06/06/2026 21comments  |  Jump to last

Tonight, Thomas Tuchel launches his "comfortable being uncomfortable" era in Florida, dragging a heavily fatigued England squad into the humid, 32°C cauldron of Tampa’s Raymond James Stadium (complete with a giant replica pirate ship behind one of the goals, just in case anyone forgot we are in America) to do battle with New Zealand.

If you were hoping for a classic, high-octane footballing masterclass to kick off the summer, prepare to be fiercely underwhelmed. This match has all the hallmarks of a glorified, heat-soaked training session masquerading as an international event.

Feel The Heat

The FA has loudly branded this Florida camp a "data-driven acclimatisation process." Does this mean they are intentionally baking the players? Coming off a bruising domestic season, the squad is being dropped into a swampy furnace to see who collapses first.

Don’t look for tactical epiphanies or fluid passing sequences tonight; look for how many times Jude Bellingham or Harry Kane have to chug an electrolyte gel just to keep from cramping.

No pain, No gain

Friendly matches against teams ranked comfortably outside the world's elite (New Zealand sit well down the Fifa rankings) serve exactly one purpose for international managers: absolute immunity. If England win 5-0, it was a "professional, clinical workout against a structured block."

If they stutter to a turgid, error-strewn 1-0 win or — heaven forbid — a draw, Tuchel can simply shrug and blame the humidity, hard NFL turf, and "heavy legs" from training. It is a win-win for the dugout, and a lose-win for anyone paying to watch it.

Thankfully, or mercifully, the national 'moment' willl be broadcast free to air on ITV, starting in at 8:15 pm BST. We might get to see Jordan Pickford in goal... but Tuchel surely has a firm picture of what his star England goalie can do for him and may well be tempted to check instead what else he has on the bench.

This ain't no egg-ball contest

In sharp contrast to a long and storied history of rugby matches between England and the All-Blacks in Rugby Union, this is only the third time these two nations have ever met to play this type of football.

The previous two encounters happened over a single week in June 1991, when Graham Taylor took England on a post-season tour of New Zealand. Former brief Everton hero Gary Lineker scrambled a late 1-0 win in the first game, and Stuart Pearce helped secure a 2-0 win in the second.

If tonight’s match matches the sheer, uninspired leg-readiness of those 1991 post-season exhibitions, we are in for a long 90 minutes.

Expect a slow, agonisingly deliberate pace, approximately 14 substitutions at halftime to completely kill whatever rhythm existed, and a post-match press conference heavily featuring the words “loading,” “metrics,” and “conditions.”

Gunners no show

Incredibly, there will be no Declan Rice or Bukayo Saka, no Eberechi Eze, no Noni Madueke. The stars of the newly crowned Premier League Champions have been granted an extended rest period because they were busy tasting defeat in Europe's showpiece final just a few days ago.  While the rest of the squad has been baking in Florida, they were cooling their heels... 

But in a piece of typical, modern scheduling comedy, they are actually scheduled to land in Florida and link up with the squad today — meaning they will likely be watching this game from the air or a hotel suite, entirely unavailable to feel the Bermuda grass beneath their feet.

England vs New Zealand

Kick-off: Tonight, 9:00 pm BST / 4:00 pm EDT

Live coverage on ITV 1 from 8:15 pm BST after team news at 8:00 pm.

Other Games on TV tonight

If that's not your cup of tea, there's a host of other International matches to choose from that are being broadcast in the UK:

Saturday 6 June 2026

18:45 Portugal v Chile — Amazon Prime PPV
18:45 Romania v Wales 
— BBC Wales, S4C
19:30 USA v Germany — Premier Sports 2
20:00 Switzerland v Australia — Amazon Prime PPV
21:00 Bolivia v Scotland — BBC 
Scotland, BBC
21:00 England v New Zealand — ITV1
23:00 Brazil v Egypt — ITVX

 

Reader Comments (21)

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Eddie Palin
1 Posted 06/06/2026 at 10:47:25
I think this tournament is going to be better than sleeping pills.
Jack Convery
2 Posted 06/06/2026 at 12:14:37
Eddie, I'm with you on that. I have no enthusiasm for this World Cup. Fifa, under Infantino, have turned it into a bloody 3-ringed circus.

