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Worst Everton squad of the Premier League era

This is the worst Everton squad of the Premier League era.

I took to social media to ask thousands of Blues to pick the players who have stunk the place out at Goodison Park since 1992, the names who just never cut it and the footballers who simply failed to live up to their potential or price tag.

This wasn’t a difficult job, as you can well imagine if you have followed Everton since the top division’s revamp.

Horrendous form, terrible touches, sicknotes and transfer flops, it’s all here.

So without further ado, here is the baddest Everton starting XI of the last 27 years, complete with substitutes and reserves... there is even a standby list such is the dearth of dross!

Manager: Sam Allardyce

His reputation preceded him and he did little to improve it. Turgid football, arrogance and self-promotion in press conferences, cautious to the extreme, firefighting for solitary points.

Some say Allardyce did his job, though Everton looked out of danger from being sucked into a relegation fight within days of his arrival. It was a false alarm.

His appointment has been described by many as one of the darkest chapters in Everton history.

Assistant Manager: Mike Walker

For those who had to sit through Everton in 1994, they can’t fathom how Walker is only the No 2 in this set-up . While Allardyce’s appointment was embarrassing and hurt our pride, the former Norwich boss was a complete disaster and nearly relegated the club.

The Toffees needed the Great Escape to stay up by the skin of their teeth on the last day of the season, coming from two goals down to beat Wimbledon. Too close. A nightmare.

He managed just six wins in 35 matches. An awful record.

Goalkeper - Richard Wright

The England international and former Arsenal stopper was rather clumsy. Not a good trait for a goalkeeper. One time, he injured himself as he climbed in and out of the loft.

"I wasn't doing any DIY, I had just come back from holiday and I was sorting my suitcases out and I fell off the ladder and landed on my shoulder,” he said.

"I'm not superstitious but the accident was on Friday the 13th and I am going to be careful now what I do on certain dates.”

Paying attention to clear warnings would have been a better idea.

The same player missed a fourth round FA Cup replay against Chelsea after ignoring a sign which warned not to train in the goalmouth. Stepping back to catch a ball during the warm-up, his back foot landed on it and he twisted ankle. Richard Wrong.

Right Back - Marc Hottiger

He had to wait more than a month for a work permit to be granted to sign for the Blues and probably wished it had been turned down by the time his Everton career came to an end.

Joining from Newcastle in a £700,000 deal, the Switzerland international arrived in March 1996 but was shocking, making just 14 starts. Everton took a hefty hit as he left for his homeland for just £25,000 a year later.

Left-Back - Cuco Martina

He looked absolutely terrible at right-back and so, in true keeping with the 17-18 campaign, he obviously became our first-choice left-back with Leighton Baines injured and Everton failing to sign a replacement deputy following the sale of Bryan Oviedo.

In the age of social media, he was often defended as he ‘isn’t picking himself’. Bizarre. It has to be said, Cuco did work hard but was a woeful player who had no concept of tracking a man or even watching the ball.

It wouldn’t be a rubbish Everton team without a square peg in a round hole.

Centre-Back - Per Kroldrup

We’ll let Leon Osman, writing in his autobiography, take this one.

“On his very first day of training, the gaffer took him to one side and started doing heading practice with him, like you would with a seven-year-old. It was a case of holding the ball, saying: “Are you ready? One, two, three – jump.”

“Honestly, it was incredible. I don’t know what happened, but he had obviously realised that heading wasn’t Per’s strong point. £5m for a centre-half who can’t head the ball..!

“You can be as talented as you like but in the Premier League you’ve got to be able to head it. Per didn’t seem to want to head it, which was incredible for a centre-half.

“He started one game, away to Villa on Boxing Day, and we lost 4-0. He was up against big John Carew, who just annihilated him.

Centre Back - Antolin Alcaraz

Dynamo Kiev (A)

Right Midfield - Andy Van der Meyde

It’s been well-documented that ‘Shandy’ allegedly enjoyed the many delights Liverpool had to offer instead of working hard and being a professional footballer for Everton.

