Inchy’s men take the plaudits in romp over disappointing Everton

Let me know what colors you and Jonathan will be wearing so I can pick you out of the crowd shots on TV.

Look for probably the tallest person in the Minneapolis safe standing home end, strawberry blond hair looking awkward as a bunch of locals bang drums every time Gomes gives away a needless free kick.

ps: Neil Copeland is over from England to meet us two so at least three ToffeeWebers.

Got it, Jonathan. Vertically challenged, and davening whenever we're defending a set piece.

Any chance you can have a go at producing a match report or at least your views on how each player performed?

That would be great for those of us who won't stream the match?

Nothing else matters.

We will either batter them or get beaten.

No certainties with this current squad of under-achievers. Adrian Heath will obviously want to beat his former team. I've watched Minnesota quite a lot through free sports channel. (Now thanks to our beloved government the channel is no longer available, thanks Boris.)

Hopefully we will see a structured display of Lampard actually showing us his tactical skills, and giving us some ideas of how we will set up this season. Coyb.

Minnesota United vs Everton FC: Live Stream, Score Updates and How to Watch Friendly Match

As for the game - 4 nil at least. I won't say who for, as that will jinx it.

had a quick peep at things, and I agree. Oh well, if we do suffer one, then using the beauty of the pre-season friendly game concept, we can put it down to experimentation...

Paul J - nice topical observation. Did you notice any blue tyre-type marks?

Hopefully we get a better idea of what to expect for the new season. The result doesn’t matter as much as how the team sets up and knits together.

That's the spirit, Neil - get the excuses in early...

That's less a quibble with Michael's post as it is a chance to show the most horrifying own goal in MNUFC history, which happened during that friendly:

Blame it on the Jelly

Yes I will do.

Pickford
Patterson Tarkowski Welch Mykolenko
Doucoure Iwobi Nkounkou
Dobbin Calvert-Lewin Gordon

Let's hope we can put on an exhibition and gives us some hope in what has been a very disappointing Transfer Window to date. Glad we got James Tarkowski, but we definitely need a few more to even tread water.

Enjoy! 💙💙💙

Jonathan and Kieran, also, I have grey going on white hair and currently doing a half decent impression of an over ripe tomato.

Pickford
Patterson, Tarkowski, Keane, Mykolenko
Gray, Warrington, Doucouré, Gordon
Calvert-Lewin, Mills played as the Number10, just behind the striker.

Toss of a coin: Iwobi or Warrington...

See how that starting 11 fares.

ps: You left out Rondon.

Left back in the hotel.

Let's convert a load more US football fans to unbelievable emotion that is Everton Football Club.

Good luck, US blue boys and girls. I want to hear Spirit of the Blues!!!

Then use the squad second half, giving some who have not had a game a chance.

Try to start off, on the front foot, give the likes of Warrington and Mills a start, a mixture of youth and regular first teamers.

Pickford
Patterson Mina Tarkowski Mykolenko
Iwobi Warrington Doucoure
Alli Calvert-Lewin Gordon

Alli not a winger of course but give him some license to roam around and find pockets of space.

Jonathan - with you and Neil both going at it, I'm now expecting to hear it on the coverage. Get those lungs ready.

I read up a little on the stadium. It's a great design, looks good in and out, stands close to the pitch, beer zone etc. It looks bigger than the 19,000-odd quoted capacity though. Was surprised it was built that way, being brand new and with the sport seemingly growing well.

I just need putting out of my misery over Dobbin and need to know if he's the real deal or could be. I don't think Frank rates him although we don't see what he trains like.

Surely the best of the rest? Forget another loan – play him or sell him.

The young couple opposite mine recently made a sex tape. Obviously they don't know that yet…

Unfortunately I am a Political prisoner in my own home – cannot get on a bus, train or airplane due to the mandates. Only recently the commissars relented and will now allow me on a bus.

The reason for my house arrest being due to medical reasons I cannot have injections due to my medical condition I have had since 1960.

I am 83 years of age and very rarely go to a doctor even through the covid situation.

I do have a legitimate exemption signed by a Doctor in London Ontario however the Commissars will not accept it.

I now know how the Hungarian refugees felt when I lived in England in 1956. The Ukrainians can get out of Ukraine but I cannot leave Communist Canada.

Jonathan, I am also a member of the tribe, lived in New York for the past 25 years or so, from London originally. Unfortunately was unable to travel to Minnesota for the game due to prior commitments.

The first Everton game I watched was a 3-1 pasting of Man Utd in 86-87. The scorers? Sharp, Sheedy and a magnificent diving header from Inchy!! That game made me an Everton fan and I have never looked back. Best choice I ever made.

It's been a hell of a ride. Looking forward to giving Frank time to build.–

Had a great time beforehand at Jonathan Oppenheimer's and met his lovely family along with Neil Copeland. Top Evertonians.

his stadium is like a miniature Bramley-Moore Dock. Alright, let's show these Minnesotans – some of whom around me are wearing RS shirts.

Can't score against a weak MLS side so how will we score against the Premier League teams ???

Is Blackpool on Sunday a dress rehearsal for the real thing? Scary 9 months ahead... get your arse in gear, Thelwell.

The young players were not as impressive as against Arsenal. Blackpool must be fancying their chances against us on Sunday.

The only saving grace is that Minnesota are midway through their season so they're fitter, but it's not much mitigation. We need creative players who can score and a holding midfielder. As a No.6, Gbamin looked a lot better than Davies, but we can't put our trust in him with his injury record.

