Just before Christmas, I got a phone call from Kenny Sweeney who does a sterling job running the Mid-Cheshire Everton supporters club. He asked me if I wanted to go on a bike ride with him. Err... two things, Kenny: one, I don’t have a bike; and, secondly, I have not been on a bike since it had stabilizers on it!
Kenny went on that he had a plan that we get a group together and ride back from the Sunderland away game in April. It’s all down hill, Ian. Hmm, ok, I’ll do it, mate.
The bike ride had the slogan of the ‘We’re Everton Aren’t We’ tour aiming to raise £50k for our selected charities.
So, now I needed a bike and to get fit so I asked around for a bike that was not red and my girlfriend, Pauline, donated her son’s mountain bike to me. I took off the flags, banners, stabilizers and lolly sticks off the wheel spokes and started to buy the ‘gear’.
The gear consisted of a bike helmet (a must these days, even for your own safety of falling off, which I did many times — often I came in like I’d had a fight with Tyson), two pairs of cycling padded pants (long and short), gloves, eye glasses, water bottle, pump, weather-proof jacket (slim-line, of course) and good training shoes.
When I started training, the weather outside was abysmal so I had to go in to the comfort of the gym on the fixed cycle at Crosby baths. I’d build up everyday to longer times and distances, I was like a hamster in a wheel. Bought headphones to kill the boredom and listen to the bad news on Sky on the TV in front of me. I then started to go to vibe classes early in the morning; this is a fixed bike again but with varying tensions so you could ride out of the seat. It’s a good training regime for going up hills, all set to music.
Every Vibe class was dominated by women and on many occasions I was the only man amongst twelve women, it was like a dating agency if you felt that way.
When I first started the Vibe classes I was blowing for tugs but it got better over the months. On one occasion I was sat next to Franny Jeffers as he was keeping fit and looking for a new club which eventually was Accrington Stanley. Franny’s there with another Everton ex-player, James Beattie, who is now the manager!
Kenny enlisted a total of 25 recruits to help the charities they picked, including the former players Foundation. These mad Evertonians came from various supporters clubs across the country. I knew most of them to say hello to but by the time we had finished the ride I was increasing my invites to my next marriage. Real salt-of-the-earth people they are.
Over Christmas I went to the Newcastle game and stayed at my daughter’s. On the way home I got the train I started noticing that the route of the bike ride was NOT down hill as told by Kenny but in fact mountainous, DOH! "Kill Kenny" came to mind.
In the coming months I would train practically every day getting advice from long-term cyclists. I started using energy-boosting products like Torque, then recovery powders for my aching muscles. Even my diet had to change, eating more carbohydrates to burn for energy. It was not as boring as you can imagine — nuts, fish and the like. Every morning I would have porridge and a cocktail of vitamins. I listened to the advice experienced bikers gave me. They said to always drink lots of water and replenish salts from the body. eBay was making a killing from me with all the nutrients and powders I needed.
I didn’t have a drink after Christmas as the "Johnny Giles" kicked in and I was on medication. I think I’ve always had them bubbling under but I was agitating them everyday so I had to get painkillers, etc to carry on my quest. I would regularly cycle past Southport towards Blackpool and back. On one occasion I stopped off in Formby to talk to the squirrels who thought I was nuts, then into the town centre to Woodward’s café bar for a drink of water, which was owned by our ex defender Alan Stubbs. This venue is a waterhole for one of greatest ever managers, Howard Kendall who I know to talk to. Howard was there so I had a chat with him with my mate who I arranged to meet there. I told Howard what I was up to and he said I was mad. When I looked in the mirror and saw how I was dressed I had to agree with him.
We had a meeting of those who had been duped by Kenny to do the fund-raising ride for Everton in the Community and there were 25 in total. Our target was to raise awareness of this fantastic charity and raise £50k. Our Chairman, Bill Kenwright, donated a grand from the takings of the show in honour of his mum, Hope, where Marti Pellow was the main singer. Hope was a lovely woman; I met her many times and she would say to me that if Bill had a hundred million he would spend it on Everton. I’ve never raised money as an individual, always as a group member, so I was apprehensive on going it alone as you had to raise a grand to do the ride to show commitment, a sizable donation and to cover costs. Next step was to create a donation site which I did below.