One BBC article from 2013 neatly summed up his time on Merseyside: ‘Former Everton man Andy van der Meyde on drink, drugs and zebras.’

We’ve stuck him on the right of this team in the hope he could reproduce that one moment of magic out wide when he set up Dan Gosling against that lot in the Cup.

Left Midfield - Aiden McGeady

The guy had talent and scored a stunner on the opening day at Leicester in 2014 but he was soon frozen out before being bombed to the Championship on loan.

An expert at the quick stepover, McGeady often beat a man but sadly his crosses often missed everyone too.

Central Midfield - Alex Nyarko

When a fan storms the pitch to take your shirt you know you’re not doing the business.

The confused Ghanaian being confronted by a supporter at Highbury in 2001 is infamous in Toffees folklore and encompassed the anger and frustration Nyarko’s lack of effort generated among the travelling fanbase.

Arriving from France in a £4.5m deal with much expected of him, he was dubbed ‘the next Patrick Vieira’. However, the leggy, laid-back midfielder asked to be subbed after the incident and clearly wasn’t up for the fight.

"He showed a lack of strength,” said manager Walter Smith. “Lots of questions come up - commitment, mentality. He gave up, which is not a great example to set”.

Insisting he would be retiring following the altercation – he actually meant he wouldn’t play for the Toffees again – the Everton boss appeared fine with it.

"I'll need time to think about that," he said when asked about Nyarko’s wish to call it quits. "About five seconds."

He was soon loaned to Monaco, before another temporary spell at PSG but did play for Everton again, making eleven appearances during the 2003-04 campaign under David Moyes before leaving on the expiry of his contract.

Central Midfield - Claus Thomsen

For this one we’ll simply repeat Thomsen’s biosketch on this very website.

Strengths: Tall, handsome, blue-eyed blond

Weaknesses: Statuesque, ineffective, immobile.

Striker - Brett Angell

The Observer newspaper rather harshly described Angell as ‘The Donkey’s Donkey’ and few Blues would disagree. Neville Southall, meanwhile, claimed the striker’s second touch was often a tackle.

Having joined after scoring loads of goals for Southend in the Football League, a rare highlight came as he found the net in a 4-2 Goodison win over Chelsea but the rest of his outings were strewn with hapless and wayward shots on goal.

He did forge a decent career away from the top-flight but Everton was way above his level and 25 years on, he remains a regular in these worst XI rundowns.

Striker - Sandro Ramirez

When Everton transfer ‘supremo’ Steve Walsh landed the former Barcelona forward for just £5m, it looked like an absolute snip. It soon turned out we had been ripped off.

With a running style which resembled a man wading through water with his arms outstretched, Sandro fumbled his way through a debut campaign which yielded just one goal in fifteen games.

Now out on his third consecutive La Liga loan having failed to score for Sevilla or Real Sociedad.

Subs

Goalkeeper - Espen Baardsen

An emergency signing on a free, the Scandinavian’s only game was that Brian McBride Spurs thriller at White Hart Lane. Conceded four. He quit football soon after to go travelling and see the world.

Centre-Back - Ashley Williams

The Wales international arrived with experience and a solid reputation and played his part in shoring up a porous backline during his first season.

However, his form nosedived during the 2017-18 campaign. For those on the terraces he appeared to lack drive and energy while his attitude was often questioned. Williams had lost the ability to defend and appeared disinterested.

Evertonians celebrated his departure to Stoke on loan, delighted he would not return.

Right-Back - Peter Degn

Playing anywhere down the right, Degn once tried to rugby tackle an opponent in front of the Bullens Road. He missed.

Right Midfield - Mitch Ward

This team’s utility man. Right-back, right midfield, central midfield, he did it all - though not at all well. To describe him as a jack of all trades, master of none would probably be generous.

