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Three Moans Per Person!!!

Comments (86)

Right, lets get it off our chests in just 3 sentences / moans per person... Keep it snappy!!!

To start:

1. The catering at the match is shocking and over priced. Massive missed revenue opportunity. (Terry Leahy is on the board... surely he could sort this one out!)

2. Fellow adult fans getting in on kids tickets ? winds me right up that one! 3. The in-ground bookies being some firm no-one has heard of... There used to be a big queue for Ladbrokes; now empty ? another missed opportunity!

Remember ? Just THREE moans please... we could all list loads.

Elaine Riding, UK     Posted 27/03/2011 at 21:17:56

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Gerry Quinn
1   Posted 28/03/2011 at 00:20:10

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1. Hibbo
2. That lazy French guy
3. This seasons performances
Peter Dry
2   Posted 28/03/2011 at 00:22:46

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1. People who arrive ten minutes after kick off every game and disrupt everyone who bothered their arses to get to their seat in time.

2. People who stand up when we progress beyond the half way line or win a corner. What's the point? If everyone stayed seated, everyone would be able to see everything. Instead, you have to stand up and struggle to see anything.

3. Every pub near the ground. They're all shite and seem to make no effort to cater for the extra business they inevitably get on match day.
Keith Edmunds
3   Posted 28/03/2011 at 00:42:08

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1. Pay TV - Wrecked the game, or is it just Everton.

2. Dodgy internet links.

3. 5;30 kick offs - 4;30am here!
Alex Kociuba
4   Posted 28/03/2011 at 00:51:24

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1. Bill Kenwright
2. David Moyes
3. Richard Dodd
David Mathieson
5   Posted 28/03/2011 at 01:01:24

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1. Liverpool FC
2. Kopites
3. The Red Shite
Victor Chang
6   Posted 28/03/2011 at 00:58:49

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1. Bill Kenwrights 24/7 mission,

2. The none existence of Everton in sports shops whilst being surrounded by other teams merchandise.

3. The fact Anichebe cant win an effin' header.
Victor Chang
7   Posted 28/03/2011 at 01:10:08

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And what David said.
Joe McMahon
8   Posted 28/03/2011 at 02:10:28

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1. Moyes tactics/substitutions
2. Hibberts NO goals to over 200 games ratio.
3. Wooden Seats in a antiquated stadium

It was difficult to decide, "Boys Pen Bill" and Anichebe but errr good point about only 3 Eliane otherwise we could be hear for years.
Eric Myles
9   Posted 28/03/2011 at 02:35:28

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1. Kenwright

2. Kenwright

3. Kenwright

KENWRIGHT OUT
James Flynn
10   Posted 28/03/2011 at 02:52:12

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1. Where's McGlone?

2. Where's the cash?

3. Where's the cash to buy LD?
Alex Buckley
11   Posted 28/03/2011 at 03:01:19

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1. Warm shit beer

2. Always last on MOTD

3. Piss poor board.
Kirk McArdle
12   Posted 28/03/2011 at 03:16:34

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1, Best squad ever. (My arse)

2, Manchester United feeder / reserve team.

3, Political correctness.

Why did Sibson one single Saha out? Could of called them all useless lazy bastards then wouldn't have been banned for 3 years for being racist. Grassed up by a fellow blue. Well, if that fellow blue settles for the shite offered this season then Sibson is better off without spending for a season ticket. Let the other mug keep funding this incompetent Board.

Sorry, slightly off topic there!
Chris Bannantyne
13   Posted 28/03/2011 at 03:34:56

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1. Everton is located in England, which is slightly out of my way (Australia).

2. The Board

3. Anichebe

Kenwright Out!
Chris Bannantyne
14   Posted 28/03/2011 at 03:41:12

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Alex #4

lots of laughs at '3. Richard Dodd'
Ged Simpson
15   Posted 28/03/2011 at 04:48:39

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1. The wages all our players get

2. The fact that I have no idea who that oldish balding fella is who is always in our dugout behind Moyes

3. That Everton song they play over the speakers that sounds from 1970's with the line "WE'RE AFTER THE LEAGUE AND WE'RE AFTER THE CUP, EVERTON'S ON THE UP AND UP"... Aaaah
Jamie Sweet
16   Posted 28/03/2011 at 05:23:22

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1. The fact that we were in a relegation scrap in January and further depleted our squad rather than make any effort to strengthen.

