Season 2011-12
The Mail Bag
Who Knew? Saturday?s an LFC Fan...
85 Comments: Well Saturday, fair is fair, you?ve done your best. As a day of the week, you?re supposed to belong to everyone. Apparently, you?ve chosen to take sides and chosen the dark one.
Since our 17 March swamping of Sunderland, time suddenly slowed down for us Blues. Not much, but perceptible. Then your buddies across the park won on the 18th and time?s been dragging since. Not mad at you. You did what you could to slow the inevitable. Daglish has spent the weeks since bitching about officials? ?unfairness? while managing some of the worst ref-baiters in the game. Could tilt things in your boys? favor, right? I must acknowledge, well done to you.
Past that, our League game against Norwich City saw us dominate tactically but indifferent to result and only a point registered against a lesser team. Well done again, Saturday.
Yet, the Gaffer changed our mojo for this last Sunderland game and we put them to the sword. Take that! You?re part of time and the Toffees brushed you aside. Must have felt what was coming, yes?
Yet, you didn?t give up. Since those couple days ago, you?ve managed to slow time to a crawl; a turtle-slow crawl. We Toffees are acutely aware of it. You?ve done your best and you?re done, because we have friends to. Today and Friday are True Blues. They?re both speeding us straight through those hours to you.
Nonetheless, as a member of the classiest group of supporters anywhere, I offer you one last option. Tell your red shirts to not come out of the tunnel. Plenty time yet to convince them. Because once both 11s are on the pitch and the ref blows the whistle, we?re locking all the exits. Your boys CAN?T leave until we?re done whipping them.
James Flynn, Posted 12/04/2012 at 01:45:56
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Errrrm,
Someones been at the mushrooms
Someones been at the mushrooms
I think I get it. Had to read it a second time, though. Must admit, it's a bit weird.
WTF
So..if I've got this right James, what you're saying is...erm..Coyb?
What on earth!
I was just thinking that myself Flynny!!!
Read it once and found it was nonsense.
I get it.
What he's saying is, the game can't come quick enough for us and the shite arn't looking forward ti it at all.
I think ?????
What he's saying is, the game can't come quick enough for us and the shite arn't looking forward ti it at all.
I think ?????
I think this posting violates General Relativity. Your relative motion through spacetime or how curved spacetime ia at your location (that is, standing on a planet which has mass or near to a blackhole which is far more massive for example!) are the only things that can alter how fast time is perceived to go when compared to other locations outwith your frame of reference. In laymans terms mass and relative motion have the same effect on how time 'runs'. This post is intimating that a cup show down with the pile of poo next door can also cause the time before that meeting to slow down... interesting idea! Or maybe you are trying to say 'King' Kenny is a massive blackhole...well, some kind of massive hole!
Peter @ 500.
Is that the spacetime continuim ?
Because if it is it all makes sense now.
Is that the spacetime continuim ?
Because if it is it all makes sense now.
Puff the magic dragon
Oops! Should be 'how curved spacetime IS at your location' but you probably already realised that not being thick redshite!
Yes Dave it is!
Two countries divided by a common language?
I think he is trying to say 'Fuck the dirty, horrible, kopite, bent bastards!' and 'Come on you blue boys!'
To which I say; 'Chin chin'
To which I say; 'Chin chin'
Or in other words James "the spacetime continuum"
Today and Friday are True Blues?
Assuming the game is played in the Year of the Bull, and in a Leap Year, negative forces are unleashed which create a disorder to the balance of the world. Green becomes yellow, whereas yellow turns blue...but only today or Friday. So as Friday is blue, Saturday turns red...
I get it. Finally it all makes sense to me! I am one with the cosmos. All the other people posting here seems thicker than the off-spring of Iain Dowie and a Sky TV weather girl....but not you and I Jamesey...we see the bigger picture. I feel I finally have eyes to see the true meaning of the universe...
Assuming the game is played in the Year of the Bull, and in a Leap Year, negative forces are unleashed which create a disorder to the balance of the world. Green becomes yellow, whereas yellow turns blue...but only today or Friday. So as Friday is blue, Saturday turns red...
