Allardyce not prepared to 'gamble' on left-back signing

Mr Walsh, calling Mr Walsh...

That might sound melodramatic but that's the way I see it.

We all agree but right now we don't have one.

Over to you, Mr Walsh. Can you finally get one deal right please?

Ah, well, Unsworth says Garbutt – after extended work on his defensive fundamentals – is ready to step up to the big boys. I'll believe it when I see it, but I trust Rhino's player development and assessment skills.

So I hope Garbutt starts this week. (A sentence I never expected to write. Ever.)

Garbutt has a touch of Sheedys left foot about him. Never seen him make a tackle before. Not once. So if he had improved under Unsworth let's see what he can do (if he gets the chance).

Coleman in the squad but I hope he doesn't start yet.

And rumours of Schneiderlin going to the Hammers... Moyes will get the best out of him (if there's any best left).

Plus Unsworth's given his endorsement that he's improved defensively and he was right about Niasse when two other Everton managers had writen him off.

If he fails to fill this glaring gap, Walsh will place himself amongst the worst Everton appointments... ever!

I really wish that Fat Sam would just now stay quiet on the subject. Whether it is simply low-ball tactics or we really are not going for a left-back, hearing this talk of left-back every other day gets me more agitated about the clowns that run our club.

I don't see how Cuco can be better than he is being given credit for, since I give him no credit at all.

Davy Klaassen, Michael Keane, Sandro Ramirez and Ademola Lookman were all very promising young footballers until we got hold of them. Now they all look like they would struggle to get a game at the Dog and Duck.

Saying that, none of them have really been given a chance. So why ruin more young footballers' careers bringing them into this static anti-football team?

If there is a cenre-half out there bring him in for the future hopefully Jagielka and Williams will be out at the end of the year.

As for Steve Walsh he has brought in some excellent prospects. If just two of them pan out, then he's a raging success.

Most full backs are now essentially wingers. Why aren't we trying to emulate the best teams in Europe by playing good attacking football and being defensively solid?

The man is an idiot.

The balance of the side is debilitating the team and giving the opposition a leg up.

Mahrez must be licking his chops at Wednesday night.

Every player in the side has to make accommodations for Martina, taking away something from their own game.

We are going into games with one foot tied behind our back. Incomprehensible.

If you cannot find your first choice then go after the guy who would compete with him next season. After all, we need two left backs not one. Baines is done; no amount of romanticism will bring him back.

The continuing narrative of crap he spouts, distancing himself from responsibility and the bygone tactics he employs makes it so hard to go into a game with any hope or confidence. It shatters belief every matchday.

There has got to be a left-footed left-back out there somewhere. If we have to wait til Summer then at least put Garbutt there... anyone but Martina, he's costing us game after game, opponents know that and bomb our left-hand side.

To go into the new season without a backup left-back or no left-footers is beyond inept, but not that have one for Jan 1 is beyond, beyond inept.

What the fuck have they been doing since August? Moyes, who didn't have a pot to urinate in would never be caught short like this.

And as for Allardyce's Martina quote, that's the cowboy builder's “the door's supposed to lean that way because it's self-closing”. Don't insult my intelligence, you fat fraud!!!

Really bad injury in July, but he's back and has four assists to his name.

Moyes is now playing him on the left of a three and they have moved up the table, but it was Big Sam who brought him to West Ham. I'm surprised he hasn't at least asked the question.

Only downside is he's RS... but we've had a few of them down the years and they've worked out okay.

I don't want them handing over something stupid like £25M for Bristol City's lad or the same for Celtic's as for Sessegnon he's only 17 and Fulham hardly ever play him as a full back, he's usually on the wing.

I'm happy to see Garbutt get his chance, for me Allardyce has just publically bigged-up Martina to cushion his fall when he's dropped on Wednesday.

Names please for left-backs we should go for?

But the thinking seems to be "We're too lazy to go find anyone and Martina's perfectly fine, so whatever."

Okay then.

Getting me threads mixed up here.

