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Sent to me by a fellow Blue

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Someone's spent ages writing this..... Stevie G's Cell Mate Liverpudlian Rhapsody (to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody)

Is this our Stevie?
Captain of LFC?
Arrested in Southport
All caught on CCTV.
Open "The Sun"
It's there on Page One, you'll see.
I'm just a Scouser
I need some help
Because I'm Huyton-born, Huyton-bred
Once a Blue, now a Red.
Whatever the truth is, it doesn't really matter to me.
[Piano: Dumm di dum dum, dumm di dum dum]

Rafa! It's Stevie here.
I've just twatted a DJ
And they've taken him away.
Rafa, we were four points clear
But now I fear we'll throw it all away!
Rafa! Ooooooooooh.
Didn't mean to make you sigh
If I'm not back in time to play at Preston Tinker on, tinker on, my career is all in tatters....
[Piano: Dum di dum di dum, dum di dum di dum]

Too late! It's Walton Jail.
I don't think that I can cope
I can't bend down for the soap.
Goodbye everybody - I've got to go
Gotta leave the Kop behind and face the Bench.
Rafa! Ooooooooooo! (Anyway the shit blows) I don't want to go to jail I sometimes wish I'd never joined Liverpoo-ool!
[Piano, guitar and stuff]

I see a little silhouetto of Hamman
There's ,more dosh, there's more dosh if I sign for Man City
But joining such a shite team is very very frightening to me

Calling Barry
(It's Rick Parry)
Calling Barry
(It's Rick Parry)
Calling Barry! He's Magnific-o-o-o-o
I'm just a poor boy from a Scouse family He's just a poor boy from a Scouse family
Spare him his job says Co-Coach
Sammy Lee
[Piano: Tinkle, tinkle tinkle ]

Easy come easy go! Will you let me go?
It's me, La!
No! We will not let you go! Let him go!
It's me, La!
No! We will not let you go! Let him go!
No no no no no no!
Rafa! Sammy! Rafa! Sammy! Rafa! Sammy! Get me out!
A Big House con has a shower set aside for me! For meee!
For meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
[Big Guitar Riff]

So you think you can say my career's in decline!
So you think you can suggest my kids are not mine!
Oh DJ! Can't do this to me DJ!
Just gotta get out! Just gotta get right outta here!
[More guitar and then the slow bit]

My career is now in tatters
Anyone can see
Nothing really matters! Nothing really matters to me!
Anyway the shit blows!
Lachlan Ross, Falkland Islands     Posted 09/01/2009 at 09:08:49

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Alan Kirwin
1   Posted 09/01/2009 at 17:07:35

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Never imagined reading such stuff.... but did and found myself increasingly smiling (and impressed).

The creative lengths people go to in aid of schadenfreude. Well worth it on this occasion.

Quite excellent.
Nick Heady
2   Posted 09/01/2009 at 17:41:34

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"I see a little silhouetto of Hamman," ? Had me in stitches.
Tony Williams
3   Posted 09/01/2009 at 17:43:46

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Steve Gerrard, Gerrard
He knocks over kids in cars
He glasses DJs in bars
Steve Gerrard, Gerrard

Alledgedly like!!!
Ed Fitzgerald
4   Posted 09/01/2009 at 18:00:49

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The DJ should have glassed Gerrard for asking for Phil Collins on the turntable FFS.

If that upsets any genesis ’heads’ out there tough shit, somehow I dont think Stevie GBH was asking for trick of the tail do you?

So Mr Gerrard I am sure you will want both sides of the story heard so you can go having yet another day in paradise and your mates will back you up because they have a groovy kind of love for you but if against all odds you are found guilty and do some time at her majestys pleasure lets hope you are not an easy lover

For fans of Phil Collins post genesis I make no apology!
Ian Smitham
5   Posted 09/01/2009 at 19:53:04

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We come on here moaning and groaning, airing our views thanks to the Toffeeweb team. But laugh....... this is the funnyist thing ever
Paul O'Hanlon
6   Posted 09/01/2009 at 20:12:04

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Genius, just sang the whole thing to the missus and it had us in stitches!
Kevin Tully
7   Posted 09/01/2009 at 20:52:29

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Michael Shields has started a free Stevie G campaign!
Christine Foster
8   Posted 09/01/2009 at 21:41:50

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Lachlan my parents always taught me not to make fun of those in trouble, usually as they were laughing at someone elses plight I might add. So this had me tut tutting and laughing at the same time.. very good I confess, all the way from the Falklands too..

