Premier League — Week 1

Wouldn't ya just know it. First goal of the season is a soft-as-shite own-goal.

Jammy bastards as ever.

Norwich have had chances to score here.

FFS, game over already.

They'll be alright - they just need to defend better, take their chances, be stronger in the middle...

The Canaries are getting forward nicely and have had a few shots. Last one on target but too close to that bloke in black.

Michael, the Canaries will be lucky to finish 19th on this showing.

About time they got some injuries

Don't panic. There are 37 games left for my prediction, above, of the RS's demise to come true. Typically, they've gone off too quickly in a brash, vulgar way.

No good will come of it for them.

It's a thrashing. Norwich, relegation fodder.

Let's hope Allison is out for the season.

That Farke bloke looks every inch a Hun. Or is that gratuitous stereotyping on my part?

Get yer bloody hair cut, fella!

No such luck, Steve.

Carragher's biased commentary is ridiculous. He should be banned from Liverpool matches. I pity Norwich fans listening to him jazzing his pants.

Carra and fellow gobshite, Tyler, Daniel. It's the same every game, every season with those two.

Why is anyone even watching it? I won't watch those bastards.

The pace and intensity at which they play is what we need to replicate.
And yes continue like this and Norwich will get some right tonkings, they're wide open to the point of being naive.

Being a big fish in the Championship means fuck-all.

Anthony, Farke is a good manager. Expect him to learn and to adapt. That said, I still see them going down and getting stuffed on more occasions this season.

Lee @ 7, I won't watch these scum. Who is injured?

The modern player has forgotten the fine art of just wellying the Casey away from goal.

John #14

After seeing my Mrs everyday at the Nursing Home I thought right Friday I'll take my car home walk to the pub and drown my sorrows then last night they advertised the shite playing tonight, well that's it the woodlice who never go in the pub all suddenly crawl out from under their slimy little hovels and invade any pub showing the scum, watching rugby league now gagging for a pint'

Hate watching the weekly Sky Liverpool love-in with Carragher, Kelly Dalglish, Souness and Redknapp. 💕

My prediction of a Red Shite implosion this season looks wide of the mark... 🙁

I was all prepared to watch the Lancashire v Yorkshire T20 match which was abandoned due to heavy rain in Manchester. Guess I had nothing else to watch so put the RS on.

Yes, Steve, they may well adapt. I look at the team they have out on the pitch and they look way short quality-wise.

Yessss😀😀😀

Pukki's going in my fantasy footie team

See... it can be done. Just a few more now, lads.

The rs defence looks creaky.

I do like the look of that Buendia. I'll be watching more of him. Could do a job for us maybe.

Too bad that game had a first half.

I see on the BBC site, some of the RS supporters have already won the league cause they spanked a very naieve Norwich.

Normally they contain it until September or October, this is something new.

Boycott Sky until the RS pundits are thrown off the air - its very simple and keeps the heart rate and blood pressure under control.

Well, that's it, folks. Everything we've all been doing since July 1st has been a total waste of time. Slitherenpool are self-declared champions and so we can all put our scarves and replica jerseys away for the next 10 months. The Cups, Champions League, and Super Cup are also theirs by right so why bother. We can spend our money on holidays and beer. We all now have 9 months to plan how to stop them in season 20-21.

Unless of course they win big again versus a promoted team on a wonderfully atmospheric night at Mordor in their first game of the season. Then we can have another 10 months off and start all over again. The RS - don't you just love em'. I feel sorry for the cleaner who has to clean the carpet in that TV booth - it must be sticky has hell.

They say women are genetically programmed to forget the pain of child birth. Must be similar with football as I am feeling wildly optimistic.

With regards to the RS, I felt anything better than 0-6 was decent for Norwich so I'm not sure why that lot are getting carried away. No question they've quality but I think this year burn out is going to strike. With CL, and international tournaments, you can't expect their front three to maintain their form playing 70 odd games year after year after year. I'm not saying they'll do badly but I think City have more depth and are better rested. But why am I wasting time on those jokers when we have Everton to watch. COYB

West Ham that just lost 4-0?

