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Addiction, Superstition & the Transfer Market

By Bradley Nolan :  01/06/2008 :  Comments (21) :
An Open Letter to the Chairman

Dear Bill,

What?s going on? What are you doing to me? You need to help me, I?m desperate. The withdrawal symptoms from this season are worse than ever. I?m spending my days as an internet junkie trying to find out some news of impening transfers. Last week I found myself e-mailing some poor fucker who created Arshavin's website in the hope he?d know some English and be willing to pass my message on.

I can?t sleep... and when I do, my dreams are laced with the blues. The other night some Dick Tracey lookalike (who wouldn?t share his newspaper) told me I?d find out Friday who was signing for Everton and that 2 more would follow soon after. Well guess what? It?s Sunday and once again Everton have let me down. (Oh why do you build me up buttercup?) Are you taking the piss out of me?

It?s not like I don?t pull my weight. I?ve converted a total of eight people to the cause over my lifetime. Remember ?93 ? well it was me who made a pact with the Almighty at half time (vs Wimbledon) to abstain from ?interfering with myself?, single-handedly (no pun intended) preserving our top-flight status. I cannot tell you the impact that said ?pact? had on my teenage years... I did break rank in in 97-98 and had to renew vows (as it were) v Coventry.

I?ve crossed fingers, toes & testicles for the cause, for Hinchcliffe?s outswinger in the ?94 derby, I hung in the air with Rideout in ?95, droped me sholder with Kanchelskis in ?96, ran with Danny Cad in ?97...

Everton had 3 distinctive unbeaten runs this last term ? are you seriously telling me that these were coincidental? Me boxers went unchanged from 11 August to 5 September putting my marrige under serious jeopardy (until some mysterious jinx befell our unbeaten run); my nails went uncut between 28 October & 20 December after which my sock drawer needed serious replenishing. (But did I seek compensation for this? No I did not daddyio!) Not shaving between 30 January and 12 March left our club with guaranteed European football next season but cost me several job interviews.

My efforts in this summers transfer market have been immense. If Dudu isn?t getting my telepathic messages then he?s just not paying attention. And do you know how many Jo?s there are on the internet? A fucking lot! That?s what.

So what do I get in return? ? This silence is an insult to my efforts. I don?t expect to be the first to know what?s happening on the transfer front. But I should be in the top 5 ? oh, and I want that list with the 24 names too. If you do not keep me abreast of this summer's happenings, I will be forced to return to habbits of old and you do not want that your hands (nor do I for that matter).

I await your response...

Regards, Mr B Nolan

Reader Comments

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Bill Kenwright
1   Posted 01/06/2008 at 13:13:11

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I'm sorry for the silence Mr Nolan, but we at Everton are not into shouting about transfers until they're complete. Be aware though that I'm working 24/7 on this issue. Fingers crossed there will be some news before 31 August. Sleep well Mr Nolan.
Blue Bill.
Neil Quinn
2   Posted 01/06/2008 at 13:24:42

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Aah - it’s that time again. The time when fans’ messageboards go into overdrive.

"I’ve heard from a good source....."

"There’s another player we’ve missed out on..."

Although we’re painfully thin in numbers & desperate for some replacements, never mind new faces, I won’t panic until mid July at the earliest. There are so many factors to take into account yet.

There are some big names on the move amongst the managers for example. Chelsea & Inter Milan may see an influx of some top players depending on who gets the manager’s job. If Mourinho gets the Inter job as reports would have you believe.....expect to see some of his old Chelsea players follow him. This in turn will trigger Abramovic into opening the chequebook & so on and so on. Maybe this will result in a few previously unmentioned players becoming available.

And anyway - Moysey hasn’t even signed yet, has he?
Jay Harris
3   Posted 01/06/2008 at 14:01:17

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The silence is deafening.
Joe Ludden
4   Posted 01/06/2008 at 13:58:48

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Err Bradders... the transfer window doesn?t actually open until 1st July, so hold onto your hat there fella. Nothing will happen until after Euro 2008.

ps. Can just imagine Black Bill and Bully sitting there and saying "Transfer window??? What's that?"
Adam Hunter
5   Posted 01/06/2008 at 14:24:18

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I'm pretty sure the window opened on June 1st. Yet no need to panic, read an article in the Echo yesterday that said there are no signings imminent.
Dave Militwinge
6   Posted 01/06/2008 at 16:06:18

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Is Davey Moyes not entitled to a holiday?
Is he expected to sit around on the blower whiling away the hours on the phone to Riquelme?s translator?
FFS just give it a break will yers. The transfer season will probably not kick in until the players and staff return from their respective holidays at the very earliest.
Then, with the European Championships in full flow, no player involved there will be doing any talking until the competition is over.
Patience, I plead, Patience.
Brian Waring
7   Posted 01/06/2008 at 16:32:34

