May you enjoy the same success as John Stones in chasing his dream,
Be as beloved by your next set of fans as is the big haired Maroaune Felliani,
May your gaffer see you as a but a bench-warming left-wing-back, and, no use to the 1st team,
Send you promptly to the reserves, before being transferred; much like Nicky ´Judas´ Barmby.

May you wallow in the brilliant vision of all your future Chairmen,
Nothing but the real blingy-bling, much like old ´Mad Dog´ Gravesen,
And when all the avarice and the caprice eventually does your head in, to L4 beg a return,
Head bowed and with your tail between your legs; only to be chucked on the substitutes bench.

May you develop the all goal scoring prowess of a mercurial Angell,
Be as valuable as a profligate young Goon-er Jeffers, and most of all,
May the few goals you do actually get come solely from the intervention of your own misplaced,
Yet very fortuitous arse; much like that eternal red-shite, the ever-poxy Dirk Kuyt.

May you continue to piss in your pants, whenever a top six defender,
Upon you does advance; Vertongen, Kompany and even David `Sideshow Bob´ Luiz,
All leave you quaking at the knees. You, a 6-foot t, 15 stone little spoilt brat,
Then has a big sulk, and wishes dearly that Sunderland AFC are soon to turn up.

Premierships, Champions Leagues, and all kinds of glory you now believe,
Are yours but to turn up and glean, just like a youthful Jack Rodwell a mere short while back;
A winners medal may at last be within his reach, if the Black Cats do a Championship title achieve,
But hark! Nevermind - if you find yourself in career freefall, I am sure Mina Riaola has your back!

Reader Comments (19)

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Frank McGregor
1 Posted 08/07/2017 at 13:10:21
Really pleased to see him gone, as the saying goes "after you get what you want, you don't want it"

I truly believe the winners in this saga are Everton and Chelsea and his agent Rioala.

He was a total cancer in the dressing room.

Paul Kossoff
2 Posted 08/07/2017 at 17:21:20
Juanjo Rourke,

Absolutely brilliant slant on the arrogant over-rated one!

Can you do a positive one on the possibility of the prodigal son returning?

Mike Gaynes
3 Posted 08/07/2017 at 17:39:37
I call bullshit, Frank. You haven't the slightest idea what he was like in the dressing room.

In fact, if the public comments of Lookman, Valencia, Bolasie and Calvert-Lewin are any indication, he has been a popular figure there.

David Pearl
4 Posted 08/07/2017 at 17:56:17
Hmm. Well, as Moyes once remarked, Not many leave Everton and be successful. He found that out himself didn't he.

Lukaku is still improving as a player. Once he starts going well and his ego inflates more than Augustus Gloop, he can't really turn round and say he wants to be playing Champions League football next season can he?

Once the blues finish higher than Man Utd. Now that would be poetic justice. I read from Ray Wilkins a few weeks ago that Fellaini was a Man Utd 6 out of 10 player but a Everton 8 out of 10 player every week.

Looking forward to seeing how Romelu handles his return to Goodison Park with all four sides of the ground baying.

Des Farren
5 Posted 08/07/2017 at 19:30:01
"He was a total cancer in the dressing room" Yes Frank? And your evidence for this claim?
Terry Underwood
6 Posted 08/07/2017 at 19:33:07
Okay, he has acted like an asswipe, but we are better than that. Good luck Rom, except against us of course
Brent Stephens
7 Posted 08/07/2017 at 19:37:43
#1 is going to set the tone for this thread, is it? BS comment about the dressing room.
Colin Glassar
8 Posted 08/07/2017 at 19:39:44
Juanjo (best name ever on here), is that a curse or a blessing?
David Barks
9 Posted 08/07/2017 at 19:42:52
Only people ever claiming him to be a cancer are people on this site with absolutely zero knowledge of anything going on in the club. In fact, as has been pointed out above, player after player actually speaks well of him and the team came together, Lukaku included, last season.

Also, all the joking about Fellaini ignores the faith put in him by Mourinho as the season went on and his growing importance as the season went on last year. He actually turned it around last season. As opposed to Rooney, who is being celebrated on these pages yet couldn't get a minute for United as the season went on.

And as for Stones, he's accepted the challenge to compete at the top and not just settle. Why would anyone criticize that? Worked out quite well for Lescott, winning trophies and league titles and making a hell of a lot of money. Just as Fellaini has been winning trophies, as did Rooney. And we'll just forget about Arteta going to Arsenal too, right?

Graham Mockford
10 Posted 08/07/2017 at 19:48:14
To be honest, I've got more respect for the Peter Roberts and Alan Bodells of this world. At least they have been consistent in their criticism of Lukaku, even if I vehemently disagree with nearly everything they've sad.

All the snide and vitriolic stuff over the last few days has been a tad pathetic in my view.

David Barks
11 Posted 08/07/2017 at 19:59:32

Why is sticking to a position regardless of any evidence to the contrary seen as a good trait? I've never understood that to be honest. I thought being stubborn and unwilling to change was a negative trait. I certainly never look for that in an employee.

John Schrempft
12 Posted 08/07/2017 at 21:06:42
Once again, Man Utd will take one of our best players and sell or give us one of their cast-offs. One of the Sunday papers will cream themselves as they're the Man Utd fan club anyway and have been campaigning for Lukaku to leave Everton for some months now. We've been regarded as not good enough for such a player.