Narrowly avoided the drop and now we've weakened the squad and don't have much money to strengthen. Lampard dipped into the squad to find it is bare. We need some smart signings and soon, as Minnesota made us look like FA Cup 4th Round minnows.

The players lost their heads at the end, I guess in frustration of just how poor we are. This is shaping up to be a painful season. We're in the mire.

Can't score? We never even looked like scoring, I don't recall a single shot on target.

We must have the worst midfield in the Premier League. They can't even get the basics right. They're incapable of stringing more than a couple of passes together, don't supply the forwards, and constantly put the defence under pressure by, so easily, giving the ball up.

After these two games, I'm seriously worried about this season. We're dreadful,

Only positives: Tarkowski, Gbamin, Mills.

God, that was atrocious.

In America: Everton 0, Opposition 6. 🤮

Premier League? Big whoop!

Negatives: Everton FC.

In more detail: Keane was awful, Tarkowski tried to talk him through the game but he was way too close to his ex-Burnley mate and left a huge hole for Mykolenko.

Gray never looks around for a pass. Calvert-Lewin has the worst touch since Harvey Weinstein.

Pickford seemed overly amped-up. Doucoure and Iwobi were looking about trying things but no-one else was on the page.

Patterson tried to be creative but lacked precision. Nkounkou can't defend. Crellin did Okay. Mills and Warrington mostly looked solid. Rondon never got the ball. Gbamin couldn't stay on his feet.

It was never a 4-0 more like a sloppy 2-0 but, as Boris would say, "Them's the breaks!"

Most of the players looked as if they're leaving the club in the morning, totally without drive. I'm struggling to understand it, honestly.

This does not give a lot of hope for the future: two games, no goals, 6 against, and poor performances from the usual culprits.

I don't take the attitude of they are not yet fit – the team they will be playing in just over 2 weeks will be a lot more difficult than what they have faced.

Lampard had better have an idea who his team is going to be and play them against Blackpool, and let those that sit on the bench know they'd better liven up if played. Otherwise, they will have sore arses sitting there.

Minnesota is 4-0-1 in their last five games. They are fourth in the Western Conference. Imagine dividing the Premier League into to two leagues of 10 and playing the fourth place team in the other group of 10.

All the talk about the MLS being a "retirement league" is so wrong. Yes, some teams will still overpay for the big old European names but overall the league is committed to playing younger talented and technical players – especially Latin Americans. This is the current and future of MLS. Think of it as a burgeoning Bundesliga where younger good players get a chance to develop. Just way, way, way behind.

As for Everton. We are terribly untalented. It will take a miracle to make the whole greater than the sum of our parts. Based on the last words we heard, Frank is going to do that by making our team fitter and fight harder.

Avoiding relegation will be our success this season and hopefully another year will allow us to get out FFP jail.

Meanwhile Bayern just beat DC United (MLS) 6-2.

Jonathan Oppenheimer, it was great to meet you and your lovely family, thank you so much for your hospitality. Hopefully you will get to Goodison soon.

We could have a decent defence with Tarkowski and Mina (if he stays fit) and Mykolenko with Holgate, Patterson or Coleman at right-back.

I thought that Iwobi and Dele Alli played well except for Dele's miss, and with Allan we could have a useful midfield.

But where are the goals going to come from?

What I have just watched there was pathetic, embarrassing and laughable. What the fuck have we done with the money we have had over the 6 years?

How some of these players still kick a ball for us, even in pre-season, just baffles me. The majority of them should have been told at least to get their agents to move them on from the club and earn their bonuses. For example, Michael Keane... £30M!

The great defenders we have had at this club wearing the Number 5 shirt: Labone, Lyons, Mountfield, Watson and even players like Lescott and Weir. To now this. Never seen a centre-half scared of his own shadow – let alone movement. Watching him run on stream, you honestly think the stream is buffering – he is that slow.

I'm genuinely convinced that Tom Davies is only at the club because he is an Evertonian and his uncle is Alan Whittle. I'm convinced. Because, since 2017, the lad has done absolutely nothing. No signs of improvement at all. I'd call him a Championship player but it's an insult to those players. But it's all good because he scored a lovely chip against City a few years back, "good times" though.

I could go on but it's far too late. But seriously, this club needs to wake the fuck up. It's practically sleep-walking into the Championship. So, unless some decent players sign, unless the useless fuckers fuck off and the fans remain the same, it's going to be another long season. And there is only so much the fans can do... Fucking Sort It Out!!!

Their sheer application, movement and commitment put us to shame, and there was some good individual skill on show.

I don't think Everton are so untalented as such. I do think there is a terrible malaise of mentality that's been around for too long, many years. I thought that was being slowly eroded but tonight it returned with a vengeance. It's getting to the point where it almost defines us as a club and team. I'm almost baffled by now.

I have to agree re Davies. I thought he was developing slowly, in fact, he was for a time – but that stopped and I'd say he's gone backwards now, and shows no signs of becoming anything we can use. If nothing else, he once got stuck in and was at least involved in the game, but even that seems to've left him.

Great organizations win consistently. Man City, Chelsea and the folks across the park have great organizations. We have had nothing like that for decades and it is clear Moshiri is not the guy to do this for us.

Just walked into the hotel and engaged two people wearing Everton shirts: same two players irked them.

I know it's not scientific but that's just the vibe among the attendees.

As Kieran says in an earlier post, it wasn't a 4-0 game but we got what we deserved for our general lack of effort. During our struggles last season, I thought the relation between players and fans improved significantly. But, after watching two half-arsed performances, I really question whether these players give a shit.