2. The fact that we always have a shit start to the season, yet show no intention of changing our pre-season routine.

3. The wankers who own / run our club who clearly take our wonderful supporters for granted.
Tony Cheek
17   Posted 28/03/2011 at 05:39:12

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1. Moyes's team selections.
2. Moyes's substitutions.
3. Bill Kenwright.
Mitchell Wilton
18   Posted 28/03/2011 at 06:15:50

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1. Wrong side of the world.
2. The reliance of the crap home grown players (Hibbert, Osman et al).
3. The useless official who forgot to renew Gosling's contract.
Tony J Williams
19   Posted 28/03/2011 at 09:01:43

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1) People blaming Hibbert/Osman for everything from the beer being warm to our lack of goals

2) Mark Clatternberg being allowed to continue after a) the derby b) being done for bad business and c) getting new fake hair

3) Posters using derogatory terms when they can't sensibly argue a point............. and Kenwright
Ste Traverse
20   Posted 28/03/2011 at 09:05:15

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1. The embarrassment and disgrace of a 'chairman'.

2. His Yes-men on the board and that clueless CEO.

3. Ian 'spin' Ross.
Tony McNulty
21   Posted 28/03/2011 at 09:21:25

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1. The big hoof up the pitch which just gives the opposition the ball back and puts us under renewed pressure.
2. The fact that no-one ever seems to consider practising alternatives to the big hoof up the pitch.
3. The sub-standard performance of ownership arrangements which condemn us to mid-table mediocrity with our best players leaving.
Andrew Conroy
22   Posted 28/03/2011 at 09:17:57

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1. That 'If yer know yer history' is still the chant of choice and that after all this time I've never heard it sung without it going embarassingly out of time.

2. That as a 12-year-old at the Bayern Munich second leg, I thought we'd be invincible forever. This is as much my fault as it is Everton's, but I wish I'd been able to savour things a bit more (or that we hadn't consistently had a gang of motherfuckers at the helm).

3. The unfair retrospective criticism certain past players come in for while others are mythologised like they're Mother Theresa and Dixie Dean rolled into one.
Marc Williams
23   Posted 28/03/2011 at 10:04:17

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No 1 ? Bill Kenwright for all his lies during his incompetent tenure as chairman.

No 2 ? Robert Elstone & Ian Ross for their high handed, smug contempt for our fans.

No 3 ? Elaine Riding for her vain attempt to limit me to only 3 moans.
Eugene Ruane
24   Posted 28/03/2011 at 10:09:39

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1) BK

2) RE

3) DM
Marc Williams
25   Posted 28/03/2011 at 10:13:55

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No 1: Big Vic's dad for not wearing a durex in August 1987.

No 2: Big Vic's mum for not insisting that he wear one in August 1987.

No 3: David Moyes for actually playing Big Vic instead of shipping him out on loan to League Two.
Adam Bennett
26   Posted 28/03/2011 at 10:19:40

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1. Bill Kenwright.

2. When players get played out of position?.. and have a bad game.

3. The barmaid that I fancy in the pub I drink in before/after the match doesn?t fancy me.
Dave Wilson
27   Posted 28/03/2011 at 10:07:14

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1) The anual list of managers that would do better than Moyes... but never ever do.

2) The abuse levelled at local players, especially Anichebe, who has only spent about 5-6 hours on the pitch all season, but seems to be held responsible for everyone else's short comings.

3) Watching other clubs get richer as we get ever poorer.
Marc Williams
28   Posted 28/03/2011 at 10:19:23

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No 1: The Freshfields mental health & community carer's team for allowing their most looney patient to post support for Kenwright on this site.

No 2: ToffeeWeb for being so addictive, when I've got work to to on a Monday morning.

No 3: Heitinga & myself for not knowing when to shut up!
Martin Faulkner
29   Posted 28/03/2011 at 10:24:04

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1. Our inability to take a quick free-kick, throw-in or short-corner.

2. Moyes's substitutions.
3. International friendlies and tournaments during the season, Cahill was on a bit of decent form up until the Asian Cup in January... where's he been since? How much have we paid him in wages since the start of January for bugger all return? No wonder we're skint.