My story
This is what I wrote on my just giving site helped set up by the lovely Carena Duffy:
Thanks for looking in on my charity fundraising site.
You may not be aware that I have a profoundly deaf daughter and granddaughter so I know of all the challenges this type of disability throws up during life. So I want to raise some badly needed money for deaf and disabled children who are admirably helped by Everton in the community. After these kids are helped by Alder Hey etc where can they go to play like other kids ? Everton in the community provide facilities for them and if you saw their faces kicking the ball you would know what it means to them and their families.
As you may know I am blessed to be an Evertonian and I have been asked to participate in a sponsored bike ride from our away fixture at Sunderland on April 22nd back to the Temple we call Goodison Park, it’s approximately 250 miles. All reds are welcome to help me, in the past we have helped each other.
Now here’s the good bit, even if you don’t like me will you sponsor me as this may kill me!
I know money is tight these days but I would love you to help me raise some much needed funds for this worthy cause and give the kids a boost in life, my funeral will be week beginning 28 of April all reds are welcome to dance on my grave, oh by the way I’m being buried at sea!
Thanks in advance.
The mountain bike was too heavy for a ride of this undertaking so I sent out another message for help wanted and got a proper racing bike. There was a big difference straight away but because the tyres where a third of the width of the mountain bike any deviances on the road would throw you. I fell over a few times and would just laugh. Motorists would stop and enquire if I was ok?
The gear changer was on the cross bar and it proved to be awkward as you had to use one hand to steer and one to change. So I borrowed another bike, this was better as the gear changer was on the handle bars and the bike even lighter. I had no excuses now, just got my head down and trained, dodging lorries and old women in cars. Towards the date of the ride I was advised to ‘taper’ down my training and let my muscles have a rest before the big push. A few of us turned up at Finch Farm to have our photo taken with Darren Gibson to publize our challenge
Before I could undertake the bike ride I had to get a letter of consent from my doctors as I have not been in the best of health. After explaining it was for a charity I still got charged £15... such is life. I remember laughing, thinking it’s like being back at school — ‘Yes, Ian can play out with the big boys’
So the time had come to go to support Everton at Sunderland and start our bike ride. After the game where Everton gave us a massive boost (not!),I went to see my girls in Newcastle. One of the main reasons I was doing this task, it’s only 7 miles away to Howden from the Stadium of light. I took them out for a meal and caught up with family matters. God I love those girls.
On the first night in Sunderland we stayed at a Premier Inn. I walked into my room I was sharing with Jason and my immediate thought was to ring the police; I’ve found a member of Al Qaeda and a bomb maker. There were large pots of chemicals in front of me and bottles lined up to take these chemicals in. I looked for the timers and all I could see was an alarm clock. I’ve heard they improvise with these. What should I do?
Anyway I went to the pub next door, the Liberty Brown, where my fellow athletes were well oiling themselves for the coming days. The pub was full of women but we were not interested as our bodies were temples now. Talk was of how it will be a great experience and, "have you shaved your bikini lines"! There were originally 25 of us for this task but 7 came to their senses and opted out.
There was one lady amongst us, the lovely Collette, who showed us all what grit and determination can do to get you through not only this bike ride but life. A top Toffee and lady.
Before we all turned into pumpkins we retired to bed. I shared a room with the bomb-maker Jason then my torment began. Jason was one of the worst snorers I’ve ever come across and I’ve travelled all over the world. I could not sleep, the noise kept not only me awake, but James Rooney two rooms away!
I hoped it was just Jason’s full tank of ale and the noise would subside in later days. I was proved wrong. Three hours sleep that night I grabbed! Grrrr!
Day one Sunderland to Northallerton — 55 miles
On the first day we met the gang from Global Challenges (a company based in Chester who organise such events as ours). They were to become good friends and a major reason why we would do this quest. They issued us all with maps and lanyards with our name tags on and ticked boxes of what organs we wanted to donate! There were two support vehicles, one was driven by Alex with bike spares on it, a couple of spare bikes and our luggage. The other was driven by Jess and Charlene, the spice girls; their van was loaded up with refreshments, food bars, heart defibrillators, etc. Carena Duffy was our leader from Everton and was with us all the way... in a car!
