He's Diazepam on short, fat little legs.

He was once doing a run down of our pre-match team and he said our big problem was that we would be missing Thomas Gravesen who had been our top player in recent games.. it was after Gravesen had come back from Celtic, and he hadn't played for us in about a year...

Fuckin shambles of a man..

As for offending pundits, Hansen lost the BBC their England rights because he laid into them big time during a live broadcast. ITV magically were gifted rights from then on. And the Amazing Townsend got even more screen time. And don't get me started on Southgate!

Thankfully Savage is kept to the radio.

Don't mind Garth Crooks, yes he's clearly unstable in the same way Chris Eubanks or Roy Keane is but he's no Andy Townsend... Now that guy is a five-star chopper.

Laughed out loud at it, but sad hearing TV coverage over there reduced to what we Americans having been suffering for years.

On the other hand, you get to watch HBO fights without suffering the Heavyweight Champion of ruining watching; Jim Lampley.

Geoff managed to use the phrase "Player X (who was white), well yes... he's the nigger in the woodpile isn't he?" Camera then pans to the impassive Crooks who responds. "Let's talk about Player Y...."

Again for younger viewers the word "nigger" is banned from all public use since at least the late 1960s as being about as racially offensive as you can get. But the phrase "nigger in the woodpile" was a legitimate metaphor (i.e. someone who causes unexpected trouble) up until that time. But by 1989 this was seriously not cool. And now would lead to a lifetime ban despite it obviously not meant to be a racial slur against any individual.

There was no fuss about it at all at the time. Hurst is still a national hero.

His Gravesen comment was probably a result of poor research. The then Sky 4 no doubt had their own 'script writers' but the other 16 were all compiled by the tea lady in between lunch and afternoon tea.

Yes, he does talk shite. He is funny though as he does it in a way that makes his points seem so well thought out, so considered.

Unfortunately our play in previous seasons tended to be dour and unentertaining. We were possibly one of the worst teams in the league to watch. This season has been a revelation and we are playing our best football for years. Entertainment value has rocketed and we score goals from open play which we hardly ever did in past seasons.

I just hope that our board recognise the improvement and invest in the team squad to enable DM to build on the improvement in fiuture. The biggest indictment of Everton in my view, is that in past seasons when we have won trophies and titles we have broken up our successful sides and lapsed into also-rans.

Shankly paved the way for Liverpool's conveyor belt of success by keeping his team of winners intact and adding to it. That's what we could and should have done, but our board/s have tended towards business decisions rather than footballing ones.

I just do not believe a lot of the poverty twaddle; we consistently finish high in the league, have better gates than most, and now we have unloaded our top earners, yet STILL it's a case of small investment and hoping for the best!

DM has continually been asked to turn pigs' ears into silk purses and now he should be encouraged to bring our great club the success the fans deserve.

Lineker incidentally is actually pretty funny on Twitter and often has good things to say about Everton. Someone asked him the other day what the best side he ever played in and he answered "Everton, without a doubt".

Also, this is the scrote who tried to justify Adebeyor's winding up of the Aresnal fans by running the full length of the pitch to slide in front of them......he's a bellend. I have nothing more to say....

I think Leonardo (Brazilian ex-Milan and ex-PSG coach) gives very good Analysis. He only appears now and again. Seedorf gives very good analysis too.

Crooks is a equality box ticking exercise for the BBC.

Gary Neville is superb. David "roll slow homey" Pleat is the best tactical analyst, James Richardson the most interesting anchorman. Hansen is unbiased and accurate.

"Lineker puts no challenge on Lawrenson's smart arsed assertions and has gargled the spunk of Chiles in a dickheaded race to the bottom".

"David "roll slow homey" Pleat".

I must admit I find Pleat very articulate in his co commentary and Gary Neville still has great enthusiasm for the game which seems to come through. Same can't be said for Hansen who to my mind seems totally disillusioned with football and just goes through the motions.

Best commentators are Tyler and Tylsley who are both like poets.

But the best panel for entertainment by far are the RTE panel over here in Ireland with Johnny Giles, Liam Brady & Eamon Dunphy. These lads hold no punches and call it exactly how it is with none of the shackles that the British channels like Sky, BBC or ITV might be put under.

My favorite anchor is Adrian Chiles.

"People come on here and bitch that pundits never give Everton players enough credit. Then one gives one of our players credit we bitch about that. No wonder football owners don't take supporters seriously."

David, praising the goalkeeper for keeping the team in the game directly implies that the rest of the team were outplayed by the opponents, and is thus a criticism of them. That wasn't true in Sunday's game, Everton in fact having more shots on target according to Crooks's employer, the BBC.

I think everyone else figured that out, hence the unhappiness.

I'm personally offended by every ex-RS who appears smugly sitting on a BBC sofa and getting a fee from me, the license payer.

Then there's Lineker – personality of the year... I think not.

On the radio, Alan Green makes Garth Crooks appear modest. The man is so far up his own fat arse-hole, you can't see his ears.

Then there's Robbie Savage who makes Alan Green appear modest. Another one so far up himself he can probably lick his own bollocks. A 100% gold-gilted twat.