Luke O'Farrell
30   Posted 28/03/2011 at 10:41:22

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1. Kick offs ? we always go back to Jags/Baines/Neville or Hibbert and lump it to the opposition. How on earth can we have a good start to a game when the first thing we do is surrender the ball!!!!

2. Corners ? Why, oh why, oh why don't we leave someone on the half way line when defending corners!! We clear the ball and it comes straight back at us.

3. Substitutions ? Moyes, you can do them before 70 mins and you can make them positive!!!
Lee Courtliff
31   Posted 28/03/2011 at 10:30:13

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No 1 ? I will probably never hero-worship another player like I did Big Dunc and Andrei 'cos I am too old.

No 2 ? I will probably never see Everton win the league even though I am only 29 years old.

No 3 ? I haven't had any in months.
Dick Fearon
32   Posted 28/03/2011 at 11:19:07

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Ged (#16), I also want to know who that elderly baldish guy is.
Complaints 1 to 3: a compilation of all the above.
Ray Said
33   Posted 28/03/2011 at 11:33:55

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No. 1 That we never leave a striker on the half-way line when we defend corners.

No. 2 That all the coaches are dour defender types.

No. 3 (a) That Arteta still takes freekicks.

No.3 (b) That 'Boys Pen Bill' (TM) and his financial plan consists of buying an extra Euro Millions ticket when the prize fund hits |£100Mill.
Michael Lynch
34   Posted 28/03/2011 at 11:49:39

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1. Why do our defence retreat 15 yards when we take the lead and act like the ball is a fucking unexploded bomb when it comes to them?

2. Operation Goodison Exercise.

3. Tim Cahill being a passenger for virtually the whole match, unless he get's on the end of a corner, and still being an automatic starter.

Guy Wilkinson
35   Posted 28/03/2011 at 12:14:15

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1) Hibbo for making Chang taste like piss after 3 mouthfuls.

2) 11 men in our box for corners.

3) Kenwright.
Robert Johnson
36   Posted 28/03/2011 at 12:17:38

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1) Anichebe

2) Anichebe

3) Anichebe
Chris Bannantyne
37   Posted 28/03/2011 at 12:28:55

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1. I don't think Anichebe has been mentioned enough times

2. Anichebe

3. Anichebe
Dave Lynch
38   Posted 28/03/2011 at 12:42:07

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1. Kings Dock fiasco
2. Kenwright
3. Sky Sports obsession with the so-called big 4.
Noel Lynam
39   Posted 28/03/2011 at 12:47:48

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1. People who take one quote from a previous poster, use it out of context and run with it for a lengthy rant to suit their own argument.

2. People who still bang on about Landon Donovan as if his signing would suddenly propel us up the table.

3. Ass-lickers.
Ray Roche
40   Posted 28/03/2011 at 12:55:28

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1. Why I always forget my cap when it's sunny and I'm blinded.(St End)

2. Anything remotely associated to the RS.

3. The little bit of wee that stains light colored kecks no matter how many times I shake my dick after a slash.

3.(b) People who can't spell "coloured"
Andrew Conroy
41   Posted 28/03/2011 at 13:21:19

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Lee (#33), your 'I will probably never see Everton win the league even though I am only 29 years old' moan has sent the cold chill of reality down my spine.

There are yet-to-be-conceived Evertonians the same could be said of.
Norman Merrill
42   Posted 28/03/2011 at 13:49:47

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Kenwright & Kenwright & Kenwright... in that order.
David Bingham
43   Posted 28/03/2011 at 13:53:40

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Ray #42 ? funny ? cheered my Monday up!

1. Not winning the Euromillions on Friday so I could have bought out Bill
2. Not buying a ticket for the lottery on Saturday
3. Spending money I don't have have on stuff I don't really need, when I could be spening it on EFC merchandise... especially the 1985 collection!
Kevin Tully
44   Posted 28/03/2011 at 14:12:21

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1. Ant & Dec (counting them as one)

2. Twats who want to push into a single lane going through roadworks.

3. Celebrity redshite supporters from Berkshire.
Elaine Riding
45   Posted 28/03/2011 at 16:46:39

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I'm amazed by the amount of comments on this post in the last few hours, some quality contributions... Thanks. Asking fellow Evertonians to have a bit of a moan was always going to get a response I suppose!!