I get it. Finally it all makes sense to me! I am one with the cosmos. All the other people posting here seems thicker than the off-spring of Iain Dowie and a Sky TV weather girl....but not you and I Jamesey...we see the bigger picture. I feel I finally have eyes to see the true meaning of the universe...
James, who normally translates for you?
I love the American psyche.
Losing isn't part of it leading up to the game and I love the thought of Flynny sitting in front of his TV with a can of Bud screaming,
"You goddamn red assholes, you wanna piece of us, then bring it on you schmuks!!!"
Keep the faith Jimmy boy, I for one am loving it.
Losing isn't part of it leading up to the game and I love the thought of Flynny sitting in front of his TV with a can of Bud screaming,
"You goddamn red assholes, you wanna piece of us, then bring it on you schmuks!!!"
Keep the faith Jimmy boy, I for one am loving it.
Couldn't agree with you more James.
Looks left at camera and shrugs shoulders Harry Hill style.
Looks left at camera and shrugs shoulders Harry Hill style.
I think in English the writer is trying to say...What a long fucking week it has been?
I think James climbed to the mountain top and fell off.
1) Short version: * beckons with fingers Keanu Reeves Matrix style*.
2) Michael Kenrick: you can never have a go at me after that, I doff my cap.
2) Michael Kenrick: you can never have a go at me after that, I doff my cap.
Peter Davies - 500.
That's easy for you to say.
That's easy for you to say.
It's Friday I'm in love.
I get it - Saturday is biased but he is not going to make any difference to the outcome. We are going to win. I don' t like Mondays normally but this one is going to be diferrent. OH HAPPY DAYS!
You should have taken your point to its ultimate conclusion James. The Multiverse theory is currently gripping cosmology and this states that instead of there being one universe there is an infinite number of universes and dimensions.
The number, being infinite, means that somewhere there will be another universe where the only difference from that to this will be the result of the game on Saturday. Otherwise, everything else will be identical and we will all be there living our lives and thinking about Wembley.
So, if you notice all the redshite have disappeared by Saturday afternoon, you will know they have all gone to the Universe where they won!
And there they will stay.
Can't wait!!
The number, being infinite, means that somewhere there will be another universe where the only difference from that to this will be the result of the game on Saturday. Otherwise, everything else will be identical and we will all be there living our lives and thinking about Wembley.
So, if you notice all the redshite have disappeared by Saturday afternoon, you will know they have all gone to the Universe where they won!
And there they will stay.
Can't wait!!
Sorry again! Multiverse theory MUST be wrong, because in a multiverse sometime somewhere there is a universe where 'King' Kenny isn't a knob and the reds***e and their fans are great and loved by all!! This is just not possible! So there must be a finite number of universes!
Sorry Peter, I know what you're getting at but within an infinite number of Universes there has got to be one where all the shit goes, where everybody really is deluded and where King Kenny really is thought highly off.
The theory holds.
The theory holds.
........in fact there is bound to be a universe where Tony Hibbert wins the Golden Boot at the next World Cup.
Even Einstein would baulk at that distortion of the space-time continuum...but there you are! That's physics for ya!!
Even Einstein would baulk at that distortion of the space-time continuum...but there you are! That's physics for ya!!
Ermmm...I have a degree in metaphysics. I have no idea what the OP is saying here.
Makes more sense to me . I have trouble following a normal thread ; flummoxed to say the least.
"Couldn't agree with you more James.
Looks left at camera and shrugs shoulders Harry Hill style." - Brilliant
Q - How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A - A fish!
Looks left at camera and shrugs shoulders Harry Hill style." - Brilliant
Q - How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A - A fish!
Eugene 525!
It was quite easy really cos the brainpower of one Evertonian is equal to all the brainpower on the kop...mind you, that's still not that much! Hope you're working on the Blue guidebook to Hamburg for when we play there?
It was quite easy really cos the brainpower of one Evertonian is equal to all the brainpower on the kop...mind you, that's still not that much! Hope you're working on the Blue guidebook to Hamburg for when we play there?