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No Dave, he is not entitled to a holiday, not on the money he earns a year! He should be like BK, you know? Working 24/7.
Joe Ludden
8   Posted 01/06/2008 at 16:49:21

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Adam, the summer transfer window is open from 1st July to 31 August. It is the same every season. BK and KW are busy working hard right now, but are off on holiday throughout July and August (unless Man Ure come sniffing on deadline day - then they’ll roll over and let Fergie tickle their tummies)...
Peter Dancer
9   Posted 01/06/2008 at 18:10:05

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Joe... If the window doesnt open until july then how come other teams are already buying players? Giovani Dos Santos apparent move to Spurs for example. I’m not saying you are wrong...i’m just a bit confused.
Joe Ludden
10   Posted 01/06/2008 at 18:16:18

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I’m as confused as you Peter, all I know is the window opens on 1st July and we signed Tim Howard half way through a season. Check it online, it is true, the summer window is 1st July - 31st August inclusive.

ps. After we signed Howard we agreed not to play him v man ure, which is an illegal agreement and if you think WHU should have been docked points over the Tevez thing (which they should have) then so should we (which we should have). I only say it cus maybe if fans knew, the anti KW movement would have gathered pace earlier....
Gerry Nolan
11   Posted 01/06/2008 at 19:39:30

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It's a pre-contractual agreement... you agree to sign when the window opens on July 1st. It aint rocket science...

I?ve heard Dean Windass was seen on Goodison Road this morning..
Rob Jones
12   Posted 01/06/2008 at 19:44:30

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What he said ^^ it’s a pre-contractual agreement with everything agreed, has Gio really signed for spurs? I thought he was way too good for them.
John Clarke
13   Posted 02/06/2008 at 08:38:59

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Greetings fellow Blues.
I live in Brisbane now and last night went to the Australia v Iraq 2010 WC qualifier.
We won 1-0, I say we because I have been here 20 odd years!
Well this great little player scored with a header and he’s our captain, he went on to miss a sitter, but you can forgive him.
Anyway he’s a free man because his club did’nt renew his contract.
Now, sitting in the Suncorp stadium last night, I was trying to imagine him in a blue shirt.
Harry er, what was it, it begins with a K, Harry Kew something.
Anyway worth a thought.
John Clarke
14   Posted 02/06/2008 at 08:45:46

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Had you all fooled for a minute did’nt I ?
Reaching for the thesaurus to get some tasty verbal payback.

I was speaking to a mate of mine in Liverpool the other night.
He said he saw Mrs. Finnigan walking her dog on Goodison Road. Apparantly she once had a very good left foot.
Simon Lloyd
15   Posted 02/06/2008 at 11:07:54

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Mr Nolan

Glad to see you have a "hands on" approach to matters.
Jay Campbell
16   Posted 02/06/2008 at 22:00:16

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Kenwright and Wyness are too busy selling the club down the river.
Jay Harris
17   Posted 02/06/2008 at 22:34:24

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Jay
you mean swamp.

It’s decontaminated land remember not the Mersey.
Geoff Bartles
18   Posted 03/06/2008 at 12:00:13

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Get some help. Or better still get an interest in rugby league, cricket or some other summer sport. It really isn?t (or shouldn?t be) that important. The simple fact that the Kenwright/ Wyness haters out there are unable to get into their head is that Everton are a far healthier club than when they got involved. Yes, we are as far as ever behind the Big 3/4 but that has nothing to do with Kenwright/ Wyness and everything to go with people who pay their Sky subscription like mindless imbeciles and never switch off Sky Sports News in the hope of their next fix.
Nick Veitch
19   Posted 03/06/2008 at 12:01:49

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John,

I too was at the Australia v Iraq game. I was thinking the same. Although being a red shite for the last few years, Harry Kew (ell) would be good on the left side. Everything he touched during this game was classy.

I’d have him in a blue shirt anyday. Problem would be he would be expecting a huge pay packet. No chance of that one happening...... We could really do with a decent left-footed midfielder. I’m hoping Moyesy has that covered this offseason.
Peter Roberts
20   Posted 03/06/2008 at 12:45:12

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Dave Militwinge and Brian Waring

Davey?s already had his holiday this year, he had the 13th March to the 26th April off.
Bradley Nolan
21   Posted 04/06/2008 at 13:09:40

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Thanks Bill, that yellow box thingy on the website ’Breaking news’ did the trick

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