As a diversion from the day-to-day grind of being an Evertonian, this is a short story that fellow blues will hopefully enjoy concerning that ex-RS goalie from the 80s, Bruce Grobbelaar. Obviously, I am no fan of the man, though he brought a grudging smile from me once when he flicked vee-signs at the Street end behind his back. If anyone bears any grudge against the man (apart from the obvious) then this should please you.

I live in a small town in Oxfordshire and about six years ago there was a charity auction to raise money for the town's football club. The guest speaker at the event was to be Mr Grobbelaar. My wife and I ended up on a table with a couple of RS, unfortunately (they're like a plague in Oxfordshire). One of the RS knobheads spent £120 on a signed picture of that big-nosed twat Rush scoring in the 1986 final against us. I wanted to smash it over his head.

Anyway, Grobbelaar did his after-dinner speech, which to be fair had a few fairly funny parts. As he wrapped it up he said he would be happy to do autographs. There was a programme for the event which had a spread on Grobbelaar so I decided to queue to get that signed by him. At this point, I have to admit to having an RS in the family. My eldest brother, Brian, has gone the dark way, though fortunately my dad and other brother are Blues. I decided to get the picture signed for my RS brother — he is still my brother after all.

I got to the front of the queue and handed the programme to Grobbelaar. He took it and asked who to write it to. I asked him to write “To Brian, From one eejit to another”. I should explain that my family originates from Northern Ireland, hence the ‘eejit'. He looked at me for a moment and, to his credit, started writing. I decided to seize the opportunity of a moment to speak to him.

“What was the best goal you ever conceded?” I asked. Grobbelaar looked up at me a little suspiciously and said: “There's no such thing as a good goal you concede as a goalie.”

“Well, I can tell you it was Graham Sharpe in the Anfield derby in 1984,” I replied.

“Oh no, a Bluenose” Grobbelaar said and half-smiled, half-grimaced and looked back at the programme.

“Do you remember that own-goal you scored in the 1984 Charity Shield?” I continued.

“There's no such thing as an own goal by a goalie.” he replied.

“No, it was definitely an own goal,” I said, “The ball came back off the defender away from the goal and struck your leg and went in.”

Grobbelaar said no more, handed me the programme where he had indeed written, “To Brian, From one eejit to another, Bruce Grobbelaar”. He looked to the next person in the queue so I decided it was time to move along.

I told my brother the story and gave him the framed programme as a Christmas present, which he absolutely loved. It's hanging on his wall to this day.