After a couple of days the Global gang admitted they were apprehensive of taking us on as we were football fans and they thought we would be unruly and hard to manage. Far from it, we would have group hugs, discussions on knitting patterns and recipes and who baked the best, Millwall or West Ham?
So, after a hearty breakfast and a group huddle we set off to the Stadium of Light, the home of Sunderland, who we just given three points to. We turned up but; sadly our team didn’t.
Outside the ground we did a photo shoot, said a few prayers, asked our families to give the funeral we deserved and set off on our quest. I was laughing to myself thinking, "what I am doing and how am I dressed... in tights!
Along the route there were yellow arrows placed on posts, fences, etc so we knew which direction we would cycle to, a total of 750 for the whole journey. It reminded me of the kids programme Journey to the Centre of the Earth years ago with Arnie Saxison, the marker of the route with chalk arrows. Coming out of the city it was like the seven hills of Rome. They were killers and a taste of what was to come.
It was a big mistake going out as soon as we did after breakfast. I felt sick, along with others but the camaraderie just kept us following, singing Everton songs at half eight on a Sunday morning. The hills got easier although the bike I borrowed was not going into the right gear (I don’t mean nice top, pants and shoes). It made it even harder to go up the inclines. Our travelling bike mechanic, Alex, had a look at it on our watering stop at Haswell about 12 miles from our start. He said the gear changer was worn and to treat it gently, like a lady, so I poured two bottles of wine over my gel seat and sat on her.
The watering stops were great you had a variety of drinks and snack bars to chose from, plus loads of support from Carena and the Global crew. The scenery got better and so did the hills but for every hill you came down there was another to go up. As you rode along you noticed how bad the roads are; potholes everywhere, and I thought if Cameron wants to get people back to work, how about starting on repairing these roads.
I rode past Alex Langley who was only short of a black berry hat and a ring of onions around his neck to look like someone out of the French comedy, ’Allo ’Allo. Which reminds me, whoever designed this task and route must have been thrown out of the Gestapo for cruelty. To be fair, though, the route we took kept us away from heavy traffic. When I told people later we did 250 miles from Sunderland, they must have thought, "is he nuts; it’s only 180 miles," but that’s on the motorway and I don’t think they would have allowed 18 cyclists on the M62. We originally were only to do 200 miles but someone sneaked in another 50 lung-breaking miles. We will find him or her and do trial by water or fire on them!
We went past Sedgefield racecourse, the first of a few horse-racing venues we would cycle past, then to our dinner stop in Bishopton. The country smells are not all worth bottling —just go past the newly fertilized fields and cows to prove that. It made you go into seventh gear to get away from the pungent smells. Carrion crows were following me now and sitting on fences just willing me to die but they weren’t going to get me this time.
I rode past Dinsdale I thought it was an imaginary name from the mind of Monty Python.
Next watering hole was Hornby. Hands up who had a train set made by them when you were a kid? To my amazement I was the first back to the hotel on day one. Then, as I got into the hotel ground there was a whoosh of air next to me. It was my room mate Jason who wanted ‘Hawkeye’ to see who was past the line first. You see, Jason and a few others are what I would call proper cyclists who go out all the time on the road. I called them the ‘Q bikes’ from the Beano comic I read as a kid, so it was a terrible blow to Jason to see me beat them back, ha ha! Beaten by an amateur; in your face, Jason Hengler!
The hotel was nice, Allerton Court, we unpacked our bags, Jason hogged the bath first but in his rush forgot to put the cold water in with the hot. He looked like a lobster getting out. Ha ha, serves you right for giving me no sleep.
It was chili con carne for all for tea as we all sat down in a separate room like back in school and got to know each other more. I always say were an extended family. The group of Evertonians could not have been picked better. There were no moaners or narks, just decent people taking time off work at cost to help raise money for our chosen charity. Carena, our team leader, was always at hand to help and get anything we wanted. I just wanted earplugs and an alibi to kill Jason.
Day Two Northallerton to Wakefield 75 miles
On this second stage I did 81 miles in total as I got lost near Knaersborough and went into town to the toilet as I needed to change my dressing. The yellow sign had been moved by the gas workers digging up the road. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.
