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Songs from the Gwladys

By Anthony Jaras :  01/09/2007 :  Comments (50) :
Since my very first Goodison experience in the early nineties (I was 13, from Widnes and had a worried mum who was convinced I would be stabbed to death at a football match, I got the train, we drew 0-0 with Wimbledon and my mate fell down a manhole) I have dreamed of singing a decent song at Goodison.

Still, to this day, the only songs that have made me emotional have been the classic 'Duncan, Duncan Ferguson' at the Derby when he scored 'That Header', and 'Champions League, you're having a laugh' (We were having a laugh) when we beat Newcastle 2-0.

The reasons for this is that we simply cannot come up with any catchy songs! Evidence of this is:

Na Na, Na Na Na Na, Hey Hey, Paul Rideout
(Rideout was never the most exciting player, but surely he deserved better than this.

Preki Preki Preki Preki

One Stuart Barlow,
There's Only One Stuart Barlow,
One Stuart Baaaaaaaaaaaaarlow,
There's only one Stuart Baaaaarlow
(There was only one, thank God)

Wales Wales number one, Wales, number one
(Not exactly something to boast about, let's not keep reminding Big Nev about it)

Who needs Cantona when we've got Barry Horne (He must has prayed we would stop taking the piss)

Tim Cahill, Tim Cahill, Tim Cahill
(Same melody as the Champions League song, same game, same breath, please)

Beagrie for England
(I sang the loudest)

Ooh it's a corner, Ooh it's a corner, Ooh it's a corner
(We sang this cos we scored from 3 corners in about 2 years)

Amo, Amo, Amo, Amo
(Justified I suppose at the time)

I could go on, but you get the drift.Can any of you come up with some similar sad but true tales of songs you have heard???

Ps. I won't even type the Posh/Beckham/Joe-Max Moore song ha ha ha, which was changed to Posh/Brooklyn/Moyes when he left...........see........adaptable!!!!!

Reader Comments

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Dean Paton
1   Posted 01/09/2007 at 18:09:51

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I often think that if you wish to get better songs, join a choir. Those arseholes over the park spend all week making up songs for players who’ve not even made their debut. Kopites go the match to sing, Evertonians go to watch the match (and have a pint).
Paul Caslin
2   Posted 01/09/2007 at 20:06:28

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must admit though, i like the steven gerrard one.

babys not yours etc, only evertonians could up with such a funny chant.
Danny Mullally
3   Posted 01/09/2007 at 21:31:42

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I think there is deffo an appetite for good songs at Goodison.
You are right though, we aren’t exactly the Lennon/McCartney of the football song writing world.
Everone loves a good sing when there is a good song doing the rounds-there just doesn’t seem to be any decent ones about.
Mikel Arteta’s must be number 1 on the Gwlady’s top of the pops at the mo though.
I think the more successful we become the more vocal we will be-it’s only inevitable.
Andy Cooper
4   Posted 01/09/2007 at 21:59:53

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I may have a new song to add to the piss poor collection, it goes They tried to get the ball past yobo but he said no no no.
(sang to the tune of Amy Winehouses ditty REHAB)
Any comments ???
Stephen Fox
5   Posted 01/09/2007 at 21:38:49

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Danny Mullally is correct we are not the Lennon and Maccas of songwriters. Anthems at grounds are created by accident. I can remember all those years ago at Maine Road standing in the open when the heavens opened and one of us drowned rats stated to sing When you’re smiling, which became a anthem for years to come. We shall not be moved was not sang as a celebration of success, it was a protest song used to tell the club, police, and referees that we were not happy. Happy days when thirty thousand fans blocked Goodison Road declaring ’We want the ref!’followed by a chorus of we shall not be moved, as the police charged the crowds with mounted police. Those days will never return. Seventy thousand plus in the old stadium and another thirty thousand outside trying to get in.

Happy Days, I am glad I was able to experience those fantastic days of footall magic, 25 to 30 thousand fans going to away matches. The days were great, the games were great, the footie was great and the sex was fantastic at away matches, happy, happy days.

