Now I don't much feel like playing Fantasy Manager at the moment, so I will leave transfer discussions to those who care for that sort of thing. What I did find, however, was this fairly humorous article in the Liverpool Echo (everyone's favourite publication, I know).
The link to the article is here: http://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/everton-fc/everton-fc-news/2011/05/28/royal-blue-s-alternative-end-of-season-everton-fc-awards-100252-28778542/
For those of you who can't be arsed clicking a link (like myself) I will copy/paste the article in its entirety below;
Those of you lucky enough to have attended Everton?s official end-of-season awards may have had your fill of acceptance speeches and gongs ? but Royal Blue couldn?t let the season close without dishing out a few of its own plaudits.Now, just for fun, my challenge to you, fellow ToffeeWebbers, is to lighten the day with your own humorous awards. There are some funny bastards that frequent this site, so it shouldn't be a problem. Feel free to dish out any awards to players from other clubs, refs, managers etc if you feel like it.
It?s been a strange, topsy turvy campaign which has ultimately left most Bluenoses wondering ?what might have been?. But there have been more than a few moments to savour along the way.
Anyone who read the Echo?s season review this week will know our verdict on the serious points of order from the 2010-11 season, but here are a few more categories that didn?t quite make the list.
The ?Did I really just say that to a journalist?' award: ?If Barcelona comes, I?d go on a bicycle with a large flag to get there?. So said John Heitinga before the season had even began. Heits made it hard for supporters to love him with some of his attributed comments, but the Dutch World Cup finalist ultimately showed the Goodison faithful that he cares about the Blue shirt with some strong displays ? he just occasionally forgets to say ?no comment?.
The ?Closest thing Goodison has come to a Riot? award: Goes to Huyton?s tough-tackling finest Tony Hibbert, who didn?t quite manage to get his long-awaited first Everton goal, but did spark dreams of pitch invasion in the Gwladys Street every time he entered the opposition area. It will happen!
The ?Why didn?t I just turn off Fifa 10 when I first looked at the clock? award goes to... Who else? Jermaine Beckford. The pacy striker ended on a high with his George Weah-esque stunner against Chelsea, but being late for kick-off of the Blues? dismal FA Cup exit against Reading was not his finest hour. Even if he had the credible excuse of a horrifically-congested M62 after a bad crash.
The ?Relentless Twitter banter? award, is tweeted forthwith to skipper Phil Neville, who dishes out some wickedly-barbed messages (never more than 140 characters long!) to everyone from Piers Morgan, to his brother Gary, and team-mate Seamus Coleman. @fizzer18...
The ?Stays extra in the gym' award was one hotly disputed category, with Tim Howard displaying some ridiculously ripped abs in an edition of US sports mag, Sports Illustrated, and fitness and conditioning coach Dave Billows leading by example. But the winner is Sylvain Distin, for looking like he could bench press an articulated lorry and also being a dab hand at badminton.
The ?Tim Cahill award for playing even when in nerve-shredding agony? goes to... Tim Cahill (again) for getting himself back in shape to feature in the Toffees? run-in despite an ongoing condition in his foot which apparently feels like running on broken glass.
?Self-confessed superstition addict? award goes to Leighton Baines, who reluctantly stopped wearing a battered pair of boots he has sported for years this season, but still wears the same shin pads from his Wigan days, and STILL ties and unties his shoelaces on the pitch before every game.
?Toni & Guy hair care? award goes to Louis Saha. The King is the epitome of Gallic cool, and when quizzed on his slightly-odd dyed orange fuzz by Royal Blue, simply replied that he did it to make children laugh. That?s just how he rolls. Nobody argued.
The ?Now I see what they mean when they witter on about the grass not always being greener...? award goes to Steven Pienaar. Peanuts was as popular in the Goodison dressing room as he was with the fans; although he?s now considerably richer, he is neither playing in the Champions League nor guaranteed a first-team slot. There?s every chance the happy-go-lucky South African will still be a hit at White Hart Lane, but he may well also rue the day he said yes to Harry Redknapp and bye to David Moyes.