Not on goal difference Grant. Now 0 - 4.

Jamie, on first view, the RS and Citteh are going to be even further ahead of the pack than last season if that's possible.

I hate to bang on about VAR - but it's the pettiness of it that really grinds my teeth. Stopping the game to argue over tiny, tiny margins is just not worth it. Goals won't be celebrated until some officious twerp in a studio in Birmingham or somewhere has decided a goalie hasn't picked his arse while a penalty was being taken or something.

I'd actually I'drather we went back to shit decisions by refs if it's going to be like this all season. At least it gave us something to get worked up about. This is just chopping the testicles off the game.

Correction 0 - 5.

5-0

Man City have knocked Liverpool off top spot on Goal Difference already, yeee haaa!

Great goal by McGinn... What would Calvert-Lewin have done with that?

Fantastic miss by Sissoko.

Just watched highlights of West Ham v Man City. VAR will destroy the game. Stone fucking dead. It will not, as Shearer says, improve the game. It will kill it. I will always follow Everton but not the rest of football. I am done with the whole corrupt business.

Pleasing result at the King Power. We're not the only ones off to an underwhelming start.

Andy, why is VAR corrupt? I see it as a positive in that it (should) stop the top teams getting dodgy decisions in their favour. Obviously early days.

Dave, i'd like to aggree with you but the Champions League final was decided by a very dodgy VAR penalty, for the team who have benefited from more dodgy decisions than anyone. Armpit ball is not a penalty for any other team.

VAR will take the spontaneity out of the game. I worry the thrill, impulse and emotion of scoring a goal will be lost waiting for the goal to be given.

But it will be fairer to all teams.

Just 2 mins gone and the game seems to be swirling around Barkley who's trotting around in a trance as Chelsea start off in a quite tasty mood, Abrahms smacking one off the post.

Huge mistake from Zouma, played in Martial, who almost scored! Good game so far!

Abraham looking so similar to Calvert-Lewin. So much to like but that lack of anticipation and movement as play develops in the box leaves him on his heels.

That Chelsea kit is one of the worst I've seen in years... disgusting!

Oh big Kurt!

Now Zouma gives away a very clumsy penalty!!!

Zouma back by Jan

Yeah he's obviously playing for his dream move... and also trying to drop the fee a bit. Thanks Kurt

Oh dear. Looks like our loss is not Chelsea's gain. Zouma having a mare.

Fantastic penalty strike.

Are you watching, Gylfi Sigurdsson???

Add to Doucourè knocking in an own goal. Everton have certainly unsettled their targets!!!

Few more of those and Chelsea will be paying us to take Zouma in January!

Chelsea's Everton connections letting 'em down badly. 😁

That was better from Barkley. Maybe he needed time to warm up for this one?

If Mina continues like yesterday, we'll be happy to have missed out on Zouma

Big Kurt might as well be wearing a t shirt with "get me outta here" on it! 🤣🤣🤣

If Zouma continues like today I am happy regardless.

Kurt having the proverbial mare.

Chelsea need to put The Baby Jesus in - Christian Pulisic - America's great hope!

Barkley getting closer... Great strike from Emerson.

It's actually been a very entertaining watch. Incredible pace and intensity and loads of mistakes. Chelsea unlucky not to be at least level.

Mina has always looked solid when playing he was just unable To put a run together.

Firmly believe Zouma will be ours in Jan for £20-30M

I think Barkley has been very good.

He loses the ball sometimes, but it's always in the attacking third, trying to make that killer pass.

If you're gonna lose the ball, do it that way.

He's led the break for Chelsea often as well.

Think he's played well.

Barkley haha he's the Clouseau of midfielders hyped up, poor decision maker bumbling errors in midfield that's what I see just like days at Everton completely hopeless.