Don’t worry Danny about lack of songs just pinch a few from the haggis hunters in green and white. The red poo did with ’You will never do something’ and we did with the durge of ’If you know your history’

Not happy do something about it. No racist, sexist, religious, or physical disability chants. You know the fun has gone out of song writing at football matches.

Good Luck All Blue Boys and Danny have a great Chistmas.
Zig McGrath
6   Posted 01/09/2007 at 22:13:58

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The Rideout chant was a classic. The first time it was sung was in the warm-up at a dead rubber league cup match at Goodison, he looked completely bemused.

I used to love "We are the barmy Gladwys St Army" but that’s died a death, and one that deffo beeds resurrecting is "E-V-E-R-T-O-N" (to the tune of ’Music Man’).
Charlie Gibson
7   Posted 01/09/2007 at 22:26:09

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Always liked the
"Coleen is a slapper, with loads of dirty toys, and when she shags wayne Rooney, she thinks of David Moyes!

Moyes, Moyes, Davey Davey Moyes, he’s got red hair but we don’t care, David David Moyes!"

Gets the point across and still fits in a lovely dig at the fallen one.
Declan Burke
8   Posted 01/09/2007 at 23:48:56

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I remember as a lad in the sixties the crowd signing

Come on without,
Come on within,
you’ll not see nothing like the mighty Everton

sung to the tune of Manfred Mann’s "Mighty Quinn". It was brill!
Seamus Murphy
9   Posted 02/09/2007 at 06:53:57

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Dean Paton - I’ve heard that bullshit on here before "if i want to sing i’ll join a choir" and i still think thats a fuckin cop-out.
There’s nothing better than Goodison when it’s rocking - and that’s not when we’re sitting "watching the match". It’s when the supporters take it upon themselves to be the 12th man and really get behind the team to give them a boost (e.g. Blackburn two seasons ago when Turner got sent off and we were down to our 4th keeper Ruddy - and had three goals disallowed!!! Athmosphere was amaizing and we won having had 10 men for 86mins!).
You cannot tell me that you’d rather just sit and watch the match???? If you’re not gonna get involved then you’d be better off watchin it on telly.
John Molyneux
10   Posted 02/09/2007 at 11:46:15

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away to Leicester City in our championship year of 85, we won 2-1, Andy Gray got both, (I think Lineker or Lynex scored for them). Anyway as Gray’s second went in, the whole away end at Filbert as one started singing, "Hand it over, hand it over, hand it over LIVERPOOL". Getting home in time for match of the day, our game was on, and the commentator said, "The Evertonians are telling Liverpool to hand it over, we all know what they are talking about". Fantastic, this song became our staple for the rest of the season.
ps "Andy gray, Andy Gray, Andy Gray" sung by a 50,000 Goodison crowd certainly seemed to intimidate the opposition.
Arthur Jones
11   Posted 02/09/2007 at 11:57:56

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The Duncan .. Duncan Ferguson chant was always one to get everyone going , especially (in more recent times ) with the winner against manure when he had an inspired game dragged from the archives of his past , when he completely skinned rio ferdinand all game , that game also was the debut of the classic chant " you?re fat and you slap yer bird " ... to a certain opposition player , I can?t wait to hear what?s concocted for our next home game with Mr Rooney and Nani in the same team !!! Will he put that in his book ???
Alan Barry
12   Posted 02/09/2007 at 13:13:36

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to the theme of the santa claus song,

he better watch out
he better beware
with a name like nani
rooney will surely turn queer
Gary Sedgwick
13   Posted 02/09/2007 at 23:27:54

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This is my fav:

He’s fat,
He’s round,
He’s worth a million pounds,
Peter Reid, Peter Reid.

Or this a close second sung to the classic Everton, Everton etc:

Psycho-Pat, Psycho-Pat, Psycho-Pat,
Psycho-Pat, Psycho-Pat!
14   Posted 03/09/2007 at 09:03:05

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Anyone remember Bakayoko? I got my 4 year old nephew (much to his red dad’s disgust) singing: (to the tune of the HokeyCokey)

Oh Bak-a-yak-a-yoko
Oh Bak-a-yak-a-yoko
He’s on the left wing now,
The right wing now,
1 defender round
He’s 2 defenders down
Shoot it! Shoot it!He’s scored another Beaut’
That’s what he’s all about.

