Season 2011-12
The Mail Bag
Zombie Football
59 Comments: Last night against Villarreal showed off David Moyes's philosophical approach to football.
Where Barcelona have 'Tiki-Taka Football' ? short, one-touch passing and swift movement ? and the Dutch had 'Total Football' ? swift interchanging of positions and free movement of players ? and Brasil had 'Joga Bonita Football' ? quick passing and all players available to attack from all parts of the pitch... Moyes has come up with 'Zombie Football' (trademarked to DM enterprises).
In this style of football, the players have part of their brains removed so they can lurch slowly in a disjointed fashion around the pitch, stumbling over their own feet, bumping into each other, not knowing where to go or what to do.
In 'Zombie Football' you can sometimes see a faint glimmer of recollection in the player's eyes when they see the ball or catch sight of the goal that somewhere in the past they had known what to do but the long distant memory had been destroyed by Moyes so as he can gain total control over all movement.
This can be seen when a throw-in is gained and the player can be seen to wait until Moyes tells him where to throw the ball.
In a recent interview, Moyes explained how the concept of 'Zombie Football 'was developed.
DM: "I had watched Sir Alex develop his style of football and noticed how he seemed to have missed a trick by allowing his players to do what they wanted with the ball within a loose framework or formation.
"For some reason the players all seemed to have minds of their own and could run, tackle and pass to whoever they wanted. Some of them even dribbled and had shots WHENEVER THEY WANTED TO!!!!
"I was shocked at the the lack of control shown by Sir Alex and I thought this could be improved if I just removed that part of the players brains that governed initiative and motor skills. I asked Bill who said,
"'Whatever you want, luvvie, as long as it doesn't cost more than a tenner each player!' and 'Zombie Football' was born.
So far its' going great... apart from the odd accident when I forget to tell them they can use the bathroom."
Ray Said, Posted 06/08/2011 at 11:17:49
Comments
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I've been saying it for years....as bad as he may be Kenwrong CANNOT be blamed for the tactics or team style of play... that is soley down to THE MANAGER and him alone.
More and more supporters are now begining to see what I've been seeing for a very long time. Moyes' tactics are absolutely dire and he will NEVER admit when he gets it wrong....and that's why he KEEPS getting it wrong.
Every Evertonian I know can see that we have needed PACE and CRAFT in the team for a long time....the only person who appears not to think so is...??....yes you've guessed it THE MANAGER !!
It's not as if that type of player isn't out there... SWP & Bellamy to name but two spring to mind and BOTH are better than the attacking players we have and both have PACE !!.
Even if Moyes had an 'open cheque book' I wouldn't trust him with it...This is the man who paid £10 Mil for Bily don' forget...
Let's face it Moyes' current tactics are absolutely awful and we will NEVER win any kind of trophy whilst he continues to employ them...in no way can that be blamed on the Chairman.
Man Utd get the ball out to the wings and attack from wide;
Arsenal play short sharp passes around the box;
Chelsea used to play a power game based around Drogba with Lamps smashing anything within 25yards...
All the beat teams have tactics... what are ours?
Nick one and keep it tight? Well that's a strategy. What are our tactics? How do we open up teams? Have we even tried to play anything in pre season resembling TACTICS???
Love it
Ray you forgot to add that for the price of a good shovel (Home Base), each worn out Zombie can be easily replaced for fuck all!
I have often sat and watched Moyes's turgid brand of hoofball and felt my senses slowly numbing. You can feel the frontal and temporal lobes of your brain slowly shutting down every time Neville touches the ball. It sometimes is more instant just when you see a team line up of 7 defenders.
I manage to control to come back to my senses but some have been irreversibly affected and actually think Moyes is a 'genius'. Unfortunately the only cure for these people is to have their heads chopped off!
He is demonstrating; he does this by putting out the poorest first eleven he can find, and passively standing by while we are loosing. At the end of each match he avoids commenting and sends his assistant instead.
He has given up and should be sacked, problem is we will go down before Kenshite sacks Moyes. We will be relegated if Moyes doesn't get his way!
It's more frustrating to see Everton play this way. It's like thinking Moyes say:
"They are all better than us. Let's make them run towards us so many times then maybe they get tiresome, and maybe, just maybe, then we could attack. With one or two players. One or Two.."
Then he says, to remind the players of his big plan: "No fantasy play there, lads. Your'e not on LSD. Keep to my reality, play simple, and remember; play in OUR defence".
He's a one-trick pony who gets everyone behind the ball and plays one up front ? that's it.
I'm not arsed, he's as inept a manager as Kenwright is a chairman, this season will be the same turgid shite as other years with a lower place finish.
Not that it matters ? 8th or 15th "ish", without competing in either the league or the cups and playing like shite ? you're better than me paying good money on that.