Start Garbutt Wednesday, take the 㿀 Million for Schneiderlin and put Baningime on in his place, that will do for me.

As for it being a panic buy! Even Koeman recognised the need to find back-up / long term replacement for Baines, so Steve Walsh should have been working on this for at least 8 months by now.

I don't think we can rely on Sam's word though, because if you say “when we are conceding goals like we are”, it means the defence simply isn't working anyway!

Even if it isn't Cuco who is the main problem, somebody obviously needs replacing. If those replacements aren't happening you have to assume that there is nobody already on our books who is capable and so some recruitment has to be necessary.

Continuing with the same defenders who are “conceding goals like we are” is a gamble, and a bloody stupid one at that.

Martinez may have overused a vocabulary that sounded like hyperbole, and Koeman may have been dour, but Sam Allardyce is coming out with waffly nonsense to continue the years of spin and ‘smoke and mirrors' misdirection to cover up the mishandling of the club's affairs.

Cool, so Sam is at least aware the fans think Martina is an absolute joke.

Fetch the white coats. ,"solid"

Fetch the white coats. ,,,1,19:02:47,,146.198.98.211,ok,2088,01/29/2018 19:02:47,JamesStewart,reader,, 894809,36175,toffeeweb,29/01/2018,Hugh Jenkins,hgowerj@hjenkins.co.uk,"He was impressive at stand-in left back. It seems to have been all downhill from there.

At 21 – surely the solution is to bring him back into our Under-23s and let Rhino work his magic? Who knows, in six months we may have him back to where he was before we lent him out.

Sam Allardyce publicly announces that he is happy for Cuco Martina to continue at left-back and the football club's Steve Walsh is haggling with suddenly drop their asking price??? Who are we dealing with, a bunch of toddlers?

Too many people about who have got a good deal on a sofa or won a bit of online poker by bluffing, who think there are soft touches everywhere.

What this says that there's not a left-back in the world that we can't buy or loan... or there isn't even a left-back at the end of his career who could do a job until we get a long-term replacement for Baines, and they've not managed to draw up a shortlist since August.

Sorry, I don't buy it, this is pure ineptitude.

An utterly short-sighted risk but in keeping with what plenty have been saying about Allardyce from the get-go.

Martina is one of the worst players I've seen turn out for Everton. Isn't Lescott available on a free?

Between Walsh and Mr Potato Head, they are stealing a living.

To think when Moshiri first came on board, we were connected with Monchi as Director of Football and Emery as manager....

This isn't a Martina problem... He's just being thrown in there. This is a tactic and lazy recruitment problem. Shocking really.

There must be some disgruntled bugger out there on the fringes of a top side who wants game time.

I am gobsmacked we can go a whole season, nearly, without a left-back. It beggars belief that we could be so amateur to allow this to happen.

Can you imagine any of the top six being so under-prepared for a season in the toughest league in the world?

While there are at least three teams that are more shit than us, if we lose the next two games we will be looking over our shoulders.

Where is Galloway these days, he did well as cover?

No cover for left-back, when Garbutt was on the books but not registered. Galloway loaned out to Sunderland. If Garbutt and Galloway were not good enough to be named in the squad in July why is Garbutt now considered adequate?

If Cuco is okay as per Fat Sam's comments, why do every team zero in on him in games. Why is the left side of EFC considered surplus to requirements as an attacking option?

A team that has had 5 strikes on targets in the last few games, You could not and should not make all this up. We are being taken for a total bunch of thickies with no idea of what makes a team.

Time for this Board, Director of Footbal, and Fat Sam et al to fuck off and get out of the club before it is too late. Given we will get nil points from our next two fixtures, that will find us in relegation trouble once again.

The biggest problem is the lack of movement. We can't even move for our own throw ins, it's embarrassing.

Cuco does a job at defending and not much more. Baines in his prime would struggle linking play up with this lot.

It will be interesting to see what tactics we deploy if any on Wednesday. We all know Leicester love a counter-attack.

