The Mail Bag
An Open Letter to Howard Webb
Comments (27)
Dear Mr Webb,
On behalf of all Evertonians, I would like to wish you the very best of luck, in officiating the 209th Merseyside Derby. You are considered by your peers to be one of the best refs in the business: Tomorrow, I hope you live up to that reputation.
If I may be so bold, could I offer a few suggestions to help you run the game effectively, and according to footballing laws?
- Should Dirk Kuyt attempt to re-enact any Bruce Lee moves ? this should be considered a red card.
- Should their Number 8 player attempt to run towards Tony Hibbert, into the penalty area, and then deliberately entangle his left leg with Hibbert's right, and then writhe about as though Grossburger has just buggered him ? this is NOT a penalty ? in fact it warrants a yellow card to the little shit.
- Should any of their supporters punch or spit at our captain ? can your linesmen consult the nearest policeman? The police should be situated somewhere in the Anfield Road end, goading the Everton fans into saying something inappropriate.
- Should a decision awarded by yourself not go the way of the team in red, please note that when six of them are surrounding you, and screaming abuse, you are not obliged to accept this without recrimination. Again, bookings are permitted.
- Equally, it is not ? contrary to popular opinion ? illegal to award a penalty to the visiting team at Anfield. Nor should any of your decisions be swayed by the baying mob of Scandinavian, Irish and West Country yokels situated in The Kop.
- Should vertically-challenged prancing imp Sammy Lee stand screaming, practically on the pitch for the entire 90 minutes, influencing your nervy 4th official ? kindly re-acquaint him with the parameters of his technical area.
- Should Fernando Torres score a goal, please ensure that he does not tell Everton fans to "fuck off" shortly after. Naturally, a red card should be waved in the direction of the aforementioned metrosexual ladyboy in the event of such unpleasant conduct occurring.
Satan himself will be present. Do not be beguiled by His Redness....
Nothing but the best, will suffice.
Kevin Hudson, Posted 18/01/2009 at 20:35:07
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Aaaahhhh it?s been a while since we had an ?open letter?. Needless to say I?m sure Howard is reading this intently. Maybe he?ll even print a copy off so he can have another read just before the game ... you know, in case there?s anything he missed.
I think Howard Webb’s easily the best Ref in the Premier League and has been for a couple of years or more, if anyone’s gonna give us a fair crack at the RS it’s Him.
COYB
COYB
Recent derbys have shown Alonso to clearly be a better player than Arteta. To be honest, Mikel has not been in the same street as his countryman. In fact, I have sometimes double checked he team sheets just to clarify that Mikel was even on the field.
The very few sightings we had of Osman was when Mascherano was bouncing him all over the place. Will this game be the turning point for both of them? I bloody well hope so.
Great call Kevin. Be sure to slip it under his door before the game if you could.
Dick, as much as I hate it, I agree with you. Its high time our ?top? players lived up to their reputations.
Derbies are where heroes are made. Lee Carsley could do no wrong after he scored at Goodison. What a day and night that was around town...
This is the biggest game we have had for a while now. 6 points off Villa, with a chance to also put the boot into the Shite?s title hopes. I only demand that the players do their best, and really put on a fight even if we go down to them. I will be watching from my apartment here in China at 4am, as will many other blues world wide. If there was one time we needed more than ever for our team to deliver, that time is now. We won't get a much better chance to reclaim all that pride that has been lost over the years....
Come on you fucking Blues, our lives are literally in your hands!
Derbies are where heroes are made. Lee Carsley could do no wrong after he scored at Goodison. What a day and night that was around town...
This is the biggest game we have had for a while now. 6 points off Villa, with a chance to also put the boot into the Shite?s title hopes. I only demand that the players do their best, and really put on a fight even if we go down to them. I will be watching from my apartment here in China at 4am, as will many other blues world wide. If there was one time we needed more than ever for our team to deliver, that time is now. We won't get a much better chance to reclaim all that pride that has been lost over the years....
Come on you fucking Blues, our lives are literally in your hands!
You forgot to ask Webb to remind Carragher that the game is called football, so use of the hand is not permitted on the field of play.
Kevin, you forgot to tell Mr Webb what to do when/if J Carragher decides to employ rules from a different sporting code* on players such as J Lescott.
*The code being WWF of course.
Now he won?t know what to do! (He?ll just probably wave play on now, just like Mr Clattenberg...)
*The code being WWF of course.
Now he won?t know what to do! (He?ll just probably wave play on now, just like Mr Clattenberg...)
I really hope that Carragher gets booked inside the first 30 seconds, that will wipe him out for the rest of the contest. I?ll be watching down here in Australia at 7am, work can wait. Go the blues.
Funny article, I like it.
Here?s my prediction.
LFC 0 - 1 EFC, Lescott
FA Cup
LFC 0 - 0 EFC
EFC win reply.
Happy times!
Here?s my prediction.
LFC 0 - 1 EFC, Lescott
FA Cup
LFC 0 - 0 EFC
EFC win reply.