The three things not yet mentioned that yet that I am surprised about, however:

1) Le Coq Sportiff;
2) Buying stuff from the shop and the next day getting an email saying its got 90% off;
3) Restricted views.

One totally personal moan, just in case the person is reading this, is the fact that I bought a match-worn shirt off the official website (£300) and the certificate of authenticity was written in big marker pen on a shitty bit of headed notepaper by what must have been the work experience lad!

I feel a hell of a lot better for getting these trivial moans off my chest and I hope you feel a little lighter too.

Ray Robinson
46   Posted 28/03/2011 at 17:14:21

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1) People who think that criticism of poor players is based on their being local.

2) Racism (particularly at away matches).

3) The obvious lack of firepower going into each season.
Rob Hollis
47   Posted 28/03/2011 at 17:16:53

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Howard Kendall, for leaving when he had the chance to build something very long-term (1st time).

Gary Lineker for forcing us to change style and not win the double, and for being a smug twat.

The Champions League for turning the European Cup into a long and boring series of TV programmes instead of a competitive knockout. In fact, TV for screwing up the game.
Elaine Riding
48   Posted 28/03/2011 at 17:37:04

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Rob (#48):
Kendall point... what a great, but surely a controversial shout. I thought it was only me who thought he only sold Lineker to Barca as he thought he was a shoe-in for the job and ended up at Bilbao instead...
Mike Fields
49   Posted 28/03/2011 at 18:12:25

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1. The viewing of the non-scoring Anichebe as an attacker (or in any other position).

2. The failure to leave a forward upfield when defending corners.

3. The too-loud PA system which renders conversation impossible.
Dave Smith
50   Posted 28/03/2011 at 18:06:19

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1. Sepp Blatter, because he is single handedly killing Association Football.

2. FIFA, for being corrupt and incompetent.

3. The FA, for being spinless, corrupt and inept. And for constantly pampering to the rich clubs.
Mark Pierpoint
51   Posted 28/03/2011 at 19:30:31

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1) Obsession with the past.
2) The board's lack of transparency ? something akin to a failing communist state.
3) Restricted views.
Jamie Barlow
52   Posted 28/03/2011 at 19:46:27

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1) Hibbo bashers. 2) Mark Clattenburg. 3) Everything red.
Jeff Armstrong
53   Posted 28/03/2011 at 19:44:04

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1. Our stadium announcer who constantly wants to see how it's "shaping up for the mighty blues" and can't pronounce foreign players' names.

2. That shitty Changy versus whoever, embarrassing half-time on-screen "let's rip off our own texting fans" comp.

3. Sibson supporters, the people around him had put up with a lot worse than what he got banned for.
Jon Beck
54   Posted 28/03/2011 at 19:48:45

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1. The "commentator" sitting behind me in the Lower Gwladys.

2. Abuse over content in arguments.

3. Stand up if you love the blues ? why else would I sit through this. :(
Trevor Mackie
55   Posted 28/03/2011 at 20:08:14

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Lack of enthusiasm from Moyes

Lack of enthusiasm from the players

Lack of enthusiasm from the fans
Frank Duffy
56   Posted 28/03/2011 at 20:28:23

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1. Asking fans to pay for next seasons ticket while the current has a couple of months still to go.

2. The overpriced beer and food

3. The players on more money than they will ever need.
Tony Gee
57   Posted 28/03/2011 at 21:26:29

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1. A Dutch fuckwitt that can't shut up..

2. A ginger fuckwitt that has the tactical awareness of a wheelie bin.

3. Student/unwashed nancy boys who wreck a London shop window or two, who think they're big time... Anytime you want some, knobheads!
Dermot Ryan
58   Posted 28/03/2011 at 21:57:55

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1. Dirk Kuyt

2. Moyes's late and defensive substitutions

3. Victor Anichebe
Dick Fearon
59   Posted 28/03/2011 at 22:27:03

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People who use loose instead of lose.
Trevor Williams
60   Posted 28/03/2011 at 23:30:34

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1. The cramped, no, very cramped seats in the Upper Gwladys.