I hope Garbutt gets a go; I wouldn't be surprised if he dropped Kenny for Cuco.

Is he the answer? Course he isn't but all the comments are pretty far off the mark regards his defensive performances. T

he whole team have been an utter shambles and to make the guy the scapegoat is pretty boring and inaccurate. We've lost far more goals from Kenny's side but people don't want to highlight this as it doesn't fit the narrative.

I do agree that he offers zero going forward on the left; ironic really when he was decent on the right offensively at the start of the season but poor defensively.

Respectfully, nobody is arguing that a left back should not have been brought in but I really don't think you can blame Walsh as nobody knows what his relationship was with Koeman. Maybe he unearthed 5 left-backs only to be shot down by the manager...who knows?

We need a left back to replace Baines and there is absolutely no point in signing one who for whatever reason is deemed inadequate but fills a hole short-term. We went down that route in signing Williams and suffered for it.

I see Tim has returned to Millwall, stating, "I knew if I came back to England, I would return home."

Wish him all the best, I would take him now with the shite we're turning out.

While Martina is far from being an ideal left-back, right now the flak he is getting is blatantly unfair given he is playing out of position and was put there by Allardyce who so far continues make us into relegation prospects by head scratching selections, Schneiderlin being a prime example.

We must face the fact that unless a total clear-out both at playing and board level happens the unthinkable is more than a possibility.

Blaming just one individual for all the clubs ills is an insult to the intelligence of most Evertonians who are the most knowledgeable and fair minded in the Beautiful Game.

As I am sure you will agree, it is not fair to constantly blame one manager for the shambles that is EFC right now.

You appear to blame Allardyce for playing Martina at left back but, as I remember, Baines got injured against Southampton and Unsworth played Martina at left back against West Ham.

Also, if I remember, apart from Pickford, Allardyce after the West Ham game didn't have another left-footer available to him unless you know otherwise. So playing Martina at left back is not down to him.

As you rightly say, blaming just one individual for all the Club's ills is an insult to the intelligence of most Evertonians who are the most knowledgeable and fair-minded in the Beautiful Game.

Part of me gets what they are saying. A big part of me is relieved Sam isn't going to be allowed to spend more money.

He blatantly doesn't understand the role of a modern full-back though.

It is Steve Walsh's job to identify transfer targets, and if not 24/7 then I would hope for 9 to 5, Monday to Friday at least.

That means, if all his suggestions were knocked back in the summer, I would expect him not to simply sulk but to carry on and make sure he'd got some for the next transfer window. He could even have recycled some from the summer in case Allardyce was more receptive.

Why you would expect less beats me.

Moaning about matches played on deadline day leaves him unable to focus on the market?

So in a well-run club the coach would be doing just that, preparing the side, whilst the Director of Football gets on with getting the players through the doors, regardless of what day of the window it is.

But he hints it's him who has to be there to decide, who goes and who comes in. Utter deflection.

Surely a list of leavers and acceptable prices were sorted long before deadline day? Sounds like a total shit show.

Sam is playing Everton like a fiddle whilst the sound of coin hits his bank balance.

Why? Because as far as wages are concerned we have more than adequate covers in defensive position, though some of these players are injured. . . Even under Koeman there was no urgency about defensive positions. Koeman and Allardyce have rarely mentioned problems in defensive positions. The only place they are mentioned is on this site,

Why? Because Moshiri doesn't want to spend money on defensive players. He has paid money in the past and they are not playing in the first team and adding costs to the wages bill and contributing to a oversized squad. Allardyce will not go against Moshiri. Moshiri bought in Allardyce to avoid relegation. With the players in the squad and Everton reduce the squad. Only exception was a forward.

This is what you get when you have Financial Management rather than Football Management.

For someone who spoke sensibly when he turned up (against common expectations), Allardyce seems to be reverting to type. Fewer youngsters, more run of the mill established pros and lower expectations.

Not for a second do I think they've given up and I'm sure they'll still be looking right up to the deadline.

