The Five Stages of Grief

From a personal point of view, I have quickly realised I’m going through the five stages of grief – Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression... but I’ve not quite reached the Acceptance stage. They say a grieving process is personal with no time limit and no right way to do it. Maybe my writing this article is part of my way of dealing with it... Am I being over dramatic?

The fact is, when I saw the new badge on the official website, something inside me died. I felt like childhood memories had been wiped out; all that I’d been through before with the club, and the values it stood for, had been erased and no longer mattered. I’ll admit that I went into the garden and shed a quiet tear. A grown man for Christ’s sake. I don’t care what the club rhetoric says – it’s my grief and it’s how I feel. Today, I am in a state of Bargaining verging on Depression.

DENIAL – of “the reality of the situation, a natural defence mechanism to buffer the immediate shock.”

When the new crest first appeared on the forums a few weeks ago, I thought: "It’s a wind-up by the kopites. There’s no way the club will put out that." But the word was spreading on a number of Everton websites that it was true. I thought: "Come on, if the fans show mass opposition to it, they will re-consider... surely? Surely to god they can’t put this out."

ANGER – “As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge.”

Over the weekend, the shit started hitting the fan amongst Evertonians on the forums to reflect this stage. The mayor of Liverpool, Joe Anderson, grieving his displeasure on Twitter at over Crestgate and nearly 15,000 grieving Evertonians have expressed their anger by completing the online petition, flooding the forums with comments and the Twittershere is going into melt down – #NoToTheBadge. Or, to put it another way, there’s a few shed doors getting put back on their hinges this Bank Holiday weekend...

The unrest, the anger, has been simmering in the last few days and I’m trying my best to put into words how much I am utterly dismayed at what they’ve done and their timing. I really do have a very worrying feeling that the club I have supported for nearly 50 years could be heading down the pan, and that’s what makes me angry. In addition, the condescending claims from the club to have completed extensive consultation with the fans makes my blood boil. I have never heard such a load of fcuking shite in my life. I’d have more respect if they said the decision has been made in house – by a bunch of Kopites – to save on the cost. Just tell me straight, Doctor!

BARGAINING – “The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control.”

All weekend, I’ve been thinking about how many Evertonians across the world must be feeling like me right now. Totally frustrated at being unable to do anything about the path our club is heading down. I feel that the time is right for the fans to stand together to show this lot that we do matter. We’re not just an afterthought – a bunch of drunken knobheads who give the stadium its incredible atmosphere season after season.

I started doing my research – a need to regain control. I’m a long-time lurker on the forums and have a laugh with my mates about a lot of the comments and the arguments that take place; then we have the same arguments amongst ourselves. I love it.

However, I started to seriously think about how the fans could “regain control” to make the club listen – I mean really listen to the fans. Not some PR-exercise-based cosy get-togethers every month. I mean engaging with the supposed militants amongst us. The educated and business savvy. The clever ones. The experienced ones. The visionaries. The architects. The accountants. The financiers. The Logo designers. Together, we are all Evertonians for whom Nil Satis Nisi Optimum is more than a Latin phrase.

I mean no disrespect to the “chosen” members of the Fans Forum, whom I know nothing about, but I have a suspicion they are not representative of a questioning and probing fan base. I’d rather these gatherings were passionate, no holes barred, tell me straight doc, and reveal the full extent of the issues involved in running a Premier League football club. I bet it’s not as easy as we all think, when all questions lead to the answer “throw more money at the problem”.

The Everton Shareholders Association, whose members collectively OWN around one third of Everton Football Club Company Ltd, are trying to force the club to re-instate AGMs. Surely if they can get organised, they can effect positive change at the club. The problem is the small number of people who own the other two thirds of the club have very different ideas. I really hope the small shareholders can affect change or even set out a plan for the club’s future. But I don’t really understand why they have not been able to do this in the past. Are they the answer to the stage I’m at: regaining control?

Next, I read up about The Blue Union, their aims and objectives, their meeting with Bill, and some members being banned from meetings at Goodison Park. My impression is they are not everyone’s cup of tea, although I have to admit all the stuff they were saying last year seems to be coming true. Was it them who said “Evertonians will end up with the club they deserve”? They’ve been quiet about protests, but still put out updates on their Facebook and Twitter pages about current issues. It looks to me that they have some high-level contacts as they’ve just posted the names and a photo of all members of the Fans Forum on their Facebook page.