Central Midfield - Davy Klaassen

For technical ability and nous on a football field, Davy Klaassen is arguably a better footballer than some of the names featuring in Everton’s best squad (coming soon)

However, his time in England was a disaster. Lacking the physicality to really mix it with his Premier League counterparts, the Dutchman failed to make an impact and managed just sixteen appearances. Swiftly joined Werder Bremen just 13 months after signing.

Striker - Ibrahima Bakayoko

‘You do the Bakayoko and you turn around, that’s what it’s all about... he comes from the Ivory Coast, Coast, Coast!’

That song, and his brace at Blackburn, stood out during an Everton career which lasted just nine months as the striker failed to impress for a struggling side.

Striker - Oumar Niasse

The fact that Oumar, the Prince of Goodison, hasn’t been named in the starting line-up here is further redemption for Niasse.

Having been ditched from the first-team and not even given a locker as it soon became apparent he wasn’t worth the £13.5m Everton splashed out on him, the striker stuck at it and worked hard to prove his critics wrong with some vital goals (including one with his backside).

Oumar gained the affection and respect of the Goodison faithful by never giving up and, while it’s clear he isn’t good enough as balls continue to bobble and ricochet off his shins, he’ll go down in Everton folklore for his character and heart alone.

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Reserves

Goalkeeper - Paul Gerrard. That Gary McAllister goal. Gerrard was nervy, erroneous and often caught out.

Right-Back - Alec Cleland. The right-back’s Goodison career was curtailed by injuries and he featured more and more infrequently over the course of his four seasons at Goodison, managing just single figure appearance hauls between 1999-00 and 2001-02.

Right-Back - Paul Holmes. Volleyed the ball against his own cross bar at Bolton. Was so bad, one of his displays even caused two Blues to scrap in the stands.

Left-Back - David Burrows. Bizarrely, Everton parted with Tony Cottee and half a million quid for the West Ham full-back in one of countless poor decisions made by the club in the nineties. shudders

After just seven months, yep, 200-odd days, he was moved on to Coventry.

Centre-Back - Li Weifeng. "When I was a child I dreamed that one day I could go to play in the Premiership. And now it suddenly comes true,” he said upon signing alongside China team-mate Li Tie after earning a trial through Everton’s new sponsor Kejian.

He achieved his aim but only once, in a 1-0 defeat at Southampton on a Wednesday night in September 2002.

While things didn’t work out in blue, he did go on to earn 112 caps for his country.

Right Midfield - Simon Davies. Arriving from Tottenham after Everton finished in the top four, he just didn’t do much. Apart from scoring at Birmingham to earn the Toffees a second win after seven defeats from the opening right games, there is literally nothing else to report.

Central Midfield - Segundo Castillo. The biggest thighs in football. Scored a screamer in Europe. A South American purchase (see also Denis Stracqualursi) as David Moyes spun plates in the transfer market. Nothing more to say.

Central Midfield - Guillaume Plessis. You’ve read his name and don’t even remember the guy, do you? Actually a member of the squad which clinched fourth, the central midfielder didn’t get a look-in bar some rogue games sat on the bench.

Striker - Shani Tarashaj. “Shani is an enormous young talent who, without a doubt, will have a great future,” said Roberto Martinez as his new capture put pen to paper on a four-and-a-half year deal back in January 2016.

He’s not made a single Everton appearance but remains on the books.

Striker - John Spencer. The diminutive striker made just nine appearances in twelve months after signing for £1.5million. Quite the outlay for such little return.

On Standby

Jan Mucha, Tony Thomas, Carl Tiler, Eddy Bosnar, Eliaquim Mangala, Slaven Bilic, Ibrahim Said, Niclas Alexandersson, John Oster, David Ginola, Idan Tal, Danny Williamson, Stephen Hughes, Vinny Samways, Tobias Linderoth, Anderson Silva, Rodrigo, Stuart Barlow, James Beattie, Enner Valencia, Lacina Traore

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