I think it does reveal where Garbutt sits in the club's thinking. He's just not considered good enough. He doesn't even warrant conversation alongside "steady" Martina.

Personally, I think it was disgraceful mismanagement that we didn't have one signed on January 1st, but I don't run the club.

I thought we already had one of those?

We've been destroyed down the left for months. We're unable to attack down the left. Every one and his bloody dog can see we need a left-back (and a manager with a brain).

Lord forbid that we should play like a Premier League side. Width and a bit of pace... Imagine that? Everton actually frightening another team.

This season is a washout and he believes what we have will keep us where we are. With Coleman and Baines set to be the backs next season he won't worry about the crap happening now.

When he sees how Mahrez will destroy Martina on Wednesday, perhaps he will realize his mistake or will he raise a sweat about it?

Personally I think Baines like Jags and Williams have seen their best days so maybe there will be Summer signings if Keane is moved out with Funes Mori?

Who can really know what's going to happen with this club anymore as we all have expressed many of the same feelings about many of the same underachievers.

Wednesday's game may just be more of the same frustration.

I suppose Baines may be nearing fitness as Allardyce seems more keen on experience than taking a chance on another transfer, that going by some that have been brought in since the start of the season, have not really covered themselves with glory.

This happens when you have a manager whose tactics are still in the 70s.

How many more seriously good left-backs do you want?

Turning down anything more than a curly-wurly for Schneiderlin is also very bad business.

Tierney at Celtic is also a very good player. Only problem is, he's a left-footed left-back.

With Everton not being involved in any cup competitions till next season, surely it makes more sense to go for a permanent fix in the summer and soldier on this season with Baines and Martina?

Hiccups aside, it's a 5-year plan that we are only 20% into. Any new players signed ideally should be playing for us at the end of the plan.

However, him being an excellent defender?? From my seat in the Park End, Martina, in the last 2 home games, has attempted a clearance with his left foot, and sliced the ball vertically, with it almost landing on his head. This is compounded by him fighting to prevent a goal kick to us against West Brom on our goal line by kicking the ball along the goal line to the edge of our 6 yard box, directly to Rondon. Even Chris Kamara would have found those three events unbelievable.

Rabbit, headlights.

This is Everton. This is the Twilight Zone.

Yes, the season is a washout but why would any manager play down the importance of any opportunity to improve a poorly performing squad? Surely that is what makes or breaks managerial careers?

I honestly don't see who benefits from these nonsensical announcements except anyone who may have failed to get the planned business done.

I don't think from Mr Moshiri downwards our custodians have the foggiest what they are doing, and the old "We have what we hold" is akin to Will Carling's 57 old farts, and Ian Botham's Gin Swilling old dodderers are alive and in rude health at Everton.

In no-one we trust.

You mean like our defensively very solid third-choice Southampton right-footed full-back, that Southampton didn't want! He's good enough then?

Oh, okay, Sam, if you say so!

"curly-wurly"

"Rabbit, headlights."

"Will Carling's 57 old farts"

Perfect.

So tell me, who are you referring to re the tax evasion arrest?

Moshiri: "Hello, guys. How's things? Any news on a left-back?"

Big Sam winks at Walsh.

Allardyce: "All under control, boss. Chairman Bill and Bobby E are on it 24/7."

Kenwright: "Farhad, dear, I've told you enough times that I'm the man. Walshy has a few pokers in the fire and he's confident something will happen in the next few days."

Moshiri: "Okay, boys. Keep at it and stay in touch. Do you need anything before I head off to Monaco?"

Elstone: "Now that you mention it, sir, a few million for lawnmowers and “other costs” would go down a treat."

Moshiri: "You'll have it by tomorrow, Robert. Good hunting, guys. "Tally ho" as you British say..."

They all fall on the floor, pissing themselves laughing.

Clubs often go out and try to buy first-team ready players who weren't on anybody's radar 5 years before. Vardy, Mahrez and Kante could all fall into that category. Of course it doesn't make more sense to wait until the summer to improve the team if it can be done earlier. I can't help you if you can't grasp that.

