FAN ARTICLES

Fly on the wall postmatch

By Derek Thomas : 16/05/2011 :

Comments (15) :

Moyes is in a complete sulk now, first he doesn't tell Tony Cheek his post match comments after he blabbed them to all and sundry on Toffeeweb. Next no press comments. The bunker is closing in on him.

Not to worry: my fly on the wall was at the post-match bevvy where the players had much to say.

Howard: "We've got to win the next one for the gipper. Leon and Mikey, you quarterbacks have got to give more hail mary balls up to the Oh-fence."

Hibbert: "Yeah dee shud do, shudn't dee, worra bout me cleanance doh, youse owe me a beer twitchy."

Jagielka: "I hate it when they play it over me head, I can't get any of me world-famous recovery tackles in."

Distin: "Certainment, je suis merde at le long ball."

Baines [shyly mumbles]: "I need another pie, any one seen that fella with the dreds recently?"

Coleman: "Sure an it used to be easy this footy lark, so it was. But they've sussed me out, so they have."

Neville: "We will be sure to win the next one for both readers of the Official Site... anyway, what about my goal, and my pen and my season defining tackle on Ronaldo, surely proof that the Everton Way works."

Heitinga:"For sure, Pip, fuck off, you sound like Doddy."

Arteta: "I wanna go-a home-a por favor. I never thought-a they would really-a give-a me the £75k... what a mistake-a to make-a."

Osman: "Why can't we play Citeh every week, I coulda been a contender."

Anichebe: "Yo, repect Leon, they pickin on me coz I'm local, innit."

Girl collecting the glasses: "Nah, it's coz you're shite and have a bad attitude." [Starts putting the chairs on the table, ready for the cleaner] "Come on, drink up, haven't you got mansions to go to..." [sotto voce:] "Losers."

Reader Comments (15)

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Dave Lynch
1 Posted 16/05/2011 at 14:44:27

Class.

Tony J Williams
2 Posted 16/05/2011 at 14:45:51

When did Arteta turn italian?

Luke O'Farrell
3 Posted 16/05/2011 at 14:47:13

Derek, top quality, especially liked the bit about Jags' world famous tackles. Puts Saturday's woes in a much more light-hearted perspective.

Tony Cheek
4 Posted 16/05/2011 at 18:15:08

Good stuff Derek... Think the original was better though... you`ll be hearing from my lawyers!! Will be doing the last one this weekend, if I get to it first!

Eugene Ruane
5 Posted 16/05/2011 at 18:26:07

Brilliant (particularly Heitinga!)

John Ford
6 Posted 16/05/2011 at 18:44:05

Nice!

David Hallwood
7 Posted 16/05/2011 at 23:43:51

Consider myself cheered up...

Keith Edmunds
8 Posted 17/05/2011 at 02:08:46

Love it, Derek. Love you too, cheeky.

Steve O'Malley
9 Posted 17/05/2011 at 04:16:23

Tony #2. Obviously Mikel has a Spanish mother but an Italian father.

Tony Eastwood
10 Posted 17/05/2011 at 04:18:53

@Tony Willams
Apart from the addition of vowels to the end of some of Mikel's (supposed) words, Derek got it right when using Spanish (por favor) as opposed to Italian, where it would be "per favore"

Even if he he was wrong, what's the point of nitpicking when something is "just for a laugh', and rather funny too?

As for the "twitchy' comment... A bit cruel. Tim Howard, is it said (and we know Wikipedia is always spot on... well sometimes), suffers from Tourette's syndrome.

Tony J Williams
11 Posted 17/05/2011 at 09:29:57

I agree Tony but everyone knows if you are going to stereotype a Spanish person, you end the sentence with an O. I learned that from Chubby Brown.

Dick Fearon
12 Posted 17/05/2011 at 10:58:19

Many's the truth in a joke. I seem to remember a number of goals conceded due to balls 'over the top'.

Maybe that weakness has been sussed, as Coleman might say.

Ryan Rosenberg
13 Posted 17/05/2011 at 12:11:13

Quality

Tony J Williams
14 Posted 17/05/2011 at 12:52:39

Dick, I recall quite a number of them too, especially Eduardo's goals when we played Arsenil at Goodison, all up and unders which caught Jags out

Colin Potter
15 Posted 17/05/2011 at 14:09:06

Simply GREAT !! Derek

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