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The all conquering team of 2014

By Sam Hoare :  24/05/2010 :  Comments (26) :
Excuse this absurdly optimistic and speculative article but the sun is shining and I'm bored at work.

Let me introduce you to the the glorious treble winning Everton team of 2014:

GK- Ruddy (27yrs)

After another season on loan up north in 2010, an unfortunate injury to Howard and Mucha saw Ruddy get a chance for the 2011 season. He took it with both hands, soon becoming No 1 for Everton and pushing Joe Hart for the England gloves.

LB- Baines (29 yrs)

After being Capello's surprise pick at LB in the 2010 World Cup, Baines excelled himself and has continued to do so at club and country level ever since.

CB- Heitinga (30 yrs)

Everton captain. Mr Dependable.

CB- Duffy (22yrs)

Found renewed focus after recovering from near fatal freak training accident. A pillar of strength for reserves in 2010 and stood out as best player on loan for Championship Liverpool in 2011. He was given a chance in 2012 and rose to the challenge.

RB- Coleman (25 yrs)

After single handedly saving Blackpool from relegation in 2010 he came back to Everton in 2011 season to replace grandpa Pip. Once Moyes corrected a few positional faults, he went on to become one of the most feared right backs in the Premier League.

MC- Fellaini (26) and Rodwell (23)

The strongest midfield pairing in Europe. Kenwright almost had a heart attack when Moyes turned down a £120M bid from Mourinho's Real Madrid for the pair in 2012 and the decision looks vindicated. Class.

AMR- Baxter (22yrs)

With no money Baxter was asked to occasionally fill in the Pienaar hole in 2010. He struggled at first but grew in confidence. By 2012 he was looking like a premiership gem. The new improved Leon Osman.

AMC- Bilyaletdinov (29yrs)

Began to fulfill his potential in 2010. By 2012 he was being hailed as the new Frank Lampard. Scored 24 goals in all fixtures in the 2013 campaign.

AMR- Moses (23yrs)

Pinched from relegated Wigan for the 2011 season. His pace and power saw him soon established as a fan favourite. Has developed into a top class player.

ST- ?????????

Someone awesome and young who was found by Moyes around 2010 to help out Saha and Yakubu... Romelu Lukaku? Sturridge? Jutkiweicz?!! Suggestions welcome.


Areta (32) Still got it.
Jagielka (31) Solid as a rock.
Gosling (24) Still scores vital goals
Barkley (20) the new Jack rodwell?
Hallam Hope (20?) Very exciting young prospect.
Howard (36) God loves you T-Ho.
Cahill (34) Just because.

Squad player- Fernando Torres (30)

Picked up on a free when Liverpool went into administration in 2012. Useful for Carling Cup.

So there you have it. Implausible of course but not totally impossible... well, not all of it.

Reader Comments

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Nick Broadhurst
1   Posted 24/05/2010 at 14:23:07

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Brilliant! Good read =)
Colin Potter
2   Posted 24/05/2010 at 14:27:17

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Absolute cracker Sam!!
What were the derby scores?
Ben Howard
3   Posted 24/05/2010 at 14:40:47

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Enjoyed that immensely Sam. Nice one!
Phil Bellis
4   Posted 24/05/2010 at 14:33:45

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65,000 fans packed into Goodison yesterday for the dedication ceremony for the Linda McCartney and Jim McCartney Stands

New Everton Chairman, Sir Paul, spoke of his ambition for his recently-crowned FIFA Club World Champions...
Eric Myles
5   Posted 24/05/2010 at 14:46:44

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Keep up Colin, the RS have been in the Championship since 2011.
Tony McNulty
6   Posted 24/05/2010 at 14:50:20

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In January, 2014 following a successful challenge to an earlier court ruling, Steven Gerrard was appointed official bootlacer to the Everton team.

Lord Justice Finbury stated that the defendant’s lawyer had failed to prove “beyond a reasonable doubt” that Mr Gerrard was not fit to lace Mikel Arteta’s boots. So he got the job.
Alasdair Mackay
7   Posted 24/05/2010 at 15:03:35

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James Wallace should be in there!