The point? Saturday cant come soon enough? I agree with this sentiment if that is the sentiment! I am very very nervous and feeling sick when I think about this game! We have to win, we just have to! Thursday and Friday might be blues and Saturday Red but I want Sunday now!
To wake up with that unbelievable feeling of success (yet hungover) will be immense!
To wake up with that unbelievable feeling of success (yet hungover) will be immense!
Yanks are never wrong ask any one of them.
Hey James, I was only kidding, honest.
Dick ' 552.
Don't you just wanna come on here on Saturday afternoon and say.
' Flynny, you where spot on mate. You little ripper.'
Don't you just wanna come on here on Saturday afternoon and say.
' Flynny, you where spot on mate. You little ripper.'
One of my favourite jokes, Tony - & the drunker I get, the funnier it becomes!
If only we were playing RS on Monday as, according to Fats Domino, Monday's Blue.
If only we were playing RS on Monday as, according to Fats Domino, Monday's Blue.
This is the most bazaar post since one about an early morning sinking into a pint of the black stuff. Can't for the life of me remember what that was about but it was just as David Lynch as this one.
I'm really not one to beat on a fellow Evertonian,. But the more often I reread the original article and the comments people are leaving, I am pissing myself more and more. What kind of an article is this? When writing it, the author either:
a) was pissed
b) was possessed by a demon
c) on drugs
d) getting his knob sucked
or
e) all of the above
Mate, surely you're having a laugh....
a) was pissed
b) was possessed by a demon
c) on drugs
d) getting his knob sucked
or
e) all of the above
Mate, surely you're having a laugh....
Dave Lynch, if those are the things that Flynny is saying to the TV, it is probably PBR, not Bud, that he is drinking.
I'll try and decipher this one:
"Well Saturday, fair is fair, you?ve done your best. As a day of the week, you?re supposed to belong to everyone. Apparently, you?ve chosen to take sides and chosen the dark one. "
Probably something to do with it being a day for Everton and Liverpool fans but because of the whole hillsborough thing (them wanting a minutes silence) It will be about them.
"Since our 17 March swamping of Sunderland, time suddenly slowed down for us Blues. Not much, but perceptible. Then your buddies across the park won on the 18th and time?s been dragging since. Not mad at you. You did what you could to slow the inevitable. Daglish has spent the weeks since bitching about officials? ?unfairness? while managing some of the worst ref-baiters in the game. Could tilt things in your boys? favor, right? I must acknowledge, well done to you. "
Basically, Daglish is trying to get one over us by getting the refs to be on his side as they've been so mean to Liverpool this season.
"Past that, our League game against Norwich City saw us dominate tactically but indifferent to result and only a point registered against a lesser team. Well done again, Saturday. "
Saturday won again by making us draw. Fuck knows how it did that???
"Yet, the Gaffer changed our mojo for this last Sunderland game and we put them to the sword. Take that! You?re part of time and the Toffees brushed you aside. Must have felt what was coming, yes? "
We beat Sunderland - Take that, Saturday!
"Yet, you didn?t give up. Since those couple days ago, you?ve managed to slow time to a crawl; a turtle-slow crawl. We Toffees are acutely aware of it. You?ve done your best and you?re done, because we have friends to. Today and Friday are True Blues. They?re both speeding us straight through those hours to you. "
The original poster can't wait for this Saturday
"Nonetheless, as a member of the classiest group of supporters anywhere, I offer you one last option. Tell your red shirts to not come out of the tunnel. Plenty time yet to convince them. Because once both 11s are on the pitch and the ref blows the whistle, we?re locking all the exits. Your boys CAN?T leave until we?re done whipping them. "
James Flynn thinks we'll beat them.
Either James is a poetic genius or he's on crack... mind you, if I'm right then I'll go with the former...
"Well Saturday, fair is fair, you?ve done your best. As a day of the week, you?re supposed to belong to everyone. Apparently, you?ve chosen to take sides and chosen the dark one. "
Probably something to do with it being a day for Everton and Liverpool fans but because of the whole hillsborough thing (them wanting a minutes silence) It will be about them.