God, scousers are funny... and the scouse in me is grinning at the wit while the mum in me is echoing my dad saying you shouldn?t mock the afflicted.

It seems as if the teflon kid is in deepest hole. Sort of reminds me of a certain Mr Barton, all caight on tv too.. I wonder if the same fate awaits the England man? I doubt it..but thats the cynic in me which is why such ditti?smake us smile because we all need a little hope in the world, we all like to see a little justice because everyday no one gives us a break either..
Dick Fearon
9   Posted 09/01/2009 at 21:51:24

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One of the upsides Stevie La might appreciate is a decent haircut from the Walton barber.
Christine Foster
10   Posted 09/01/2009 at 21:54:57

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Jay, that was so funny.. lol
Derek Thomas
11   Posted 09/01/2009 at 22:23:48

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Bravo. A masterpiece.

All we need now is for somebody to sing it on youtube
Rob Foy
12   Posted 09/01/2009 at 22:34:07

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All too obvious though, he will plead guilty, get a fine and given 200 hours community service teaching kids how to play footy. Wonder if he will teach them that trick of two-footed lunges into opposition players' midrifts and getting away with it though?

Boss song though haha!
Justin Godwin
13   Posted 09/01/2009 at 22:53:52

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Class, can?t see that Gwladys managing that one tho lads...
Ian Langho
14   Posted 09/01/2009 at 23:13:13

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Word has just reached Southport police that a lad called Sankey has said it was him in the bar and that Gerrard was asleep in bed.
Ed Ponte
15   Posted 09/01/2009 at 23:20:45

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Great stuff. Simply great.
Keith Glazzard
16   Posted 09/01/2009 at 23:18:04

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It’s me la,
No - we will not let you go.

Wonderful. Just repeat that a few times, and it becomes a chant.

(Stevie G la : no - we will not let you go
works nicely too)

Thank you Lachlan.

Neil Eccles
17   Posted 09/01/2009 at 23:47:28

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I think Stevie knew the game was up when he went down after getting hit by a lighter in the Marseille game and he didn?t get a penalty.... especially as it was by the corner flag!!
Ciaran McGlone
18   Posted 10/01/2009 at 00:03:40

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Going against the grain here... but songs like that make me cringe... Apart from the obvious schadenfreude, as already mentioned, it's as funny a crack in the face with a bag of nails.
Ian Stewart
19   Posted 10/01/2009 at 00:39:32

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Ciaran is so right. There was a cartoon in the Independent which perfectly illustrated the juxtapose of ....................... ahh fuck off you twat. It is very funny.
jimmy fearns
20   Posted 10/01/2009 at 10:57:05

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Will someone please hit me in the face with a bag of nails,...........i just love it.
Joeynkoo Ludden
21   Posted 10/01/2009 at 11:38:23

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Ciaran, you realise you are more sensitive than Jane Austin?! "What do we live for but to make sport for our neighbours and laugh at them in our turn"

Lighten up, its just a bit of fun.
Brett Bradshaw
22   Posted 10/01/2009 at 11:49:09

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Awesome buddy!

Althought the bit..

Once a Blue, now a Red? Wha the fuck, I have met my fair share of Blues that were once red but blue to red, they must have passed me by?

Anyone else notice the same?
Desmond Bunton
23   Posted 10/01/2009 at 13:34:02

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Re: Brett Bradshaw (Blue to Red)

Fowler
McManaman
Carragher

there’s 3 others for a start..

Brilliant Lyrics Btw!
Lachlan Ross
24   Posted 12/01/2009 at 11:09:32

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As the title suggest?s, this is not my work of art? It was sent to me by a fellow Evertonian who lives in Southport. If you try singing it you will see how really funny it is.

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