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The Defamation of David Moyes

By Chad Schofield :  28/09/2010 :  Comments (49) :
So I've been reading much of the obvious and deserved raging after our atrocious start to the season, a season which saw almost all but the borderline suicidal fan look forward to great things.

To me it felt a little like that Summer post-school/college/uni ? that brief stint before having to get into work where, although if you look at things completely objectively, you wouldn't allow yourself to get carried away, you allow yourself to be ever so slightly swept up in fantasy.

It didn't matter about Engerland, we all expected it anyway, but for us, this year it was going to be different. We'd struggled for a few years with some reasonable and relative highlights, but now was our time to shine... Nobody except us was going to expect it, but we were destined for great things and there was a slight spring in the step.

And then it's the first day of work and slap, you're instantly knocked by your pencil-dicked manager who's never going to set the world on fire, but wants to make damn sure you forget you have any chance of doing so yourself either. A bit of a bully, but one that's doing it for your own good, a bit of a Blackburn.

So you get home and your mum's made you a nice tea, but she doesn't have to ask how your day went because it's written in your shoulders while your Dad looks at you with a slightly knowing look, but feels it's too early to offer out any pearls of wisdom. You're exhausted and just go to bed early.

The next day, you're sure you can make an impact, but it's another unexciting and fruitless day and the cracks are already showing in what was going to be a glittering career. On your way home you plug yourself into your iPhone/iPod/Discman/Walkman/Stylus/accordion and listen to probably your favourite album of the Summer, The Defamation of Strickland Banks by Plan B.

1. "Love Goes Down"
2. "Writing's on the Wall"
3. "Stay Too Long"
4. "She Said"
5. "Welcome to Hell"
6. "Hard Times"
7. "The Recluse"
8. "Traded in My Cigarettes"
9. "Prayin'"
10. "Darkest Place"
11. "Free"
12. "I Know a Song."
13. "What You Gonna Do"

I'd say we're currently on about track 5, and if we get through track 6 there's little doubt who will become The Recluse.

Anyway, for those of you who've not heard the album, it's brilliant and if you care to read the wiki page, you might see Bill shares some striking similarities with David Frost who the original concept of this album came from (not that I'm suggesting Bill's actually a crackhead).

So... until we get to track 11, perhaps it's worthwhile revisiting Plan B's first album, "Who Needs Actions When You Got Words".

Reader Comments

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Andrew Fair
1   Posted 28/09/2010 at 16:22:46

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Both quality albums! First one in particular is genius and is extremely hard hitting. The challenge is can you compare the fiirst album to our season thus far? Maybe the album track itself "Who needs actions when you got words" could be applied to a lot of ToffeeWebbers who are not willing to give Moyes a chance to show what he can do to get us out of this slow start.

"Sick 2 def" could be used for the rest of us who are fed up with the constant Moyes bashing. Hopefully "Dead and buried"and "No good" won't have to be applied to our season anymore.

Howard Don
2   Posted 28/09/2010 at 16:48:20

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Don't know about the relevance Chad, but you're right about the Album. Having hit the big 60 now and therefore an an official old git, I depend a lot on my daughter to pass me stuff. She got me the album for a birthday present and yes it's brilliant. To any other old farts out there, I defy you to tell the first two tracks and some of the others from Smokey Robinson in his prime. Praise doesn't come much higher than that.
Jon Cox
3   Posted 28/09/2010 at 16:49:44

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It's Deep Purple in rock for me. Speed King anyone?
Brian Hill
4   Posted 28/09/2010 at 17:30:08

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I have become Comfortably Numb.
Austin Heath
5   Posted 28/09/2010 at 17:28:56

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Like everything its a matter of personal choice and we all chose Everton for what ever reason - Having heard Plan B , I,d still take the timeless Heaven Up Here by the Bunnymen over Plan B, to cheer myself up / make me feel suicidal in equal measure - quite a lot like Everton over the past few years.

Barry Johnson
6   Posted 28/09/2010 at 17:48:10

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Could have been "They Might be Giants" with Birdhouse. They disappeared into oblivion as well.
Andy Crooks
7   Posted 28/09/2010 at 18:08:40

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If you want your spirits lifted, listen to "Watusi Rodeo" by Guadalcanal Diary.
David Hallwood
8   Posted 28/09/2010 at 18:20:32

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How about, I Get Evil (Don't You Lie to Me) by Billy Blue. A must have track for the anti Kenwright faction
David Price
9   Posted 28/09/2010 at 18:20:47

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Good to know we've got plan B, coz plan A hasn't worked yet, or am i missing the plot here.
Dave Richman
10   Posted 28/09/2010 at 18:16:10

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Dunno why but I been finding myself listening to Joy Division - Closer - quite a lot lately.....

