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If I was the boss

By Stephen Kenny :  13/12/2010 :  Comments (32) :
I'd dye my hair and buy some funky slacks, get my Rudolph the red nose reindeer jumper out the cupboard, watch a few festive film's, check my bank statement's and go out for a few bitter shandies with my better half.

We all need to cheer up, none more so than than our Celtic pretender... Once this is out the way, I'd get back to keeping myself in a job by doing the following:

1) Drop Tim Howard.

It would make a nice change from Howard dropping us... right in the shite!

Howard is no longer trusted by his defender's and this leads to uncertainty at the back, this is half the reason we concede so many soft goals. I don't know if Mucha will be much better but there's only one way to find out.

2) Drop Distin

Jagielka and Distin are poor on the ball and surrender posession far too often. Heitinga is the defensive equal of both these players and is far superior with the ball. He's also comfortable starting attacks from the back, for that reason he must start. Distin has outplayed Jagielka most fo the season. If he were 5 years younger, I would be saying drop the Jag. I don't think we'll do anything of note this season so we need to start building for the future. I still think Jagielka is a very good defender and I'd be happy with Heitinga and Jagielka as a centre back pair.

3) Sort Mikel's head out!

Arteta is bang out of form and is not playing well at all. His passing, decision-making and tackling are not up to playing in the centre in the Premier League while he's in this form. I think his problem is psychological, rather than physical as he looked back to his best at the tail end of last season. At a guess I think he wanted to go back to Spain but never got a suitable offer.

I believe his affection for the club means he wouldn't play for another English side. I would move him out wide and if that's not acceptable to him sell him on in January when there is a chance of an inflated fee. Probably not as easy to do as it is to write...

4) And...

I see no place in the squad for Osman, Anichebe, Vaughan, Saha or Hibbert. Turner is also highly rated in the lower leagues. A risky strategy but we always perform better with a smaller squad. I would sell all of these and see what we could do with the money. The priority being a good regular scorer at this level. Darren Bent would be a major player for us, as would Pavlyuchenko.

Rodwell and Fellaini would get the rest of this season to see if they can be a pairing that could dominate games and play together. If not, I would sell one of them at the end of the season and try and get Moutinho or Fernandes, both players who can pass forward, through players, go past a man and play good football. I actually think Rodwell will be a good rather than great player and Fellaini will have the better career... I hope for our sake it turns out they are mustard together and we can build a side around them.

The player contracts situation also needs sorting. As a club, we cannot afford to let good players who we can't afford to replace leave for free. This has happened far too often lateIy. I would be more than happy if we got away with a straight swap with Kranjcar coming this way and Pienaar going the other way although I'm hoping the club wil see sense and keep him, he's making concilliatory noises in the press and I like what he brings to the side. This is more than likely blue tinted shite on my part and he's leaving at the end of the season for free.

If I was Bill I'd sack Moyes.

Reader Comments

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Stephen Kenny
1   Posted 13/12/2010 at 21:32:38

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Thanks for the editing.
Dennis Stevens
2   Posted 13/12/2010 at 22:08:38

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I think you could just edit that whole piece down to : "I'd sack Moyes".
Ray Robinson
3   Posted 13/12/2010 at 22:06:41

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Howard kept us out of the shite at the weekend, not dropped us in it. Distin, despite some shaky moments has been one of the best players this season Mikel will come good again. And while I agree that Osman, Anichebe, Vaughan, Saha and Hibbert should not be in the starting XI, I can't see how we could lose them all from the squad in one fell swoop.

As for Pavlyuchenko and Bent, I doubt that we could afford their travel expenses should they come to sign for us, nevermind their transfer fee and wages. Are they even available?

And why even mention Fernandes and Moutinho again? Do we even know how these players are faing these days? They might be totally past it for all I know.
David Bridge
4   Posted 13/12/2010 at 22:40:07

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I would sack Moyes, protest to remove BK for good and bring in Chris Hughton.
Sell Arteta, Bily, Aichebe, Osman, Hibbert, Saha and Yak.
Make Pienaar the highest paid player in History and bring in Donovan.
Hold this ship till May and pray for new money.
Jamie Sweet
5   Posted 13/12/2010 at 22:39:32

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But Stephen, Saha has looked good in training so he's still first on the team sheet. Forget the fact he hasn't scored a league goal since February... he's banging them in down at Finch Farm!

I have just read here:
that Moyes is after a new striker in the January window though. He admits it will probably have to be someone on loan. How about that Jo fella from City. I've heard he's looking sharp in training!

On a more realistic shout though, how about that Bendtner chap who I hear is getting frustrated with the Gunners.
Jimmy Hacking
6   Posted 14/12/2010 at 00:03:46

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I've always found it amazing how shrewd millionaire Footy-club owners and chairmen insist on appointing experienced professional managers to run the team, when there are 40,000 fans inside the stadium every home game who could each do a better job, and for free to boot! I've been racking my brains for years and years but I just can't figure out why they persist in The likes of Moyes and Ferguson and Wenger!!! it must be a conspiracy to deny you your true calling in life, Stephen!!! Please don't waste any time mate, your club needs you! e-mail your ideas to Bill Kenwright, you are clearly the man to save our season! In Kenny we trust!!!