Yes, I agree the pre-season games are for fitness but we always seem to get key players injured at this time, with Coleman and Arteta having problems. The results of these games don't really matter but whenever we play the better Euro teams we always lose and we never look good anyway.
There was very little in the pre-season games to get Evertonians excited and sadly it looks like we will start the season with poor results again. We have some youngsters with some speed but in desperate need of match experience which may come down the line but for now we have to go with the rather pedestrian group we have now and hope we get lucky.
Last night was a pre-season warm-up aimed purely at increasing fitness levels ? let`s wait until next week before writing our tean off!
As for tactics, our more than respectable record since Moyes's arrival has been built on the mantra of `Let`s keep it tight at the back and try to nick one`. We don`t hear too many moans when the tactic pays off ? as it frequently does ? do we?
Since lets face it, who would want to manage a team with no money and fans that expect to win things...
Matt (14) ? a lot of fans don't expect to win things but we do expect to see a little football played.
Unlike you, I do not use that expression in a congratulatory manner but more as a way to describe the absolute dross that passes for the Moyes's kind of football. Sometimes I think it better to be relegated and be done with it.
I used to travel 6 hours each way to watch a home game, use up 1/2 my weekend and spend 200 quid so me and my son could watch the mighty blues. Doing all that to watch us 'keep it tight at the back and try and nick one' against the likes of Blackburn Rovers and Birmingham City drove me fucking mad!
10 years on and we are still playing the worst football in the league with some of the best players, it's sheep like you and Mr Wilson that keep this garbage going by saying it is acceptable. We can all blame Kenwright (and I do) for the terrible financial position we are in, but it is Moyes who consistently manages to get the worst out of some very talented players and the best squad of players we have had in 20 years.
Moyes out!!!!!!
I give him till November, he's about to be found out big time.
I'm sorry but a lot of you are naive. A 17-year-old was the only one who could unlock defences. We had a midfield of Rodwell, Fellaini, Barkley, Coleman and Anichebe, not exactly the midfield for "free-flowing attacking football".
When Osman and Arteta play, the football will get better. It's not Moyes's fault, it's Kenwright's... Simple as. We need money for new attacking players desperately.
So the naive lot will have to wait for that to see this kind of football. Believe me, I want it too, but I know it's not coming anytime soon.
Rays post gave me a chuckle, although I knew the usual suspects would be lining up, so I stayed out... Not sure why you feel the need to drag me into it, I hadn't posted.
Anyway; I go to the games and I know that in 95% of them it's the OPPOSITION who set out stifle US. I see it with my own eyes and so do the match goers ? the life blood of this club.
How difficult it must have been for you to see them rise as one at the end of our most recent game: YET ANOTHER show of appreciation for another season's work.
Knowledgeable crowd at Goodison you see.
Your last sentence has to be right up there as the the most ridiculous post I`ve ever read: "He's about to be found out big time"... He's about to be found out??? He`s been here ten fucken years, lad.
You then post again talking about somebody who understands the game... how would you know? You`ve just finished telling us that the most knowledgeable crowd in football are a little slow on the uptake.
"Moyes out by November" ... Please, spare me from these people who "understand" the game.
Is this the kind of stuff Blackpool, Wigan and WBA gave us last season? Clubs which do this, or try to, dont have what it takes and end up in the shit. Portsmouth and Birminghan both got lucky and won a trophy in recent years. Are we saying we'd rather be in their position? Moyes defends well for a reason.
So can anyone give me an example of a club outside the moneyed elite who play this way? No, of course you cant, because noone does, absolutely none of them. I can understand peoples displeasure at our limitations but its the same everywhere. For all Moyes reserved approach he's done more in terms of results than any other manager, again outside of the money clubs. As ordinary as we look,to say we play the worst football in the league is just headless.
It's not pretty, but what the fuck else can a manager do in our position? Would you rather finish 14th every season for the past ten years and have won a cup? In recent times weve had some great results on the back of some really good performances. This is why we finish higher than the other skint clubs, cos Moyes does more with fuck all resources.
So wheres the club we're envious of? The club playing fizzing football on a shoestring? Newcastle? Sunderland? Blackburn? Bolton? Villa? West Ham? Bollocks. Grow up. Dont blame the one person who has consistently given us more than managers of any of these clubs.
From where I am, it looks like the Zombies got to you and Doddy. Thank Christ I'm now the other side of the world and only have to get out of my Bed at 1 in the morning and not get infected by the brain eaters!!!!!!
There are still uninfected blues out there, they're just waiting for the right time to be heard, when even the zombies won't be able to ignore the painful truth laid out before them, shite tactics = shite football, even you sir must understand that basic premise.
Zombies out of our club!!!!!!!