Oh Bak-a-yak-a-yoko
Oh Bak-a-yak-a-yoko

Ah, still makes me laugh...
Anthony Jaras
15   Posted 03/09/2007 at 10:05:15

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I have just remembered another one.

When Brian McBride scored his goals v Sunderland at home.........

USA - USA - USA - USA.....Shocking!
Peter Roberts
16   Posted 03/09/2007 at 13:02:49

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The comment about nothing beats a rocking Goodison is spot on. We have to be vocal against the Mancs, like what happened a couple of years ago. This is a quite from a United fan who went to that game where Ferguson completely outclassed their back-line:

"What the **** were your fans on that night? I have been travelling away with United for 30 years and have never seen a ground so angry. Me and my mates were all sitting around there thinking ’****** hell’

Which underlines one thing: when we make it so, GP is one scary place to come and play football if you’re the opposition. Who cares if 5-year olds could make better chance, it creates an atmosphere that makes it very intimidating for the other team. We have to replicate this not just for big games but also every other home match.
Steve Ashton
17   Posted 03/09/2007 at 13:08:52

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When the ball hits the head
of the lad in row Z

That?s Radzinski

Anthony Jaras
18   Posted 03/09/2007 at 13:29:25

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Whe we all sand to Joey Barton;
’Where’s you brother gone,
Where’s your brother gone?’
In the style of Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep.
So funny I could not sing it for laughing.
Ian Lloyd
19   Posted 03/09/2007 at 13:19:51

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a classic inappropriate gwlady special from the mid nineties.

there?s only one earl earl barrett.walkin along , singin a song. walkin in a barrett wonderland.

must be the most ironic song ever, seeing as he made hibbo look like cafu!
Anthony Jaras
20   Posted 03/09/2007 at 13:47:30

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David Unsworth


Although I loved the guy I couldn’t help but change it to;

Richard Jones
21   Posted 03/09/2007 at 14:11:41

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I remember City away, final game of the season in the early nineties (my first ever away game)...

All the kopites are crying,
Graeme Souness is dying,
what a wonderful way,
to spend the day,
watching Graeme Souness pass away

Not particularly nice but to a 14 year old lad at the time it was the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.
Emil Mathias
22   Posted 03/09/2007 at 15:29:11

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Any songs for Yakubu invented yet? Scoring after 11 minutes must have given anyone at the Bolton game some serious inspiration!
Tony Gee
23   Posted 03/09/2007 at 15:54:54

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duncan had a pigeon... classic

Ian Sephton
24   Posted 03/09/2007 at 16:27:26

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On the subject of songs......

Can someone please tell me what the Mikel Arteta song is at the moment??

Sounds great but I?ve not got a clue what you guys are all singing!!
Seamus Murphy
25   Posted 03/09/2007 at 18:09:33

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Ian -

Follow Follow Follow
Everton are the team to follow
And theres nobody better than Mikel Arteta
He’s the best little Spaniard we know

Emil -
For Yakubu - to the tune of "We’ll support you ever more"

Feed the yak and he will score
Feed the yak, feed the yak,
Feed the yak and he will score
Feed the yak and he will score

Was out with the mates Saturday night and started singing this and before i knew it everyone was singing it - even non-evertonians!! Pretty basic but it works!
Mat Rawlinson
26   Posted 03/09/2007 at 19:31:38

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I agree with Richard. I was at that game against City when we were singing about Souness. It was the funniest song I’ve ever heard at the match. It was the last game of the season and Everton went nuts - winning 5-2 away! I was pissing myself so much that I missed Preki’s 25 yard screamer and refused to believe my mates when they said Preki had scored it! Didn’t even stop laughing when the car broke down on the way home.
Scott Sinclair
27   Posted 03/09/2007 at 19:58:15

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first time ive been on ur site i think its ace reason 4 this only had computer 4 a week wot about who put the ball in the kopites net super lee carsley

Okay, kiddie, that's nice... but this is not your regular cellphone. Learn to write proper English, please ? none of this textspeak nonsense! Thanks ? Ed

jonny morrisey
28   Posted 03/09/2007 at 22:06:14

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Its true that a few good songs make the ground and lift the team. It allways depreses me when before a game we play if you know your history over the tannoy and it sounds like about 5 people sing. Just getting the whole ground to sing that before the game or when we come out after half time would make a world of diference.