There was picturesque countryside everywhere you looked around and loads of sheep with lambs it was that time of year. It almost had me thinking of changing into a Vegan but that night I still asked for the mint sauce.
On one of the roads was a dead deer. I remember going into the pub a few hours before and a fella coming in wanting to sell 8 legs of venison for £200. I told him straight it was too deer!
First water stop was Rainton and was I glad to see the banners in the distance which where raised by the Global gang as I had run out of water throwing it at those carrion crows circling me. I noticed along the road that there can’t be many hedgehogs left in Yorkshire, the amount of suicide victims I’d see along the road squashed. A mallard duck flew right into my face. I thought, "I’ll have you on pancakes later." It gave me a fright, I can tell yer.
The weather was not great for the time of year, a bit cold but we warmed up soon on the bike. My end nearly came when a Polish truck driver thought he was still on the Continent driving and nearly knocked me off my bike as he was on the wrong side of the road. Either that or he was probably a Liverpool fan.
Our dinner stop was just past Wetherby race course. I ran in to put my bet on the next donkey I usually back and don’t feel so bad now hearing we have been eating horse sometimes instead of beef, the money I’ve lost on them. I told our group not to order the beef burgers as we were too near the race course!
The pub was called the George and Dragon and it was St George’s day. The manager of the pub thought we were nuts when we explained where we were riding to and what the cause was, but wished us luck and asked if he could have his silver ware back. Oh, and beware of the Puma on the moors! I’d like to think along our route we have been good ambassadors for the club. Lots of locals came out to wave us past and we never robbed any hub caps along the way, honest.
Our next water stop was football-related in the name, Kippax near Great Preston then another 14miles to our hotel in Wakefield. I would pick wild daffodils and give them to the girls as a thank you. I’m daft like that.
Riding into Castleford and Wakefield, the built up areas, I hated being on a bike. Motorists don’t give a damn about cyclists. Do you know that 30 people a day are killed or injured riding a bike?
Another oasis was on the horizon and another stay in the Holiday Inn Wakefield. As I was last because of my detour everyone gathered outside to cheer me in, they are that type of people, these were great sore times.
After a shower and tea we had earlier agreed to meet the Everton Wakefield branch and some of their supporters came to the lounge to buy us drinks( doh! I’m still on drugs and can’t drink), we watched United win another title in the lounge beating West Brom and that goal of the season from Van Persie.
Brian, the treasurer of the branch, gave us a donation, a nice touch and boost for our moral knowing what was to come tomorrow. The Wakefield branch must have thought we were a boring lot as we were falling asleep watching the game. Hardly any sleep again with Jason so I invited David Attenborough into my room to define the noise made by Jason. He said it was the mating call of the Elephant seal of Patagonia.
I got two hours’ sleep that night and dreamed I ate a giant marsh mellow as you got hungry burning 6,000 calories a day. When I woke up my pillow had gone!
We didn’t rush our breakfasts this time and let it settle a bit after yesterday’s experience. It was decided to go out in varying groups depending on how much experience you had in cycling. The ‘Q bikes’ I named went last as they were the fastest, the rest every 15 minutes or so earlier. I was happy to be in the middle as high as a kite on my pain killers.
These Q bike riders had a secret I found out when moving the bikes one morning to get at mine where they where stored overnight. Their bikes where like lifting a bag of sugar compared to us poor novices with bikes ten times the weight of theirs. But there again the cost of their bikes was ten times greater than ours.
Day Three Wakefield to Burnley 55 miles
This was the killer stage over the Pennines, where men would be broken as well as backsides. We had a hill inclination of 6,708 feet in total. This was our Himalayas but not a Sherpa around to help us. It was so hard to get up the hills you would get into the lowest gear and it was still not enough. Your legs were spinning around like a clown on the bike in a circus. Did I tell you about the group of cannibals who kidnapped and killed a clown from the circus? After they cooked him, one cannibal turns to another and says, “Does this taste funny to you”?
Sometimes you would have to just get off the bike and walk, even cars where sliding backwards and then slamming into second gear to get up the hill, such was the steep gradient. Give everyone their due in the group they battled on. We had two Welsh Everton lads with us, Andy and Fish, who came from Portmadoc and grew up in the hills and were ex-army. They were great coming back and forth like wasps urging us on. I told them thanks for helping and to stop worrying the sheep!