2. Johhny 5 for gobbing off.

3. The fact we can moan about our club and have a sense of humour about it, unlike the redhsite.
David Hallwood
61   Posted 28/03/2011 at 23:22:14

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1. People who spell defence the American way- defense
2. How GP catering can make tea as expensive and taste like shit
3. Peepul that moaneth not once but thrice
Lee Courtliff
62   Posted 29/03/2011 at 01:16:20

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Andrew Conroy ? Sorry mate. I hope I am wrong.
Matt Traynor
63   Posted 29/03/2011 at 02:20:00

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Elaine (#48), it's always been mooted that Kendall left in disgust over then Chairman Phillip Carter and the board deciding to take the money for Lineker from Barcelona.

Although many Evertonians never acknowledge this, Lineker himself has always stated he was happy to stay, and was sold by the club, not Kendall.

I'd never bought the "Europe ban" line ? of all the teams, why go to Bilbao where he was going to be hamstrung in terms of who he could buy etc... Or was it just for the cheap sangria?
Ellen West
64   Posted 29/03/2011 at 08:17:41

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a) £10 million spent on Bily (a cruise missile could do more damage at a fraction of the cost).
b) Graeme Souness

c) The IMF
Terry Hayes
65   Posted 29/03/2011 at 09:12:20

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1. Anichebe for his crap impersonation of a footballer.

2. David Moyes for not realising that Anichebe is shite.

3. The groundsman for opening the gates and letting Anichebe in.

James Greem
66   Posted 29/03/2011 at 09:15:53

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1) Not having a Baines-esque right back since I can remember.

2) Not having a quality winger since ADvM! ;p

3) Not ever solving the season in season out problem of not having a quality strike partnership.

To some up, I guess Kenwrong and Moyes, oh and Hibbert!
Gary Mortimer
67   Posted 29/03/2011 at 10:36:01

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1) The ?so-called? Champions League and how it is now far more important to finish 4th in the Prem than to win the FA Cup. Somebody commented on how it wasn?t a competition, it was a TV show ? I think it is worse than that. I have no interest whatsoever in who wins it, it?s not going to be us, so it?s not important ? but the media assumes that all footie fans are addicted to it. What will be interesting is what will happen if Spurs finish 5th and how many of their ?stars? demand to leave.

2) Sky and how it has reduced the Prem to such a state (along with the Chumps League) that only three clubs have won it in 16 years.

3) Being able to have more than 1 sub on the bench. Reducing it to a couple would bring back the importance of the utility player (Alan Harper anyone?) and also mean that all the best players would not join just a handful of clubs as they would not get many games.

Ray Roche
68   Posted 29/03/2011 at 13:23:24

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Gary Mortimer.
Great comment about the number of subs.
Craig Bellew
69   Posted 29/03/2011 at 12:47:08

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1. Dermot Ryan (#58) his No 1 rant is defo one of my 3. I can't stand him, is it just me or do you think Dirk should be plying his trade with Ron Jeremy and a couple of busty blondes making 18+ films rather than in the EPL, it's the pornstar-style mullet that has me convinced that he will defo have a job to fall back on once he retires from footy.

2. Poster's who sign off with IMWT. I don't and never have trusted him, or the fat controller who could generate at least another 10 - 20 rants just for him.

3. Celebrity RS supporter's who pop up on the TV for any discussion red ie the unveiling of King Kenny. There's loads of them like Ricky "Farm foods" Tomlinson, Cilla "I'm a scouser cos I knocked around with the Beatles" Black. Jason McAteer (I know he's a former player)... the list could go on for miles and be one that could start off a whole new thread titled simply "Name three Celeb RS supporters you don't like".
Tim Spring
70   Posted 29/03/2011 at 13:38:56

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I now live in Kent so my post is contextualised;

1. Plastic Liverpool fans who have never been to Anfield yet bang on about being the greatest fan base in the country.

2. Not being able to go to home games and having to make do with away games down south (which we lose).

3. Colina for ruining our chance to let kKilbane, Beattie, Bent and co play in the Champs league.... then again maybe he did us a favour!?
Tim Spring
71   Posted 29/03/2011 at 13:57:10

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Sorry, I completely forgot to add:

1. Tony Hibbert

2. Leon Osman

3. Victor Anichebe
James Ryan
72   Posted 29/03/2011 at 16:33:06

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1. The constant bullshit propaganda that comes out of the club, normally via the official site.

