"Idrissa Gana Gueye runs as if the field itself bends to his will."

Digne "a magician with a left foot that weaves crosses like threads of silk."

Really? I thought he was just the guy who took most of our corners and did some crosses. He was better than other options but hardly Pirlo.

Arteta "lethal from set-pieces." Is that a joke? I recall him wasting most of our corners with aimless balls usually caught by the goalie.

All of this written by yet another "writer" like Samuel Johnson, Angus Kearney, Harry Diamond etc who has never appeared on here before but just pops up with some kind of poetic epic talking about Everton from a distance Koeman style.

Howard, Heitinga, Yobo, Distin, Digne, Arteta, Kanchelskis, Richarlison, Gueye, Lukaku and one difference: Cahill — though it said there was a case for including Rodriguez based on greatness of his career versus Cahill, lol.

The best was when he detailed how a striker had ''caressed the leather spheroid into the reticule".

"Why not tell me your Ultimate Foreign Everton XI and what system you would put them in?"

Fuck off.

Personally, I couldn't care less where they were born, it's how they've performed in the Royal Blue that matters.

Coleman ain't from the British Isles.

Moyes has his strategy and will not change it so we cannot expect much from this season — not that many of us did anyway.

The midfield is still woefully short of tenacity, tackling ability and speed at closing down. This will always prevent Everton from being a team that scores goals.

The geographical, not political, term British Isles includes the 4 nations of the UK, including Ireland and the Isle of Man.

I thought Heitinga was a decent player. He had a really good season when he was our player of the season, but then just seemed to loose interest, albeit appearances were hampered by Moyes opting for Jagielka and Distin as his preferred centre backs.

He could play centre midfield, but I thought he was better as a centre back. He also provided a commanding presence.

The map is quite clearly drawn, although the border is hardly noticeable in many parts.

My Grandfather, born before partition, was effectively Irish, although he always referred to himself as Northern Irish. I could still qualify for an Irish passport if I wanted, but I've never bothered or seen the need.

You may not like the style of the article, but you can be assured that James is a real writer. As are all of the other posters.

Each of these writers will read the comments on their pieces, so please do your best to remember that.

The above are all new contributors to the site, as part of a plan to try and increase the number of voices on TW. Every writer posted on this site for the first time at some stage.

Once the new site is ready to launch, each writer will have bios and work history that you can explore if you wish.

I (quite quickly) have realised the readership of ToffeeWeb are cautious about change and new faces.

Thanks,

Harry.

Anyway, I'll explain with a blackboard and chalk over a pint sometime. In the meantime, I just want Dibling to be signed in time to start on Saturday. Which I know won't happen.

Never mind that the above applied to every one of them on Monday.

His crossing was generally poor anyway.

If, as the author, you think that something generated by AI is A) not obvious to most people and B) better than something you could do yourself then it's probably a sign that your calling lies outside of writing web articles.

Baardsen

Ray Atteveld, Per Krøldrup, Li Weifeng, Nuno Valente*

Alex Nyarko, Claus Thomsen, Jean-Philippe Gbamim, Shandy Van der Meyde

Cenk Tosun, Oumar Niasse

* Gave ToffeeWeb readers a new word for describing a player - "Pantywaist".

Honourable mentions to Stefan Rehn, Denis Straq, Muhamed Besic, and plenty of others. Even if you included them and fielded 15 or 16 players, they'd struggle.

Also, bit hard on Li Weifeng - he was only here to sell mobile phones.

I must confess I'd forgotten about Pistone, and putting Valente in there was purely to mention "pantywaist" from a contributor's match report – which had a number of TW'ebbers reaching for dictionaries.

If I recall, Li Wiefeng only played one game - away at Southampton, where we lost. (I was there!)

Our first ever Brazilian. He came, we never saw him and he left.

Bob the Pole as our super sub to replace Kanchelskis.

Name one from each country (not all). Something for Monday?
France 9
Nigeria 6
Denmark 5
Portugal 5
Belgium 4
Brasil 4
Netherlands 4
Spain 4
Sweden 4
Cote d'Ivoire 3
Croatia 3
Italy 3
Senegal 3
USA 3
Argentina 2
Bosnia-Herzogovina 2
Colombia 2
DR Congo 2
Germany 2
Norway 2
Russia 2
Australia 1
Cameroon 1
Canada 1
Chinese 1
Costa Rica 1
Curacao 1
Ghana 1
Greece 1
Guinea-Bissau 1
Iceland 1
Israel 1
Jamaica 1
Mali 1
Paraguay 1
Poland 1
Slovakia 1
South Africa 1
Switzerland 1
Turkey 1
Ukraine 1
Venezuela 1

It's sad we could all probably pick a reserve XI as well.

Nyarko and the fella getting on the pitch at Highbury always gets me. And that Per Krøldrup from Fiorentina. Centre-back that couldn't head it! Just how?

They are just saying they think he has used AI to create / finesse his article, which many of us can only think of as ‘cheating’ if you are intent on making a living as a ‘wordsmith’.