Lots of highly-rated English players in this game - Rashford, Lingard, Barkley, Abraham, Mount, Wan-Bissaka, Maguire, Shaw - and they've been very hit and miss.

I have been surprised by the number of times players have conceded easy possession. Yes the tempo is high, but some of the mistakes being made - especially from Rashford - really shows how far away these players are from those that are playing for Liverpool and Man City.

Dodged a bullet here, Zouma having an absolute shocker.

Baby Jesus!!! Pride of Hershey, PA and Merica.

Cmon son!!!

Barkley done okay. But to my eye hasn't improved one iota from his time at Everton. Maybe he doesn't get coached at Chelsea either?

Barks off, surprise surprise.

I thought Barkley was a million miles better than the supremely overrated Mount, or the poor Lingaard or McTominay.

How's the new pet JaC? Did you give the horsefly a name?

Dead John. Died between the window and the plantation shudder.

Didn't have to smash him, thank fuck!

Zouma should probably have cut that cross out as well.

Zouma got roasted.

Welcome home Kurt! You're coming to Goodison!

Zouma's playing for a move!

And it's a rout!

I wonder if Abraham might have started his last game for a while. To me, he looks completely out of his depth.

Jamie ssshhh. Why would we want him back playing like this?

Wow. Game over.

Great news for Zouma. The third goal WASN'T his fault.

What a ball from Pogba and the touch from Rashford. Good damn goal.

Fantastic third goal, brilliant pass, brilliant run, brilliant finish. I will refrain from making the obvious comparisons...

Lovely from Rashford; sublime to the ridiculous and back to the sublime. Man United might have used up a significant amount of their luck for this season though.

All went to shit when Barkley went off 👀

Man Utd have been second best most of the game, but clinical. What a ball from Pogba and a collect from Rashford for the third.

And good news for us... his transfer fee has dropped by several million in the past hour.

Bye bye, Lampard!

A mistake taking Ross off.

Haha JP — I was just thinking same!

Or John #93, you could say it all went to shit when the Yank came on!

Yeah. Blame the yanks.

Mike I live here, I'd like to stay! 😜

Mike Gaynes behave!!!

Pulisic hasn't done a thing wrong.

Best player on the pitch! 😂😜

No problem, John. Just don't say anything nice about Megan Rapinoe and ICE won't come after you.

Maybe it's just my lazy eye but Chelsea do resemble Everton.

Just teasing, Jamie. You know I'm the biggest Puli fan on the planet.

Who is Megan and what's she done to Vanilla Ice?

Mike 🤐🤐🤐

Watching the game with two sons and their friend, we almost cried we laughed so hard at the Harry McGuire song.

He fucked off Leicester for Manchester

His head's fucking massive.

So funny.

Wow. Train wreck.

I just hate to see happy ManUtd fans. Hate it.

James triggering the Lookman paradox. All down hill from here, lad.

How wonderful for that kid.

That's just wonderful. Good for James.

Above the RS, happy days!

17 years old and on at OT. Wow.

Second half, Man Utd were impressive. Loads of pace, and much better at the back now with Maguire and Wan-Bissaka. All those exciting young players too, and Pogba dominant in the middle.

They'll win fuck all, but they'll be good to watch this season.

Chelsea looked the better team first half, but they're miles away from finishing top four right now.

How come the ref never stopped play for Man Utd's 3rd goal when, from the corner, a Chelsea player was down in the area and was still down when Man Utd scored?

William, not a head injury?

I think that Zouma's performance shows that he just isn't a top defender and we should end our interest.

Jamie (81), you mentioned your plantation on live forum yesterday and you've just mentioned it today. You must be worth a good few dollars, how many men have you got working on your plantation?

Popular opinion, hitherto, has been that Zouma's presence helped Michael Keane and made him look a better player.