"Since our 17 March swamping of Sunderland, time suddenly slowed down for us Blues. Not much, but perceptible. Then your buddies across the park won on the 18th and time?s been dragging since. Not mad at you. You did what you could to slow the inevitable. Daglish has spent the weeks since bitching about officials? ?unfairness? while managing some of the worst ref-baiters in the game. Could tilt things in your boys? favor, right? I must acknowledge, well done to you. "
Basically, Daglish is trying to get one over us by getting the refs to be on his side as they've been so mean to Liverpool this season.
"Past that, our League game against Norwich City saw us dominate tactically but indifferent to result and only a point registered against a lesser team. Well done again, Saturday. "
Saturday won again by making us draw. Fuck knows how it did that???
"Yet, the Gaffer changed our mojo for this last Sunderland game and we put them to the sword. Take that! You?re part of time and the Toffees brushed you aside. Must have felt what was coming, yes? "
We beat Sunderland - Take that, Saturday!
"Yet, you didn?t give up. Since those couple days ago, you?ve managed to slow time to a crawl; a turtle-slow crawl. We Toffees are acutely aware of it. You?ve done your best and you?re done, because we have friends to. Today and Friday are True Blues. They?re both speeding us straight through those hours to you. "
The original poster can't wait for this Saturday
"Nonetheless, as a member of the classiest group of supporters anywhere, I offer you one last option. Tell your red shirts to not come out of the tunnel. Plenty time yet to convince them. Because once both 11s are on the pitch and the ref blows the whistle, we?re locking all the exits. Your boys CAN?T leave until we?re done whipping them. "
James Flynn thinks we'll beat them.
Either James is a poetic genius or he's on crack... mind you, if I'm right then I'll go with the former...
Haha all. Good fun.
Dave (511) - Just about right with one glaring error, "a can of Bud". Yikes! They need to pour Bud back into the homeless guys they got it out of.
And Roman, same with PBR. Although, since up that way fans drink in all things Green Bay Packers, pour it back into the Packer player it came out of, maybe?
Dave (511) - Just about right with one glaring error, "a can of Bud". Yikes! They need to pour Bud back into the homeless guys they got it out of.
And Roman, same with PBR. Although, since up that way fans drink in all things Green Bay Packers, pour it back into the Packer player it came out of, maybe?
I still don't understand the part about the turtle-slow crawl, Trevor. Please explain, so that I can enjoy it, too...
Matthew Salem. Basically, he's saying since last Saturday, it's taken forever this coming Saturday to arrive...I think.
I don't get it...
Move over David Icke
It's quite clear he's saying he likes women with big tits.
Given the situation in Syria it's vital people know.
Given the situation in Syria it's vital people know.
I love it.... frontier gibberish at its finest...
True ToffeeWeb genius... followed by postulates on multiverse theory and Tony Hibbert winning the golden boot.
You're a clever bunch.
Kudos lads.
True ToffeeWeb genius... followed by postulates on multiverse theory and Tony Hibbert winning the golden boot.
You're a clever bunch.
Kudos lads.
Barry Rathbone
Thanks for clearing that up, I have been getting really concerned, I thought he was saying the shite were big tits!!!!
Maybe he meant both!!!!
Thanks for clearing that up, I have been getting really concerned, I thought he was saying the shite were big tits!!!!
Maybe he meant both!!!!
James,
I've always had you down as being away with the fairies, as barmy as a balrogs ballsack and, well....an American, but this is probably the sanest thing you've ever penned.
It's utterly brilliant! It makes no sense whatsoever (unless you live on Bizarro world with Bizarro Lex Luthor and Bizarro Lois Lane) but it's compelling as fuck. It's basically the Toffeeweb equivalent of the crap 80's tv show 'Manimal'.