It's not like me to feel so negative, do the players still not get how much it means to us? Another angle is that Everton had a wonderful opportunity to really promote themselves to a young and growing audience. They could have at least put in some effort and shown what the Premier League is all about. Instead, we get a limp squib and, I would think, a turn off for the prospective fanbase.

No doubt jet-lag will be used to excuse another poor performance at Blackpool on Sunday. Come on, Blues, for fuck's sake, show some pride!

"I said to [my players] this a perfect opportunity for you to see what a Premier League player looks like and what it is like to play against them, so the players are really excited.

"There is a big sense of occasion really because Everton will be the biggest club to have come to our new stadium. For the guys, this will be the biggest game maybe they ever play. So we are looking forward to it."

Then our little MLS club crushed Everton like little tiny bugs 4-0.

That's funny, I've been running the squad through my head all week and keep coming up with 31 names so missing one but I was determined not to cheat. But you've just reminded me of my missing man: Broadhead.

I forgot all about him. I'm not sure he will ever be a Premier League star but I've no doubt based on what I've seen of him that he has the same sort of heart as Gordon so, if nothing else, would make a bloody good effort. Presumably Frank doesn't rate him? Ditto Simms? Too bad.

That leaves us with our leaky defence, terrible midfield and limited creativity in attack. That kills confidence and the results get worse.

Dig in, everyone.

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result."

It certainly looks that way.

It would've been more pleasurable seeing those two fellas out on the pitch rather than those guys in the pink jerseys everyone loves so much. Neil and Kieran, it was a real pleasure meeting up in anticipation of a big night and then commiserating for 2 hours. I hope we can do it again one day.

I guess we're supposed to cut the team some slack because it's pre-season and Frank's been working them hard in the heat and they're mostly playing alongside new teammates. All true. But there were not many positives from tonight.

I'm hopeful only because a new squad takes time to gel, and also because Mina is fit and we have Tarkowski. Beyond that, unless we find some composure and creativity in midfield, we're in big trouble.

So here's to hoping those 2-3 new signings we're all waiting for inject some life into this squad. And Mina stays fit. And Pickford is in top form all season. And Calvert-Lewin somehow gets the service he needs to score 15-20. And Gray and Mykolenko take another step forward. And Gordon finds a few more assists and goals. And Patterson settles in. And Tarkowski is the captain who lays into anyone who isn't cutting it. And Warrington and Simms and Mills and other young players earn some playing time.

Damn, that's a lot to ask. But after tonight, I'll take any of the above. At least it was a beautiful night in Minnesota.

Very negative about Keane, Nkounkou, Patterson (nowhere near ready for the Premier League), Godfrey (Where has he gone?), Calvert-Lewin (Where was he?), Gray (10-minute player when the mood suits)...

That's 7 reasonable players out of a squad that's supposed to be around 25. That's 18 players needed of a sufficient quality to play in the Premier League... Absolutely frightening thought.

I was behind the goal first half and it was really frustrating. Doucouré was looking around for runners and there were none and Iwobi kept getting into dangerous positions screaming for the ball but he was ignored.

The issue was Tom was playing about 2 feet in front of the centre-backs which is pointless for a guy who can't tackle or kick the ball more than a yard.

Gray has one-track vision, doesn't ever look around to see who's on, and Calvert-Lewin just seems to loiter in the box and make a half-hearted effort to clumsily win balls. Gordon tries but he wasn't on the same page as his teammates in giving or receiving.

We need a decent striker to light a fire under Calvert-Lewin's ass as he looks like he's on Easy Street. We need a proper midfield and, unless today was an aberration, we need a right-back.

Get the doom and gloom early — I have a feeling Frank can't get these players motivated, for whatever reason...

Frank needs way better players to work with; otherwise, he will be out on his arse...

Relegation battle from the start — unlike last season's good start.

Why didn't we sell Calvert-Lewin (and his “mental health” bollocks) and double Richarlison's wages? Awful, awful, error.

Jack Convery predicted 4-0, but I doubt he meant to them!🤦🏻‍♂️

I think Frank's planning must now revolve around avoiding relegation as even now bringing in 2 or 3 new players is probably too late.

Did Inchy have any after-match comments?

The squad is miles weaker than this time 12 months ago.

Rodriguez, Sigurdsson, Richarlison all gone; no goals or creativity to replace them.

We will be forced to sit here and big up annual failures like Keane, Gomes, Davies, Holgate, Rondon etc as the season goes on and somehow be told that results will come... LMFAO.

For this reason, I have absolutely no enthusiasm about the new season starting in 2 weeks' time.

Bloody hell. That's embarrassing. Against an American team.

I didn't see it but that's shameful.

A few weeks to the start of the season. Unless there is a further clear-out and rebuild with better quality, we are in the crap.

Everton's pre-seasons will never change: Finch Farm Holiday Camp on tour.

To which they replied: “Can we play them every week?”

Bet they were left stunned and surprised by the level of a Premier League side.

Things are looking desperate, poor defensively, no midfield and no attack. Not sure what Frank can do as, at present, he doesn't even have the core of a team to build on.

Maybe it has to be 5 at the back, a couple of the youngsters, and two new cut-price superstars, and somehow Frank can get two of the others to at the very least put a shift in. Likely to be a very long and painful season.

I don't know if anyone else noticed but, as embarrassing as this is for a bunch of Premier League players, I'd have actually stopped our warm-up for 10 minutes and made them watch the Minnesota players in a mini-game pinging the ball about one, all quick touch and playing with intensity.