On today's evidence, I wonder if the opposite was true?

Chelsea are now very much on a par with Everton. They have Tammy Abrahams and Mason up front and we have Calvert-Lewin and Kean, Richarlison too... basically youngsters that are not the finished item. Anyway, we can definitely finish above these. It's about the goals.

I think Zouma can say goodbye to his Euro hopes with this team and manager.

Haha. Dave Abrahams - plantation shudders.

In front of the window, mate.

Thankfully plantations, and their evil link to slavery, haven't really existed in the USA for over 100 years.

Like this, mate:

Link

I think Zouma has shown he isn't good enough for high pressure games which is where we want to get to.

I don't think we should be celebrating he is a bit cheaper! We don't want him!

To be fair, Barkley developed a good game under Sarri. Now Sarri has gone, he will be back to his old self under this amateur manager.

Chelsea might be in big trouble here, there seems to be no goals in this side without Hazard.

Jamie (121), just having a bit of fun with you!!

If Dave's trying to have a bit of fun, Jamie, then the best advice I can give you is turn your computer off now, mate!

Dave -

I'm dense as hell when it comes to English humo(u)r.

Much of it flies right over my head! Clearly.

Cheers.

Tony - advise duly noted. :0)

Okay, Zouma had a mare today but one game doesn't make him a bad player.

Let's be honest, Lampard got his tactics wrong and had midfielders and the full-backs pushed so far up the pitch, they couldn't cope with Man Utd's breakaways.

Scoreline definitely flattered United. Both sides were very poor at passing constantly giving the ball away.

I get the fears - his checkered injury history, he and Keane not complementing each other well (though they've already racked up quite a few clean sheets in their short time together)... but maybe, just maybe... we should be less fixated on not having Zouma, and more fixated on having Mina.

I think Man Utd were lightning on the break, but it was less that they were impressive and more how utterly shite Chelsea were.

Lampard picked the wrong side and he needs to ditch the Championship-level kids and get the first team back in. Sarri would have won that game comfortably and he would not have started the likes of Mount.

Shush, Steve, don't let that get out! Let Lampard dig his own grave. If he picks that same 11 eleven going forward, they are definitely catchable this season.

Steve,

He's picking the right side – and long may it continue!

Sean,

They need to catch us right now.

Steve loves Sarri.

Chelsea home to Leicester next week. Lampard could be fired a week tomorrow, as I expect Vardy to rip them a new one.

Hopefully they stick with Lampard or perhaps in for Mourinho III.

Len Hawkins, I hope you managed to find decent pint somewhere away from the RS. Sounds like a crappy time for you... I hope next week is a better one. Keep smiling fella and take care

I'm just imagining Keane in that Chelsea defence today against the quick counter-attacking Man Utd team!!!

Chelsea deserved more than the drubbing they got.

The difference is when you have a top-quality striker that can turn one half-decent chance into a great goal scoring opportunity then have the ability to score it, as Rashford showed and then Aubameyang for Arsenal, does anyone seriously think Calvert-Lewin would have scored either of those today?

That is where the top six sides are still different from the likes of us.

Jim @137, spot on but I think 99% of us know that having a top striker papers over the cracks.

We had enough chances to have won yesterday's game by half time if a Costa or a Kane type are on the pitch.

Calvert-Lewin may not be the answer but, until Kean is up to speed, he is the best we have.

Flattering for Man Utd, but they have impact and genuine desire to score, whilst, at best, Evertonians, hope.

Appreciate that Calvert-Lewin is not fed with good passes in but, as a centre-forward, lives off scraps. But his timing and decision making, thus far, over the last four years, states the facts.

This is the time to play Kean, from the start, this Saturday. The impact of the first home game bear-pit could be a life-changer, for Everton and for Kean.

I appreciate differs in view as is right, but as it stands, we are using the same sand mix, each season with no firm connection.

Open to all feedback, but now in my view we start with Kean.