1. Atrocity Exhibition: The 'Performance' against the skunks
2. Isolation: The Yak (or Beckford)
3. Passover: What the defence do to our midfield.
4. Colony: Our little band of Blues in SA outnumbered by Sky 4 fans.
5. A Means to an End: Moyes' tactics?
6. Heart and Soul: What we put into this club. If only the players did the same.
7. Twenty Four Hours: Match time elapsed since our 'striker' scored.
8. The Eternal: Our passion for the club.
9. Decades: The wait for a trophy

Charles King
11   Posted 28/09/2010 at 18:50:05

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Is this a parallel universe?

Its not a song. I'm really asking.
Dave Richman
12   Posted 28/09/2010 at 19:46:39

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It is actually Charles...... by the Red Hot Chili Peppers on the Californication album :-)

Suppose it's inevitable really..... there are not many other ways to either slag off or defend Moyes / Kenwright / The Team that haven't already been said over the past couple of weeks......

I for one am definitely losing my grip on sanity!
Dennis Stevens
13   Posted 28/09/2010 at 20:03:26

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If I may Get Back to the Beatles, surely John gave us the answer to our current plight : Revolution No. 9 !!
Stephen Corcoran
14   Posted 28/09/2010 at 20:30:45

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What about "The Torture Never Stops" by Frank Zappa from Zoot Allures probably sums up the start we have had to the season
Charles King
15   Posted 28/09/2010 at 20:32:43

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Dave @ 12

I've lost the will to live

Please please don't say this is a song.
Joe McMahon
16   Posted 28/09/2010 at 20:54:30

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Nine Inch Nails - The Downward Spiral
Neil Patten
17   Posted 28/09/2010 at 20:54:09

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"The lunatics have taken over the asylum"

Fun Boy Three.
Peter Laing
18   Posted 28/09/2010 at 20:58:49

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I predict a riot (if Tony Hibbert ever does score)
Eugene Ruane
19   Posted 28/09/2010 at 19:53:43

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No no no, this music is not Everton music.

Country music is Everton music!

I don't mean 'new country' or that cross-over' crap that everyone hates.

I mean the music American country radio stations now refuse to play.

What is now sometimes called 'hard-core country' or 'too country'.

Music from men and women who've experienced REAL pain, not callow, spotty uni-boys covered in peach-fuzz and bum-fluff, merely aping what has gone before.

I want my Everton music from people who understand proper gut-wrenching pain (not 'my grant's been cut by 4%' pain).

People like Lefty Frizzell, George Jones, Jimmie Rodgers, Hank Williams Sr, Webb Pierce, Merele Haggard.

Want a REAL Everton hurtin' songs?

Try something like this
Seriously, forget the silly clothes and daft hats, they could have been written with Evertonians in mind.

There's one for the Happy Al's mob

There's even one for a derby win

There's no doubt, if there is one genre of music for us, it's 'too country'.
Christopher McCullough
20   Posted 28/09/2010 at 22:16:44

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Runaway train
Ray Roche
21   Posted 28/09/2010 at 22:19:24

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Eugene Ruane

He was THE Hank Williams...not Hank Williams snr...
Eugene Ruane
22   Posted 28/09/2010 at 22:28:03

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Ray, agree absofuckinglutely, 100%.

I was looking at youtube there's all this 'Hank Williams Jr' and (now) 'Hank Williams lll' stuff,

Just wanted to be very specific about who I was pointing at.
Dennis Stevens
23   Posted 28/09/2010 at 22:59:31

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Indeed you can't go wrong with a bit of Hank Williams - mind you I also like TheThe giving some of that material their own distinctive treatment on their album Hanky Panky.
Tony McNulty
24   Posted 28/09/2010 at 23:15:21

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Christopher #20

Were you intending to be really clever and subtle? The runaway train ran over the hill and she blue???
Chad Schofield
25   Posted 28/09/2010 at 23:39:58

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At 0500 this morning that post made sense to me, but I think some people may have missed what I was trying to convey. Plan B, given Everton's constant lack of. The 'next day' being the Wolves game (I added in the Blackburn reference as I thought it might ne a little obscure otherwise), but I'm not saying that we should all listen to The album to get us through (albeit a great album in my opinion)...

1. "Love Goes Down" as start badly and 'sunshine' fans distance
2. "Writing's on the Wall" it's apparent to many where and why we're not doing it on (or off) the pitch
3. "Stay Too Long" 8 years of learning...
4. "She Said" general bitching increasing
5. "Welcome to Hell" fans turning on each other (again)
6. "Hard Times" realisation of our true stock... 5 games worrying 5 or 10 more, well
7. "The Recluse" Mr True Blue
8. "Traded in My Cigarettes" we have little else to mortgage
9. "Prayin'" I'm not even religious, but it's worth a go by this stage
10. "Darkest Place" often said that you have to hit this before things change
11. "Free" a change
12. "I Know a Song." fans returning
13. "What You Gonna Do" ?
Michael Evans
26   Posted 29/09/2010 at 09:24:35

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Heaven knows I'm miserable now - The Smiths
Dave Lynch
27   Posted 29/09/2010 at 09:20:16

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That great Roy Orbison song for Davey boy and Kenwright.