I've read it three times now and I still can't quite comprehend it. I'm totally taken aback. Reading this article I experienced the same sense of disbelieving shock and awe as I did when Carrie's dead hand reached out from the grave, when the girl in the Crying Game got her cock out and when mediocre, mustachioed wing wizard Peter Beagrie smashed through a hotel window on his motorbike.
However, your whole 'Saturday is a redshite' theory is probably the most questionable theory since 'Indigo Children' (which maintains that hyperactive children, those with ADD or ADHD etc have actually been granted superhuman abilities and are the next step forward in human evolution. So basically they're the fucking X-Men?).
I've always had you down as being away with the fairies, as barmy as a balrogs ballsack and, well....an American, but this is probably the sanest thing you've ever penned.
It's utterly brilliant! It makes no sense whatsoever (unless you live on Bizarro world with Bizarro Lex Luthor and Bizarro Lois Lane) but it's compelling as fuck. It's basically the Toffeeweb equivalent of the crap 80's tv show 'Manimal'.
I've read it three times now and I still can't quite comprehend it. I'm totally taken aback. Reading this article I experienced the same sense of disbelieving shock and awe as I did when Carrie's dead hand reached out from the grave, when the girl in the Crying Game got her cock out and when mediocre, mustachioed wing wizard Peter Beagrie smashed through a hotel window on his motorbike.
However, your whole 'Saturday is a redshite' theory is probably the most questionable theory since 'Indigo Children' (which maintains that hyperactive children, those with ADD or ADHD etc have actually been granted superhuman abilities and are the next step forward in human evolution. So basically they're the fucking X-Men?).
Following on, I dedicate TS Eliot's poem, The Waste Land to the RS, the first line of which reads:
April is the cruellest month ...
(Don't bother reading the rest of it; it just won't make any sense, but the first line is clear when applied to them!)
April is the cruellest month ...
(Don't bother reading the rest of it; it just won't make any sense, but the first line is clear when applied to them!)
Someone should really pop round his house to check he's alright...
The plot is well and truly lost! But if the intention was to lighten the mood a bit before the big one youve done it. Never has utter nonsense got such a big response (me included...doh!)
Post of the year! Understood every word.
So basically James, all reds are cheating scumbags, who deserve nothing but a whuppin' every Saturday.
Or - the pot in the States is of a far superior nature to our homegrown. Seems fair.
Or - the pot in the States is of a far superior nature to our homegrown. Seems fair.
James.
Seeing as im in the states in August (Kisimme Florida to be precise) what would you recommend i slick my thirst with.
I find Miller to gassy and the Amber Bock was ok'ish, my holiday hangovers depend on this mate and all beers will be washed down with a strawberry dacre chaser as i'm addicted to those.
Seeing as im in the states in August (Kisimme Florida to be precise) what would you recommend i slick my thirst with.
I find Miller to gassy and the Amber Bock was ok'ish, my holiday hangovers depend on this mate and all beers will be washed down with a strawberry dacre chaser as i'm addicted to those.
Kevin (607) - Yes and yes.
JD (599) - My Man! Haha. Well, at least you got the spirit of the thing. Because I didn't understand a word of what you posted.
Anyway, it's not so hard to figure out. I'm anxious for saturday to get here and time seems to be dragging. Just a tongue-in-cheek take on this waiting. Because it's our time. We're better than them and I can't wait for gametime.
Except I have to because time seems to be dragging, etc.
By the way, "barmy as a balrogs ballsack"??? WTF is that? I laughed reading it, one barmy balrogs ballsack to another.
Anyway, it's not so hard to figure out. I'm anxious for saturday to get here and time seems to be dragging. Just a tongue-in-cheek take on this waiting. Because it's our time. We're better than them and I can't wait for gametime.
Except I have to because time seems to be dragging, etc.
By the way, "barmy as a balrogs ballsack"??? WTF is that? I laughed reading it, one barmy balrogs ballsack to another.
"Never has utter nonsense got such a big response".
You're Welcome Sir! My pleasure.
You're Welcome Sir! My pleasure.
What about my ale consumption Flynny ?
Trevor - I'm a crackin poetic genius.
Methinks it's called 'Creative Writing'
Created quite a stir here I see!