The defence was poor and Keane first half reverting back to the question "Has this guy ever played before?" I had also hoped to see more from Patterson but, being new and relatively young, he gets a bye for now.

If Calvert-Lewinis the answer up front, God Help Us! Gordon was poor but was left on with Gray for the second half start but neither improved with very poor attempts at goal.

Fair play to MNUFC – they all played like they meant to get a win and a decent showing.

Oh... Kenwright Out!

It's hard to judge Lampard, particularly as only two of this current lot are his picks, but if fitness and intensity were enough ingredients, nearly every Championship club would now be in the Premier League.

I no longer know what the answer is. The young full-backs are weak defensively, the majority of our central defenders are mistake-ridden and inconsistent, we still have no steel in the midfield, we have attackers who need 4-5 chances to put one in. Only one of whom will likely reach double figures.

Surviving this season will take a miracle….

Will @70, second paragraph, that's what always impresses me about the yanks mate, and it's why I keep saying they are really going to crack this soccer lark eventually.

Hard work covers a multitude of sins, but in Everton's case, I hope that they have been working that hard that this was a game they could have done without. It's all about getting ready for a very long season, so I'll pray it's not going to be the longest season of our lives.

So anyone in denial, take your rose-tinted specs off, put your Dave Hickson rosette down, and drink it in. This squad is absolute relegation fodder without some serious signings quick.

This team won't score, and will concede regularly. And if that's the case, you can expect a defeat every week, and Lampard gone by October – with the next contestant trying to polish a turd in Goodison Manager Squid Game.

Recruitment is key, yet we are now in a position of pissing that much money up the wall over the last 7 years, despite selling top talent, we technically can't sign what we need to address it.

This isn't about Lampard's motivation skills. It's about the same shit players, doing the same shit things.

Michael Keane & Co have been garbage for the last 5 years. This isn't a manager motivation problem, this is just bad players.

Whether we have Moshiri in control or new owners, we're still bound by FFP.

In respect of the upcoming season and new blood: we're Donald Ducked!

There will be money spent. And at least an attacker will be bought who can bring more goals and assists to the table. But whoever comes in will have no time to bed in; this is the cost of doing business late in the window (looking for good value).

It's gonna be a tough season and, if we start it slowly, then it may be hard to catch up. The bookies make Lampard the 3rd most likely to get sacked first. I hope they have it wrong as we could really use a period of consistency but I've not seen enough evidence of Lampard really organising an effective system for our players yet.

Playing open does not seem to suit us and it may be that we have to stick with the attritional approach a while longer. Tricky stick-or-twist decision for the manager.

If we can't get rid of these players, then bench the likes of Keane and Davies and give the kids a chance this season. In fact, we won't get a transfer fee for most of them (like the ones we have just released), so pay up their contracts and save on wages – they are a liability and will hurt us all season.

How many more embarrassments can we all take in the coming season? I know it's a friendly... but it's “As you were, lads!”

That might mean something if we had just finished 6th or 7th last season but the fact is, we nearly got relegated and were an absolute shambles for 90% of the campaign.

The results and performance levels we are seeing are what I expected from this group of players. If we fail to build a substantial squad between now and August, I expect another season like last.

We haven't made any signings to get me positive. Had we signed Koulibaly to partner Tarkowski, then brilliant, but we couldn't.

Had we signed someone like Connor Gallagher along with Moussa Diaby, then I'd be sitting here thinking good thoughts.

At best now we'll end with a loan for Cornet.

It's gonna be a struggle.

No manager in the world would get a different result from these players. You can have the best plans in the world but, once them players cross the line, it's all on them.

3-0 down after 35 minutes, Frank must have been shell-shocked.

It was more than shameful. We were actually flattered by 4 - 0

Minnesota hit the bar and missed a few other good chances. The nearest we came was when Alli failed to score from a yard out.

We created next to nothing and they were walking through our midfield.

The last few years we have let the best players go and only introduced average ones at best.

Strap in, folks, as it's going to be another bumpy ride.

Moshiri said judge us at the end of the transfer window and Bill says we have had good times so who are we to moan... lol.

Really! Had no form since last September. For goodness sake, wake up! We are relegated under this management team!

Frank and his team must go. Our form under him statistically is terrible. It's not the players, it's the style he is implementing without the right players.

No form, no confidence and no belief. I just hope there are three worse teams next season.

I'm of the opinion that Frank isn't good enough too. His system is random and unknown, too much chopping and changing, and no evidence of improvement anywhere other than Iwobi really.

However, as others have said, there is no manager in the world who could get a tune out of this squad right now. Change needs to come at board level now, and everyone who can should get to Goodison on Saturday to join the 27 years folks.

As for us, it is worrying in that Frank Lampard has now had plenty of time to work out just who is capable of playing in which position. Poncing about making wholescale changes actually makes the team think that it isn't a real game, the responsibility is shared by 20 players.

There must be a "jolly" mentality in the camp. Nice that they have had their own holidays and now a nice little jaunt with the club. How many fans do they think that they have picked-up out there playing shite? It would have been better to stay home and play Tranmere.

I watched almost every game last season, and have done for years. These players have the same faults as ever:

Keane – own goal, where have I seen that before?
Godfrey – trying hard but lost in space.
Calvert-Lewin – lacking service, can't create a thing on his own.
Gray – ball-greedy never picks a pass.
Gordon – no end product.,
Dele – missed a sitter.
Davies – got better when he was out.
Doucouré – simply can't play football.

We are going down this season with this squad. Only a few astute purchases can inspire the rest to knit together.

The fans, a few Pickford heroics and Richarlison's scuffed shots saved us last season. It won't save us this time.