You are the only one talking about makeshift, patch up, inadequate players. Plenty of others are as amazed (appalled) as me that we can't get anybody who would be a marked improvement on Cuco Martina.

Are you going to try to tell me no decent players have ever been signed in January? Why would you assume that it is impossible in January but will definitely happen in the summer, given that it was an obvious area of concern for the club last summer?

Nothing to play for? What about the need to avoid relegation (still a possibility) or simply to provide something the fans can enjoy, get behind and take pride in? What about avoiding demoralising and disillusioning the players we might actually want to keep and develop?

You obviously haven't played in a competitive sports team if you don't understand how difficult it can be to bring a team out of a decline. The longer the decline, the harder it's likely to be to reverse it. The longer we remain weak, the harder it will be to recruit good players in the summer.

We need to speak to the Director of Football at Man City – he had no trouble bringing in two world-class full-backs.

There is something seriously wrong at EFC that, since Walsh's appointment, we haven't gone balls out to get a left-back.

I somehow see Kenwright's hand in this... buying time for Baines to come back.

Now, having been aware of our need for a new left back since last summer, it appears that our Director of Football, Steve Walsh and his extensive team of scouts have been unable to find one decent left-back in the long months since his appointment. That, in itself is a damming indictment of Walsh and his ability to recruit one player for one position in all that time.

Just what the. fuck does he do all week, every week? He has to be one of the worst appointments ever made by Everton FC. Let's not forget he also pushed for Allardyce and Shakespeare to be appointed. If they were his choices to take us forward it says a lot about his standards of what we need.

Never in a million years would I defend Koeman who I said was wrong for us from day one, but he did say he needed a striker and a left back, neither of which were recruited by Walsh in time for the new season.

Even Tosun and Walcott appear to have been Allardyce choices rather than being recruited by Walsh and his team.

The role of Director of Football seems to be a failed experiment where we are concerned and Walsh should be got rid of ASAP. I mean, what does he actually 'direct'? There is no visible end product to the job where Walsh is concerned so as I've said before and will continue to say, "What does Steve Walsh actually do?"

Mahrez is a left-footer playing on the right, so all his best work is when he's cutting inside and whipping in crosses & shots. Its only a hair-brained theory, but Martina could potentially be well suited to stopping him.

Or is he basically a glorified scout?

We desperately need a replacement. I hope Garbutt does well, but it's a big risk.

And that's the problem, its been apparent with over two years that we needed a decent understudy/ replacement for left-back, but the club did nothing.

And now because of this we are in this predicament, and still nothing changing. What are the odds that Martina starts again tomorrow.

What's the last line of that song!!??

"Oh when will they ever learn?" – in the case of our Board, probably never!.

A grim remainder of the season but I think the club are right to wait to get a full-back who is going to improve our team. For all the comments who are saying "we need a full-back" are right and we've needed one since the last season finished, if not before.

To blame Allardyce for the poor recruitment of the previous transfer window, and the summer one before that is unfair and in my view just incorrect.

I'm sure Sam Allardyce knows we need a left back. He also knows that Schneiderlin is nowhere near the answer to the dire state that our midfield is in and he's known about the hopeless situation up front, where we had a young lad as the only available centre-forward, unless you count on Wayne Rooney – and that hasn't set the world on fir when he's been played there.

He's looked at the defence, tried all the combinations available to him and you could mix and match, or probably stick them all on and the bitter truth is there's not much we'd get for any of them. Williams is nowhere near mobile enough; Jagielka is also too slow now. Baines, when he was playing before his injury was getting caught out too often after a run up field, Kenny and Holgateare young lads and Mason in particular has been caught almost as if he's been day dreaming way to often. I don't rate Keane that much. From what I've seen of him, he is miles too one footed.

Garbutt is available for selection from now on. Well let's see how he gets on but his track record so far has been enthralling to say the least.