(apologies if there was a hint of sarcasm there)
Dennis Stevens
7   Posted 14/12/2010 at 00:33:50

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"...The likes of Moyes and Ferguson and Wenger!!!" - The irony!
Pete Gunby
8   Posted 14/12/2010 at 00:33:59

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Right after the keeper makes a game saving stop you would drop him. Then drop the most solid defender in this years campaign. Whilst not understanding Moyes' tendency to stick with a losing formula for so long, I think your strategy would be equally confusing. How about we try to fix the things that are broke before we tinker with the rest.
Dominic Bobadilla
9   Posted 14/12/2010 at 00:46:18

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Some ideas worth pursuing, some crazy. Under no circumstances must Rodwell be allowed to leave. But Howard, yes.
John Barnes
10   Posted 14/12/2010 at 02:22:23

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Peter, Moyes did drop Yakubu and Beckford straight after they scored, so.....
Tony Cheek
11   Posted 14/12/2010 at 05:22:19

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Pete...(8) Yes, Howard made a game saving stop this time , but what about the game losing mistakes he has made all season , dont they count . Other teams have no qualms about changing keeper . But I expect as long as he plays well at Finch Farm , Moyes will pick him.
Steve Pugh
12   Posted 14/12/2010 at 07:49:20

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Tony, of course they count, but what about the other great saves he has made this season, don't they count?

Alan Clarke
13   Posted 14/12/2010 at 08:24:42

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Jimmy, I take it you're not one of the 40,000? If you are please share what goes through your head when West brom score their 4th goal or when Wolves get their equaliser or when Pienaar passes the ball back to their keeper in an attempted shot (again) or when moyes brings Anichebe on to the left wing when Bily and Gueye are on the bench or when you see Saha is starting again.

It's the blatantly obvious decisions, tactics, substitutions that the rest of us in the stadium can't fathom. You could give us some insight into how these top managers like Moyes work (apologies for any sarcasm).
Mike Thompson
14   Posted 14/12/2010 at 08:39:14

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I've got a radical way to score more goals..... play with 2 bloody strikers!
Matthew Lovekin
15   Posted 14/12/2010 at 08:33:24

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Another edition of "If I were David Moyes".

All hypothetical as Kenwright and Moyes are never gonna leave, we will never have any money and the tactics will never change.

However, for what it's worth...

Heitinga in defence alongside Jag.

Arteta in Cahill's role.

Cahill as the striker.

Sell Hibbert, Yobo, Saha, Yak.

I would like to buy another striker for whatever money we generate by selling players, but there is not one good enough that we can afford. Therefore play Cahill as a striker in the meantime. For the wages we save in selling those players, offer Pienaar what he wants.
Richard Dodd
16   Posted 14/12/2010 at 09:10:57

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I`d go back to playing the style that brought us results over the last eight years.All this fancy dan stuff may please the purists but we were much more effective when we played it more direct and put the emphasis on being hard to beat. When Davey stops all the fannying around in the build up and gets back to basics our fortunes will change-you`ll see!
Derek Thomas
17   Posted 14/12/2010 at 09:29:06

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Richard Dodd; A quick scan on the straw poll shows that you didn't vote, is that because as in General Elections among those prohibited from voting are LUNATICS.

And you others who haven't voted your excuse is???
Ray Robinson
18   Posted 14/12/2010 at 10:22:07

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Matthew #15, so who would be your striker in January when you've sold two and Cahill is at the Asia Cup ?
Steve O'Malley
19   Posted 14/12/2010 at 11:55:21

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Must be something in the name Stephen but I could have drafted that little piece myself.10/10
Alex Doyle
20   Posted 14/12/2010 at 12:21:19

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I would like to see Moyes change the formation a bit more. We have become predictable, and are far too reliant on the Baines/Cahill axis. Arteta should be pushed forward with Felliani back to defensive duties.

I'm looking forward to having Osman back. Although Coleman has been superb in hugging the touchline and running at the opposition, i think Osman is a shrewder football and may provide the link to attack from midfield that we need. You notice Arteta when he's gone, we weren?t able to switch the play to Coleman in good positions against Wigan.

I have been impressed by Distin, he's done nothing wrong of late. Moyes should clearly be more flexible with the timing and variety of his subs. I don?t understand why Yakubu hasn?t had more game time. We are crying out for a physical presence in the box and his hold up play allow the midfield to get closer to the box. Saha should be dropped, no question. I don?t think major surgery is required, but good inventive coaching and tactics. We should just be doing a lot better with the players we have.
Mike Allison
21   Posted 14/12/2010 at 12:45:43

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I agree with all his points though.
Tony J Williams
22   Posted 14/12/2010 at 13:15:14

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Derek there may be some method in his madness though. If we stop all the fannying about and actually have a crack on goal maybe...just maybe... we may actually score a few goals and win games.

