Just a bit of fun for the TW guys and girls so that we can chill out before the match... can you name your Ninja?

The Goodison Evolutionary Ninja Turtle Squad (often shortened to GENTS) is a group of classic Everton footballers, who were instilled with special powers by their mystical Manager Roberto Splinter Martinez, who preached and taught the ancient theory of Sin Miedo intertwined with the esoteric and exotic ploys of Barcelonic-size tippei-tappei, giving them mysterious magical powers to change games anthropomorphically and move away from the Moyesesque KITAP1 ploys.

From their home deep inside the vaults of ancient Goodison Park, they will battle petty criminal teams of the lower half of the division, evil limelight grabbing money-drenched overlords and the hideously over-rated alien Sky 4 invaders from their Lah-Lah cuckoo lands afar and all this whilst remaining mercifully isolated from society-at-large criminals, namely those mis-informed and biased media mercenaries, including the BBCs MotD blah-blahs and their hideous mutant kopite offspring.

So, what strange powers do these Ninja heroes possess?
And will the ancient and noble art of the School of Science footballing Valhalla return to fortress Goodison?
Who exactly are those Ninja heroes of Everton?

Ninja Romo Lukaku

Ninja Romo, the courageous front-line runner and devoted student of language and footballing arts, was rejected by the Russo-Italian oligarchs of greed and arrogance based dahn safff in Lahndahn. Ninja Romo was cast northwards to the chilly north to learn from Roberto Splinter, who, in effect was now becoming touted as the true Special One. Ninja Romo wears flowing locks of curls, giving him the herculean strength of Samson, forcing him to move on two, long and razor-sharp legs that will slice through solid defences, yet spin majestically and whip missile-like efforts goalbound.

Ninja Deffo Deulofeu

Easy-going, fun-loving and free-spirited being, Ninja Deffo wears the blue shirt with pride and wields a hefty nunchaku shot. He is one of the youngest of the Turtles, and often provides the comic relief. While he loves to relax and eat pizza, this Turtle also has an adventurous and creative side. He is something of the Barcelonica Schoolboy, speaking usually in a lovable Hispanico-Scouse accent. His name is always being mis-pronounced, but not his talent.

Ninja Bainsey Baines

Schooled in the early years of Wigano College, Ninja Bainsey is the scientist, inventor, engineer, and technological genius who is extremely skilled and proficient in clocking a dead ball and solving where many goalkeepers should not stand! He is perhaps the least violent turtle, preferring to use his knowledge to solve conflicts and is intensely loyal to his defending tippei-tappei brothers.

Ninja Rosso Barkley

The team’s alleged bad boy, Ninja Rosso has an aggressive nature and seldom hesitates to throw the first punch within a minute of kick-off. His personality can be alternately fierce and sarcastic, and oft-times delivers himself and ball into areas of a dangerous prospect.

Gareth Shredder Barry

The Ninjas adoptive father, Shredder was a mutant Citeh rat who learned the ways of calmness and control from his owner and master, Mancini. In the Champs title win, Shredder was mutated into a humanoid Hodson rat instead of being just Mancinis pet.

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Reader Comments (8)

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Nick Entwistle
1 Posted 30/09/2013 at 16:45:17
I prefer Thai, but I'm happy with the Hawaiian variety if you've got any remaining.

But if I played along I'd say Landon "Landon" Donovan. Like the cavalry, comes along when you most need him, not often, but enough to keep ratings high introduces a warm fuzzy feeling that he likes us.

Gerry Quinn
2 Posted 30/09/2013 at 17:58:25
Nick - are you drinking what I have been on?
We need to see a physciatrist - you first!
Dave Lynch
3 Posted 30/09/2013 at 18:19:50
I like it.

Lee Van Lukaku prancing around the box in one of those black suits with the balaclava on.

Just as you think the ball is going out for a corner he magicaly appears at the far post to nod one in the onion bag.

Team mates run over to mob him but he's vanished again like smoke in the wind.

Can I be third in line for the shrink....

Dave Lynch
4 Posted 30/09/2013 at 18:28:33
To view the shite ive been talking about.

You Tube. Lee Van Cleef, 'The Master'.

Eugene Ruane
5 Posted 30/09/2013 at 18:53:27
Well I waited but..if nobody else is going to go for it.


Alcarez - he's been ninja'd.

Gets coat.

Gerry Quinn
6 Posted 30/09/2013 at 19:25:13
Eugene - get's shell, not coat
Derek Thomas
7 Posted 01/10/2013 at 08:34:37
Best Turtles ever...Flo and Eddie
Chris Williams
8 Posted 01/10/2013 at 16:47:02

Pandora's Golden Heebie Jeebies

Long live Kaylan and Vollmer

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