Coleman is now hopefully only match fitness away from becoming the lad he was before the break and Funes Mori is back in light training. If he is going to come back in before the end of the season, then we have a man who can play left side of defence and the options are a fair bit more attractive than they are right now.

Sam has brought in a centre forward and a speedy winger. I think that will give the team some more of an attacking threat as we have two speedy wingers and both are Premier League proven players. I wouldn't expect Tosun to be up to speed immediately but lets see how he gets on as he's shown up okay so far.

For those who are whingeing about about the state of our team being down to Sam Allardyce, he is left with a dog's breakfast of a squad, courtesy of those who have gone before.

If, and that's a big 'if', we can shift some of the players, then I'm sure he'd love to bring in a midfield player, and if one is available and good enough for the future seasons, he'd bring in a full back as well.

As I said before, to me, what's left of this season is about staying in the Premier League.

I'd give a wild guess here and all those who say we need a full-back, as if the club can't be arsed to bring one in, do know of a good full-back who is available. I think we'll wait for the summer and start a bloody rebuilding programme from the shambolic state of the squad we have. I don't think it'll be easy to get shut of players who are on bigger wages here than they'd get abroad, so I don't think it will be easy and I don't think it will be quick.

In the meantime, I'll go the match, with no great expectations, as old Charlie would say, but I'll support the players if they just pull their tripes out and look as if they care about the club.

I mean, Moses went on loan to the lot across the park, West Ham and Stoke. Didn't do incredibly well at any of them, and ended up getting a game at right wingback in Conte's new system. He's been great for Chelsea ever since, even keeping out his replacement they bought in the Summer.

Garbutt looked decent to me when he played, and as we have no other option we may as well give him a run til the end of the season. As many have said – he can't be any worse then Martina (who I don't think has been that bad considering he is out of position, not left-footed, with no left-footer next to or ahead of him).

I also like the way we could have a British feel to the team:

Pickford
Coleman or Kenny, Holgate, Jagielka, Garbutt
Davies, Gana, Rooney
Walcott, Tosun, Lookman

Honorary Brits in Gana & Tosun!

I think they have taken a different view on the left back position. I think they are aware of the need for one but the fact that Garbutt is back and Funes Mori is in training has given them a view that we can manage without buying one until the summer.

They must be confident that that approach would be as good as getting an average loanee in until June.

Prepare for more assaults on that position; the opposition don't need a PhD to know our weaknesses.

The big man was out of work until Moshiri moved to boost the shamed ex-England man's income stream and he was obviously recruited on the back of his reputation for saving clubs from the dreaded drop. Three or four wins on his arrival saw him hailed as a magician but current signs are that he is little improvement on the man he replaced and Everton could well prove his nemesis.

Whilst I guess that a multi-million salary requires a healthy return in points to be justified, Allardyce didn't land us in the mire – it was them as picked him and the man they chose not two years ago who totally derailed a side with genuine hopes of a top six place.

Tom Davies has lost a lot of confidence (who hasn't) but may be better in the wings for this one. Also Baningime, who always impresses me each time I see him, tends to be more consistent than a lot of senior players.

Prospective players must see the bullying from a minority of Everton fans and think twice about signing. Tim Howard received the same abuse.

Take a punt on the best young left-back you can find; return him to the squad with a senior ahead of him in the summer if you aren't convinced.

The last thing on earth you would want is to create a situation were the player you bring in is not a complete package replacement for Baines or if Joe Williams is deemed good enough somebody who would block his way going into next season.

Whilst we can all scream and want to pull our remaining hair out about not going into the season without an adequate backup at left-back, that horse has already left the proverbial stable. We are now in reasonably comfortable mid table out of all competitions and I stress with very little danger of relegation and playing like shit.

Allardyce who has as much skin in the game as the rest of us stated that they have not been able to unearth a full-back who would improve the team but nobody seems to believe him. Perhaps he has figured out that even a cheap £5M full back signed to help out for a couple of months is Messi money when there is actually nothing to be gained when finishing 8th is not much different than finishing 15th.