Is the Blue Union the answer to my Bargaining phase of grief? I suspect their way of doing things has maybe personally upset Bill, which would rule them out whilst Bill is at the helm. I would put KEIOC in the same category as this, as – if it wasn’t for those lads – Bill would have sold up by now and living it up with his “mates” in London, whilst Everton were based in Kirkby. (I’m getting back to ’angry’ again...)

Next, I went on loads of the fan website forums and to me the common theme focuses on discussion about the status quo, the lack of investment in the team, the stadium and everything else. Could any of these websites be the answer? – ToffeeWeb; GrandOldTeam; BlueKipper; NSNO; sos1878; Royal Blue Mersey. There’s lots more out there. Or are the forums just a massive reflection of the fans’ frustration and feeling of helplessness? Some fans may even consider they’ve been “Bargaining” on the forums for over 10 years.

Then I remembered last year some fans started talking about a supporters trust, Trust Everton.

Where are they in all of this? They were going to buy Finch Farm (yeah right) but their website has not been updated for over a year. They have not made a comment about the lack of a manger, Crestgate or anything else. All they have done in the last year is written a few tweets and Facebook posts. I don’t know if they are still active or if they are supposed to represent the whole fan base, and just like the members of the Fan’s Forum, who are these people and who chose them to represent the fans?

At the time, there seemed to be unanimous support for the idea from all fans and the Echo, who did some big coverage of them, and even Andy Burnham came out in support. But honestly, I can’t see how owning Finch Farm is going to help Everton achieve anything. They would own it, not Everton. I think Finch Farm is still for sale, although the club haven’t announced anything to say otherwise, but that doesn’t surprise me one bit.

But I like the idea of Trust Everton, like other clubs supporters trusts, so are they the answer to my re-gaining control during my grief process?

Overall, I just want a bit of hope that, like a scouse wedding, everything will turn out alright in the end. However, with the track record of Bill and the board, I feel many are losing hope and giving up. There was one man on ToffeeWeb who posted that he’d spent over 50 grand with Everton in the last 2 years, and he was calling it a day because of Crestgate. I think he is effectively at the Depression or even Acceptance stage.

DEPRESSION – “Our quiet preparation to separate and to bid our loved one farewell.”

I think I’m very close to this stage and, more worryingly, I think there is a growing majority who are already here, as a result of Crestgate. The choice of manager and a few good signings may enable them to take a step back for a while and take a deep breath, cheer them up a bit; but really I think the change of the crest was the straw that broke the camel’s back for many loyal and dedicated Evertonians. I hope and pray that I am wrong and that there is a way to make Everton great again and bring these fans back from their depression. However, I really cannot see it happening.

To achieve it, the club needs to appoint a manager who will inspire the fans and announce a plan for the club to move forward on and off the field. It needs to stop pulling the wool over the eyes of a very frustrated fan base. They have to understand that they can’t get away with it in this day and age.

And they must re-think the design of our Crest now, before a generation of supporters give up for good.

ACCEPTANCE – “Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone.”

Over the summer and into next season, I really hope the Goodison spirit will drag our fan base kicking and screaming from their depression, rather than accepting our fate. With the approaching EGM, we need the club to come clean, warts and all, with events that have led us to this point. Tell it to me straight, Doctor.

Or do they want to hear chimes of “stick ye fuckin’ logo up yer arse” and “sack the board” broadcast across America during the showcase tour this summer? I’m sure Mr Earl would love that on home soil, with thousands of Evertonians wearing this season’s Everton shirts, flags with Nil Satis Nisi Optimum and a line drawn in the sand to this current Everton board. You got away with Kings Dock, nearly got away with Kirkby, but don’t you dare to think for one second you’re getting away with this one.

My Prediction

If the club does not listen, I predict that the first showcase home game of the season will see the most explosive form of protest from the fans – the unplanned ones. Just like Wimbledon all those years ago, it won’t need the Blue Union; it won’t need police escorts and security liaison consultations; it won’t be just outside the ground; it will be spontaneous and ugly and by the end of it, there will not be one shred of physical evidence in Walton that Everton have carried out a re-branding exercise with full “consultation” with its supporters.

If this gets posted on ToffeeWeb, forgive me if I don’t reply to any comments. I’ve had my say and can add no more.

Nil Satis Nisi Optimum

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