It would be nice if all Premier League teams had the same level playing field concerning transfers. Probably, Rom was okay in the dressing room; however, his attitude towards Everton stank and, despite his goals, I'm glad he's going.

Juanjo Rourke
13 Posted 08/07/2017 at 21:10:36
Paul @ 2

Thanks. I was my first poem to have composed in nearly 25 years. The punctuation leaves a lot to be desired, I should have taken more time to edit it.

As for Rooney, I am not ´feeling the love´ (or disdain for that matter) so I don´t think I would have any starting point. Perhaps if he scores a few goals against Man Utd and the Liverpool this season, that would change things for me!

Juanjo Rourke
14 Posted 08/07/2017 at 21:28:41
Colin @ 8

Blessings and curses can come in many shapes and guises! I will let you decide on what it really is...

Graham @ 10

I have been consistent in my viewpoint on him, his stats in games versus top 6 teams are clear enough. He has been mollycoddled since the prospect of a move was first mooted and his discontent was noted in the Belgian media. He should have had some real competition brought in to threaten his position and the occasion dumping onto the subs bench to undercut his overblown ego.

Mike @ 3

I can think of one example of an overblown ego looking for a move being a cancer in the dressing room and it must have contributed to Everton´s worst finish since the millennium - Rooney in 2003-04.

I can´t see how a visible abandonment of the ship despite extreme mollycoddling could be anything other than deeply demoralising to a team unit.

Ferguson at the Manure never tolerated it, Jaap Stam, Beckam and his right-hand man on the pitch Roy Keane were quickly given the heave-ho when they showed themselves to be bigger than their boots. This has been an essential difference between Man Utd and Everton in the Kenwright era.

Dave Abrahams
15 Posted 08/07/2017 at 21:50:28
I'm made up with the money we have got for him, could be as much as £90M with add-ons. I didn't think we'd get that much for him to be honest, even in today's inflated market, so I'd say thanks for that Rom. I hope most of it gets spent on more players.

I'll take an interest in the rest of his career to see if he can improve as a player, I don't expect him to but he is with a great, and demanding, coach so you never know.

The Everton fans have been great with Lukaku while he was here, many will say he deserved to be, but there were times when he couldn't have complained if he got a bit of stick, but I don't think he did, so I honestly think he will get a good reception when he comes back.

He wasn't my cup of tea but when he returns I will politely clap him and think of the huge profit we made on him and look at the fabulous striker we bought with the proceeds of that. Well I think I will, we haven't bought him up to now. Wayne certainly won't compensate for him – that's for sure.

Ted Dunne
16 Posted 09/07/2017 at 09:53:01
I find it very hard to wish or have good feelings for this big headed overrated egotistical average player. Since Day 1, he has been disrespectful to the club and its fans always going on about the bigger and better club for him. Not a word about the time, the work or fan base at Everton.

Good bye, thanks for the money... we now hope you fall flat on your big fat arse.

Lee Whitehead
17 Posted 09/07/2017 at 15:23:11
Just reading the comments from "The great one" on his twitter account:

1) Didnt think twice about joining MUFC
2) I'm joining a hungry club
3) Always wanted this since being a child
4) Didn't think twice when they came calling
5) MUFC have the best fans in the country
6) I'm going to work hard now, harder than I have done.


Eric Myles
18 Posted 18/07/2017 at 18:37:45
"a youthful Jack Rodwell a mere short while back; A winners medal may at last be within his reach, if the Black Cats do a Championship title achieve,"

So you're not counting Rodwell's Premier League winners medal and League Cup winners medal then??

Joe Rourke
19 Posted 22/07/2017 at 00:20:41
Hi Eric,

Yeah, big error there I have to hold my hands up!

Apparently, the Suits at the Premier League decided that 5 appearances is enough for a medal back in 2013 and I had missed that. I thought it was still 10. I had looked at Rodwell´s record and presumed he hadn't qualified. So, Rodwell with his 6 appearances made the cut and got a medal. Mind you, that calculation has nothing to do with minutes played. Apparently, a guy called Loftus-Cheek of Chelsea got a Premier League winners medal last season for playing 31 mins in total, all season, in just 5 appearances! A true Chelsea hero, I am sure. I couldn't even tell you what position he plays. Nor most, I imagine.

As for the Milk Cup or Rumbelows Cup or whatever it is called now, well I just don't acknowledge that as a real competition and even less so when a top-4 team win it. When the likes of Swansea win it, I think it cute – sort of good for them! - in, I have to admit, a slightly patronizing way. Mostly, I couldn't tell you who won it in what year.

Jack, I note, did however play in 3 of Man City's 6 games when they won it in 2013-14, so that seems like enough for a medal. Good for him. A medal for not much more than 180 mins football. But I note also he wasn't available, or selected, (I admittedly don't know which ) for any of the business-end games. All of which says to me – when the going gets tough, make sure you drop him or he will likely be handing in a sick-note!

Here is what Peter Reid had to say about his career a few years ago, before this present tumble from grace;

And here is what was pointed out, in the same red-top, about his ability to set unfortunate records, just earlier this year;

So Eric, sorry again, I missed this one.

I don´t think it matters though, does it?

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