Baines is done, and it pains me to say as he has been one of my all time favourite players, he's been done for a while. Even before this current injury, he's been pretty awful this season.

Martinez even indicated that Baines should consider moving into a more central role, as he could see he was already on a downward trend. Three managers and a Director of Football haven't even attempted in replacing him, and even sold the only semi-decent back-up we had last season.

Baines, along with Jagielka have survived these past couple of seasons on nostalgia, not form. Both need replaced, but I imagine Kenwright gets all misty-eyed when it's mentioned.

I agree with you that they will see out the end of the season. They will hope that Coleman and Baines come into the squad soon. It's obvious what the defensive problems are and the players you named are past it.

I understand your frustration depending on another Summer transfer window with these jokers (the Board, present manager) sorting things out.

This evening once again we will see how capable they are. On past experience, I am not confident. They are taking financial decisions, rather than football decisions.

Spot on. I think you could add Williams to that list also. Moyes said in his last season that a lot of Everton players had reached the stage when they begin to decline and he had it right – that was three years ago!.

It is a known fact (ie, announced by successive managers) that bringing in another left-back has been an objective in the last two transfer windows. How does that square with your crystal ball predictions that Leighton Baines, Ramiro Funes Mori and perhaps even Joe Williams (???) will be available in a matter of weeks?

You are ignoring the fact that Leighton Baines is acknowledged as the incumbent and the player being sought is to be his long-term replacement; Ramiro Funes Mori is predominantly a centre back with virtually no history (or perhaps even none) of operating as a wing back in the Premier League, and Joe Williams is completely untested at this level (he went to Barnsley as a midfielder).

Since Baines is the current incumbent (although obviously now on the downslope and struggling with what could be ongoing injury concerns) and the Joe Williams suggestion is snatching at straws, I'm putting them to one side. Basically, what you are saying is that you expect Funes Mori will available for bombing down the flank to overlap and whip in crosses (don't forget our two defensive midfielder system puts added pressure on the wing backs to assist our attacking play) in a matter of weeks. Problem position solved – what is everyone worried about?!?!? Absolute fantasy land.

It's funny how you portray my concerns about the functionality of our recruiting resources as some sort of hysteria when your opinion is so reliant on hyperbole, wild conjecture and poorly constructed straw man arguments. For instance:

"The last thing on earth you would want is to create a situation were the player you bring in is not a complete package replacement for Baines or if Joe Williams is deemed good enough somebody who would block his way going into next season."

It is not anything like ‘the last thing on earth you would want', just not ideal and you would simply have to decide who to let go when you had better options than we currently have. Not at all difficult or unusual.

Do you remember when we were after the ‘Kyles' from Sheff Utd? Well it was actually one we were more interested in but they came as a package for some reason, despite them both being right-backs. We dithered, Spurs stepped in, Kyle Walker ended up as the better player even though Kyle Naughton was supposed to be the better prospect, so they kept Walker and moved Naughton on. The rest is history as they say.

"We are now in reasonably comfortable mid table out of all competitions and I stress with very little danger of relegation and playing like shit." – purely your opinion allied to some conjecture and rounded off with a solo fact. We are still competing for our survival in the Premier League and although I agree with the last three words, they don't really go with ‘very little danger of relegation' do they, no matter what you feel you can stress.

Blackpool are the only team that have been relegated from a similar position (i.e. 28 points from 24 games) but the fact that they were shows we can't afford to play like shit for the rest of the season. Perhaps you could have a quick go on your Ouija board and list the games you won't be worried we could lose if we don't improve?

"Perhaps he has figured out that even a cheap £5M full back signed to help out for a couple of months is Messi money when there is actually nothing to be gained when finishing 8th is not much different than finishing 15th."

Prize money for 8th last season = 㿄.7 million; prize money for 15th = 㾷.4 million. That's not even taking into account possible loss of revenue going forward from televised games, season ticket sales / gate receipts, sponsors, due to the damage to the club's marketability. Perhaps you can see why I find it difficult to accept what you choose to write after consulting your ‘Lucky 8 Ball'.