Too many teams, too many matches. The kissing of the ass of that arsehole, in the White House was nauseating in the extreme and giving him the real Team Cup trophy, was an absolute joke — but not a funny one.
Sean Kearns
3 Posted 06/06/2026 at 14:31:36
I live 90 minutes from the stadium and am free all day, but would I fuck go and watch such buffoonery! Yawn…..

Is there any table tennis on? Or maybe a knitting convention I can attend instead?
Mick O\\\'Malley
4 Posted 06/06/2026 at 16:25:14
I'll watch the semis and the final.

I literally couldn't care less who wins it.
Brian Denton
5 Posted 06/06/2026 at 17:11:58
I don't think much of the picture.

#ScouseNotEnglish
John Collins
6 Posted 06/06/2026 at 17:23:50
Look at the lamp posts, Brian.
Tom Bowers
7 Posted 06/06/2026 at 19:31:22
A real gaff by Tuchel that he can include boot licker Jordan Henderson at the expense of so many other, better midfielders.
Michael Kenrick
8 Posted 06/06/2026 at 20:07:12
Pickford starts.

Also John Stones.

Tom King is on the bench again for Wales.

Jake O'Brien and Seamus Coleman played for Ireland in a 1-1 draw with Canada in Montreal earlier.
Paul Hewitt
9 Posted 06/06/2026 at 20:56:08
Can't take this England team seriously, when bloody Henderson starts.
Luke Welch
10 Posted 06/06/2026 at 21:10:12
No skill in that line-up.
Phil Roberts
11 Posted 06/06/2026 at 22:00:20
Worse than Moyes. No youngsters in that team.

Pickford 32, Henderson 35, Kane 32, Stones 32, Watkins 30.

Crikey, even our manager had a younger team. Not a hope.
Andrew Merrick
12 Posted 06/06/2026 at 22:01:39
Rashford looks interested, after a dull half, Kane's header was actually a really cute touch.

But I've turned it off anyway.
Michael Kenrick
13 Posted 06/06/2026 at 22:09:53
The whole lot switched at half-time.

Trafford replaces Pickford in goal. Gordon replaces Rashford.
Alan McGuffog
14 Posted 06/06/2026 at 22:14:29
A goal up against New Zealand.

Surely we must be favourites to lift the trophy?
Paul Griffiths
15 Posted 06/06/2026 at 23:36:05
Can I please second Mr. Denton; I fecking hate that badge/image.

Decent run out in the sun but nothing more than that.

England are actually in a difficult group with Croatia and Ghana and Panama beat these United States recently. I can genuinely see the ghosts of the past reappearing and England having one point going into the final game with Panama. It's lucky that three teams will likely qualify.
Mike Powell
16 Posted 07/06/2026 at 11:04:36
Beating the mighty New Zealand team, we must be favourites to win the World Cup!

Joking aside, I've got no interest in the England team. I will support which ever team I put my tenner on to win it. I've not decided which team yet... but it won't be England.
Dave Abrahams
17 Posted 08/06/2026 at 10:43:28
Michael (8) That might buck Tom King up — sitting on an international bench!
Ron Sear
18 Posted 08/06/2026 at 11:44:55
The only decent bets will be when England will be sent home some time before the final and who will be most blamed.
Alan McGuffog
19 Posted 09/06/2026 at 11:00:20
Looking at the Final. Just to show how much our game has been taken from us, who d’you think will be in the equivalent of the directors box when France get the trophy?

The Beckhams obviously, next to Trump. Various Kardashians of course. Mick Jagger. Tony Blair may sneak in. Oh and of course Harry and Megs.

And to think I once stood in the pouring rain to watch, in my opinion, the greatest game ever at Goodison… Hungary v Brazil. 7s/6d I think it cost
Les Callan
20 Posted 09/06/2026 at 11:38:03
What a game that was Alan. Brilliant.
Alan McGuffog
21 Posted 09/06/2026 at 12:42:09
Les..that first time volley from Vargas (?) from the cross from Albert (?). Stood right in line of it.
Great summer, all started in May

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