Created quite a stir here I see!
I'm looking Dave. Give me a few minutes. But, for starters, lots of better brews than Miller or Amber Bock.
It's a "pathetic fallacy" if you ask me! (NO, that's not an insult!!! Any poet might understand!)
Dave if you can find a "redhead" of the liquid kind you wont go far wrong.
Other than that some of the "real" Irish bars have a few good guest beers and you get proper "head" on it.
Other than that some of the "real" Irish bars have a few good guest beers and you get proper "head" on it.
Makes Bill K seem sane!! Great stuff
Cheers Jay.
John Daley for Prime Minister. End of.
Reminds me of a slightly more intelligible modernist fragment... or the musings of David Lynch.
The important part seems to be that Saturday will (hopefully) be our day. :D
The important part seems to be that Saturday will (hopefully) be our day. :D
Don't know why youre all takin' the piss!
Dalglish talks more shit than this all the time.Hope he's reading this,he will probably think it's some kind of coded conspiracy theory.
Saturday will be dressed in royal blue this weekand were gonna fuckin humiliate them red twats.coyb.
Dalglish talks more shit than this all the time.Hope he's reading this,he will probably think it's some kind of coded conspiracy theory.
Saturday will be dressed in royal blue this weekand were gonna fuckin humiliate them red twats.coyb.
Dennis Potter is an Evertonian.
John Ford the film director?
So only this coming Saturday (14th April 2012) is at fault (by seeming to take so long to arrive), and our boys are going to rectify that anyway by thrashing the reds***e ???
Glad to hear that I'm not the only one who finds Budweiser to be nauseating stuff. Not an afficionado of what you can buy in Florida but always found Rolling Rock and the Canadian beers (Michelob and Molson) to be the most appealing of the readily available imports from North America.
Glad to hear that I'm not the only one who finds Budweiser to be nauseating stuff. Not an afficionado of what you can buy in Florida but always found Rolling Rock and the Canadian beers (Michelob and Molson) to be the most appealing of the readily available imports from North America.
Dave - Since Orlando is tourist-driven, you'll find lots of "Irish" pubs in and around the general Orlando area. I was in Orlando last year and the local fellow I was working with took me to a place called The House of Beer. You can figure out the rest. Had a lot of fun, um, taste-testing
Kisseemmee will have some pubs like that. You certainly shouldn't be there and be forced to drink my country's mass-produced "bitter water with alcohol added".
You been down that way before?
Kisseemmee will have some pubs like that. You certainly shouldn't be there and be forced to drink my country's mass-produced "bitter water with alcohol added".
You been down that way before?
Si - You are correct sir. Twice.
I have James 3 years ago.
The first time i have been to the states and because we have 3 young children it has to be a holiday for us all, even me at 51.
I didn't know what to expect to be honest as you hear a lot of different opinions but the one thing i really loved and this is not arse licking, is the American people.
I found them great fun to be around even if they did not get the English concept of certain things.
Really looking forward to going back.
The first time i have been to the states and because we have 3 young children it has to be a holiday for us all, even me at 51.
I didn't know what to expect to be honest as you hear a lot of different opinions but the one thing i really loved and this is not arse licking, is the American people.
I found them great fun to be around even if they did not get the English concept of certain things.
Really looking forward to going back.
Well Dave, have fun again. Plenty of good brews to drink.
By the way Dave, believe it or not there's an EFC-sponsored youth team around there. Blue-shirted, patch and all. It's true.
Will try to look them up mate. Thanks a lot.
This is the best post in the history of Toffeeweb.
if it was Dumfries in Scotland i would say he was copying Rabbie Burns he wrote some jibberish like James posted but he is a blue and we like him. COYLBs
I have never seen such a frenzy of activity after an original post I simply could not comprehend or piece together. I read what the author put together and yes indeed, it makes little sense or coherence, I was just surprised it got so much reaction. :-/
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477 Posted 12/04/2012 at 06:06:04
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Straight over my head I'm afraid, James... but I like the tone of it ? especially the last part.