Frank is testing the players out for a system that works. We'll finish mid-table comfortably, I'm convinced of that.

On another point... if we get a decent bid for Calvert-Lewin, take it – nothing will change with this lad, he's hopeless.

Dave @119, I think Calvert-Lewin is suffering because of the lack of quality service from there. Lost all creativity without James, Sigurdsson now Richarlison too. He's never going to be someone who makes chances himself or takes a few men on. He's a poacher, all his goals come in the box.

I'd love Gilmour and a real tough-tackling central midfielder in the Gana mould. But I'm willing to trust Frank & Kev – let's not write the season off just yet, hey, fellas?

Obviously need 3 players:

1. Decent cover for Calvert-Lewin if he gets injured again;

2. Holding midfielder to screen defence and release full-backs higher up the pitch;

3. Ideally left-footed right winger / playmaker.

I suspect we'll get at least 2 of these one way or another but probably very late in the window.

This will help. Could even make Top 10.

There has never been a remote chance of an overhaul because no-one wants our underperforming players and we hardly have any money due to the insane transfer strategy of the last 5 years.

Every season except last season. I feel even worse about this season. The teams around us have all strengthened, we're a weaker side than this time last year.

If Thelwell doesn't pull some rabbits out of the hat, we're in big trouble.

I long for the days of mid-table mediocrity.

There's maybe only the goalie that would get into a Top 10 side. These players have had chance after chance, but the issue is they do a single good pass (Gbamin the other week for Calvert-Lewin against the Under -8s), an interview saying “Everton is a big club” or a good tackle, and people turn a blind eye to how crap some of them are.

Gomes, Man of the Match against a poor Brentford side in Lampard's first game. The club did a montage of all his passes and posted it 4 times for a week. Davies, will never be good enough but ,because he skateboards, and is mates with Calvert-Lewin, people think his breakout year is just upon us. It's been the year of Tom Davies since 2016.

These players are not good enough. Stop lauding them.

Off the field, everything we do is wrong, they are specialists in failure. They try to crack America, so they go there 2 years running, played 3 games in 2 years. Scored 1 goal, conceded 7, not won a game (10-9 on penalties aside). Imagine taking a little American lad to his first game to watch this crap and then Arsenal are down the road after spending £100M and adding about 5 players.

I see the fan engagement Twitter account tweet yesterday digital season cards will be sent out in a few weeks, the season starts in 2 weeks?

The sponsor was last minute, which meant we had a late kit launch again. No shirt sleeve sponsor (although rumours this has been sorted, but I'll believe it when I see it).

The direct debits for the £35 memberships failed because they changed payment provider or something, so they had to send an email on that.

We have a new Director of Communications in ‘Preno' who hasn't done anything since he tried to shoehorn the Chairman into the success of the Leicester away support.

No-one knows how we are funding the ground, they don't talk to us.

Not only that, I repeat. The squad is worse than last year, only without our best player, who's been sold to a Top 6 side below value because they have to meet FFP regulations after years of bad spending.

In the both the Mykolenko and Patterson transfer deals, the briefing to the media included a line how the chairman extensively negotiated these deals. So, if he's been doing the transfers, it's his fault we are in this mess.

I am at a point with this Chairman where I can't simply say his name any more. A bit like Voldemort. He'll be 77 soon... Could he be bothered holding on like this? Running us into the ground. He haave made about £40M off Everton. The club he loves. It's given him more than he can ever imagine. But it's time to go. Holding on worse than Boris and his CEO Nadine Dorris sidekick.

Rant Over!

Fuck me, we’re shite.

I'm not sure if Frank Lampard has the ability to turn around Everton's fortunes but, being honest, no manager in the world could make this present very poor squad any better than they are.

I hope Mr Thelwell can raise the profile of the squad with the essential signings before the season starts in just over 2 weeks.

Are the Blackpool lights switched on next week? They might be something worth watching!!

Then, in a proper match, he tamely hits it straight at the goalie in the first minute or so. If he's our saving grace and will get us to mid-table, god help us.

No way will there be 3 worse teams to hide behind again.

Is Thelwell doing his job? Can't expect him to magically get buyers for Holgate, Keane, Rondon, Davies etc... but at least try.

We know our defenders can't play out and pass the ball well enough but Frank has worryingly reverted to wanting to try. Stop!

We need two top-quality midfielders as a minimum. ASAP!

Pochettino is still available. Please do all it takes!

Thelwell must be wondering what he's let himself in for. Shame on every single person that has ever supported Kenwright and his band of sycophants. But at least we'll be playing Championship football in a new stadium ….. if it ever gets built.

But maybe he was onto something. Thinking about it, it's a bit nuts to play Arsenal when they are ahead of us, and then a team actually in mid-season, on their home turf. We were asking for it.

I'm not reading much into this at all. That second-half team which conceded all the goals, it ain't gonna be lining up against Chelsea.

I'm more concerned with the recruitment. We should be getting under-the-radar signings in now, not waiting til the last fucking day to bring in another Dele Alli for a crazy amount of money.

"Oh, Mason Holgate, he had a good end to the season, there's a player in there somewhere"

"I have always liked Tom (Davies), he's just had bad luck this year with injuries." (Totally forgetting that's he's looked below average for 5 years now...)

" Tarkowski will bring out the best in Michael Keane, he'll talk him through games, LOL."

"Calvert-Lewin will be back to his best this season, he just needs service."

"Gordon is our new Number 10, that means he's the new wing wizard that's gonna smash in 15 goals and tear the league up."

