in my crystal ball and it indicates that David Moyes will grow a beak and that Joey Barton will grow angel wings.

Mad things ain’t they these crystal balls?

Andy Crooks
7 Posted 17/09/2008 at 13:01:58

Nice one EJ, I still don?t think my prediction is way out. BK loves being chairman but he?ll sell if he can make a killing and still be chairman. I?m totally opposed to Kirkby but fear that?s were we?ll end up.

Saha is a class act and he must have convinced our medical team that he?ll get fit. Joleon Lescott is a prize asset but Man U seem to be able to take prize assets from whomever they like. We?re just about due a cup win and have the players ,when fit,to do it. Okay the premier bubble may not be burst in a years time but burst it must

Finally, Tom Edwards, believe me you would not want a pint of what I was on. 80% proof Austrian schnapps (apparently they do a 60% ladies version). It may well give amazing powers of foresight but,as I?ve learned today, it gives one bastard of a hangover.

Jay Harris
8 Posted 17/09/2008 at 13:10:46

Andy(Crooks),
you’ve finally entered the fantasy world of "Black Bill" who has been having the same "dreams" for the last 8 years.

Alan Clarke
9 Posted 17/09/2008 at 13:16:15

I looked into the bottom of my pint glass - DK won’t get the go-ahead as Everton will have to pull out due to the length of time the public enquiry will take. Planning permission will have been submitted for redevelopment of the Park End.

Lescott stays, Torres leaves the RS for Man City.

Keith Glazzard
10 Posted 17/09/2008 at 13:51:23

I predict that Terry will get off with his suspension, and that Moyes, rather than getting an apology from the ref, will be charged with misconduct.

Actually I cheated as I’d already seen the news - but nobody needed a crystal ball for these two, did they.

John Sreet
11 Posted 17/09/2008 at 14:16:47

Fun post... whatever you?re smoking it?s clearly keeping you happy!

Andy Callan
12 Posted 17/09/2008 at 14:35:59

I reckons those smarties are gettin? to you mate....

Mike Evans
13 Posted 17/09/2008 at 15:07:00

Is a crystal ball the same condition as a tennis elbow ?

Kevin Jones
14 Posted 17/09/2008 at 15:17:32

Yes Mike you are correct, the medical term is glassytestokies and you’ve got to walk very carefully. It can also affect other parts of the body, Amir Khans for instance has glassyjawacus or overrated boxer syndrome as its better known.

Joeynkoo Ludden
15 Posted 17/09/2008 at 16:49:29

Andy - there is a reason you are supervisored by members of the health profession when you are out in public.

Just one question, what colour is the sky on your planet?

ps. I did enjoy the taking the piss outta Andy Gray though. Good one la.

Andy Crooks
16 Posted 17/09/2008 at 20:00:11

You may well mock ,Joeynkoo, but time will tell. This time next year you will have a large helping of humble pie. Don?t forget, they laughed at Mystic Meg.

Keith Harrison
17 Posted 17/09/2008 at 20:50:31

Marita, love the aptly named sister. Russell Grant says that we will win fuck all with kids, and that AVDM passed Basil's strictest medical, so why shouldn?t Saha???

All this will be answered in the next episode of Soap (anyone remember that ???)

Stephen Graham
18 Posted 17/09/2008 at 22:59:18

After reading all of this I was quite excited about it all, so I did a quick check of my own set of crystal balls, and the only thing coming from the other side, that I could see, was meself ......... this set is proper worn out after all these years .....

Peter Howard
19 Posted 18/09/2008 at 10:21:08

Andy,
More Crystal Meth than Ball I think.

EJ Ruane
20 Posted 18/09/2008 at 13:26:19

Fact: I once saw Mystic Meg, without her wig.

The strangest thing was, her real hair is cut almost exactly the same way but...there’s very little of it.

(ie: scalp showing through in a mad, ’bit iffy’ sort of way - shudders recalling it)