Evertonians everywhere are waiting to see whether they will need to investigate the next planned shuttle launches off planet earth as Liverpool face Real Madrid in the final of the Champions League in Kiev, Ukraine.

The Galacticos and the king of the narcissists, Cristiano Ronaldo, have owned this competition in recent years. They're the sort of team that can just refuse to be beaten and conjure a winner, either late on or in extra time.

So you just know that they'll fall over like a hungover pub team when we really need them.

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Meanwhile, in a respite from the sickening 'build-up', Aston Villa lost to 10-man Fulham who will now play in the Premier League next season, with the Londoners taking the lead after 20 mins:

Final Score: Aston Villa 0 - 1 Fulham (Cairney 23') in the Championship Playoff Final.