"Gbamin looked good against the Co-Op IX last week, I think he has something to offer."

It's bullshit talk like this that I read all the time from Everton fans during the summer break… any wonder why the club has no ambitions and can't move forward?

"Oh yeah, We had a friendly! I wonder how we got on? Don't tell me we lost again..."

*Opens ToffeeWeb*

"4-0 hahahaa"

We have needed a midfield that can protect the defence and keep possession and make us hard to beat for 2 years.

It is complete incompetence not to fix the gaping holes we have in the team.

Chasing wingers and fullbacks while not bringing in a ball-winner is incompetence of the highest order. And we need him in the team now so he can bed in.

Bring in a ball-winner right now, then spend some time looking for another one, for fuck's sake!

In no particular order, Rondon, Davies, Holgate, Coleman, Allan, Gomes, Gbamin and Doucoure. Are just not good enough. Contracted or not. If we don’t shift this lot, I’m afraid it’s more of the same next season.

The defence in the first half sounds just like it was last season. Are Mills and Warrington ready to play in the Premier League because at least they will put heart and soul into it.

First of all, Frank needs to settle on a formation and shelve any thoughts of playing out from the back. We need to accelerate any attempts to bring in new players – we could have lost three or four games by the end of the window and need to act now.

Very worrying!

We are all still guessing on Frank's preferred formation.

You watch against Chelsea – it will be 11 behind the ball and hope for a break. We can't play any other way.

These results only highlight the need for recruitment.

The quality enforcer DCM needs sorting out as soon as possible. I don't want panic buys so, in that sense, I can be patient if they get it right. That said, we need to start the season strong and get some momentum and points in the bank. Then we need an attacking midfielder who can give us some goals and assists.

Other trading / signings may be sourced a bit later in the window.

No need for panic just yet but Kevin Thelwell needs to get ahead of the curve, at the moment he is lagging behind it. He may need some additional support from the top people within the club right now to get his targets over the line. It's time to pull out all the stops.

Right now, I think we must be relegation favourites, that can't change either because we're skint. To add insult to injury of the brain cells, that pink kit just about sums us up – a bunch of big girls from top to bottom.

An owner who says the club is not for sale, but a consortium were going over the books in the summer. Was that just for a laugh??

He wants out, but cannot find a taker so the team stagnates (well, regresses as we lost our best player).

The whole place stinks and it is embarrassing being a supporter. In 50 years of support, I have never been so depressed. I always loved pre-season, even back in the bad years as there was always a buzz and optimism that this season we are going to be better.

Now it's just a stench of failure hanging around the place, and they don't disappoint on this, do they?

Awful.

We have recruited Gray, Townsend, Rondon, Alli, Patterson and Mykolenko who are all downgrades although the two fullbacks will no doubt improve.

We have a team with no creators and no goals with an isolated Calvert-Lewin the only real danger.

The season starts in 2 weeks and we needed players to be integrated into the team for then. We either have no money or realise we need around five players with a tiny budget.

They are in a sombre state and, unless we get some bodies in, they will continue to sulk. It's the modern way. Prima donnas and, unless they are being looked after they sulk. They see the club is on its arse and so they are sulking. Simple as that.

Unless we get some new blood in through the doors, we are staring at a team who will simply give up far too easily. They need a spark.

When you look at Liverpool, Man City, Spurs, Arsenal, these clubs identified the players they wanted and moved early to make sure these players were fully integrated into the team before a ball is kicked for the new season. Were it looks like, if we bring in a player, his playing time before the season starts will be minimal.

Where is the planning? Thelwell and Lampard — what have you been doing since the season finished? I read that Lampard had identified Broja, Gallagher from his former club and Zinchenko from Man City. I thought they would have been good additions, but looks like none of these are coming here.

Then we were interested in Cornet and reports say he would like to join Everton, but we can't pay the £17.5 million up front, so now Fulham and West Ham are looking at making an offer.

Our fans were absolutely brilliant last season, and along with Richarlison and Pickford, they dragged this squad over the line.

Now, having lost our biggest attacking threat to balance the books, we are now missing his 15 goals per season to a squad with very few goals in it.

I know it's pre-season but I think we knew the Arsenal game would be tough but I don't think we expected a drubbing from an MLS side.

With regards to the accumulated band of under-performers, nobody wants them. Like so many others, they will run down their contracts and move on.

The DoF has a thankless task!

We need a big two weeks in the transfer market or it's just going to be a re-run of last season – how could it be anything else with Richarlison no longer with us?

If we're still playing for fitness and finding our feet at this stage, we're in trouble when Chelsea come to town.

Actually, they are more like a pig's arse and – having not scored in 3 successive ''nothing'' games since they beat Palace at Goodison – the warning signs are there for everyone to see.

We can pick on individual players all day long but it doesn't alter the fact that the whole offense is impotent and many other teams know that even in the MLS.

I feel sorry for all those poor souls who have bought season tickets. Enjoy the disappointment.

Is Allan still injured?

I would go and get Idrissa Gueye on loan, instead of the headless chicken Doucoure.

Our financial situation must be so bad. It looks like all transfers would be last minute loan deals or free transfers that no-one else wants. The return of Barkley is getting more real as time goes by.

Why can't I see any rumours about Mina or Gomes moving on?

All sounds desperate but if Thelwell is really caught on his heels and didn't plan for life after Richarlison... well, that's all we got.

Third time of asking and it looks like another iffy DoF.

I'd be delighted if this could be done with our squad. Replace with players who i) can play footy and ii) would like to play footy for Everton.

I feel for any DoF at Everton.