Who's this Barkley kid?
Alasdair Mackay
8   Posted 24/05/2010 at 15:09:26

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Also Anichebe — he could be our 30-league-goals-a-season striker in that system. Renewed belief and determination from start of 2010-11 season following a career-threatening injury the year before!
Mike Green
9   Posted 24/05/2010 at 14:34:07

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Colin - there were no derby matches in 2014 as Liverpool were in a relegation dogfight at the foot of Div 1 and out of both cups before we entered the competitions :D
Ray Robinson
10   Posted 24/05/2010 at 16:51:33

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Sam, is your name Sam Tyler? Doing a bit of time travel maybe? I'd like to think that you're not too far from the truth — only don't think Ruddy will even be here next season, let alone 2014.

What happened to the FSW? I'll bet the stubborn bugger is still "coaching his squad" (with a bit of luck!).
Mike Gaynes
11   Posted 24/05/2010 at 16:56:52

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Striker: James Vaughan, 26, scores 22 goals in his first full injury-free season since he was 16 years old.

And I have a teammate from Leeds who insists that Garbutt is the real deal.
But what's all this age prejudice? Barca, Real, Inter all have mainstay players well up into their 30s. Personally, I believe that Arteta and Jags will still be in full command of the ship in 2014. 32 and 31 aren't old in this era of top conditioning.
Mike Allison
12   Posted 24/05/2010 at 18:01:27

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Striker Joao Silva surely...

Does everybody else start copying the 'two right wingers' formation? I'm surprised no-one worked out a way of playing against it.
Dennis Stevens
13   Posted 24/05/2010 at 18:29:57

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After reading all that, I'm quite disappointed that we've only done the treble & not a clean sweep of honours!
Andy Crooks
14   Posted 24/05/2010 at 19:06:44

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In 2014, we will be playing against Blackpool. In what division? Well, who knows.
Brendan O'Doherty
15   Posted 24/05/2010 at 20:47:26

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No need to be so miserable, Andy, it was just a bit of fun..

I liked the 'squad player' bit.
Jimmy Saville
16   Posted 24/05/2010 at 21:14:20

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Without doubt, the best thing I've read on here.
Ciarán McGlone
17   Posted 24/05/2010 at 23:10:40

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Haha... four years down the line and we still haven't spent anything....
Danny O'Neill
18   Posted 25/05/2010 at 00:00:37

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Nice one, Ciaran, good observation!

I'll go for the middle ground.

Not convinced by the selection but combination of a squad that's been together for years and introduction of youth talent, there's no reason we shouldn't be finishing in the top 4 at the very least.
Eric Myles
19   Posted 25/05/2010 at 02:43:40

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There's some glaring problems with that squad though, no starting places for Hibbert and Osman.
That must mean that Moyes is not our manager anymore then?
Eamonn Turner
20   Posted 25/05/2010 at 02:57:51

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No mention of how we bought the former Anfield site in 2013 and demolished it for the new Everton Megastore? Liverpool are ground sharing Prenton Park by the way.
Omar Eash
21   Posted 25/05/2010 at 08:16:34

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Outstanding article. Well done. Can't wait for the next installment assuming work doesn't take over!
Richard Dodd
22   Posted 25/05/2010 at 09:17:36

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I bet at least half the players you name will have moved to pastures new by 2014. We are about to enter a new period of migration and it won't just apply at Everton.
Gary Tudor
23   Posted 25/05/2010 at 21:48:37

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That is just the funniest thing I have read in ages! Absolute class!
Dave Smith
24   Posted 28/05/2010 at 22:24:15

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"No mention of how we bought the former Anfield site in 2013 and demolished it for the new Everton Megastore?"

Don't forget the huge multi-storey car park for match days. Right where the Kop stood should do nicely....
Dan Parker
25   Posted 01/06/2010 at 22:03:29

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Baines had a good World Cup, did he? ;-)
Alan Kirwin
26   Posted 03/06/2010 at 11:47:07

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Great piece, Sam. A refreshing change from some of the misery we're used to :)

But you overlooked Rooney's return following ManU's demise after new Uefa debt rules came into play.

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