As for original songs the mancs have been the best at that for years but they spend time writing them. Then they take them round the boozers before the game to teach them to all the hardcore fans and to build the atmosphere before a game. If we want those kind of songs we have to work at them - maybe the club wyness and kenwright should put a songs page in the program put the best fans ideas in there and let the street end decide whats worth singing...?

now on the count of three... Follow Follow Follow...
Ste Riley
29   Posted 03/09/2007 at 23:57:12

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I cant wait for the manc game Gravesen’s guna be soooo up for it as well as the rest of the box of toys that THEY will inspire us to give the atmosphere as good as the performance they give on the pitch cum ed ye manc tramps!
Paul Daly
30   Posted 04/09/2007 at 03:00:14

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.........anyone remember
"And we’ll hang all the Kopites on the banks of the Royal Blue Mersey???"......not pc, huh?????
chris sutton
31   Posted 04/09/2007 at 03:26:33

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"were all gonna shag a european whore a euorpean whore a european whore" belter that
32   Posted 04/09/2007 at 04:25:19

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he is the magic man
he comes from far away
and he can play
oh whats his name

Mika- Mika- Mikael
Mikael Mikael
Mika- Mika- Mikael
Mikael Arteta
arthur jones
33   Posted 04/09/2007 at 07:07:09

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Did anybody see Tommy Graveson when he was waiting to come on against Bolton , when the crowd started the " Tommy Tommy Tommy Tommy Graveson !!!! " chanting , I’m sure his eyes nearly popped out of his head , it hyped him up good style , As DM said to him afterwards , ’ nobody’s sung your name like that for 3 years ’ could be another inspired signing for Moyesey ,
Incidentaly as an awestruck 14 year old , I used to have dreams about " Bobby Latchford walks on water " ...... " hello , hello , Martin Dobbo " and " John Connelly , John Connelly the winger to watch " and finally for the rest of my generation , the all time classic " oh Gary Gary ,.... Gary Gary Gary Gary , shithouse Jones " (the insult inserted after he went to Birmingham )
34   Posted 04/09/2007 at 08:13:32

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I remember singing in GS in the sixties :
We support a team that plays in blue its a team that you all know ,
Its a team that we call everton and to glory we will go.
We’ve won the cup ,
we’ve won the league
and we ve been to Europe to!
and we played the reds for a laugh and we left them feeling blue ! sung to the tune of the sash my father wore.
Steve Ashton
35   Posted 04/09/2007 at 13:22:02

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Anyone remember to the tune of Living Doll

Got ourselves a full back scorching,
super scoring, Lineker
Got ourselves the best to lead the champion team, its Lineker,
Got a scoring eye and that is why he puts away the goals,
got the one and only roaring scoring Lineker.

Scores the goals with his head,
with his feet
If you don’t believe what I say just see,

Gonna lock him up in a trunk so no other club can steal him from EFC

David Torley
36   Posted 04/09/2007 at 14:38:27

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What about queer Mark?
They found him in the park
Shagging the arse off someone’s grandson
They took him to see Kenny
Who wasn’t having any
Cos he was up the arse of Alan Hansen

37   Posted 04/09/2007 at 14:48:19

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Can one of the administrators please take the comment from Anthony Jaras off. SInging about the loss of a scouser, doenst make me laugh.
38   Posted 04/09/2007 at 14:59:53

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On a lighter note, i remember going to an away game at Leeds, if i remember rightly it was the first game of the season, when we’d just bought big dunc back from the barcodes. Anyway the dreadful song went like this.... ’Nyarko whoaoooo, Nyarko Whoaoooo, He plays for Everton, He is an African, Nyarko Whoaoooo. So bad it made me laugh!
Anthony Jaras
39   Posted 04/09/2007 at 17:57:09

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The loss of a scouser?
What are you on about?????
40   Posted 04/09/2007 at 21:07:37

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sung slowly to the tune that the mancs sing their ronaldo song to:-
He runs down the left,
He runs down the right,
Mikael Arteta,
He’ll skin the red shite
Seamus Murphy
41   Posted 05/09/2007 at 11:01:35

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Good one Sean.
I’d like to see that one catch on at Goodison. Our songs usually start at the away games though so someone kick it off at our next away game!!