If Pienaar tries to pick out an another inch perfect pass from 8 yards out I don't know what will happen to the idiot who sits in front of me.
Matthew Lovekin
23   Posted 14/12/2010 at 14:13:53

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Ray (#18), Beckford & Vaughan together with Arteta on the right-wing. If Arteta not happy playing on the wing again, tell him it's his own fault for his poor displays.
Stephen Kenny
24   Posted 14/12/2010 at 15:53:11

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Thanks for the gee up.

I often wonder why football fans feel the need to talk about and debate things that are going to make absolutely no difference as Matthew rightly says, but we do.

I also wonder why some people feel the need to state we can't possibly know as much about a game most of us will have played, watched and been involved in most of our lives.

Pretty much the only way to get into the football industry is to be a talented player. In my mind this qualifies you to do nothing more than play the game, it doesn't make them an all knowing sage. Yes Moyes is clearly more qualified to be Everton manager due to coaching, man management, experience and a hundred other factors but we are ALL qualified to talk about what we see on the pitch and comment on which player may improve the side. Vis a vis you don't need a business degree to see that letting valuable assets leave for free is detrimental to the club that constantly cries poverty.


I agree that Distin has been easily our best defender this season. I'm starting to think he may also be a better player than the Jag. But he is 33 and will not be around for more than another season or two IMO if he plays week in week out. Players of his age can be managed to play into their late thirties and I think this is what we should look to do. Heitinga and Jagielka can be our CB pair for the next 5 years, as can Rodwell and Fellaini in the middle.

This season is a write off to me and we may as well start building for the next one now, this means some hard decisions need to be made. The hardest of these will be about Mikel as I don't see how he Fellaini, Rodwell and Cahill fit into the same side unless we carry on exactly as we are fitting square pegs into round holes. Rodwell needs to be on the pitch learning his trade, this is the only way he can develop.

IMO big decisions that the David Moyes who first joined us wouldn't have shirked. This version almost certainly will.
James Stewart
25   Posted 14/12/2010 at 17:24:59

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I have to agree with your assessment of the Cb situation. It made no sense signing Distin. Too old and Heitinga is by far the better player than both of them.
Ray Robinson
26   Posted 14/12/2010 at 18:34:21

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33 is not necessarily old for a CB. Richard Gough and Dave Watson were immense at that age. I'd agree with the sentiment that we should be looking to the future but disagree that Heitinga will be around long enough to be part of that process. I get the impression that Heitinga just sees Everton as a stepping stone.

Matthew #18 - I can't see Beckford and Vaughan as anything other than an enthusiastic pairing but not an effective one. Besides, there is talk of Vaughan returning to Palace in January on a loan to buy contract.
Simon Baines
27   Posted 14/12/2010 at 20:18:07

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Stephen if you were the boss you would have to win every game 5-0 and play like Barca or 50% of the people on this site would want you sacked.
Oh and you woruld have to also do this every season because your first bad season and they would want you sacked aswell and want good managers like Holloway,Hughton or O'niell in.

Stephen Kenny
28   Posted 14/12/2010 at 20:44:43

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I'd also be able to waste millions on players then leave them on the bench, make baffling subs and blame everyone else for our problems while collecting a massive wage. I don't think it's as bad as some would have you believe, but neither are we going to get relegated if Moyes goes. The frustrating thing for me is with the way the game is now we need an Alex Ferguson type to get back to the top and I thought at one point we had found him. That is clearly not the case anymore. The guy can't see the wood for the tree's.
Marcus Kendall
29   Posted 15/12/2010 at 00:09:40

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Personally I'd play this team fitness permitting:

GK ? Howard (though I'd look for a better keeper in the summer)

DR ? Coleman (don't care about his defensive deficiencies, hes our best right back in my opinion)

DL ? Baines (superb yet like Coleman suspect defensively)

DC ? Heitinga (if hes committed to the club which is in doubt)

DC Jagielka (harsh on Distin whose played well lately but I think Jags is the better defender)

DMC ? Neville (has to play simply for his leadership, personally feel his leadership comes to the fore more in this role)

DMC/CM ? Fellaini (he frustrates me but hes undoubtedly our best central midfielder)

LMF ? Pienaar (needs a better end product but hes our only option in this role)

RMF ? Arteta (not his best position but he is our best option in this position at the moment IMO)

AMF/CF ? Cahill (our only goalscorer but I agree with the people who say he is a problem player regarding having to build the formation around him)

CF ? Yakubu (past his best and personally I would sell him but hes the best lone striker we have IMO)
Pete Gunby
30   Posted 15/12/2010 at 01:30:48

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John #10. so......Moyes is wrong.
KPR Williams
31   Posted 15/12/2010 at 10:01:33

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Same manager pretty much same squad that finished last season on fire.
I didn't...
KPR Williams
32   Posted 15/12/2010 at 10:26:21

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Duh!! hit submit

Were people calling for Moye's head for his negative tactics and one dimensional style of play then?

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