Btw, don't bother replying if you are simply going to try to defend such half-baked, juvenile bilge – especially after labelling my valid concerns about the way my club is run as ‘nonsense'. I want to see my club moving forward by hitting some of its targets... not relying on other clubs being worse.

Ian Edwards – again, who is scapegoating Martina? Every fan pretty much dislikes every player and has plenty to say about Schneiderlin Williams, Keane and Co. Stop talking nonsense.

"Right lads, this will only take two minutes – just give the ball to Mahrez."

Leicester will have to have someone who can pass the ball 130 miles...

Mahrez is not travelling to Goodison.

It is not Martina's defensive abilities that cause us the problems. Every single move that goes through him going forward breaks down or slows down that much that it plays into the oppositions hands. He is not the only one but he is very poor and it is causing us serious problems.

Martini aside, as in his defence he is not a left-back, it does not excuse Everton on this as we have needed a new quality left-back for a long time so why have replacements not been scouted prior to this window.

We are amateurs and therefore will remain shit for some time, making knee-jerk decisions as we go along.

The faithful have stayed loyal despite the miserable fayre they have been served... I would be surprised if we didn't see a couple of thousand empty seats.

Sucker for punishment, I must be!

I must say the supporters have stuck by the team with regard to attendances so far but it's forecast to be cold and pouring down so we'll see.

Everton having a quality right back reminds me of Andy Johnson, Osman and everyone else being shifted to the right wing. Thinking about it, we have had many crass tactics and dross players for years, the name John Collins springs to mind.

Makes me wonder if the Koeman & Walsh combo should have gone for Mahrez instead of Sigurdsson and Klaassen. There was me thinking Walsh had just come from Leicester, why didn't he bring him in.

At half-time, Julie Andrews will alight from a helicopter that will land in the centre circle, and explode into a lung-bursting version of "How do you solve a problem like Martina?" A la The Sound of Music.

A hush will descend over the ground as the downdraft from the rotor blades even extinguishes the sneaky fags being enjoyed in the bogs round the ground.

And then, a camel hair coated gentleman steps from the chopper, sporting red stars on the sleeves, and a Russian Army style hat. A hush descends over the ground, Bill weeps silently, then 25% of the crowd – those with obstructed view seats - start chanting "Usmanov, Usmanov".

But it's not Alisher. For this is bigger than an Oligarchs millions. This is none other than David Gold that well respected (ahem) joint owner of West Ham.

He drags behind him a gibbering wreck in chains who keeps screaming he is a Red Shite fan, but it's too late for Aaron Cresswell as his fate is sealed. He is a makeweight included with a curly wurly and a canny bag of Tudor for Everton's midfield lynchpin.

The outgoing Morgan Schneiderlin boards the chopper, and Goodison erupts as its immediate future as a Premier League ground is assured.

Big Dunc has Cresswell in a choke hold while fake tan is liberally thrown at him, and a rather disheveled 'Cuco Martina' takes the field for the second half, inexplicably kicking the ball with his left foot at every opportunity.

You read it here first, folks.

We have a manager who adheres to a creed which insults everything this club is known for.

We have a coach who spends upwards of 80 minutes of any given fixture roaring fuck knows what at our players. How can Aany player or team require that level of direction and still be fit for purpose ?

We have a chairman who can speak with aplomb, yet has delivered the most barren spell of any chairman in our history.

We have a director of football who is better termed a "director of fuck all".

Any supporter who can not, or will not see that something, indeed many things are very, very wrong is at best fucking deluded.

Mr Moshiri, get it sorted. Grow some nuts. Fuck all of the above off and own the club!

Failing that, get Amanda Stately and her cohort in and let's become a Club which strikes the fear of the holy trinity into opposition again, not a bunch of wet-knickered apologists who think that a third-rate club's third-choice right-sided defender is good enough as our left-back.

Ray Wilson and Alan Ball were World Cup Winners!!! That is our standard... not "I suppose he might do".