We know we are moderate and these matches don't mean a great deal but the results are still disappointing.

Let's hope for a couple of good signings, because we need them.

I felt for Iwobi last night, he was trying link-up plays; over and over, he was calling for the ball to be played to him, only to be ignored.

Calvert-Lewin looks like he cannot be arsed. It could be down to poor service from our midfield, too many greedy individuals, we are simply not good enough and not playing as a team.

We can go two ways about it, splash out on two quality midfielders and take a chance of a points deduction if we overspend, or go with what we have, which is a big worry.

I would go for the first one, whatever points we may get deducted, we will certainly lose more points if we do not address the problem.

I'm one of the deluded fools who stayed up to the early hours thinking them Finch Farm videos will just transfer to the match.

Anyway, I hope Dunelm is sold out of bedsheets before Saturday.

He's way off Premier League standard, as is Nkounkou. Mills is way ahead of him and worth a punt.

If not, then you have nothing.

I see Chelsea lost to Charlotte FC – does that mean they will be in a relegation scrap with us?

He's a player that needs absolute on-the-money crosses from wide areas to thrive, this has been noticable since Lucas Digne left.

Calvert-Lewin has never been and never will be a technically gifted striker like a Suarez or Salah that runs deep and can make chances for himself, he's not got that capability, never has had.

If we are persisting with him this season, and it does look likely, then the likes of Gordon, Gray, and the fullbacks are gonna need to up their game with end product.

Mykolenko looks like a good addition but Dele and Patterson look like they're not ready to make an impact in the short term. We can forgive people worrying a bit.

That midfield would struggle in League One.

Michael Keane is the worst Everton defender ever. The guy is an absolute mouse!

Lampard is clueless using the same shit formation with the same shit players.

They have had a season to show their not good enough; he should start and finish with the kids, if we're going to get beat, at least it's with players who want a shot at playing for our once mighty club.

Keane, Davies etc should not be near the bench, never mind the team.

It's going to be a long season of big defeats to shit teams and a season-long struggle.

Spot on IMO. Until that 3rd person stops interfering in transfers, we will stand still at best, or backwards without an injection of new blood.

How long will Thelwell reign before he jumps ship?

Winston @184,

I'm not sure how long Keane has left on his contract, but who would buy him? There was a rumour West Ham were interested! I don't think so (hope to be proved wrong). IMO we are stuck with him, unless we give him away.

Unless Frank & Thelwell can get a couple of loans, based on their previous club connections, where's the next signing coming from?

We could of course hope Bill Kenwright can do something he hasn't done for years – keep his nose out, and stop pretending he's an ace negotiator! IMO, that's why nobody is likely to come in before the usual scramble on the last day of the window!

Playing Chelsea first game of season, may allow us to get a loanee in from them after the first match, and not have to worry about not playing him until the return fixture.

I can dream, but the lack of activity is worrying. Hopefully Thelwell is being very active. I understand he keeps his cards close to his chest.

When it comes to the matches themselves, it's like they have played 3 games in 6 days and have nothing left in the tank. At least that's how it should be.

Here we go again brother. See you on the journey!

Any club interested in our magnificent triumvirate – Gomes, Doucoure, Gbamin???

Oh I might have mentioned it before — it's the fucking midfield that wins or loses games. We have not even looked like winning games so it must be obvious where the problem is.

It is no use winning the ball if you have no one who can open up the opposition's defense.

When I talk about these mediocre finishes - it's not because I think they're acceptable.

I think we should be tremendously ambitious - but most accept there is no short cut without money.

It is no longer a case of buying Reid and Gray and it all falls into place. We need to be much more sophisticated in our approach to squad building.

Just as well you qualified your earlier post...I was just reaching for the "NSNO" card in my back pocket!

[Owner and Board]

It's time to play the music
it's time to light the lights
It's time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight.

[Manager and Players]

It's time to put on makeup
it's time to dress up right
It's time to raise the curtain on the Muppet Show tonight.

{Fans}

Why do we always come here
I guess we'll never know
it's lke a kind of torture
to have to watch the show

[FA, Media, Officials]

And now let's get things started
Why don't we get things started
It's time to get things started
On the most sensational inspirational celebrational
Muppetational
This is what we call the Muppet Show!

(Bill blows his trumpet)

I think you need to bear in mind that when you see those training games and defences being opened up with movement and passes, it is after all our own defence- or a version of it- that is being opened up. That might make it easier

We are shit top to bottom with no clear leadership or plan.

Last time I checked, I was not the director of football for the club! However, when we sacked Benitez, Lucien Favre was available. I believe he was a far better choice than Fat Lampard! Hell, even Vitor Pereira would have done better with this pile of shite!

Fucking perform or fuck off to train with the under 23squad where you might learn how to play but also a bit of passion for club and the game.

For too long we have been carrying these useless duckers, enough is enough. We need o toughen up, stop getting mugged off by these so called professionals and get rid to the kids teams and let them earn their way back.

The team cannot be any worse for playing the kids as this waste of a tour has proven.

Well that's the way we are going, trying to get a few personnel out of the door.

I'm not sure what everybody expected last night, but this outcome can't be considered a surprise. Minnesota is the equivalent of a good Championship side. If we had played a preseason game against Sheffield United at the halfway point of their league season, this is what would have happened. Chelsea, a far better team than us, lost last night to one of the worst teams in MLS. I doubt their fan site looks much like ours today.

I still predict we will do our transfer business late in the window, simply because we're not going to outbid anybody for the most popular candidates right now. And I predict TW will be in meltdown mode by then.