We all want to see great football and the second half against Villareal was slightly worrying but it will mean fuck all if Moyes can get a result at Spurs who themselves didn't look great last night against lesser Spanish opponents.
It is annoying watching players stand on the ball and having heavy first touches but this seems to be a disease that most English clubs suffer from.
You don`t like it? Then just get real.
You are right, teams come and stifle us, but my god he makes it easier at times for them. He is far too negative against the lesser teams and the reason we have such a squad that relies on a defender as our creative force has a lot to do with our manager as much as being skint.
What an insulting post to Joe Royle and even Gordon Lee. What about all the managers in history that have won trophies?
Royle won a trophy. Lee managed successive 3rd and 4th finishes.
Even Walker kept a poor team up.
All Moyes has done is keep a leash on a fairly good squad of players, stifle their creativity and lose his bottle in big matches.
If the Villarreal game is anything to go by the we face another season of no width, players in the wrong position, negative tactics.
In 50 years time, when Moyes's legacy is looked at, he will be a boring footnote along with Cliff Britton and Walter Smith and Billy Bingham.
Also, Royle was stabbed in the back by the twats at The Echo who done a job on him.
I have to correct you on Joe Royle.
He walked on principle because the chairman would not support his £1 million bid for Tore Andre Flo who ended up being a big success at Chelsea.
The reason the chairman would not support his bid was because of the crowd's dissatisfaction with the "Dogs of war" style that the press were so quick to criticise.
For me, the semi final 4-1 thumping of Spurs at Elland Road was the finest performance by an Everton team since the famous "Bayern Munich" night so kudos to big Joe for giving us some fine memories and a trophy in his short time in charge.
Give me Dave Thomas and Big Bob any time. Moyes wouldn't know a winger if one bit him on the backside.
I also don't remember a manager losing virtually every season to a lower division team in the cups.
As for Royle, his Dogs of War may have brought us the FA Cup but I seem to remember that was followed in 96-97 by a humilating exit from the Coca-Cola Cup at York and an equally embarrassing home defeat against Bradford City in the FA Cup. As we dropped down the Prem, many fans turned on him (I wasn`t one of them!) and he didn`t help himself by banning the Press from Bellefield. He eventually walked out in a hissey fit after Johnson refused to fund a move for a couple of Norwegian no-marks.
As I said, it`s all about opinions, mate.
Me and thousands of others loved watching our boys twat the millionaires of Chelsea and Manchester ? was it just the four times?
We loved it when the cavalry charging Goon at Blackpool blinked first and put a defender on when he played Russian roulette with Moyes.
We loved wiping the floor with Harry's superstars, the heart-stopping injury-time comeback against Man U.
We celebrated well into the night after twatting the Shite... danced throughout the entire game at St James.
We Marvelled at the rockets at Wolves, drank copious amounts of Nelson in Penkridge on the way back.
Joy or Heartbreak ? and there was plenty of that ? we were Avin it... big time.
You, on the other hand, have reluctantly dragged your miserable carcass out of bed at one o'clock in the morning FOR TEN YEARS to endure what is clearly a deeply unpleasant experience for you... and you call other people Zombies???
"Zombies out of our club!!!" ... indeed!
Also why in the blazes didn't Moyes gives Vellios and/or McAleny a run out?
Another day, another boring thread about how bad Moyes is.
Who cares? The real results and the real critising should be left until after the Spurs game.
I am not a big fan of Moyes anymore but c'mon really to moan about a friendly is just ridiculous.
If he saved a child from a burning car people would probably give him stick for poor technique.
Personally i am amazed our better players haven't asked to leave seen as we will never get investment and are skint. It could explain the poor performances ? they are probably just happy to make a wage to do as little as possible.
It matters not a jot we're going nowhere with him, a perverse view that declaring their loyalty to the man is all that matters.
They'll slip back into the undergrowth when the shit hits the fan this season.
I'd have Royle back now to do a stopgap role as Moyes should be sacked, he's had 10 years at it and apart from the first 3 years has gone backwards. He just does not do enough in the transfer market and has Kenwright's arm up his back like a ventrilaquist's dummy spouting soundbites. The people are bored of this and change is surely on its way.
Zombies out of our club!!!!
Alright, we can all moan about Kenwright, Moyes, the state of the Club... But if tomorrow's Newspapers Headlines were, "Everton go into Liquidation", I for one would be inconsolable absolutely gutted.
So lets support the BLUES through thick & thin. All we can do is look forward... be proud of who WE are & support Who I still and will always think are the BEST CLUB IN THE WORLD.
Showing my age.
Give me strength.
Six hours each way ? did you walk from Cornwall ?
The fact is you have been getting up for years in the middle of the night to endure what is obviously an unpleasant experience for you.