Along the way I saw buzzards and kestrels hovering over their prey (no, not me), we have some great wildlife in this country you just need time to take it all in.
Our first water stop was at Higher Burton, aptly named as some of us were going for a Burton with this leg. My drug mixture of Tramadol and Codomol to stop the pain were kicking in. Thoughts of how to kill Jason and get a good night’s sleep crossed my mind. I’m sure the daffodils were turning into those yellow arrows I was hallucinating, like a hippie even putting flowers in my hair.
Along one of the hill roads I noticed a lamb had got out over the fence and was in danger of being ran over by traffic. So I got off my bike and ran after it the lamb who was bleating, the sheep over the other side of the fence were going off their head and I’ll I was trying to do was help, more mint sauce tonight you ungrateful lot. I placed the lamb back into the field to the angry wooly back mob.
Names of areas where we went through where called ‘Worst hill’, Bottom End and Break back hill.
Dinner was at Sowerby Bridge, unfortunately lamb was not on the menu. For all our dinners and night time meals all the menus where carb based like lasagna and Panini’s.
The pub was called the Hobbit aptly named now as we were the lord of the rings after sitting on these bike seats for three days. I asked the pub manager when do the Auks come in as we don’t want any trouble. Come to think of it how does Leighton Baines do a trilogy of films with the hobbit and play for Everton all season? He’s a ringer for Frodo.
The manager of one pub thought we were nuts when we explained where we were riding to but wished us luck. It was great see our team willing each other on with this grueling task Kenny would urge his son, Michael, on “Come on lad keep up”. Michael flies planes over Afghanistan and has done two tours; he must have thought his sergeant major went easier on him. I often asked Michael to bring a bomber home and drop something over Anfield.
Last water stop of the day was at Stansfield Moor then to our hotel in Burnley to die peacefully. That was some bike ride over the Pennines; anyone who has done anything like this will tell you it punishes you to the full. You ache all over. Bradley Wiggins, Cavendish and co are not men but machines. They do trips like this and far more mileage every week but I think that Lance Armstrong is a liar... he never landed on the moon.
Next time I do a sponsored bike ride its going to be in Holland.
On the way into Burnley I stopped to have a photo at Turf Moor the home of the town’s club. I remember my first away game was here and the Everton fans were stuck on the side. They had a striker called Andy Lockheed in the Andy Gray mold but with no hair. The players that they sold in this era would have made a great team. Instead Bob Lord built a stand after himself, but there again if he hadn’t we would have not got players like Martin Dobson and Trevor Steven.
That evening everyone was knackered and went to bed early taking a calendar to be woken up in August.
On the third night I had fantastic news I got ear plugs off Carena, my plot of killing Jason was now wasted, never mind, but it was going to be sweet revenge.
Day Four Burnley to Goodison 60 miles
This was our last day and after the worst breakfast of the trip in the Holiday Inn, we set off in stages again. There was another false dawn as we thought, "no more hills, just all downhill." In the first hour we had inclines of 650 and 700 feet. I spoke to cockney Steve a lot this day but was growing tired of interrupting what he said for others. Steve calls his missus ‘Treacle’. I kid you not. He’s a big lad with a heart to go with it, never missing a game home or away from his London base. Next water stop was Ramsgreave 14 miles away.
Our dinner was scheduled at Croston. You knew you were coming home now as I know the place well going for dinners there, etc. There was even a Marsh Lane en route were I came from in Bootle. The route was mainly flat now but as always in the life of an Evertonian the rain started with 60mph cross wins at you, but we still smile.
Next watering hole was Bangers Green. Everyone was told to meet up at the Bakers Dozen outside Aintree racecourse as we were still in groups. As we arrived at the pub, people had gathered to clap us home but nothing prepared us for when we arrived at our spiritual home of Goodison.
As the group in full rode along Walton Vale motorists were beeping their horns like we were all conquering hero’s or was it to just to get out the way? We were all wearing the EITC sponsored t-shirts now. As we got outside the ground near the Gwladys Street end, we stopped to take in what we had accomplished. Don’t forget, a lot of us hadn’t been on a bike for years and this time it was without stabilizers!