Whilst I agree with the sentiment, I wouldn't want our wasters going anywhere near the Under-21s, Under-18s or even Under-12s. They are a virus that infects all those around them with complacency, laziness, fear and indecision.

We looked totally lifeless and disinterested and the scorelines in both games flattered us.

More worrying for me were some individual performances and I single out Godfrey, Keane, Patterson., Nkounku, Gray, DCL, who did not look up to Championship standard let alone the Prem.

Jay #212, I partly agree, although I thought Gray and DCL looked just fine on everything but their shooting. Patterson obviously has a great deal to learn, but he's strong and fast, and his aggression makes me confident he will become a fine player over time. Nkounkou on the other hand clearly learned absolutely nothing from his unimpressive loan spell in Belgium, and unless he can learn to be an attacking winger, he's a writeoff.

However, I saw an astonishing ray of hope last night that I thought I glimpsed against Arsenal. JP Gbamin looked great, on the ball and off. My worry -- in fact, my conviction -- was that his catastrophic injuries would render him too slow to be a Prem player. But late in the game he sprinted back 80 yards, stayed stride-for-stride with Minnesota's fastest player, and blocked his shot. Easily. I couldn't believe it.

As incredible as it sounds, we may actually already have the DM we've been looking for. And that could save us the money we need for an attacking midfielder or goalscorer in the window.

The recruitment has been a dereliction of duty for any Premier league club, and the academy doesn't have a great record.

Please don't put any positives on this shit show, no, oh the youngsters, or oh, Rondon looks slimmer, or, isn't Anthony Gordon's hair like Richarlison's. Anthony Gordon looks like the manager's son, he's in the team because of his dad, not his skill set.

I watched the whole game live on tv, from the start to the finish. At no time did I feel comfortable in us winning. No real pattern of play unless you count eleven men behind the ball. The most mobile of Evertonians was Adrien Heath!

We have no structure, no-one does what he's supposed to do. Doucoure thought he was a striker, waddling about the opponents' penalty area, taking 5-yard passes and immediately giving the ball back while pointing to some mythical point where the ball should go next.

Where is Frank's idea that players should maintain the position? We are all over the place! Sure one or two times we would put a few passes together, pick out a player who would then lose possession or fall over.

Calvert-Lewin didn't seem to do even the basics properly, continuously looking as if he has no idea in what to do next. Anyone who thinks he's our saviour for this season is delusional to the highest order.

I really have no idea what Lampard's idea of putting together a winning team is; worryingly, I don't think Frank has either? We are now heading into the perfect storm this season, and that usually ends with the ship sinking.

I agree with you on Gbamin but the speed of the Premier League is something else. I just hope he can cope because, as you say, he could save us a lot of money and fill a huge gap.

Nkounkou is a total write-off defensively but could be squad cover further up the pitch.

I'm still hoping Patterson is still getting back to match fitness following his injury but his defensive awareness worries me.

I was impressed with Mills though and feel he could deputise for Coleman who I can't see being displaced by any of the current challengers.

Besides their shooting, I was also concerned about the lack of movement by Calvert-Lewin and Gray.

Still, we Blues have to hope something changes for the better.

I mentioned Gbamin's steady performance against Arsenal and got comments that he would never make it as he was too injury prone. But with his loan out and his fitness campaign, he seems a better choice than some of the other candidates.

At the same time, I thought Davies never done his chances any good. Same last night.

The move for the Keane own-goal, the shot that Pickford saved immediately prior to their third goal, and the overload for the fourth goal - all those are examples of Minnesota managing to get in behind our retreating and passive defence.

If Lampard is unable to find a way to successfully organise and motivate this group of players – which his predecessors have all ultimately failed to do – then it is going to be another long and frustrating season.

Right now I do not see much in terms of design or cohesion; our strikers look isolated, our midfielders seem constantly caught between defending and attacking (and don't manage to do either with any real intent), and our defenders prefer to mark space than mark opponents. It is not a good recipe for anything other than defeat.

Minnesota managed to be aggressive and assertive both in attack and in defence. We are miles away from that, and look like a team of individuals in search of leadership and direction.

Time for Lampard to take control and implement something more than an ethos or a feeling – he needs to give proper instruction and hold players to account.

What an embarrassing effort, and we can't excuse it by saying it was a one-off, they were equally poor against Arsenal, or that Minnesota were ahead of us fitness-wise, being mid-season etc.

I don't say that with any disrespect to MNUFC, fair play they put in a good effort and left us with 90 minutes of egg dripping from all involved chins.

I didn't see any game plan, or indeed any hope for the season ahead, which is only 2 weeks away, to give me any optimism whatsoever.

I totally get that this is pre-season but the signs are not good, are they? I didn't watch the two games but nothing I have read about them has filled me with confidence... quite the opposite!

Most of the players we have been linked with have gone or seem set to go to other clubs. We appear to be 'in for' Billy Gilmour and some other Chelsea squad players but is that the answer? We seem to be the only club suffering from the menace of FFP.

Last but not least, that shirt! That bloody awful pink shirt. Call me old-fashioned but why on earth do we have to wear that? Who designed it? Who chose it and what were they on? Get rid, please!!

Having said all that, I can't wait for the new season and hell yeah, in Frank we trust (for now!). Nil Satis!!

It was unnecessary but luckily no raised foot or studs contact. He does have previous of course but more in the hard, sneaky and over-combative vein than outright dangerous.

And those half-arsed pricks put in 2 abject performances for these supporters... I hope the gobshite players know what some fans have to do to support the Blues.