2.Bill Kenwright's love for the club.

3. Victor Anichebe's fat, lazy arse. (How can James Vaughan's loan be justified with that lazy twat getting a game?)
Chris Bannantyne
73   Posted 29/03/2011 at 16:58:56

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1) That you can buy an Everton wheelie-bin sticker from the official merchandise store. WTF is that about? Is EFC synonymous with garbage? ...well lately maybe.

2) I can buy an Everton dart board from the official merchandise store, but not one with BK's face on it.

3) I can buy an Everton tax disk holder from the official merchandise store, but I have absolutely no idea what a tax disk is, or why I would need a piece of themed memorabilia to hold it.
Phil Bellis
74   Posted 29/03/2011 at 18:41:45

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1. Lazy bastard teachers of English (note not English teachers, that's racist) who've never taught children the difference between an auxiliary verb and a preposition ? latest I've heard is "wouldn't of have".
2. Clive "the Cheat" Thomas
3. Liverpool fans who deny Heysel.
Gareth Atkinson
75   Posted 29/03/2011 at 19:38:41

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1. Operation Goodison Excercise

2. Hit the bar

3. Victor Anichebe
Ian Campbell
76   Posted 29/03/2011 at 19:47:00

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1. Wooden seats and restricted views.

2. Whoever came up with the term 'Blue Bill' when clearly it was meant to be 'Blue Kill'.

3. 4-5-1 at home to the likes of Wigan and West Brom.
Col Hughes
77   Posted 29/03/2011 at 19:53:51

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1. Ss..Sst..Stte..Stev..Steven.. 'Argh', Cant even say his name, That gobshite across the park.
2. Same as number 1.
3. Anichebe
Mike Hayes
78   Posted 29/03/2011 at 21:39:23

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1) Fans who only turn up after the match for signatures in the nice weather.

2) Players who've stopped coming out at the Park End car park for fans to get signatures after the match.

3) Kenwright, Moyes, Hibbert, Osman, Bily, Anichebe.
Trevor Mackie
79   Posted 29/03/2011 at 21:33:27

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Just watching England and I'm sorry but got to get this off my chest.

The biggest thing I hate about football is the THE FUCKERS CAN'T PLAY.

When did it become acceptable to be a pro if you can't control, pass or head the ball?

For you young fellas out there you used to gauge a good footballer by his exceptional skill, every team used to have one or two players who could beat people not just run fast.

Thank you.
Jamie Crowley
80   Posted 29/03/2011 at 23:49:49

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Little late, but:
1. 4-5-1 formation and defensive mindset at home against inferior competition;
2. Anichebe;
3. Americans wearing Man U jerseys who know fuck all about the sport, nevermind the team they claim to be fans of ? in fact, that's my #1...
Peter O'Connor
81   Posted 30/03/2011 at 08:01:24

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1 Too many EFC defensive coaches
2 Too many EFC defensive tactics
3 No EFC attacking coaches.
David S Shaw
82   Posted 30/03/2011 at 13:22:51

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1. Sitting down at the match.
2. Apathy from the people who run Everton.
3. Apathy from other fans.
Phil Bellis
83   Posted 30/03/2011 at 13:31:07

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Just to backup Trevor @79... caps:

H Kendall 0
C Harvey 1
F Worthington 8
A Hudson 2
M Dobson 5
D McKenzie 0
G Barry 46
E Heskey 62
D Batty 42
J Carragher 38
QED

Jeff Armstrong
84   Posted 30/03/2011 at 20:06:26

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Phil (#83), the list could go on...

Phil Neville, 59.
Steve Smith
85   Posted 31/03/2011 at 23:11:24

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1. Pasta for tea........again!!!
2. Our local Co-op has got a cheap pasta deal running for fucking ever it seems
3. The woman who sits to my left at the match, should pay for half of my season ticket because the majority of her arse is always on my seat.
James Flynn
86   Posted 01/04/2011 at 02:48:55

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Jamie (80) - What we both know in the States. Not one team anywhere has claimed the US as its own. Very fearful of the Red Sox group doing exacty that.

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