You dont see any of those highlights I listed, you only see bad things . . you dont even get the match day experience ! Why put yourself through it ?
Next time you want to call other people Zombies you might want to take a long hard look in the mirror . . .I`d like to think you`ll still see a reflection.
"We Marvelled at the rockets at Wolves, drank copious amounts of Nelson In penkridge on the way back . Joy or Heartbreak - and there was plenty of that, - we were Avin it - big time"
Questions.
Are you writing one of 'those' books?
'Blue and Me'....'Call Me Toffee Nosed'...'Category D'...etc
Or are you Lovejoy?
OR...Are you related to Stuart Hall?
Seriously when I read 'We were avin it big time', a bit of sick came up.
Plus I'm going to have to have surgery to have my fucking toes uncurled.
Day after day, no matter what of the Everton fan sites you go onto, someone starts, or sorry, regurgitates the same old discussion which quickly becomes an arguement among fans.
Does anyone out there have anything new to talk about or something valid or maybe a discussion could be started without all of the idiots and their same old drivel. Love or hate Moyes and the board nothing will change for the moment. Can we at least let the season start and progress before we makeup our mind?
Yes, we all accept Moyes has run out of ideas and we could do with a change. But realistically that won't happen right now no matter how much we moan. As far as Kenwright is concerned ? and the Associated Press ? Moyes has worked miracles at Everton.
As for the board, their arguement about not selling to one of these so called millionaires is so far being justified as far as they are concerend. Whether we like it or not shouting at each other is not going to work.
The problem I see is that the majority of fans seem to be content ? otherwise we would have a lot less than the 30,000 average attendance we get at home.
Other clubs who went through similar board issues had the whole fanbase on board and they did something about it.
If you didnt marvel at Bily and Pips goals.
If you have never sat in a beer garden drinking far too much beer celebrating a victory.
And if you cant have the match day experience "big time" without feeling a little queezy
Then perhaps you should consider taking up a sport more in keeping with your pessimistic outlook on life.
Nowhere in the rules of dep sea diving does it say you HAVE to have a tank.
Me, Smigger, Digger, Fligger and...Phillip (nb: although we all called him Phillip).
Did I MARVEL at Billy and (sick in mouth) 'Pips' goals?
I did MORE than marvel, I actually got my nob out and had a WANK!
HONEST!
How great a supporter must I be eh!?
Not only that but I call ALL the squad by nicknames - there's pip, pop, hip, slip, dip, tip...and er loads more.
Oh and I drink 48 pints of Cillit Bang mixed with Brasso before every game
(coz I'm a 'lad' BIG TIME..blood...innit dude).
So we have never had humiliating and embarrassing cup exits under Moyes then, Richard?
I'll never desert the blues, I'm dyed in the wool like everyone else, of course I revelled in some of the great goals we have scored and results we have had during Moyes' tenure, it's just that those memories and instances have continued to get fewer and fewer, with less likelihood of coming back again and with dross for football to watch from a man that to me seems devoid of attacking knowledge or intent, lacks imagination, is too defensive, can't see how games are developing, makes terrible team selections, compounds it by making aweful substitutions, always too late anyway, and has not beaten a top 4 club away in 30+ games. I also remember the humiliations we have had, Arsenal twice, Benfica, West Brom, Staua Bucharest, the missed opportunities when Liverpool twice and Chelsea went down to 10 men and then walked all over us, plus of course the embarrassing Cup exists.
I can't see anything changing while Moyes is still Manager, but I will continue getting up at 1 in the morning to watch us and enjoy the odd flash of brilliance when someone with a bit of flair and creativity does something a bit out of the usual, and of course hope we win.
Oh, I used to live on the coast in Norfolk, bugger of a journey over A roads mainly until the M6, plus I picked up other Evertonians on the way over after I set up NorfolkBlues supporters club after moving there and finding lots of blues and no supporters club.
I know everyone will find this unbelievable given how well we supporters are viewed by the club, but when I contacted the club to make NorfolkBlues an official supporters club I was told that they weren't taking on any new ones and that we had to join ESCLA instead!!!!!!!!! Despite it be based over 100 miles away.
I`m no different myself you know, I just feel supporting the manager is more beneficial to the team than Hammering him.
Eugene
You`re absolutely right of course. Nicknames like Waggy, Biffa, Tricky, Moggsey, The Yak, Deggsy, Psycho, Dissa, Fella, Pie man, Tiger or indeed Dixie have no pace in football.
What was I thinking ?
my thoughts entirely !!
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1 Posted 06/08/2011 at 15:38:15
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No, well that's because there ain't any... just the same shit dished up by Moyes: no idea, no movement at all... my bowels move quicker than our midfielders.
Load of crap... 'nuff said.