Altough it would be better if the last line was:
Mikel Arteta, he hates the red shite!"
Tony McKeown
42   Posted 05/09/2007 at 12:44:54

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the tim cahill song is crap.
what about singing this
come sing tim cahill,
come sing tim cahill,
come all sing tim cahill with me.
(to tune of walzting matilda)
aussie theme and all.
can nobody think of a song for joleon that goes with that country western song jolean
43   Posted 05/09/2007 at 16:34:40

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Yakety Yak (don’t talk back), by the Coasters - bit of an oldie, but could still work!!

Let out the strikers from the blues
What a team, we cannot lose
If you don’t stop him, on the run
you gonna be looking at nil 1
He’s Yakety yak, his goals don’t lack!
Yakety Yak, goals don’t lack!
Phil Harris
44   Posted 05/09/2007 at 20:43:10

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does anyone remember the derby match in the late seventies, a sad day when Dixie died during the game. We lost, but I remember fans singing Oh jimmy jimmy, jimmy jimmy jimmy sh** house case after he broke geoff nulty’s leg, he was playing awful for us but there was no need for that.
Anthony Jaras
45   Posted 05/09/2007 at 22:26:00

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The song we should start singing is the classic;

’When I was just a little boy,
I aksed my mother,what should I be?
Should I be Everton,
Should I be red,
Here’s what she said to me,
Wash your mouth out son,
and fetch your fathers gun
and shoot the Koppite scum
Shoot the Koppite scum

We hate Koppites
We hate Koppites
We hate Koppites’


Portrays the disgust perfectly.
Ant Gird
46   Posted 06/09/2007 at 08:14:56

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What about this sung about Andy Johnson to the monkees’ I’m a believer:

Then I saw his pace
Now I’m a believer,
Not a trace of doubt in my mind.

Ok that’s as far as i’ve got... poor I know.
47   Posted 06/09/2007 at 11:20:07

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bear in mind i was a 13 year old kid at the time. (and one who particuliarly had a dislike for gerard houllier) these were two of my faves:

fuck off gerard houllier,
fuck off gerard houllier,
with a packet of sweets
and a cheeky smile,
gerard houllier’s a paedophile.


who had a heart attack?!?!?
hou! hou-llier!

(in response to "who let the reds out?"
Anna Gerson
48   Posted 06/09/2007 at 13:44:14

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Sean, the guy who sits in front of me at the gwladys street got me singing that song at the wigan game, one or two of us sang it, but most just looked at us like we had 10 heads (you know the boring ones who dont say boo all game!)

Anyhoo, his was only slightly different:

He plays down the left
He plays down the riiight
Mikel Arteta
He?s our spanish delight!
Anna Gerson
49   Posted 06/09/2007 at 14:03:28

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Loved the duncan, duncan ferguson one, especially during his final game when the players did the "lap" round the pitch and big dunc was at the back with his kid and we all sang it as he went past the gwladys!! dont think i saw a dry eye around me (inc me)! grown men were in tears!

Also loved; (to my old man?s a binman/dustman?)
duncan is our hero
he wears the number nine,
He wears the shirt with pride,
he wears it all the time,
he wears it in the shower,
he wears it as a vest,
duncan is our hero, he is the very (or f?kn) best, ohhhhhhhhh, duncan....

Currently like the "follow follow (arteta)" song at the moment and look forward to hearing loud full blown renditions of:
dddd andy johnson dddd andy Johnson, when he final scores again!! COYB!

Anto Doran
50   Posted 06/09/2007 at 14:44:07

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to the theme of Snoop Dogs ’Gin n Juice’

...with so much drama in Liverpool city, its kinda hard being an Everton supporter you see, but, some how some way, we keep beating teams like the red shite each and every single day!

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