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Post-Match Moyes-Birmingham

By Tony Cheek :  09/03/2011 :  Comments (14) :
What David Moyes probably said after the Birmingham game:

"Tim, not much to do really, are you sure you couldn´t keep that one out?"

"Tony, great improvement son, some really wicked tackles, Christ I thought you had killed one of `em lad... and those crosses are getting better. We will make a footballer of you yet."

"Phil, good game lad, bit too much hoofball though. Huh?....yes, I know Arsenal played hoofball last night. But they were playing Barcelona, not bleeding Birmingham!"

"Sylvain, that new contract is on the table tomorrow son!"

"Leighton, Great game again, sold some good dummies to that right back. One of em was so good four blokes in the crowd fell over! But don't you start firing free kicks into the wall, last thing we need."

"Seamus, your feet go faster than your brain son, just calm down a bit... much better today though"

"Jack, great first half, disappeared a bit in the second, we got a few forward passes today though."

"Johnny, hey... what a cracker, son! Great to see that go in. Thought you had a great game. Done everything easy, took no chances. Don`t really know why I pulled you off. Sorry bout that."

"Leon, have you been having us on or what? You can actually play football, son. Of course I have been trying to tell everyone that for years. Knew you would come good one day. Even shooting on target!"

Louis, why, when you go past someone, do you have to turn round and do it again? Christ, If we want to see it again we can see it on the telly, you lazy fren... oops!, sorry, not allowed to say that! At the moment you are just bloody frustrating. Just go home and write a hundred times ? I AM A STRIKER, NOT A MIDFIELDER."

"Becks ? Just promise me one thing, when you get the ball, just do the first thing that comes into your head, son. Do NOT, think about things, it always goes wrong. Couple of good efforts though."

"Victor, Bily... didn't expect too much. Unfortunately thats what I got." "If one of you could just do something special in front of goal... That's all we are are missing you know. Fulham next, Becks, you'll run rings round that gangly Hangeland. We`ll beat them easily...

"Shit there I go again."

Seamus: "Err... that's a pound in the swear jar, gafffer!

Reader Comments

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Thomas Williams
1   Posted 10/03/2011 at 00:59:22

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Disappointing result, lads gave their all, but lack of class, creativity in final 1/3 has hurt us all season.

Having said that, it's no wonder we are struggling as, after Arteta went off, our midfield consisted of a right back and two centre halves, with Ossie as a left winger!

The lack of depth is hurting us and the lack of investment is to blame ? we are seeing the produce of three years with no investment.

Adam Fenlon
2   Posted 10/03/2011 at 00:41:02

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Hmmm ? seemed funnier after a win than an uninspiring draw.

Glad you didn't do one after the Bolton game!
Christine Foster
3   Posted 10/03/2011 at 01:19:44

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Tony, well summed up, you can almost see it happening.
Thomas, I have to agree, the squad is so threadbare that there just isn't anyone to replace three midfielders and Neville... look what we had on the bench... scary...

Sadly it's been an accident waiting to happen, we have dodged the bullet a few times but it does come back to the fact that there aren't replacements for one never mind four...

Tonight was the first time I have seen Coleman cross a ball in weeks, the first time I have seen Victor get a shot on target (albeit a rebound) and the first time I have seen that Johnny boy has real class.

It's been the first week that I have thought that Osman looked ok too. But that's probably because there was no one to compare him with.

It's going to be a difficult end to the season if it continues. And an even worse pre-season discussion between Moyes and BK.. somewhere along the lines of...

So much for "We'll be ok with the squad we have," says Moyes...

"They'll be like new signings when they all come back," says Kenwright...

Cluck, Cluck... chickens coming home to roost...
John Barnes
4   Posted 10/03/2011 at 07:43:49

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Those lads on the bench should have had, by now, some exposure to first team action. At kick-off, we all knew which 3 subs would be used. I've made the point many times that Moyes has created the scenario where we now have almost no options by not giving these lads a sniff of first team action. Their lad Mutch last night ? who'd heard of him? Yet he did ok. Ours might do too if given the chance. But will it happen?
Gavin Ramejkis
5   Posted 10/03/2011 at 08:50:38

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Brought another grin, Tony. I've said this on another thread but it's no longer a case of, "What if one of our players gets injured, who do we put in their place?" ? it's now, "When that player gets injured what the hell do we have left?" Last night's bench a prime example, players who hadn't played for the first team before.

John #4, DM will never play a youngster unless he literally has no other choice through injuries and suspensions, the squad size now means it might happen but it won't be through his tactical wisdom.

Matthew Tait
6   Posted 10/03/2011 at 09:14:19

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Wow I would expect Moyes to be upset that Arteta got injured, but to refuse to talk to him after the game? Never knew he was so petulant!

Great article Tony!
Mark Murphy
7   Posted 10/03/2011 at 10:08:43

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Moyes pulled Johnny off? ... I thought he didn't like him?
Duncan McDine
8   Posted 10/03/2011 at 10:10:28

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Spot on again, Tony! Osman and Heitinga were excellent, but one of the worst ever performances from Saha. The problem is we have no-one putting pressure on these individuals... so he can afford to be lazy ? he'll always play so long as he's not crocked.
Chris Bannantyne
9   Posted 10/03/2011 at 10:23:54

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It's weird. I'm sure I'm not the only Evertonian that had the nagging feeling we were up for a shitty 1-1 draw, almost expect it this season, but I actually commented to a friend that I had a feeling Heitinga would score... If only I'd put money on it. Crap result though.
Tony J Williams
10   Posted 10/03/2011 at 14:04:28

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Chris, I do it every season. I tell me mates to get on a 1-1 draw.... and then never back it myself.

I have been saying all week it would be 0-0 or 1-1... it nearly always is.

I noticed Foster has been taking time-wasting tips from Maik Taylor.
Mike Gaynes
11   Posted 10/03/2011 at 23:15:43

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Tony, Moyes would only have said these things if he watched the game through the same haze as you apparently did. "Great game" for Johnny? Ridiculous. Yes, the goal was a cracker... but their goal was totally his fault. He had been marking the guy who scored, started ball-watching and abandoned him alone in front of Howard. It was one of the worst defensive blunders of the season in my book.

And if anybody could have kept that one out, Tim would have.
Keith Edmunds
12   Posted 11/03/2011 at 04:07:53

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Mike 11. This is just a bit of fun. I wouldn't be surprised if on occassions Moyes told certain players that they are better than they really are.
Tony Cheek
13   Posted 11/03/2011 at 05:23:49

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Have to admit Mike #11, that I didn't see Johnnys mistake there. I saw Distin very undecided where he should be, I saw Jags completely unaware that there was a player behind him and I saw Hibbo who maybe should have tucked in earlier. I would like to see the situation again.

I was also waiting for a front-of-goal view for their goal to see how far it was from the flapping Howard. But Does DM see everything that happens. I think not!

James Hollister
14   Posted 12/03/2011 at 17:10:51

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"Leon, have you been having us on or what? You can actually play football, son. Of course I have been trying to tell everyone that for years. Knew you would come good one day. Even shooting on target!"

Tony that was hilarious, keep it coming, it brings a big grin from a very disappointing night!

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