The ?Do that to my mate and you?re going down? award goes to Mikel Arteta. Cast your minds back, a bad day was getting worse. West Brom were schooling Everton at Goodison, and Gonzalo Jara had just somehow avoided an early bath for a scandalous elbow on Leighton Baines. Cue the usually cool and collected Mikel Arteta to leave a size eight imprint on Jara?s thigh and earn himself an early breather.
The ?How to almost have your head removed from your shoulders by an irate Scotsman? award: Goes to ref Martin Atkinson, who unwisely blew up as Everton were mid-attack and chasing all three points against Manchester United in September. Moyes has had some impressive paddies at Goodison, but this was one of his finest.
Personally I would like to give a 'WWE award for simulated agony' to Jon Obi Mikel for his performance that earnt young Seamus a second yellow last week.
Frank Lampard gets two, he gets a 'New world record for 50-metre sprint' award for the speed that he got to the ref in the aforementioned incident, and also the 'Star Wars Jedi mind trick' award for managing to change the referee's mind to issue the second yellow.
That's it for me: let's see what you've got.
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1 Posted 28/05/2011 at 22:26:59
2 Posted 28/05/2011 at 22:41:03
3 Posted 29/05/2011 at 00:23:08
4 Posted 29/05/2011 at 06:39:32
5 Posted 29/05/2011 at 06:36:38
The "Will You Shut The Hell Up, Daddy" Award... to the senior Fellaini, whose son cavorts the Goodison turf with frequent brilliance and an often-costly fearlessness while Papa relentlessly touts him to bigger clubs.
The "Beautiful Dreamer" Award... who whomever it was that spent the season gently snoring on the bench as our backup keeper. I don't actually recall who it was...
6 Posted 29/05/2011 at 06:52:38
7 Posted 29/05/2011 at 08:16:44
8 Posted 29/05/2011 at 11:59:29
9 Posted 29/05/2011 at 13:08:04
The "I'm not going to change the way I play, but I'm still going to go from average, bodering on shit journeyman, to season saving, heroesque icon" award - Leon Osman.
The "what do I have to do to impress some stupid ginger?" award - Yakubu.
The "had FIFA changed their international rules 4 years earlier, I'd be able to play a full season" award - Tim Cahill
I'm gonna let you figure that last one out.
10 Posted 29/05/2011 at 13:51:26
11 Posted 29/05/2011 at 14:51:45
The "I will get off the bench and get a game soon" Award goes to... Shane Duffy.
The "I've got some dodgy video footage of the boss shaggin a barmaid" Award to... yes, that's right, Big Vic.
12 Posted 29/05/2011 at 16:58:20
As for last night! ? Is that what football is supposed to look like!?! I text a mate who's a Manc, said "Good goal by Roo but it looked like Premiership against Championship" didn't get a reply! Not even abuse! They don't like it up 'em do they!!
Have a good summer boys and thanks for all the entertaining articles and comments! to paraphrase Del boy "Next year, we'll be Champions" ... See yus!
13 Posted 29/05/2011 at 17:20:41
14 Posted 29/05/2011 at 20:01:02
The 90 Minutes Of My Life I Will Never Get Back Award ? goes to West Brom at home.
The Hardest Working Man At The Club Award ? goes to Bill Kenwright. Has he even had any sleep since he started his 24/7 search?
The Obliterate Any Hope I Had Left About Next Season Award ? goes to Bill Kenwright for telling Moyes he needs to sell to buy.
The You Deserved Better Than Being Shipped Out To Leicester While Anichebe Is Rewarded With A New Contract Award ? goes to Yakubu
15 Posted 30/05/2011 at 05:30:11
The "I'm a Miserable Bastard and There Is No Way You Will Take a Penalty, Tony" award goes to.... David Moyes!!
16 Posted 30/05/2011 at 11:37:48
17 Posted 30/05/2011 at 12:10:25
"Sir Alex should think about taking Scholesy off now to give him a rest before Wednesday's Champions League tie, as it's job done here".
Our Andy could also be a double award winner of course with the; "How to lose the best pundits job in Football" award in one hilarous weekend.
18 Posted 31/05/2011 at 05:03:00
Also the "My god, I'm tall and have quick feet and can score a few goals, but will never get a game" award goes to Apostolos Vellios.
19 Posted 31/05/2011 at 05:06:00
20 Posted 31/05/2011 at 16:35:40
21 Posted 03/06/2011 at 23:49:21
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