It's Over.
Sam Hoare
28   Posted 29/09/2010 at 10:04:21

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A new twist on the anti-Moyes tirade...

How about a song for some of the fans on here:

'Fickle' by Dizzee Rascal
Liam Reilly
29   Posted 29/09/2010 at 12:14:24

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Lighten up, all.

Come Saturday at 5 PM it'll be U2's 'Beautiful Day'...
Roger Trenwith
30   Posted 29/09/2010 at 12:10:31

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Led Zepellin I (yup, I'm an old git)
"Good Times Bad Times" - our history
"Babe I'm Gonna Leave You" - an empty threat
"You Shook Me" - with your great displays in the last half of last season
"Dazed & Confused" - the usual mental state of an Everton fan
"Your Time Is Gonna Come" - I'm a glass half full kinda bloke
"Black Mountainside" - The Yak in once domineering form
"Communication Breakdown" - Bill spins again
"I Can't Quit You Baby" - Once a Blue....
"How Many More Times" - are we going to confound our expectations?
Daniel Johnson
31   Posted 29/09/2010 at 12:13:48

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My Everton playlist

"The Road to Nowhere" Talking heads
"Moneys too tight to mention" Simply red
"It must have been love buts its over now" Roxette
"The Great Pretender" Queen
"Heaven knows I'm miserable now" The Smiths
"The show must go on" Queen
"We gotta get out of this place" The Animals
"Living on a Prayer" Bon jovi
"Glory days" Bruce Springsteen
"Under Pressure" Freddie Mercury and David Bowie
"The Never Ending Story" Lamahl
"The Land of Make Believe" Bucks Fizz
"Money dont matter tonight" Prince
"Money for nothin" Dire Straights
"If i ever lose my faith in you" Sting
Sean Keigher
32   Posted 29/09/2010 at 12:41:35

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"Freefalling" - oh wait we're already at the bottom
Brian Waring
33   Posted 29/09/2010 at 13:26:42

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Stupid man
Endless cycle
There is no time
Sick of you
Why do you Talk

All Lou Reed
Victor Johnson
34   Posted 29/09/2010 at 14:35:44

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'Billy, don't be a Hero"
Ken Buckley
35   Posted 29/09/2010 at 14:33:33

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The sooner we get from 'Moody Blue' to 'Knockin' on heavens door' the better.
Roger Trenwith
36   Posted 29/09/2010 at 14:40:29

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"A Huge Ever Pulsating Brain That Rules From The Centre Of The Ultraworld".....BK ingests some dodgy mushrooms!
Dennis Stevens
37   Posted 29/09/2010 at 16:47:10

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Record collection from the '80's, eh? - Bad luck, Daniel!
Steve Fletcher
38   Posted 29/09/2010 at 17:07:46

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Ok...random Radiohead tracks that sum up our plight.......Let Down, No Surprises, In Limbo, High and Dry, Climbing Up the Walls, Like Spinning Plates, and, for Mr Moyes and Mr Kenwright very soon maybe, Knives Out?
Jon Cox
39   Posted 29/09/2010 at 17:34:46

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Ken (36) You wouldn't be the KB who works for a midland earth moving company by any chance?
Charles King
40   Posted 29/09/2010 at 17:38:01

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"little White Bull"

Tommy Steele 1959.
Jon Cox
41   Posted 29/09/2010 at 17:41:16

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Purple (i'm old too)

"No one came" Fireball album. Which is what Goodison will be if Moyes doesn't pull his finger out!
Jonathan Stockdale
42   Posted 29/09/2010 at 21:03:41

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Cheered me up no end reading this lads.

Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, we need a fucking win.
Dominic Bobadilla
43   Posted 29/09/2010 at 21:08:07

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(1) "I Know It's Over" - The Smiths
(2) "What's the Color of Money?" - Hollywood Beyond
(3) "That Don't Impress Me Much" - Shania Twain
(4) "The First of the Gang to Die" - Morrissey
(5) "Siegfried's Funeral March" - Richard Wagner
Trevor Lynes
44   Posted 29/09/2010 at 21:28:06

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Here's to all the above contributors...SHADDUP YA FACE !!!!!
Ray Robinson
45   Posted 29/09/2010 at 23:09:10

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Moyes apologists: "The only way is up" (Yazz)
Moyes antagonists: "Whatcha gonna' do about it?" (Small Faces)
Jonathan Stockdale
46   Posted 29/09/2010 at 23:44:31

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Always look on the bright side of life......
Andrew Cunningham
47   Posted 30/09/2010 at 08:42:17

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You Bloody Mother Fucking Asshole

Martha Wainwright.
Yes its a song .Give it a listen.
Henry Enzio
48   Posted 30/09/2010 at 11:29:43

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The blues are still blue. Belle and sebastian
Matteo Rosingana
49   Posted 30/09/2010 at 21:06:06

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Everton FC IS The Blues. That is all.

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