All of this is on the BBC national radio.

On local, we have Jimmy Shithouse Case, the most bigoted, thick gobshite who ever walked the planet. Famous for the catchphrase "...er, and that type of thing" when he can't think of anything relevant to say – which is often.

Mind you, the BBC does have one thing going for it – it's not Talk Sport.

Money for old rope.

Having seen a game in silence and to then hear or read the views of experts highlights how pointless they are. Why would anyone assume that an ex player is going to be astute enough to make a worthwhile assessment of a game. and then articulate it in a way that interests the viewer/listener. It's just banal.

For what its worth the one bloke ive heard in recent years who's probably worth listening to is Gordon Strachan.

..... I did turn the volume up recently on MOTD when our very own Mr Neville was on, complete with obligatory fitted casual/smart shirt. His punditry is very much akin to his playing style.

Actually another from that era, on radio, was Peter Jones. He was outstanding. I was a skint teenage dad in the 80s and couldnt get to the game much (well, this was Birkenhead!) Again he avoided irrelevant bulshit but he could make a throw in sound like it would change the course of a game. His commentary was the soundtrack to the blues golden period.

Most times, better than the football...

Who can forget acerbic rants like Dunphy calling Niall Quinn a creep...and "I wouldn't let that clown drive the train to Cork"...

Unmissable!

He has a modern, bullshit free take on the game and it’s been very refreshing to hear the views of a man who only stopped playing top European and international football a few years back. I’ve never heard anyone say they miss Keys/Grays chummy, long winded self-indulgence and the shenanigans with those two actually did Sky a favour.

Sky have a plethora of pundits on the Champions League with Souness probably being the pick, regularly taking resident Redknapp, who is blandness personified, to school. As for Ray "Absolutely chaps" Wilkins, he is a cure for insomnia. there are others, Hoddle, and others who I tend not to be arsed about. Someone mentioned Seedorf earlier in the thread, unsure if he has worked on BBC/Sky or both but, he is excellent.

Soccer Saturday is feeble. Hey fans, these pundits feel just as passionately as you........"GOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!" Stelling is a brilliant anchor however.

This brings me to Match of the Day...............its dying on its arse. The show, just like Super Sundays with Keys and Gray before the harassment rumpus, is trapped in a chummy, clubby, self satisfied matiness and its short comings are being severely exposed by Gary Neville’s forthright excellence on Sky.

Hansen, a once vibrant and interesting pundit, descended into self-parody years ago and needs fucking off. Lawrenson shouldn’t do TV at all and should stick to, or be made to stick to, radio and co-commentary where he is much more comfortable.

Shearer is plain awful and is up there with Peter Schmeichel in failing to convey the impression they had even been a professional footballer, never mind played at the highest level, such is their inability to illuminate the action they are describing. Coherent sentences seem to be achievement enough. Strachan is always watchable for me but does seem to have a marmite quality to him. He did however, appearing to completely blank the granite thick Dane, never engaging in conversation or even looking at him when on the MOTD2 sofa years ago and that’s enough for me.

Lee Dixon brought something to MOTD however I remember Hansen being rather bolshy towards him on more than one occasion. There was a genuine sense, for me anyway that Hansen viewed him as a threat.

Liniker is cheese on toast, feeble and Partridge-esque. Do one.

MOTD2 pisses all over its big brother at the moment.

Motson did my head in... he would come out with lots of absolutely pointless rubbish during a match, eg, Harry Redknapp's father used to be in competition with 'Del Boy ' on the markets and his mum was a bookie's runner... Oh, it looks like we've missed a goal!!

Kammy is another great comic without even trying; Stelling is busy concentrating on Hartlepool's result and how Pompey will be down with them when they are docked their 10 points.

Best ex-pros: I like Pat Nevin who after initially trying to dazzle with long words (though not to such a laughable extent as Paul Elliott) has settled into an articulate and insightful pundit. I like Steve Claridge's enthusiasm, no matter what the level of match he's watching. Stan Collymore (despite Shite connections) comes out with often unusual, controversial viewpoints which he argues for persuasively, adding to the match he's discussing. Chris Waddle started off strongly but has tailed off.

But top for me is the aforementioned Lee Dixon: I genuinely learnt things about tactics and formations from his insightful analyses that showed up the comments of the salaried-for-life Hansen / Lawrenson / Shearer crew for the lazy, complacent gruntings that they are.

All she's asked him is his name. To which of course Garth the answer is Knobmeister General.

He has all the interlect of a freshly laid cow pat.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHTM-abNEyk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbsNn9qACOQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNtS9DpzklM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqjQSk1PQ4o

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3y9Sx7t5N8

"Ireland (the men in green)... Iceland (the big men in white)... The big man with the left foot, the wee man with the right foot. The big man with red hair, the wee man with curly hair" — Say what you see, why don't you, Jackie?

One can only assume that Giant Haystacks saw one commentary too many when he pole axed him. Check out "Giant Haystacks and Jackie Fullerton" on YouTube. Then imagine your least favourite person in his place.