Happy times!
LOL. Good one that Kevin!
Let?s hope that we are the recipients of a long overdue dose of derby luck. COYB!!!
Let?s hope that we are the recipients of a long overdue dose of derby luck. COYB!!!
Nice post Kevin.
Let?s hope Mr Webb remembers that this is a derby and he allows the game to flow. Obviously, he must control things but it would really be nice for a change if a derby referee does not become the main talking point of the game. As always, I hoping for a win but I?d settle for a draw. Any chance that Moyes will start with Castillo? And give the lad Gosling a chance too?
COYB
Let?s hope Mr Webb remembers that this is a derby and he allows the game to flow. Obviously, he must control things but it would really be nice for a change if a derby referee does not become the main talking point of the game. As always, I hoping for a win but I?d settle for a draw. Any chance that Moyes will start with Castillo? And give the lad Gosling a chance too?
COYB
Dick, while I agree with you, this might be the first derby in which Arteta has played in his proper position, though some seem determined to have him moved to fulfill some strange Castillo obsession.
Let's hope this allows him to alter his run of form against the RS and out-play the finest actor in the world, Alonso.
Let's hope this allows him to alter his run of form against the RS and out-play the finest actor in the world, Alonso.
Everton fans in pre-emptive suggestion of referee bias SHOCKER!
There is no Santa.
There is no Santa.
Amazing article, Kevin. I laughed for ages after that. I agree with Dan and Graham about letting Webb know about that wrestler, Carra. I have been thinking about the game for a long, long time. I decided to go on the offensive in relation to the RS fans and have been texting one of them all day announcing our soon to be victory tonight. Not sure why.... but I have a feeling we can do them tonight.
We can still win the Premier League! And this should alone be our motivation for the derby.
Playing Arsenal (+ Man Utd) next is also a blessing, Fellaini back and 3 points against the gunners and we are in a title race for the first time since I can remember.
Now THIS would definately put to bed all the heartache over the last 15-20 years. Make me proud Everton.
COYB
Playing Arsenal (+ Man Utd) next is also a blessing, Fellaini back and 3 points against the gunners and we are in a title race for the first time since I can remember.
Now THIS would definately put to bed all the heartache over the last 15-20 years. Make me proud Everton.
COYB
Howard Webb is almost indisputably the best referee in the league, I am delighted he has been appointed this match! Because of this, I think we have a fair chance in beating them tonight. With our current defensive record and an unbiased ref, I think we can pinch a 1-0!
Rob try MyP2P.eu, they’ll give u a few links for the match, normally a good place to start.
Some links will be for straight streams, others you’ll have to download an apllication to play them but there’s normaly a good choice.
Some links will be for straight streams, others you’ll have to download an apllication to play them but there’s normaly a good choice.
Rob - Any chance you could let your dad watch the game in your house? Or are you afraid that he’ll empty the drinks cabinet while you’re not there!!
James Marshall,
Satirical humour my friend,welcome aboard...
Satirical humour my friend,welcome aboard...
Larry, Ive been following EFC since 1991, that drinks cabinet has well been demolished!
He is out and about with only his laptop as company, so needs a link to try and watch it. Nice one Nick Bird & Steve Hemson, I have passed that info onto him!
He is out and about with only his laptop as company, so needs a link to try and watch it. Nice one Nick Bird & Steve Hemson, I have passed that info onto him!
wasn’t collina supposed to be the best ref in the world, until ......
When I heard that Howard Webb was refereeing this one, I was happy enough. As has been posted earlier, I believe him to be the best of the current crop in the Premier League.
Having just watched the game, I thought he was very, very picky, but exceptionally even-handed, Arteta?s booking notwithstanding. I can think of at least half a dozen refs who would have given a penalty for Jag?s tackle on The Golden Child; on the other hand, there was nothing for the admittedly marginal call on Vic just before Gerrard?s goal.
All in all, a good night?s work. El Brujo worked his magic, and Our Favourite Ocker turned it into a goal that burst the red bubble.
Roll on Sunday.
Having just watched the game, I thought he was very, very picky, but exceptionally even-handed, Arteta?s booking notwithstanding. I can think of at least half a dozen refs who would have given a penalty for Jag?s tackle on The Golden Child; on the other hand, there was nothing for the admittedly marginal call on Vic just before Gerrard?s goal.
All in all, a good night?s work. El Brujo worked his magic, and Our Favourite Ocker turned it into a goal that burst the red bubble.
Roll on Sunday.
Incidentally, one little statistic that came out of tonight?s commentary was that Everton have had one (1) penalty at Anfield in the last seventy-one (71) years.
Methinks Howard Webb read your letter...
Thought the ref had a good game;my only criticism is he stopped the game a bit too much but 8/10 from me.
Great refereeing on the game, he let the lads get stuck in and did not give silly yellows early, or during the whole game really. He decided to allow a physical game today and that’s why he didn’t give a pen for the torres dive (and he could have).
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1 Posted 19/01/2009 at 06:30:09
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