We went in a line past the now boarded-up Winslow pub and turned into the Park End where I got a lump in my throat. There were a couple of hundred people gathered there to welcome us home, it was great. Family and friends, genuinely made up to see us and proud of the feat we had accomplished. We dumped our bikes like shackles and stood for a team photo next to our Everton great Dixie Dean. It was quite fitting as Dixie and our group had did feats we thought we could not achieve in our lifetime (well, I’m nearly fifty now!) but we will tell our grandkids our story as Dixie must have done. After the photos I was drenched in Champagne. Bizarrely, I was the only one who didn’t drink!
Robert Elstone gave us all medals and thanked us for making more people aware of the great work Everton in the Community do. Robert, a keen cyclist I believe, was going to do the ride with us but decided to break his arm the previous week when he saw our schedule to get out of it. Ex-Everton players John Bailey and Cliff Marshall came to applaud us home with Darren Griffiths and Mark Rowan from Finch Farm, a nice touch.
This is the hall of Fame of Toffees going that extra yard for charity:
Vincent Cavanagh, Andrew Collins, Richard Davies, Jason Hengler
Collette Hollis, John Hughes, Alex Langley, Stephen Marjoram, Phil O’Rourke, Kevin Pilkington, Jamie Richards, Colin Rimmer, James Rooney
Kevin Spofforth, Kenny Sweeney, Michael Sweeney and David Unsworth.
Take a bow, you lot. It was a pleasure and a privilege to ride along side you all. It was a feat I will always remember. We started as fellow Blues with a task, now we are lifetime friends. Thanks for the memories... although I won’t forget the operation on my backside soon or stop walking like John Wayne!
And let’s not forget Carena Duffy from EITC who is Everton nuts. If you cut her arm off it would read EFC. She’s mad, Carena but lovely. Often at watering holes she would jump out to greet you with her Everton gear on, face painted and singing Everton songs. It was both frightening and uplifting. Carena does a hard job all year raising funds for the charity. I’ve only done it for a few months and it’s not easy. There’s not much money about these days and there are so many deserving causes.
Since we finished our ride Kenny Sweeney has deservedly won the supporter of the year award, a fitting tribute for all the work he does like others running a supporters club. It was Kenny’s idea which brought us all together in the memory of his late mum. I know the monies we raised will help the kids and the ex-players have a better life. I only wish we could have raised more but we have done our best.
For the next home game against Fulham we were all invited onto the pitch to take a well deserved bow from the Everton crowd. Well were Everton Aren’t We?
UP THE TOFFEES ONWARDS AND UPWARDS
If you would like to donate to help the deaf and disabled kids at Everton, my donation page is http://www.justgiving.com/ianmacdonaldcycle
Thanks to everyone who has supported me and sponsored me your good people. Next time I do a charity challenge I’m jumping out of a plane without a parachute. It’s got to be easier than this challenge was!
Reader Comments (9)
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2 Posted 01/06/2013 at 18:48:39
3 Posted 01/06/2013 at 21:57:22
Well done to you and the crew, hope you sail past the 50k.
4 Posted 01/06/2013 at 23:10:22
Well done!
5 Posted 02/06/2013 at 03:06:52
Also - thank you SO much for an article which isn't about the managerial position!!
6 Posted 02/06/2013 at 16:51:33
7 Posted 02/06/2013 at 18:25:54
8 Posted 02/06/2013 at 18:52:44
9 Posted 05/06/2013 at 00:40:42
Think the TV reception on the Rediffusion sets in our houses in Bootle must have been shit.
I always thought it was Arnie Sacrinson, you've got Arnie Saxison, the great Oracle that is Google is saying it was Arnie Saccnusson. Good job it's never come up then cos I'd have made a right twat of myself either to my mates in the pub or my family in front of the telly.
Why do I even bother worrying about that, I'm sure they all think it any way every time I watch the Blues on TV down here in Hampshire as I hop about everywhere, kick every ball and shout at the opposition players, our players, the officials, anyone who I think will listen. Old habits, learnt at the best sporting arena in the world during the best of times, die hard. I love our club and I love Evertonians as much.
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1 Posted 01/06/2013 at 17:41:07